My Secret Alpha Step SEAL

by Paula Mabbel

  Maggie turned to tell Clover how amazing she was, when she realized how close they were to one another. Clover went to take a step back, but Maggie followed her, though she wasn’t sure why.

  “Maggie, I don’t think…”

  Before she could verbally express her hesitation, Maggie’s lips found hers. The kiss was so delicate, so soft, Clover wasn't sure if what was happening was real, or if it was just a dream. Maggie opened her mouth just a little wider, inviting Clover deeper inside of her. If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up. Clover returned Maggie’s exploration, letting her tongue slip just ever-so-slightly inside of Maggie’s mouth, and she felt her legs begin to go weak. Her taste was an instantaneous addiction, sweet and delicious.

  Maggie let out a soft moan, and it was just enough to bring Clover back to her senses. She gently pushed Maggie back.

  “Maggie, sweetie, I’m flattered, really. But you’ve been here for a day. We just met. You need to spend some time figuring out who you are in this new light, as an independent being, before you make a decision like this. Okay?”

  Maggie felt her stomach drop. How could I have been so stupid?

  “I’m so sorry, Clover. Jeez. I can’t believe I did that. We’re standing in your girlfriend’s apartment! What’s wrong with me?”

  Clover softly smiled at Maggie, and it gave her comfort, but Maggie knew what was wrong with her. Since the first second she lay eyes on Clover, she felt a strong connection to her. Like nothing she’d felt in her life. All through high school, boys had been drawn to Maggie because of her beauty and her delicate nature. They’d viewed her as a baby bird that they wanted to save, without ever seeing her as she really was: a strong, powerful woman who wanted nothing more than for someone to really stop and look at her.

  But with Clover, she felt like she could be herself; she could tell Clover all of her hopes and dreams and she wouldn’t judge her. She’d known her new roommate for less than two hours, but she felt like she wanted to spend every waking moment next to her. Maggie didn’t want to scare Clover away though, so she vowed to keep her cool. If all they could be was friends, that was enough for now.

  “I really am sorry, Clover. Forgive me?”

  Clover pulled Maggie in to a hug, and she tried not to swoon.

  “Don’t even worry about it, baby cakes. It happens. I know how it feels to be away from home for the first time. Your emotions are all over the place.”

  Maggie smiled and nodded, as she tried to hide her nerves. Keep it together, dumbass!

  Clover set about filling the cat’s bowl and cleaning out the litter box, Maggie wandered around the apartment, looking at the sculptures and checking out the paintings. She stopped in front of a book shelf that contained pictures of Kelby and Clover together, or Clover alone on a beach, brushing her hair out of her face as she stood on a beach, smiling in to the sun.

  Maggie then allowed herself a moment to look at Kelby, and she found herself oddly transfixed. If everything about Clover was kindness and joy incarnate, Kelby was her polar opposite in a way that was totally enigmatic. She was unfathomably tall, over six feet by several inches at least. Her short blonde hair was swept back in a pompadour, and her huge ocean-blue eyes were surrounded by the longest lashes Maggie had ever seen. Her full lips pulled back into a coy smile, and she was covered in freckles from head to toe. Maggie could absolutely understand why Clover was with Kelby. She was utterly lovely, and terrifying at the same time.

  Maggie was so lost staring at Kelby, that she didn’t even notice when Clover walked up behind her.

  “Kelby used to be a model when she lived in London. Kelby Jay? Have you heard of her?”

  Maggie shook her head no.

  “She started working really young, because of her height, and those insane cheek bones. But she burned out early, and got into fashion merchandising. I met her last year when I was in Manhattan at an art show. She’s… intense. But she’s great. I think you’d like her.”

  Maggie forced a smile, but secretly, she had no interest in ever meeting Kelby. She knew it was wrong, but she was hoping to have Clover to herself as long as possible.

  “How long is she gone?”

  Clover bit her lip as she seemed to be mentally counting out days.

  “She’s on a tour of Europe right now, with stops in London, Paris, Milan, Monaco, and Madrid. I think she just got to Paris. She only calls every few days. So she won’t be back for a few weeks at least.”

  Maggie did cartwheels in her head, but tried to just nod her head thoughtfully.

  “Alright, girl. Victor is set for a couple of days, so let’s go wander around Willow Creek. I’ll show you where your classes are, and which cafeterias to avoid. And by that, I mean all of them. You should avoid all of them. Make your own food.”

  Clover put her arm around Maggie as they walked out of Kelby’s apartment, and they both tried to forget what had happened between them only moments before.

  * * *

  The next few weeks passed far more quickly than Maggie anticipated, because her schedule had been packed full of classes. Before she got to Willow Creek, she knew how lucky she was to be at the school; it was just below Julliard on the scale of prestigious arts schools. What she hadn’t been prepared for were eight hours of classes, then six hours of practice time, with barely enough time for eating or sleeping. She’d crawl out of bed, pull on whatever clothes were marginally clean, stumble to class, run from building to building, sit in her practice room and play until her fingers bled, then go back to her room and collapse in her bed face down until the whole thing started the next day.

  She barely even saw Clover, except briefly in the morning, when Clover would hand her a tumbler full of coffee and a bagel or a muffin on her way out the door. She said that her first year had been awful too, and staying fed and caffeinated was half the battle. Maggie didn’t know if she would have survived those first few weeks without her roommate’s support.

  By the time fall break rolled around, Maggie was confident that all she wanted to do was sleep for five days straight. Her parents had offered to buy her a flight home for the break, but she turned them down. The idea of getting on a plane for six hours and then spending almost a week being run around by friends and family, only to be sent back more exhausted than she’d left wasn’t remotely appealing. So when classes ended Tuesday, Maggie crawled back to the dorm, into bed, and didn’t move until Wednesday afternoon.

  On Wednesday evening, Clover came tip-toeing into the room, but Maggie was up and sipping herbal tea.

  “Hey, baby cakes! I didn’t think you’d be awake yet. My first fall break, I slept for three days straight. Do you need me to get you anything?”

  Maggie shook her head no, but she held up a flyer she’d found sitting on the desk in the back of the room.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were starring in Speed-the-Plow? That’s Mamet! Starring in Mamet is HUGE!”

  Clover shrugged as she tossed her jacket on the couch and plopped on to her bed.

  “You’ve been so busy! I wasn’t going to bug you with my nonsense. Besides, I saved you a ticket in case you happened to wake up before the first show,” she said with a smile.

  Maggie did a happy dance on the floor, and almost spilled her tea all over herself.

  “When is the debut? Not during fall break?”

  “Nah, we have a preview show on the first Monday back after the break, then the official opening night is Tuesday. Your ticket is for the Monday preview. It’s the friends and family show. You’ll be my only friend or family there, so I expect copious amounts of applause.”

  Maggie’s face fell at the thought of no one else showing up to encourage Clover. “What about your parents? And Kelby? There’s really no one else coming?”

  “Kelby is staying over in Monaco for a few extra days to meet with some designer. My mom was my only family, and she died last year. Most of my friends here are Kelby’s friends, so I don’t really hang out with them without
her. And the few people I hang out with from my program are in the play with me. So that leaves you, Mags. And you better be there with damn bells on, girl!”

  Maggie smiled, and shook her head enthusiastically. “Of course I’ll be there! I can’t wait to see you perform! Is it a fancy dress-up kind of thing? Should I go buy a new dress or something?”

  “You can wear whatever you want, baby cakes! It’s a preview show, so no one will judge you if you show up in jeans.”

  Maggie mentally ran through all of the clothes she had in her possession. She had dresses and skirts she’d worn for performances back home, but nothing felt quite right for going to a play, and no matter what Clover said, she wanted to look nice at her first show.

  “How many more practices do you have before the preview?”

  Clover looked at her dry-erase calendar on the wall and laughed tiredly.

  “Four days’ worth. It was strongly suggested that we not leave for break, since we’d be missing crucial rehearsals. I don’t know why they schedule the fall show so soon after break, but it’s been that way for as long as they’ve had an acting program. No one pushes for a change, so we just do what they tell us!”

  Maggie nodded, jumped up from the floor, and pulled her long brown hair back in to a pony tail. As she cleaned off her glasses, smudged from days’ worth of pulling them on and off without much attention to detail, she had an idea.

  “You don’t have another rehearsal tonight do you?”

  “Nah, done until tomorrow afternoon. Why?”

  “Let’s go into Burlington! We can shop and get some dinner. Get out of Winona for a while. I’m feeling a little stir crazy and could stand to see some tall buildings or a… I don’t know… mall maybe?”

  Clover laughed as she pulled out her wallet to see how much money she had. Kelby was always trying to give her money, but she wouldn’t take it. She was no one’s sugar baby; if it wasn’t a part of her school stipend, she didn’t want any part of it. But that meant she had to give up a lot of the luxuries her more wealthy classmates enjoyed.

  She only had about thirty dollars in cash, and there wasn’t much more in her bank account, which was a problem considering her car needed gas to get them to Burlington. But Maggie looked so excited, she just didn’t have the heart to tell her no.

  “I wouldn’t get too hyped up, baby cakes. Burlington isn’t Los Angeles. But we can go! I just need to gas up the car. And I may do more window shopping than shopping,” Clover said with a smile.

  When Maggie had decided not to come home for fall break, her parents had sent her the money they would have spent on a plane ticket instead. So she had enough cash to pay for gas and dinner with enough left over to last her to the end of the semester.

  “Gas and dinner are on me. You just get us there!”

  Clover was in no position to argue.

  “Whatever you say, Maggie! Let’s hit the road.”

  * * *

  The curtain had just dropped on Clover’s premiere as Karen in Speed-the-Plow, and Maggie was absolutely in awe of her talent. Mamet’s language was so difficult, but Clover nailed it, and she looked gorgeous doing it. Some of the cast brought out Clover a giant bouquet of red roses, so Maggie felt pretty silly standing in the back of the theatre with one purple rose. But when Clover hopped down off the stage after the crowds had cleared out and ran back to Maggie, she took the rose as if it were the best gift she’d ever been given.

  “Thank you so much for being here, Mags. It means so much to me, that you came. You have no idea. And you look gorgeous!”

  Maggie did an exaggerated twirl to show off her little black dress: it was lace on the top, and flouncy black silk on the bottom. She’d even gotten black heels for the occasion, and Maggie never wore heels. As far as she was concerned, the dress was an investment, because she could wear it to the holiday symphony, when everyone was required to wear black anyway. Plus, it made her feel pretty, and she always wanted to look pretty when she was around Clover.

  “So, Clo… do you want to go out and celebrate? Dinner or something?

  Clover pulled on her coat and yawned. “Nah, I’d rather just go home and get some rest. I’m exhausted, and we have the official premiere tomorrow. Rain check for the end of our run, though?”

  Maggie forced on a smile and nodded with fake enthusiasm. She was hoping tonight would be an excuse to get out with Clover again. They’d had so much fun in Burlington, and she really wanted to spend time with her outside of school. But she wasn’t going to force it, even though her feelings for her roommate had been getting more intense every day. She couldn’t pinpoint what it was about Clover that entranced her so much, but when she wasn’t think about school, she was thinking about Clover, and it was driving her insane.

  Clover saw the disappointment in Maggie’s eyes and gave her a tired smile.

  “Instead of going out, why don’t we pick up a pizza and watch a movie in bed? I could use a night to relax if you’re down.”

  This time, Maggie’s smile was genuine. Hell yeah I want to watch a movie in bed with you, she thought as she tried to hide her excitement.

  “Sure, that sounds like a plan.”

  The pair walked out of the theatre into the cold night, Clover cursing her lack of self-control, and Maggie thrilling at her good luck.

  * * *

  “So, this is an allegory for the corporate nature of the film industry?”

  Clover could tell that Maggie was struggling to understand her favorite Terry Gilliam film now that it was over, but it was fun watching her try.

  “Something like that. It’s a dystopian satire about the danger of political and corporate influence on our every day lives.”

  Maggie scrunched up her face and stared at the screen. “It’s fun! Weird, but fun.”

  Clover chuckled as she jumped off the bed and and walked over to her DVD collection. “What do you want watch next? Something lighter? Something spacey maybe?”

  When Clover turned around, Maggie was standing right behind her. With her hair pulled into a braid behind her head and wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and her pink boy shorts, she looked like a little angel, and Clover took a few steps back to gather her senses.

  “Maggie, go back to the bed. Seriously. I can’t… we can’t… Magdalene… No.”

  Maggie lifted her head for just a second, looking deep into Clover’s eyes, and Clover felt her heart stop.

  "You're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen." Maggie dropped her eyes to the floor, unsure if she was going too far, knowing that she wasn’t remotely as interesting or pretty as Kelby. But Clover reached out a hand and brushed Maggie’s hair away from her face.

  "Maggie―" Clover whispered, afraid that Maggie could make a decision she couldn’t take back. "You're not gay, sweetie. I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret."

  "Who says I’ll regret it?" Maggie set her head gently on Clover’s shoulder, as she inhaled Clover’s scent of jasmine and gardenias, fresh from a post-show shower.

  "Maggie, have you ever kissed a woman before?" Clover knew in the back of her head it was wrong, but looking at Maggie’s sweet face, and her innocent smile, she felt her resolve crumbling.

  Maggie softly pressed her lips to Clover’s skin, and inched them across her shoulder, up her neck, and across her jawline. "I have now," she said with a smile.

  Clover had to stop and take a deep breath. Her nipples began to harden beneath her t-shirt, and she felt herself growing warm at Maggie’s touch. But she tried to gain control of her senses, and gently pushed Maggie away.

  "I'm serious, Maggie. We can't do this." Her mouth was drying out, and she was finding it hard to speak.

  "I’m serious too. Since the first moment I saw you, standing there in that Joan Crawford shirt, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Every moment we’re together, I find myself wishing, you’d met me first, before Kelby. Before…”

  "Maggie, you’re being ridiculous. It’s your first time aw
ay from home, and I don’t want to be anyone’s experiment.”

  Maggie pressed herself closer against Clover, and let her fingers drift across her soft stomach.

  "You’re not my experiment, Clover. You’re the first person I’ve ever been in love with." If Maggie was really questioning her decision, Clover couldn’t see a trace of it in her eyes. They spilled over with desire, and Clover couldn’t believe any of it was happening.

  Maggie got up on her tip-toes and brought her face to Clover’s, hoping it would lead to their first true kiss. She let her lips just drift across Clover’s, so softly it was barely like a kiss at all. But then, Clover was overcome with her desire for Maggie, a desire she couldn’t control any longer. Clover ran her fingers through Maggie’s hair, pulling out her braid and letting her hair fall free, pulling her even closer as she did. Before she even realized she was doing it, Clover opened her mouth, letting Maggie’s tongue enter and explore.