My Secret Alpha Step SEAL

by Paula Mabbel

  *****

  The next morning, Mary Kay awoke to a knock on her door. She looked down and blushed, realizing that she was still in her dress from the night before. It had wrinkled from her sleep, and while she did her best to smooth it before she opened the door, she still felt sloppy.

  There was a small boy on the steps in front of her home, and she recognized him in an instant as the child whom she had seen taking in the mail at the post office a couple days before. He looked very small under his large cap, and he was barefoot as usual.

  In one hand, he held a piece of paper. In the other, he held a large bouquet of flowers.

  “Miss Robinson, a gentleman sent me to give these to you, and he says to wish you a very good day as well.”

  Mary Kay gasped as she took the flowers, and buried her face in their soft petals. She looked over the bunch at the boy.

  “Thank you very much, but why aren’t you in school? It started an hour ago, and you know Miss Meredith doesn’t like you to be late.”

  “He gave me fifty cents to bring these to you. That is way more to me than a day in that stuffy ol’ schoolhouse. Goodbye, Miss Robinson!” And with that, the boy was off, running down the street as fast as his bare feet could carry him.

  Mary Kay went back indoors and placed the flowers in a vase that she kept in her kitchen. She then turned to the note he had sent.

  It read:

  My dearest Miss Mary Kay,

  I hope you had as good of a time last night as I did, and I hope you enjoy the flowers. I am working on cleaning my new farmhouse this afternoon. It is the old Richards place, and I thought I would invite you over for some lemonade if you are so inclined.

  Kindest regards,

  Conner

  Mary Kay laughed and clutched the note to her heart. She couldn’t believe it. It was like a dream come true for her. After all of this time, she finally met a man she could see herself with for the rest of her life.

  If he really is this wonderful, I would marry him in a heartbeat. Then think of the children! Oh! I could be a mother a lot sooner than I thought I would be!

  She hurried to change her dress and wash her hair, then she rushed down the street to Mrs. Yodel’s place. Mary Kay worked with her in the mornings most days when she wasn’t substituting for her sister at the school, but this morning she really didn’t want to work.

  All she wanted to do was unbraid her hair and let it hang loose on her shoulders, then run out to the old farmhouse as fast as she could go. She could help him clean, and they could decide how they were going to set it up for their new lives together.

  They could pick out their room, and the room for the baby, and—

  “Watch what you are doing there!” Mrs. Yodel’s voice cut into her daydreams, and Mary Kay snapped back into reality. She looked down at the shirt she was sewing, and she could see that she had missed the seam entirely with her last pass.

  “Sorry, my mind was on other things,” she said, not looking up.

  “You have been a million miles away all morning. What are you thinking about?” Mrs. Yodel had a blunt way of putting things, and Mary Kay really didn’t want to tell her about her plans. Not just yet, anyway.

  “Oh, nothing. You know me… some days I’m here, other days my mind is in the clouds.”

  Mrs. Yodel shook her head and mumbled something under her breath, then went back to her own needlework.

  Mary Kay looked down at her shirt and sighed.

  As much as she wanted to be out there with Connor, she would be stuck here until this shirt was finished.

  *****

  The days turned into weeks, and Mary Kay spent all the time that she could with Connor. They were practically inseparable when she was off of work, and they were becoming known as a couple about the town.

  Her initial infatuation grew into a crush, then into an admiration.

  Mary Kay was okay with this, although she wasn’t so sure how Connor felt. They hadn’t really talked much about what they were going to do next, but she could feel that she was falling in love with him. She hoped he felt the same way, and wondered if it was even possible that he didn’t.

  The thought terrified her, so she refused to let her mind go that way. Mary Kay had always wanted children, and her standards for a husband were high. This man was everything she hoped for in a husband. He had to feel the same way, he just had to.

  They were practically the same person, after all. From the first day they met, she thought of him as her best friend, and there was nothing she couldn’t tell him. If there was something that bothered her, he was the first to know. If something good happened to her, he was the first to hear the news.

  Every second she wanted to be with him, to know more about him. Connor often sent her notes and flowers, and she felt they had grown close.

  In all of the hours they spent fixing up the place, they talked. Everything he said, she agreed with. Everything she said, he agreed with.

  Finally, after all of the work they put into the place, they had finished. The house was fixed up, the garden was ready to be planted the next season, and the henhouse was ready for the birds. It looked like everything was perfect.

  Connor and Mary Kay sat on the grass in the sunset, each with a bowl of ice cream they had made that afternoon.

  The two of them primarily sat there in silence, listening to the sounds of the land. They were enjoying each other’s company and living in the moment. Mary Kay could have sat there for hours, but Connor finally spoke.

  “I think it’s perfect. This farm and everything on it is exactly what I wanted, and I can’t believe that I finally have it. Thank you for all of your help, Mary, I couldn’t have done nearly this much without you.”

  Mary smiled and slowly took a bite of her ice cream. She loved sitting out here with him, listening to the evening birds singing and the crickets chirping their songs into the night.

  She had often thought about what she wanted her life to be, but she never thought it was going to be this good. If this was all she did for the rest of her life, she would be happy. To have Connor and her children…it would be a bit of heaven on Earth.

  Mary Kay turned her eyes to the kitchen, where a lamp was burning on the table, giving a cozy illumination to the entire room.

  “I was glad to do it, and I think it all looks perfect, too. I can just see a pretty little family in there, a ma and a pa and two or three little kids gathered about that table. It is like a picture out of a story book.”

  Connor looked over her shoulder into the kitchen where she was gazing. He was silent for a moment, and Mary Kay looked up at him questioningly.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked. She didn’t know why she felt uneasy. They were used to speaking their minds to each other. Perhaps it was his silence that caused her to feel unsettled. He normally agreed with her quickly, and she didn’t need to pry for answers.

  He smiled and looked down into her eyes.

  “Nothing at all, my dear. I think that sounds just perfect.” He kissed her on the forehead and stood up.

  “I am going to get the buggy, and I think it is time I took you home.”

  Mary Kay watched him go and quickly finished her ice cream. She found him confusing at times. There were moments when she thought they were one and the same, then there were times when she wondered what he was thinking, and wished she could see inside of his head.

  On the drive home, Mary put her hands on his arm and laid her head on his shoulder.

  “Do you think I would be a good mother?” she asked.

  Without hesitation, Connor nodded and told her he thought she would be the best mother the world had ever seen.

  Mary Kay felt better, but she still wondered if something was wrong. He insisted that it was all fine, and he was just tired from all of the hard work they had done that day.

  “I want you to go in there and get rested up. I thought we could go on a picnic tomorrow to celebrate being done with all of the work, and we don’t
want to be tired for that.”

  Mary smiled at him and agreed.

  “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Do you want me to pack sandwiches?”

  “Let’s see if we can get some fried chicken from the diner. We can always wrap that up in a towel and pack it in the basket for the walk. Then we don’t have to do any more work tomorrow.”

  Mary laughed at him and agreed. She was okay with that. After all, that fried chicken did have a lot of good memories for her.

  “Sleep well, my dear, and I will be here bright and early in the morning to pick you up.”

  With that, Connor tipped his hat to her once more, and he was gone.

  Mary Kay went to bed with her heart full of happiness. She erased all hesitations from her mind and told herself he must have just been tired. She knew he was going to be a great father, and he said himself he thought she would be a great mother, so she wasn’t going to let herself worry about it anymore.

  They were meant to be together, she just knew it. They were too perfect to not be, and Mary didn’t want to ruin her own happiness with worry.

  She settled into bed and pulled the sheets up to her neck. She stared at the ceiling for a long time, listening to the crickets outside her window. Finally, she sighed and closed her eyes.

  “We were meant to be together,” she said out loud in the dark, “and we are going to be the happiest family there ever was. Just wait and see.”

  *****

  Mary Kay pulled her hair back behind her and worked it into a loose braid. She didn’t want it to get in the way in the breeze, but she didn’t want to look overdressed, either.

  Her dresses were all dirty. She had spent so much time out at the old farmhouse helping Connor that she had neglected to do a lot of her own work. Now she wished she had spent a little more time with her own chores, but she wasn’t about to turn down this picnic to do laundry.

  She found a dress that was less dirty than the others, and after running it through her washboard, she quickly heated her iron to press it. She didn’t want to spend all the time washing it, but she knew she could make it look decent if she did a quick fix.

  By the time the dress was dry, Connor was knocking at the door. He had already picked up the chicken and had the horse and buggy ready to go. All they had to do was put the chicken in the basket with the biscuits Mary Kay had made a few days earlier, and they were ready to go.

  They rode out into the green fields next to the lake. It was quiet and calm there, the loons swimming on the water and the squirrels playing in the trees. It looked like a picture out of the books Mary Kay read from in the schoolhouse.

  They laughed and enjoyed their picnic, and Mary thought the day was perfect. She couldn’t think of a thing that would make it better, until Connor took her by the hand.

  “Let’s go for a walk. There’s something I want to show you.”

  It was a perfect day for a walk. The sun wasn’t too warm, and the air was still. They walked from the field up a slight slope to the top of a rolling hill. It looked over the valley, and flowers grew all around.

  Connor turned to face Mary Kay, and got down on one knee.

  Mary Kay’s hands flew to her face. He didn’t have to say a word. She knew exactly what he was going to say.

  “Mary Kay Robinson, would you marry me?”

  “Yes!”

  She squealed and threw her arms around his neck. It was a dream come true for her, and she couldn’t believe it was really happening. Everything she wanted was coming together. She was going to have a husband, and in no time at all she was going to have a child.

  She couldn’t wait to get back to town. She wanted to tell everyone: Mrs. Yodel, Mr. Jones, Meredith…everyone.

  Won’t Meredith be shocked! I bet she never thought that I was going to get married and have children like her. Maybe I’ll even have more children than she does!

  “Well, what do you say we get back to town? I have a few things I need to tend to at the house, and I think you have a bit of news you are going to want to spread around,” Connor broke into her thoughts, and she smiled.

  “Alright, race you back to the buggy!”

  And with that, Mary Kay was off in a flash. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time. It felt like all of her problems had melted away, and she was on top of the world.

  By this time next year, she could be a mother.

  The days to follow were a blur for Mary Kay. She didn’t know how her sister was going to handle the news, and she didn’t trust Meredith’s happiness. Meredith was always telling her sister what to do, and it almost seemed to Mary Kay that Meredith was jealous of the fact she made this decision all on her own.

  In response to the news, her sister told her that she would be helping with the wedding, and began asking Mary Kay who she wanted to invite, what she was going to wear, and what she was going to serve the guests.

  “I don’t really care about all of these details, Meredith. All I want to do is be married and be a mother.”

  “You know, there is a lot more to being married than motherhood, and motherhood itself isn’t all smiles and roses. There’s a lot of hardship that goes along with it. You would have known this if you had talked to me about it first,” Meredith replied.

  “I could do it.” Mary Kay knew her sister was going to be irritated with the news, but she didn’t want to show her she noticed, so she continued. “Besides, Connor told me he thinks I am going to be the best mother this world has ever seen.”

  The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, but they didn’t seem to have an effect on Meredith.

  “How many kids does Connor want, anyway?” she asked, completely ignoring what Mary Kay had said.

  “Well, I don’t know. I have mentioned wanting a few, but he never really said how many he wants.”

  Mary Kay could tell that her voice was trembling, and she hoped her sister didn’t catch on. She did. Meredith looked up at her sister with a touch of triumph in her eyes.

  “Are you sure he even wants kids, Mary? Or is this something that you pushed on him as well. You live life in your own little world, thinking that everyone and everything just believes what you do and wants what you want. Maybe this is something you should talk about.”

  Mary Kay’s eyes filled with tears. She tried not to show her sister, but she knew Meredith felt triumphant in what she was doing.

  “Oh,” Meredith said, with a touch of forced surprise in her voice, “did you need to go?”

  Mary Kay didn’t say anything. She just got up and hurried out the door, slamming it behind her.

  *****

  Mary Kay didn’t stop at her house. She was going to see Connor, and she didn’t want to stop until she talked to him. She didn’t know if he was home, or what he was doing, but she knew she could find him if she looked hard enough, and his house was the best place to start.

  She found Connor in his barn, stacking hay against the wall. She called for him when she first walked in, but she couldn’t find him, even though he answered her.

  “Where are you?!” she fairly shouted, partly out of frustration, and partly because she was crying.

  “My dear! What’s wrong?” Connor jumped from the top of the hay stack on which he was standing and hurried over to his bride-to-be. He put his arms around her and again asked her what she was upset about.

  “Oh, it’s nothing, just my sister being her normal difficult self.” She wiped her eyes off with the back of her hand and looked Connor in the eye.

  “Well, you know that is nothing to get all worked up about. She is always difficult, and it is likely she is always going to be difficult. Is that why you came all the way out here to find me?”

  There was relief in his voice, and he was almost teasing her.

  “No, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “I’m all ears. Tell me what’s on your mind.” There was something about the way he spoke that just put her at ease. His whole manner made her
feel like everything was going to be okay, and part of her wanted to forget the whole thing.

  “I don’t suppose it’s a big deal, but I just wondered if you want kids. But of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? I mean, we have talked about kids before. I have said how many I wanted and you did say you thought I would make a great mother.”

  Mary Kay was speaking so quickly that Connor didn’t have time to get a word in. He had been holding her in his arms, but he loosened his grip the more she spoke, and by the time she finished, he had let go of her altogether and stood with his back to her, looking out of the large barn doors.

  She tried to slow down, to keep her voice steady, but the more she said, the more upset she got. She started crying once more and felt like a fool.

  Connor said nothing. He just kept his back to her and gazed out the doors. Mary Kay felt uneasy, as though she didn’t know him at all. In the few seconds of silence, she tried to wrack her brain for answers.

  Was it possible she had imagined it? She was certain she had brought it up several times before, so it seemed shocking to her this was all coming to light right now.

  “Connor?” she prompted.

  “Mary Kay…I want kids…” he started.

  Her face lit up, and she interrupted him, clapping her hands together with joy.

  “See? I knew it had to be so! There’s no way it couldn’t have been so! We were meant to be together, and we were meant to have the greatest family that ever was!”

  “Mary Kay, you didn’t let me finish,” Connor interjected, and Mary Kay’s face changed.

  “I want kids, and I do think you would be a great mother, but…you see…I…I can’t. I can’t have any.” Connor fought his way through his confession, never once making eye contact with Mary Kay.

  “You what?” she asked in disbelief, not sure if she had even heard him correctly.

  “I said I can’t have any. I’m barren, Mary Kay, so no matter how badly I want kids or how great of a mother I know you would be, I can’t have kids.” His eyes filled with tears, and he turned away from her in frustration.