Vote at Toad Hall

by Eddie Saint

  ‘Listen, maybe you aren’t interested, or maybe you just need a little time...’

  He said and did nothing in response, not wanting to break the new and magical spell he felt she had put him under. Beneath his Scoots headdress he was silently imploring her to stay and just talk to him, and hold his hand some more.

  ‘I’ll be here until the end,’ she said. ‘You are easy to find. Just…just wear the badge if you want to talk to me. No pressure, just… we can talk… If you want… Yeah?’

  She closed his fingers around the badge and patted his fist, lingered a while longer holding his paw between her two, then slowly let his drop.

  Ivan had started to rearrange his periscope so he could watch her go, back through the ‘Cows’ door, when the door to the ‘Bulls’ toilet opened forcefully, snapping him out of Gemini’s trance. Before him stood an armoured Badger and a lanky Rabbit.

  Emboldened by Gemini’s touch he said, ‘A-ha!’ and waved a bandaged fist at them. He had meant it to be just his finger, but he belatedly realised that wasn’t practical.

  ‘May we help you?’ said the armoured Badger, politely.

  Ivan was immediately out of his depth.

  ‘What to do? What to do? What to do?’ he chuntered inside his mask.

  Maybe play it cool? Stall for time? Yes. That’ll have to do. At least I’m in disguise so they won’t suspect I’m a Fox.

  ‘These costumes, eh?’ he said, trying to sound casual and friendly.

  ‘Quite,’ said the armoured Badger.

  ‘Where did you get yours from? Maybe next time I’ll be an armoured badger. It’s got to be easier that this!’

  He was going for sympathy but missed his mark spectacularly.

  ‘If I had a tenner for the number of ignorant animals that call me ‘armoured Badger’ I’d be able to afford free flights home for the rest of my life!’

  ‘You Wild Wooders can be so ignorant!’ chimed in the lanky Rabbit. ‘It’s ‘arm-A-dill-OH’, mister Gee-raff.’

  Ivan was befuddled. He had rapidly lost control of the situation. He did a quick tally up of how it was going. On the plus side, he had no more injuries. Also, he hadn’t blown his mission, because this couldn’t be his Badger. That gave him his next move. This wasn’t his target, so pack up and move on.

  ‘Sorry, mister Rah-bit! I meant no offence. Just a bit hard to see under this thing.’

  It was the Armadillo’s turn to be offended.

  ‘Honey, you don’t get long legs like those beauties on a Rabbit. And ears to die for.’

  The Armadillo turned to the Hare, slipping a short arm around his waist, and said,

  ‘Come, Fernando. Let us leave this poor chimera to his own kind.’

  They sashayed around Ivan and made to leave, but the Armadillo had one last thing to say. He stood shoulder to shoulder with Ivan, leaned in and said quietly,

  ‘And, honey, that scarf was never going to work. But…’ he paused.

  Ivan was confused beyond belief. Animals, genders, backstories… it had all been so simple to him yesterday.

  The Armadillo leaned in closer still. Ivan could smell an expensive and carefully chosen cologne.

  ‘…but the utilikilt is kind of cute.’ He winked, not that Ivan could have seen anything so subtle, and nudged him with his hip before disappearing back into the crowd in the main arena.

  When Buster found me at the Carrington 5ive booth, I must have been in a daze. I think I was just looking at my paws, first one and then the other.

  ‘Did you find him?’ he asked, but only to be friendly.

  When I looked around me it was as full an answer as he needed.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Really?’ I wasn’t sure weather I should tell Buster more than he already knew. To be honest I wanted to, because I was grateful to him, for all his help so far. But that same gratitude made me want to protect him from all the furies that had begun to scrape at my own door.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I saw you nudge Nico out of the way to get to Sampson. Wasn’t he your Roadblock after all?’

  Now I’m usually great at dealing with new information. I can quickly see how to fit it into a bigger picture. But Buster’s new words had splashed onto my canvas and begun to paint a new reality that I struggled to make sense of.

  ‘Nico and Sampson?’

  ‘You know, the Hector and Roadblock you were talking to.’

  Now that made me stop staring at my hands and quickly take stock of the new conversation.

  ‘Can I… just… get something straight?’ I asked, tentatively.

  ‘Fire away!’

  ‘Do you know the Roadblock in the smart uniform?’

  Buster’s cheeks flushed, his gaze immediately turned to the floor, and his shoulders slumped. Nervously, he placed and groomed his fringe over his eye.

  ‘Hey, it’s ok,’ I said. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong.’

  Buster kept flattening his fringe, but risked a quick glance up at me.

  ‘Really, you haven’t. In fact, you’ve been great.’

  The tidal wave of teenaged tension in his body, so quick to arrive, slowly began to ebb.

  ‘They were in my school. Years above me, yeah? Way too cool for me. But I know who they are, sure.’

  So I was in a dilemma. On the one paw I didn’t want to upset Buster or put him in danger. On the other, there was something evil, unspecified, on the prowl and Buster might be the only key available to access it. I made a decision.

  ‘Listen, if they are locals then do you think they know Mother?’

  The mention of that name seemed to give Buster a further boost.

  ‘Like, everyone knows Mother!’ he said, and almost raised a smile.

  ‘And does that mean they might know her pup too?’

  Buster shrugged and turned his paws’ palms upward.

  ‘It’s been a blessing and a curse,’ he said, now almost completely back to the cheerful Otter I had found sitting on the floor with his friends.

  ‘So… how about you come with me and we go find them again? I think I might need you to vouch for me.’

  ‘Sounds cool!’ he said, and darted off to his left, through the crowd. Then he stopped and came back. ‘Sorry, er, like, ladies first,’ he said, cap in hand.

  ‘Mother must be very proud of you!’ I said, and Buster turned away. I reckon it was so I couldn’t see him blush again.

  The net of balloons was much bigger now and was starting to cast a coloured glow on the assembled animals, the house lights shining through the thin latex from the retractable roof high overhead. Buster’s gaze fell on a trio of young Polecats dressed to impress in Angel Delight cosplay. Caught between them and me it looked like the teenaged Otter didn’t know where to look, so he chose the ground.

  ‘Er, yeah, like, I guess,’ he managed, and followed gratefully as I set off to rediscover my Rhino in shining uniform.

  Shuffling in a confused daze back to the main arena Ivan tried to get the feel of the Armadillo’s hip banging into his out of his mind. He pictured instead Gemini who had held his hand. His visual memory of her was limited, given his periscope vision, but he could conjure up a good likeness of her from just the softness of her paws and the breathy tone of her lilting voice. She had opened up a whole new frontier in his mind, one that didn’t have military uniforms or early morning parades, dark basement workrooms or food in a tray. He couldn’t visualise the new frontier clearly, but a wisp of his Vixen’s washing powder came to him, and the echo of a floral curtain. He closed his paw around the Scoots badge and made himself a promise.

  ‘Ivan,’ he said to himself, ‘If you don’t succeed in this mission today then maybe the military is not for you. Give it one more try and if you don’t find the Badger then take the plunge and find Gemini instead.’

  It was a bold command, but as soon as he gave himself that order a sense of calm and clarity came over him. Life, that had been getting increasingly complicated as the day had worn
on, was suddenly a calm meadow to him again, just as it had been all those years ago in the front garden of his den back home. He inhaled deeply and held his Scoots head aloft to survey the campaign field before him, perhaps for the last time. This was it. Make or break. Do or die.

  Or live!

  His periscope vision picked up a posse of young Polecats, all dressed to impress as Angel Delight. He looked at them coolly. They didn’t turn his head now. He had clarity of thought. He had a Mission. And if that failed he had his Gemini.

  He turned his shoulders to arc his field of vision and his eye was caught by an unmistakable flash of white, where a tail might be. He focussed in. Short legs, short ears. Bingo!

  Setting off at as quick a pace as he could manage, he worked hard to keep the flash of white in view at all times. His target now had company: a black and white striped animal! Maybe female. He strode on with more urgency, as fast as his paws would take him.

  The Rabbit and its partner turned into Room Four. Ivan was delighted. There was no way he could mess this up. There was only one way in, one way out. With more than a passing sadness for what could have been with Gemini, he imagined Vulpine giving him a pat on the back, straightened up and marched dead ahead into Room Four.

  To be fair to Ivan is was the first doorway he had forgotten to duck under. His headdress fell to the floor just as the lights in Room Four dimmed and a Rabbit on the mini stage against the far wall wrapped up her speech.

  ‘And so it is my very great pleasure to bring you the World Premiere…’

  Whoops went up from the crowd. Ivan, happy to be without his Scoots periscope for a moment, took the opportunity to look around, and there, right in front of him, was the Rabbit.

  Next to a pair of Rabbits.

  And another Rabbit.

  Then three Badgers.

  And…what was that smell?

  ‘…yes, indeed, this is the World Premiere of ‘Rocky Rabbit and Super Skunk: Endgame’!’

  Ivan burst out of the room, gasping for breath. He slammed his Scoots headdress back on, but that only concentrated the smell even more. His eyes began to water and his mouth dried up.

  ‘That’s it, that’s it, that’s IT!’ he told himself, holding the Scoots badge tighter in his hand.

  ‘Gemini, here I come!’

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘Sorry about the safety detail. The whole Tony thing has got us all jumpy and you are a new face.’

  The pristine Roadblock had cleared me instantly just as soon as Mother’s pup had vouched for me. It turned out he wasn’t my contact at all, just a Gatekeeper.

  So that was the purpose of Tony’s coded message! I guess that made sense. If the wrong guy cracked it they’d get the cold shoulder, just like I had got first time around. And only the Gatekeeper knew where the main meeting was being held. Neat.

  His small crowd of guards had worked their disappearing magic again, on me this time, and the pristine Roadblock had whisked me through the curtains of a Carrington 5ive photo booth and down into a cramped, dark crawlspace.

  ‘Stage?’

  ‘It’s just about the most private place here,’ he said, and turned to leave. ‘Shouldn’t be long. He knows you’re here.’

  I wanted to ask, ‘Who?’ but my guide had already gone. Alone in the dark, with just the muffled sound of the cheerful announcer booming down on me for company, I took stock of my position. Tony Mole had sent me that message, saying he had something ‘big’ for me, and he had arranged this top secret meet up. I knew Tony wasn’t going to turn up any time soon, so who else could it be…?

  ‘You’ve made a good start to the old journalism business, JJ.’

  An unnervingly familiar voice spoke to me from no more than an arm’s length away, although in the pitch dark I couldn’t make out his outline, let alone any features. Either way, it didn’t matter. I’d know that voice anywhere. I’d heard it a million times before in the dark.

  ‘Dug!’

  I reached out to touch him and our paws hit clumsily in the dark. I grabbed his paw with both of mine and squeezed.

  ‘How is it you?’ Not my most well constructed sentence ever, but I reckon you can cut me some slack, given the circumstances.

  He said something in reply but his words were drowned out by another muffled announcement.

  ‘We are right under the stack here,’ he said, as the message ended. ‘No chance of any electrical snooping, see?’

  ‘You’ve done this before,’ I said, impressed.

  ‘Yeah, and I know you haven’t, and I’m sorry to drag you in to this, but something serious seems to be coming to a head, and I just can’t crack it. You, darling sister, might have just the skills I need to help me shift my own ‘roadblock’.’

  ‘Wait. Me?’

  ‘Hey, don’t be coy, JJ. You are a top level snoop, aside from that HQ cock-up.’

  ‘So is that why you chose the Rhino! You’ve hit a ‘roadblock’?’

  ‘Nope, just a happy coincidence. When we pick a gatekeeper it’s always someone popular so there’ll be a lot of decoys.’

  ‘Yeah, I was kind of wishing you’d gone with Scoots,’ I said, pretending to be annoyed.

  ‘Well, we would have been one of only two today. Hardly a smokescreen.’

  ‘It could have saved my feet though.’ I gave the pads a rub.

  ‘Nah, folks only ever do Scoots ironically, like that one today with the full stripy scarf and utilikilt routine.’

  That broke the ice a little. It’s odd when your brother has disappeared off the face of the earth for months and then he turns up in the dark, at the other end of a cryptic message.

  I took my phone out and looked at his face in the blue glow of the screen. I had a question that was begging to be asked.

  ‘So what happened to you?’ I searched his familiar face for clues.

  ‘I got too close to something, just like Tony.’

  ‘Was it Hornworm?’

  Dug winced. Even in our dull lair that name seemed to echo.

  We waited for the ripples to fade.

  ‘How is he…by the way?’ Dug asked.

  ‘Mel says he’ll live, but he’s got a tough couple of weeks ahead first.’

  ‘Total ledge, Mole. Did they catch who did it?’

  ‘They are still working on leads. Obviously it looks like Fox, but I guess you know that’s not a conclusion anyone wants to draw publicly until they’ve got a gold plated selfie of the perp with his victim.’

  ‘Is right,’ said Dug, nodding.

  Man, it was weird talking to Dug again after so long. I mean weird because of how easy it was. We picked up like he’d just come back from the shops.

  ‘Listen,’ I said, ‘whether I like it or not it feels like I’m probably next in the poisoned pipeline so whatever you need me for, I’m in.’

  That brought to mind for both of us a quietly efficient, dimly lit hospital room, with tubes and beeps and a good Mole lying still. We both paused involuntarily.

  That was when we heard the first shots.

  A single, then two in rapid succession.

  The sound seemed to be coming from right above us.

  ‘The dial has gone all the way up to eleven in just a couple of days,’ said Dug, quickly calculating what needed to be done next, like the ex-Service Agent he was. ‘If we don’t find out what Hornworm means soon we’ll both be lucky if we get off as lightly as Tony has.’

  He reached out to grab both my paws and looked me in the eyes, in the faint blue glow of my screen. ‘This, little sister, could be where you want to get off. I mean, I guess this isn’t what you got into journalism for.’

  I looked back into his eyes. He was still the same old Dug, but there was a shadow there. Was it just the dim light from my screen or had his months on the run taken something out of him?

  ‘Hey, it’s go hard or go home as far as I’m concerned,’ I said.

  ‘OK, but don’t say I didn’t give you a chance to back out gracefully.
’

  Another shot rang out.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, pulling back the skirt overhanging the edge of the stage. ‘I think it’s time we got out of here.’

  He wanted her to see him.

  He needed her to see him…

  … and his badge.

  Ivan stood at the foot of the steps leading onto the stage and carefully removed his Scoots headdress. He didn’t need it now: his Mission was over. Well, one of his missions. His last for Commander Reynard. He had a new master now. He wasn’t sure what to call it, but ‘Love’ seemed to fit.

  Spike recognised him from the earlier incident with the burst balloon and came over to talk to him.

  ‘S… so sorry abbbb…’ he began, but Ivan waved a paw magnanimously.

  ‘It’s ok,’ he said, feeling as relaxed and confident as he had ever felt. ‘I meant what I said. No hard feelings.’

  He tugged at his utilikilt and dropped it to the floor. A few whistles went up, mainly from groups of younger animals sitting on the floor nearby. He stepped out of the skirt and stood boldly in his army issue gym shorts: one foot bandaged from the broken glass, the other in its shiny callipers. He was feeling more alive than he had ever done before.

  ‘May I…?’ he gestured towards the stage.

  Spike raised a concerned chin.

  ‘W… w… why, exactly? There’s r… rather a lot offff… offff ballo-oo-oo-oons now.’

  The net above the stage was bulging, and balloons formed a canopy all the way down to head height. Spike was feeling very proud. It was going to make one incredible finale.

  Ivan felt a new feeling flood his veins. Was it friendship?

  ‘Don’t worry. I’m looking for someone. I’m looking for…’ He thought hard. Who was he looking for? Then it came to him.

  ‘… my soul mate.’

  That seemed to soften Spike.

  ‘G… g… go on then, lad,’ he said, and held out a paw to help Ivan up the steps. A small crowd had begun to quieten around them and had turned to watch. Every one at Comic Con had a soft spot for a happy ending.

  ‘I need to put this badge on first,’ he said and tried to unhook the clasp, which would already have been hard even without a bandaged paw. The tricky spring leapt out of his paw and bulleted into the lower reaches of the balloon cloud.