The Summer of Lost Things

by Chantele Sedgwick

  We hit the water together, and as my head pops up at the surface, he’s already there, laughing.

  “That wasn’t so bad,” I say after I choke up some water. Really. It wasn’t. It was like jumping off a diving board. “Next time warn me, okay? My mouth was wide open!”

  “Sorry.” He smiles then points at one of the cliffs. “That was your trial run. Now we’ll tackle the cliffs.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “It’s really not bad,” Mira says. “I’ve done it. And if I can do it, since I’m a huge wimp, you’ll be able to do it.”

  “She really is a huge wimp,” Ashton says, coming up behind her.

  She splashes him in the face. “Am not.”

  Jack whispers in my ear. “She really, really is.”

  I look up at one of the cliffs for a moment and then at the smooth water below. My eyes float back up to the cliff’s edge. There’s a girl, probably my age, standing at the top. After a moment’s hesitation, she jumps. Her body is straight, her arms to her sides, and she hits the water with barely a splash. When she comes to the surface, she laughs and calls up to the next person, her boyfriend it looks like, and once she’s out of the way, he jumps.

  “You want me to jump off of that?” I ask, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat.

  Jack laughs. “Yep.”

  I glance toward the water again. “No rocks at the bottom?”

  “Nope.” He smiles and puts his arm around me. He’s getting more comfortable, which is nice.

  “I’ve heard of people dying from cliff jumping.”

  “Only if they’re stupid. So, not often.” He frowns then but shakes his head, ridding himself of whatever he was thinking, and smiles again.

  “Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the water, up a trail, and toward the cliff.

  Before I know it, Summer’s behind us with Brody right behind her.

  “Wait up,” she yells.

  “Race you to the top,” Brody tells her, and he takes off running up the trail. Summer sneaks a glance behind her at Jack but then hurries after Brody.

  “Is he always like that?” I ask.

  “Yep.”

  We’re on the cliff now, just a few more feet to climb. I step on rocks jutting out of the cliff and pull myself up. “I don’t know about this,” I say once we reach the top. Summer and Brody are nowhere to be seen. I look down and see them swimming in the water.

  Wow. They weren’t scared to jump at all.

  “I’m not sure if I can do it.”

  “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

  “I want to.” I sigh. Do I? Do I really? “What do I do?”

  Jack nudges me toward the edge. “Okay. A few things to remember as you jump. Point your feet. Keep your arms tight to your sides. If your arms are flapping around, they’ll be really sore tomorrow. And if you don’t point your toes, the bottoms of your feet will slap the water. That hurts. Trust me.”

  “So, I can’t plug my nose?”

  He shrugs. “You can if you need to, I guess. Just keep your arm close to your body if you do. It’s better if you don’t, though. Just breathe out through your nose when you hit the water and you won’t get water up your nose.”

  “Right.”

  We step onto the ledge after another jumper hits the water. I peek over the side and my heart starts racing. What am I doing? How did I let him talk me into this? The water is so far below. Is this even legal?

  Jack seems to sense my hesitation. I feel his hand on my back. “Do you want me to go first?”

  “No. I can do it.” My voice is tiny and shaky and I swallow. My chest tightens and I take a shaky breath. I push back the panic that I can feel welling up.

  I can do this. I’ll be fine. I’m not going to die. This cliff is not that high. I’m brave. This is fine. Scary, but fine. It’s fine.

  Stop saying fine.

  “Lucy.” His voice is so soft. So kind. So . . . worried.

  He takes my hand. “You look terrified. You don’t have to do this, okay? I can walk you back down right now and we can just swim around instead. I’m sorry I talked you into this.”

  I take a breath as he squeezes my hand.

  He leans closer. “You don’t have to jump, okay?”

  “I know.”

  He gives my hand a tug to pull me away from the cliff’s edge, but I stand my ground. He lets go, still looking worried.

  I look at the water again then glance back at him. “I can do this.”

  “Lucy,” he says.

  I shake my head. “I can.”

  I am brave.

  I can do hard and scary things.

  I jump.

  CHAPTER 22

  “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”

  —Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

  Freefalling is amazing, but then I hit the water faster than expected. It doesn’t hurt, since I do what Jack tells me and keep my arms to my sides. I also keep my eyes closed and swim up as soon as I splash down. My ears fill with pressure and hurt a bit until I kick my legs and finally get myself to the surface. I take a deep breath of air, spot Mira and her friends watching and clapping for me, and then I do something unexpected.

  I laugh.

  The adrenaline from doing something so daring, so extreme for me, is . . . thrilling. I swim out of the way so I can stand and watch Jack jump. He hits the water with barely a splash then joins me seconds later.

  “You did amazing,” he says, standing up and pulling me into a hug. “Did you hurt yourself? Are you alright?”

  “I’m fine. It was actually really fun. Can we go again?”

  “Of course!”

  “Nice job,” Summer says, wringing her long hair out.

  “Thanks.” I give her a smile. She smiles back. I call that a win.

  Brody is watching Summer, his mouth half open. She really is a cute girl and Brody obviously notices. He watches her a moment longer before he reaches out and pushes her back into the water, soaking her hair once more. He glances at me, I’m guessing wanting to do the same thing, but I see a slight shake of Jack’s head out of the corner of my eye and Brody backs off. Instead, he makes Mira his next target.

  “Seriously? I didn’t want to get my hair wet!” she yells, jumping on his back and trying to dunk him. “Ashton, help me!”

  Ashton obliges and it turns into an all-out war until they finally dunk him, but only with Summer and another kid’s help.

  I watch them, feeling good about things. I’m sort of part of a group of friends again. My old group was fun, yes, but I always felt like I wasn’t myself. Here, I feel more like myself since I’m not relying on someone like Ashley to make the first move and talk to someone new. She was always the adventurous one and I went along for the ride. Mira sort of reminds me of her, but she’s different, too. She includes me but doesn’t force me to pick a guy or do something I’m not comfortable doing. She’s helped me grow more confident.

  I wonder how Ashley’s doing. I haven’t talked to her for a while. She’s probably making the most of her summer.

  Just like I’m trying to.

  I’m here with a bunch of people who seem kind and easygoing. I’m excited to learn everyone’s names. Because right now, I sort of feel like I belong.

  It’s a really good feeling.

  Maybe I can get away with my lie. Dad will never be here. No one will ever know. If I can keep my secret, things could stay like this forever. No one will judge me for having a felon for a father. No one will pity me or walk away and not look back because their parents say I’m a bad example. If my dad had issues, I probably did, too, is how people think.

  If the truth never comes out, no one will think something’s wrong with my family. With me.

  My stomach clenches.

  The guilt is trying to claw its way out. I should have told Jack when I had the chance.

  “Jack, let’s show these girls what we can really do,” Brody says,
shaking out his wet hair out sending water droplets everywhere.

  Jack looks at me. “You okay if I go real quick?”

  “I’m fine.”

  He takes off after Brody as they climb up to the top of the cliff again.

  “So,” Summer says, gliding through the water toward me. “You and Jack, huh?”

  My cheeks heat. “I don’t know . . .”

  She smiles. “It’s okay, Lucy. I’m not mad.”

  “Really? I can tell you like him. I’m sorry, I—”

  She holds up a hand, stopping me. “It’s not a big deal. Yes, I do like him, but I’ve liked him forever and he hasn’t noticed me at all. When you came along . . .” She sighs. “He only has eyes for you. And it’s okay. I’ll get over it.”

  “I’m sorry.” I feel lame.

  “Boys aren’t worth fighting over. If two people have a connection, they should try it out. See where it goes. I won’t get in the way of that. And Jack’s had his chances to like me back. He just doesn’t.” She shrugs and smiles as she looks up at the cliff. The boys are standing on top. “Are we good then?” she asks.

  “Yeah. We are.”

  How can someone be so kind? So happy for someone else, even if it makes them unhappy? I need to be more like her.

  She gives me a small hug, which is awkward, but nice.

  And the guilt I felt about stealing Jack from her, if you could call it stealing, fades away.

  We watch the boys as they look down and wave, then Brody jumps, doing some weird pose in midair, then going back to arms and legs straight as he hits the water.

  I laugh as he comes up, spitting water everywhere. Then look back up at Jack. He meets my eyes, then lets out a whoop and jumps. He does a flip then hits the water the way he’s supposed to.

  “What the heck was that?” I cry as he swims over to me.

  “I should be in the Olympics,” he says.

  “That was pretty great, but just one flip? Lame,” I tease. “I’ve seen better.”

  He grins and bumps my shoulder with his own, his eyes lingering on mine. “Ready to head back up?”

  I glance at the cliff and smile. “Yes.” I climb out of the water, tripping on a rock as I do so, but manage to keep my balance. For once. “I’ll race ya!”

  The drive back from cliff jumping is uneventful, other than I’m exhausted and wet. My towel is draped over the back of Jack’s seat and tucked under my butt so I don’t ruin his truck.

  There’s an easy, calm feeling between us. But there’s that tension, as well. I like him. I admit it. He hasn’t said anything about how he feels, but others have implied he may feel the same, but I won’t push it. I’m not one to rush things.

  “Thanks for taking me today,” I say as he pulls in my driveway.

  “Thanks for coming. I had so much fun. And you were amazing at cliff jumping.”

  “After I figured out I wouldn’t hurt myself, I was fine.”

  “You did great.”

  He stops the truck. “I’ll let you out. Stay put. This is a group-ish date, after all.”

  I chuckle and he gets out and walks around the truck, opening my door. He reaches out a hand and helps me down. He lets go too soon once again.

  He walks me to the porch and we stop at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Thanks again, Jack. I had so much fun.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  He’s nervous.

  So am I.

  I’m surprised at the emotions bubbling inside me. I really, really want him to kiss me. Which is ridiculous. I barely know the guy. But I guess I do know him better than I did a week or so ago. Each moment we spend together, I get to know more about him.

  “Can I . . . hug you?”

  I’m so shocked at the question, I burst out laughing. “Of course.”

  He leans forward, a little embarrassed as he chuckles quietly, and wraps me in a tight hug, but then lets go before I’m ready to let go. I’m still in his arms, and I notice his eyes flick from my own, to my lips, then back.

  He wants to kiss me, too.

  But then he lets go and my dreams are dashed.

  Not really.

  But I am disappointed.

  At least he didn’t give me a high five or something. That would have been awkward.

  “Talk to you tomorrow?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  “Definitely.”

  He nods then gets in his truck and drives away.

  I open the door and go inside, my heart thumping a million miles an hour. Still.

  He wanted to kiss me. I know he did.

  “Lucy?”

  I move into the living room where Mom sits, reading a book. She has her glasses on, her hair looks messier than normal, and she’s munching on potato chips.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Did you have fun on your date?”

  “It wasn’t a real date. Just friends.”

  “But couples . . . you said it was a group date.”

  I shrug. “It was. Sort of.” A few couples but a few singles, too.

  She nods. “Thanks for being home at a decent hour. I don’t like you at the beach this late.”

  “Oh. I didn’t go to the beach.”

  “What? I thought you said you were going swimming?”

  “We did. We went to this place with these gorgeous pools. I told you that, didn’t I? There were a lot of people and Jack even talked me into going cliff jumping.” The minute I say it, I wish I could take it back.

  Mom’s expression changes in an instant. Her eyes widen and her book falls from her hands. She jumps to her feet, startling me, and then she has me by my shoulders. “You did what? Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t go cliff jumping.”

  “Mom?” Her fingers dig into my skin. “Ouch. You’re hurting me.”

  Her fingers relax at once, but she still has a hold of me. “Lucy, this is very important. Tell me you didn’t go cliff jumping.”

  “I did? Sorry, I didn’t know you were against it. Why are you freaking out so bad?”

  She lets go of me, her face pale. She paces around the room, running her fingers through her messy hair. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I can’t believe you went and . . . why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t think it was a big deal?”

  “A big deal?” she shouts. “It’s a huge deal!” She paces the room again. I’ve never seen her like this. I don’t know what I’ve done or why she’s acting this way. “We’re going job hunting tomorrow. I told you when we moved here we’d find you a job. That will keep you busy and you can meet friends that way.”

  “I’m fine with getting a job, but I already have friends, Mom!”

  “No! Those friends could have gotten you killed!”

  “Seriously? Why are you always so paranoid about everything? I’m almost eighteen! I’m allowed to have some fun! It wasn’t a big deal!”

  “I’m still your mother and I still make the rules in this house.”

  “But your rules are so controlling!” I stand there, breathing hard, my brain working overtime trying to figure out what’s going on and why she’s acting so crazy. “You don’t let me do anything! You barely even let me leave the house unless you know exactly what I’m doing. And even then you freak out!”

  “I’ve let you do a lot of things this summer, Lucy.”

  “Yeah, after making me go through a checklist of rules every time I leave the house! You don’t have to be so protective, Mom. I’m not five years old!”

  “You’re still a child! You could still get hurt!”

  “So could you!” Her reasoning doesn’t make sense. I stare at her.

  Then I remember my list.

  Susan.

  Does this have something to do with her? Is that why she’s so paranoid? Was she with her when she died?

  “Mom?” This is probably the worst time to bring her up, but I know deep down, her reactions to dark water or cliff jumping or whatever has to do wit
h Susan. Is that how she died? “Can you please tell me about Susan? This has to do with her, doesn’t it? How did Susan die?”

  Her face goes even paler. “Don’t bring her name up again,” she whispers. “Please, Lucy. Don’t talk about her. And I forbid you to ever go cliff jumping again. Do you understand me?”

  I back away from her. She looks like she’s gone crazy. “Mom, we were careful! There were tons of people there!”

  “It doesn’t matter! It’s dangerous! You could have . . .” She trails off, closing her eyes a moment. She takes a deep breath then points a finger at me. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll never do that again. I don’t want you anywhere near that place. Do you understand?”

  I stare at her, her glasses perched almost on the edge of her nose, her hair in disarray. “Why?”

  “It doesn’t matter why. I’m your mother and you obey my rules.”

  “Your rules make no sense!”

  “They do to me!”

  “I’m not promising anything.”

  “Lucy.”

  “Tell me why? Why are you so insistent about this? Why won’t you ever talk about anything that’s happened in this town? Your childhood? I know something happened. I know there was a reason you never wanted to visit Grandma here, why you didn’t want to move back here. And I know it has to do with Susan.”

  Her eyes grow wide and she opens her mouth to speak again, but I beat her to it. “You can’t expect me to just sit here and pretend everything is okay, when clearly, it’s not! You’re going crazy, Mom! I’ve never seen you like this, not even when we were dealing with Dad. Something happened and I want to know what!”

  She stares at me. Her eyes glaze over and it’s almost as if she’s staring through me now. She shakes her head. “Go to your room.”

  “Mom—”

  “Go!”

  We stare at each other for a few more seconds before I turn and run upstairs, slamming my door behind me. I throw my bag of wet clothes in the corner and get ready for bed, determined to help Mom overcome whatever is eating at her.

  If she’ll let me.

  For her sake and mine.

  CHAPTER 23

  “I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air.”