by Amy McKinley
“I’ll make you an omelet. Then I have to go into work.” He got the pan heated and started beating the eggs. “Are you feeling okay?”
After several sips of my coffee, I was returning to a somewhat functional state. “I’m fine. Thanks for bringing me home.”
He put the wonderful-smelling food onto two plates and set mine in front of me, along with silverware.
I needed normalcy and grasped the first thing that came to my mind. “I’ll get going on prepping for painting today.”
“That’s not going to work, Kayla.”
With a forkful of food halfway to my mouth, I paused. “What?”
He leaned down on folded arms, his gaze boring into mine. “You can’t avoid me forever. We can talk about painting, but there are more important things to discuss. I’ll be back at lunch, and we’re going to have a real conversation.”
From Roy, I would have been shaking with a full-fledged panic attack coming on, but I’d never had anything to fear from Jaxon. I would stay at his place—and needed to until I was sure Roy wouldn’t follow me to my parents’. Resigned, I agreed.
We finished our food, and after the dishes were in the dishwasher, he rounded the island and pulled me to my feet. Wrapping me in a hug, he kissed the top of my head. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
I nodded against him, not trusting my voice.
“I’m going to grab a fast shower and head out, but I’ll be back around lunchtime.”
With another kiss to the top of my head, he extracted himself from our hug. I felt a profound loss—those two kisses made me feel like he was saying goodbye to his best friend’s little sister.
Confusion warred with desire, and I gasped from the overwhelming mix of emotions in the aftermath of leaving the embrace that I didn’t want him to think of in that way. The ill feelings I’d harbored toward him didn’t matter in the wake of that realization. We’d had one night together where we were more, and I wanted all of him—damn the consequences.
10
Kayla
Jaxon had left for work, and I moved slowly through the morning hours, feeling better but still recovering from my drinking binge the night before. After pouring a second cup of coffee, I went out on the balcony to enjoy some fresh air and the absence of the mariachi band thundering in my head. I’d only had three or four beers—I was such a lightweight.
The rhythmic rise and fall of the waves in the distance soothed me even more, even though I had missed the spectacular colors of the sunrise. The sun had climbed higher. It would have been nice to enjoy a cup of coffee and watch the new day begin with the sun painting the sky. Maybe tomorrow.
I planned to spend half an hour relaxing before getting to work on taping the ceilings and trim so I could start cutting before using the roller to paint the rooms. Jaxon had left me an organized list of what colors would go where. It wouldn’t take too long. Getting the condo ready for my parents to move in, helping them pack, and finishing my work for the paper meant it would be a busy week. I suddenly remembered that I wanted to look through the pictures I’d swiped from Kieran’s room. I wanted to go through them by myself, without Mom or Dad walking in.
I got my purse from where Jaxon must have left it on the hall table then settled back on the cushioned chair, propped my feet on the ottoman, and enjoyed the cool morning air as I pulled a stack of photos from the box he’d kept them in. As I took them out, I felt something at the bottom. I set the pictures on the side table so I could see.
It was the shark’s-tooth necklace that the cheerleaders had given each of the football players. Had Mom or Dad put it in here? Kieran used to joke that it was a noose around some of their necks when he’d learned that Vivi was the one who’d organized it. His girlfriend, Leslie, had already given him a dark-gray bead-and-silver necklace, similar to what most surfers had, that he wore instead.
I had flipped through a couple of pictures before Kieran entered my peripheral vision. I set them down, barely glancing at the image I’d paused on last time. My heart sped up, pounding painfully in my chest. I was afraid to turn my head, worried he would disappear. But even from a side view, my sight wasn’t normal. It was 360 degrees, almost surreal. Then he spoke, and I gave in with tear-filled eyes to drink in the sight of my brother with the vision I was more comfortable with.
“What are you doing?” The weight of his question laded Kieran’s usual carefree voice.
Is he referring to hanging out with Jaxon? I once overheard a conversation between the two of them, where Kieran forbade him to look at me as anything but a little sister. I’d cried for hours before determination set in. It was my life. “You mean being here, in Jaxon’s home?”
“No.” Kieran’s features, so like mine, were set in tense lines, his lips pressed tightly together. “You’re where you should be.”
I tilted my head, confused. “I don’t understand, then.”
He took a step closer and reached out. I closed my eyes, pretending I could feel his hand holding mine. “I mean about Roy—he’s coming for you, Little K, and you’ve got to be ready. Don’t have your head in the sand as I did.”
My eyelids popped open, but Kieran had vanished. Don’t go. I pulled my knees to my chest and stared at the spot where he’d stood. It was never enough time, and I missed him desperately. The first year, it had been hard to go on without him. We had always been close.
My phone rang inside my purse. My fingers struggled to get the zipper open. I finally did. Phone in hand, fear washed over me as I huddled in the safety of Jaxon’s house. Roy’s name lit up the screen like a bad omen. I let it go to voicemail. Not even a minute later, a threatening text came through. I couldn’t go anywhere without worrying about him finding me.
Minutes turned into half an hour as I sat on the balcony. I never should have moved into Roy’s place, but he’d insisted, and at the time, I’d thought it was sweet. The longer we were together, the more aggressive and jealous he had become. Then there were all those instances where I would catch him checking out other women, getting texts late at night. Doubt had set in, and I’d questioned him. Huge mistake. I’d planned to move out, but he paid more attention to me, and for a while, things were good again—until they weren’t.
I wondered if Stephanie went through the same thing, if she’d left, too, and he’d come for her. If that was the case, and I was almost positive it was, he would come for me too. I couldn’t keep it from Jaxon any longer. It wasn’t fair, and I needed his help.
11
Jaxon
The morning passed in agonizing slowness. As soon as I was able to take lunch, I did. When I opened the door to my condo, faint strands of “All I Want” by Kodaline drifted from the living room. I dropped my keys into the bowl on the hallway table and grinned at the sight that greeted me.
Kayla was on the ladder, applying a strip of painter’s tape, toned and sexy in a tiny pair of shorts and a stretchy top. I wanted to run my hands along the insides of her legs but didn’t want to freak her out.
I liked seeing her in my home, was aware of what a gift it was, and would use the time to bridge the cavernous gap between us.
At least the anger she wore as armor had dissipated. She’d hated me, blamed me for so many years. Guilt gnawed at me because of Kieran’s secret—the one that could sever the possibility of Kayla and me. I shook the thought away, determined to foster the connection we had into the unbreakable bond we should have had.
Unable to resist her any longer, I rounded the couch and curled my hands around her small hips so she wouldn’t fall if I startled her. “You got a lot done.”
She looked over her shoulder, and I caught a flash of worry or panic clouding her eyes before she masked it with a smile. “The other rooms are taped. And”—she lifted to her toes and tore the tape before securing the end in the corner—“the bathroom painting is finished.”
I lifted her from the ladder and set her on the ground. She turned in my arms then sidestepped, avoiding the ladder.
I reluctantly let her put space between us. The scent of tomato sauce and melting cheese cut through the smell of freshly painted walls, and I gave her the out she seemed to need. “You made something?”
“I did!” her smile widened, and she set the tape on one of the ladder stairs. “Chicken parmesan is in the over. It’ll be ready in five minutes. I’ve got a salad in the fridge.”
“Did you go shopping?”
“I ran down to the store at the end of the block and picked up a few things, but you had most of it here.” She pulled a glass bowl from the fridge and put it on the island. “Help yourself.”
Two places were already set, and I dished salad into both bowls. She spooned potato hash with chopped bacon onto our plates then, when the timer went off, got the chicken Parmesan out. My mouth watered. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was.
She settled on the barstool beside me, and I leaned close to whisper, “This is you stalling so we don’t talk about last night, isn’t it?”
The corners of her lips twitched, but she leveled me with that innocent look she’d perfected when we were young and she’d done something she wasn’t supposed to. Like when she hid in the back seat of Kieran’s car the one time we weren’t going to take her surfing with us because we were meeting some girls.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she deadpanned. “I made lunch because I thought you’d have to get back to the station soon.”
“I’m only working half days, sweetheart. Today is an exception.” I gave her long hair a gentle tug. She pulled back, and we dug into our food. We ate in silence for a few minutes.
“Wow, this is amazing,” I said. “Who knew you would learn to cook?”
“Please. I made stuff for you and Kieran all the time.”
Finishing the last bite of my chicken, I turned to her. “Yeah, you did. But it was reluctantly and only when Kieran would beg you to make one of your famous grilled-cheese-and-tomato sandwiches.”
“I’ve gotten better and make several different paninis now.” A bittersweet look crossed her face. “He would have loved them.”
“I’m sure.” I waited for a beat. “I’ll love them. Anything you do interests me.”
She swiveled in her chair, crossing one long leg over the other, and I fought the urge to run my hand along her thigh and pull her to sit with me. I wanted her closer, but we had to talk, and everything about her was distracting.
“I’ll clean this up, and we can talk on the couch.” I stood, but she put her hand in mine, stopping me from picking up the plates.
“I’ll take care of it later.” She wrung her hands and went to the couch. “Let’s talk before you have to go back.”
We got settled with a few inches separating us—probably for the best, so we could hash through as much as time would allow. I got right to the point. “There were moments we had together in the past that I’ve never been able to forget, Kayla. All of them left a lasting impression. The times we surfed, the fleeting touches. I was always aware of you, and I fought it for as long as I could.”
“Because Kieran told you he’d come after you if you ever looked at me as anything other than a kid sister?”
She was always sneaky. “You heard that, huh?”
“Yeah.” She worried her bottom lip. “At first, I wondered why I wasn’t getting asked out on dates when all my friends were. I was so mad at both of you.” Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t even try to pretend you weren’t a part of Kieran threatening any boy who showed the slightest interest in me.”
“Wasn’t going to.” What she didn’t know was that I wasn’t doing it for the same reason her brother was. I’d always been aware of her. We’d had a connection from the moment we met, just as I had with Kieran, but the one I had with her developed into much more. As she grew, so did my feelings for her. She went from my best friend’s little sister to a girl I wanted so badly it hurt. But she was two years younger and Kieran’s sister. Some boundaries couldn’t be crossed—until those very lines of demarcation had to be breached.
“Then you noticed me.” She peered at me from beneath her lashes. “That night with you was everything I’d hoped for and wanted. Until it wasn’t.”
I clasped her hand in mine. “The timing wasn’t right. Keep the two separate because, Kayla, you’re all I ever wanted. I’ve never stopped thinking about you.”
The moment I said that I regretted the pain it’d caused her. Because she had to have been thinking about what happened during our stolen night—her brother’s death. I wanted a little time with her before telling her some of what I knew, the part I’d been sworn to secrecy over.
Tears welled then spilled down her cheeks, and I pulled her into my arms while she cried, probably for the time we’d lost. Running my hand up and down her back, I waited for her to calm. It didn’t take long. When she eased back, I wiped the wetness from her face with the pads of my thumbs. Holding her wasn’t enough. I needed all of her.
I cupped the back of her neck and drew her to me. When we were an inch apart and her breath intermingled with mine, I closed the distance, brushing my lips across hers in a slow caress, giving her every opportunity to pull back if she wanted. When she didn’t, I applied a little more pressure, keeping a tight hold on my desire. She was so soft. Her lips parted, and I deepened the kiss, exploring and tasting. Our tongues tangled together, and a shot of overwhelming need threatened the tenuous grasp I had on my control. I didn’t have all the time I wanted and forced myself to slow the kiss. When we broke apart, I rested my forehead against hers, shaken by how much I wanted her. “Give what we could have another chance, Kayla.”
A tremor ran through her body before she whispered, “Yes.”
Kayla
As the word passed my lips, the one that told Jaxon I was all in, that I wanted to give a relationship between us another try, my mind catapulted to the night we’d shared together. Held in his arms, my lips swollen from his kiss, I succumbed to what we once had, in exquisite anticipation of what we would again.
The evening of our very first date, when I was still in high school and Jaxon had just graduated, we’d left dinner and gone to my house. The house was dark when I opened the front door, leading Jaxon inside by our clasped hands. My parents were out with friends, and Kieran was wherever he was—no one was home.
We toed off our shoes, I locked the door, and then I pulled him toward my bedroom. Electricity sizzled between us. My heart beat so fiercely that it was difficult to hear the silence around us. Is he nervous too?
I wanted it. Him. It didn’t matter that our dating was new. He’d been my forever crush. Things between us had changed. He was my reality, my future.
In the fall, change would come again, but we would manage. I did not doubt our destiny—he was my everything. And as we’d talked during dinner and on the way home, I knew I was his too.
The click of the door sounded as he shut it behind him then linked both our hands. We stood together in the twilight of my room, on the edge of a precipice. “Are you sure about this, Kayla?” His thick dark hair fell across his forehead as he angled down to meet my gaze.
I nodded. “Yes. Very much.”
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured as he released my hands, closed the distance, and threaded his fingers through my long, wavy hair. When he tilted my head, our gazes met, and I whimpered at the naked desire swimming in his dilated pupils.
I spanned my fingers across his chest, the staccato beat of his heart reassuring me that I wasn’t the only one who was on the edge of losing control.
I had wanted him for so long. He brushed his lips against mine in a soft caress that had me melting. I deftly unbuttoned his shirt, wanting to feel the ridges and muscles flex beneath my touch as I inhaled his intoxicating scent.
He nipped and teased my lips while we struggled to free him from his shirt. When it was off, he went to kiss me again, but I held out my hand. “Wait. I want to see all of you. To go slow.” I’d imagined the two of us together mo
re times than I could count. I wanted to savor every touch, memorize every expression, and enjoy being with him.
With a nod, he removed all but his black boxer-briefs. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t seen him in board shorts countless times, but the sight of him in the tight black underwear left little to the imagination. I inched closer, exploring the hard ridges and tightly corded muscles first with my eyes then my hands. He drew me to him. Our bodies fit together as if we were made for each other. His fingers skimmed across my silk-clad back as I did the same to his naked one.
All it had taken was one touch, and I was his.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he murmured in my ear, and I shivered. “You’re in control with how much or little we do. Even if you want to stop now.”
He eased me back, and we faced each other. I realized again how much I didn’t want to hold back. “I want to experience everything with you.” I pinched the tie holding half of my wrap dress together at the front side of my waist.
“Wait.” Jaxon’s warm hand stilled mine. “Let me.”
His deep voice elicited a full-body shiver. I surrendered completely. My hand fell away, giving him access. A burning intent rearranged his features from handsome to sin worthy. He worked the knot loose then undid the small snap that secured the other side. I trembled with desire at his feather-light touch as he eased the gaping silk from my shoulders so that it pooled at my feet. I stood before him in a matching black lace bra and thong.
He lifted me into his arms and lay me on the bed, on top of my dusty-pink comforter. We locked eyes in silent understanding, and I grinned at the promise of the inferno to come.
He made quick work of the rest of our clothes then lay beside me and pulled me into his arms. We fit together, my softness nestled against his hardness. Whiskers shadowed his strong jaw, tickling my skin as he rained kisses along my neck, to my shoulders, and across the swell of my breasts. I glided my fingers through his hair, tugging him back to my lips, needing more of him.