Filthy Beautiful Forever

by Kendall Ryan

  Maybe I can help him out somehow. Offer my support, for what it’s worth.

  Over the next two days, I give Collins space, spending the bulk of my time applying for more jobs. He isn’t around much anyway, and when he is, he seems to be hard at work, so I don’t bother him. I’ve gotten to the point where I think there really is no reason for me to be here, since we never see each other anyway, when he comes in the kitchen one morning with a smile on his face. The first smile I’ve seen on him in days. I can’t help but feel encouraged and excited by the light in his eyes.

  “Good news,” he says. He pulls a stack of papers out from behind his back and places them in front of me with a flourish.

  “What is this, your memoirs?” I ask. The stack is thick.

  He shakes his head. “It’s a power of attorney, an agreement, and supporting documents from the investigation of your termination.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s what?” It’s not that I don’t understand the words he’s using, I just have no idea how they fit together to make any sense, at all. “An agreement to what?”

  “I had your boss investigated. They found the proof my attorneys needed to negotiate a settlement for you. They’ll pay you one hundred thousand dollars and agreed to hire you back.”

  “You had my boss investigated?” I take a sip of my morning coffee in the hopes it will help me understand everything Collins is springing on me.

  “I wanted it to be a surprise, so I had them draw everything up. All they need from you is a signature on the limited power of attorney so they can finish the deal on your behalf.”

  Collins looks so happy, yet my face is turning red, and tears pool in my eyes. He negotiated it so that I would get my old job back. I swallow against the huge lump forming in my throat. I want to be happy. God how I want to, because he’s doing it again. He’s saving me from my stupid employment bungle. I should be thanking him. I should take my job back. He’s gotten me a great deal.

  But it’s not what I want. I don’t want to move back to Connecticut. I want to be here with him. And more important than that, I want him to want me here, too.

  But I guess he doesn’t. I really am a burden to him. One he’s willing to put the time and money into sending far, far away.

  I wipe shakily at a tear streaming down my face. “I’m sorry, Collins.”

  He tilts my chin up and meets my eyes. “Why are you sorry?”

  “I shouldn’t have come,” I murmur, wiping at another stray tear that’s escaped.

  “Why not?” His tone is whisper soft, and his expression is full of concern and tenderness.

  “Because,” I manage, sucking in a breath, “I charged into your perfect life and ruined everything for you and Tatianna. It’s not your job to rescue me.”

  Bringing both hands to my face, his warm palms cup my cheeks and he wipes away the last of my tears. “You haven’t ruined anything. Come sit down and let me explain some things to you.”

  “Okay,” I agree, my heart aching and my head spinning with unanswered questions.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Collins

  I guide Mia into the adjoining family room, my fingertips at her lower back. I have no idea what caused her to break down, and I don’t handle crying females very well. I never have. Maybe it’s the result of growing up with two brothers. Maybe it’s the result of being with Tatianna, who rarely showed her emotions.

  We sit down on the sofa, and she curls her legs underneath her on the cushion, bracing for whatever I’m about to tell her.

  I huff out a sigh and contemplate how to begin. “You didn’t ruin anything between me and Tatianna. Things had been deteriorating for a long time.” I don’t tell her that I’d lost my ability to orgasm with her or that I hated the lack of concern and interest she showed in my life. “The breakup was overdue. You being here might have actually prolonged it.”

  “What?” She blinks at me, waiting for me to continue. She assumed that her presence sped up my demise with Tatianna when in fact it was the opposite.

  “When you showed up here, a thousand emotions I hadn’t felt in fifteen years raced through me. Emotions I didn’t have time for, or frankly want to feel. My life was easy. My company was my focus, and I had my brothers to lean on for support. Tatianna was…” Shit, this is going to sound harsh. “She was here for my physical pleasure.”

  Mia flinches like someone backhanded her.

  I reach for her hand and she lets me take it, but it’s limp and lifeless in my own.

  “These last several weeks even that wasn’t working between us,” I admit.

  Her eyebrows pinch together. “What do you mean?”

  “I haven’t slept with Tatianna since you arrived. And even before that, I’m embarrassed to say… Well, let’s just say, my body knew something my head didn’t.”

  “Okay…” She draws out the word, her eyes searching mine for understanding.

  I’m not making any sense, and I know that. I take a deep breath and prepare to start over.

  “Then why did you stay with her?” Mia interrupts.

  “If I was single, I’d have no excuse not to pursue you. The idea of you and I both single and under one roof scared me.”

  She chews on her lip, looking unsure. “So, you don’t want me here. I get it, Coll. I’ll take my old job and move on.”

  Shaking my head, I tug her hand into my lap and grip my fingers between hers, like that will somehow show her how I feel. “Let me finish.”

  She waits, watching me, hardly breathing while I search for the right words.

  “When you showed up here and reminded me of a promise I made when I was ten years old, it scared the shit out of me. I used my relationship, as damaged as it was, as a buffer to avoid my real feelings. But I can’t do that any longer. I have no idea what the future holds, and I need to take this one day at a time, but I want more.”

  “More?” she asks, her tone guarded.

  “Yes. More. I don’t know what that means, and I can’t have this marriage promise hanging over our heads. We’re friends first. And whatever happens between us, I’m not willing to lose you as a friend. I need you to understand that before things go any further.”

  “I understand.” She takes a moment, her eyes wide, watching me. “So you don’t want me to leave?” she asks, her voice small.

  “Of course not,” I say. There is so much unexplored sexual tension between us, but more than that, there are real feelings too. A strange feeling comes over me and my chest tightens. It matters to her how I feel, if I’m eating, if I’m happy. It’s kind of like how my brothers understand me, even when I’m barely stringing two words together. Mia just gets me. The real me. I know I don’t deserve her tenderness, the concern she’s shown me the last few days as my ex moved out and I threw myself into my work. I had a girlfriend I’d been stringing along, all because I was scared of my future with Mia. She’s a forever kind of girl. And after my mom died, I didn’t want to give my heart to another woman. But the thing about Mia is that she had it already. She’s had it all along.

  “But why did you get me my old job back?” she asks.

  “Because it didn’t sit right with me knowing that your name had been tarnished. Because you spend all your free time looking for a job, and whenever you talk about your past, your face gets this pouty expression. I wanted you to have choices. Not to be stuck here, living with me by default. That’s what Tatianna did… I’m not looking to be anyone’s second choice.”

  “You could never be my second choice,” she whispers. “You were my first everything.”

  I give her hand a squeeze. Regret over the night I took her virginity still churns inside of me but I push it aside. “Are we okay?” I ask.

  She nods. “Yes, but what happens next?”

  “That depends. If you go back home to your old job, we keep in touch and visit as often as we can. And if you stay here…we have a lot of catching up to do from the past fifteen years.”

  “If you’
re sure you’re okay with it, we do have a lot of catching up to do…”

  We’re both quiet as the meaning behind this moment sinks in. Mia is moving in with me. Tatianna is gone and all but forgotten.

  “Are you pissed at me about how I handled things with Tatianna?” I ask.

  “No,” she says, without hesitation. “I think it had to happen that way. We both needed time.”

  I nod. “I still think about that night, you know.”

  Her eyes, bright with desire, dance on mine. She knows exactly which night I’m referring to. “I do too.”

  “I still feel like an asshole,” I admit.

  “What? Why?” she asks, like she genuinely doesn’t know.

  “I saw the blood smears on your inner thighs. I know I hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing and … I still hate that you didn’t get off.” The weight of my admission presses down on my shoulders. It’s been buried inside me all this time and it feels good to finally talk about this.

  “You didn’t hurt me.” She shakes her head. “Well, I mean, you did, but not on purpose. Your size was….well…” She becomes flustered and clamps her mouth shut. She takes a deep breath, then she starts again. “You were so tender. It was exactly what I wanted, please don’t feel bad about it. You were sweet and careful. I remember it perfectly. Don’t ruin it for me.”

  “You remember it quite differently then,” I manage. My throat feels tight as I watch her.

  “I remember the weight of your body on mine and how you stole my breath when you first entered me, and then how we found our rhythm and moved together. And how it lasted longer than I thought it would.”

  My chest swells with pride. That surprised me too. I remember thinking it’d be over in about a minute, but then I was so worried about her, and over thinking everything that it distracted me from the immense pleasure threatening to overwhelm me.

  “Come here.” I pull her close and she curls her body into mine, letting me hold her. She looks beautiful, even with her tear-stained cheeks and pink nose. I hold her the way I should have done that night so long ago. The warm weight of her against my side eases some of my guilt.

  I want to hold her in my lap and kiss her, but I don’t want to rush her. Something tells me neither of us would need much convincing to take this upstairs and tear each other’s clothes off. And considering the sheets I shared with another woman are still on my bed, it wouldn’t be right.

  Unable to resist the temptation of her warm body pressing against mine, I tilt her chin, angling her mouth just right, then I lean down and kiss her. It’s an innocent kiss, my lips touching hers just lightly, tasting her sweetness. But it’s a kiss that holds the promise of more to come. And even though we kiss until we’re out of breath, it ends much too soon.

  When we part, she stays glued to my side, one arm flung around my middle, like she’s unwilling to let me go.

  “Did you say one hundred thousand dollars?” she asks, her mouth curling into a silly grin.

  I chuckle, despite the intensity of the mood. “I did. And you deserve every cent for the way they dragged your name through the mud and booted you out without a proper investigation.”

  “Thank you for always being my hero,” she says.

  “Thank you for always being my gremlin.” I smile at her and she smacks me in the arm.

  “Can’t believe you still call me that stupid nickname.”

  “Speaking of the Gremlin, tomorrow is Sunday. I invited the whole crew to join us on the yacht if you’re up for it.”

  “Of course,” she says. “I would love to.”

  ***

  It felt good to clear the air last night between me and Mia. Better than I could have imagined, actually. So today, I’m relaxed and happy as we board the Gremlin. Pace carries Max around the boat, showing him every gadget and knob while Kylie watches them lovingly. Colton and Sophie arrive next and stroll over to where Mia and I are standing beside the railing, looking at the water.

  “Mia! It’s so good to see you,” Sophie says, pulling her in for a hug.

  Colton’s eyes meet mine, and he seems to understand that Tatianna is gone for good. “Good fucking call, bro,” he says, thumping me on the back. He and Sophie rarely joined us on the yacht when it was just Tatianna and I. He didn’t enjoy her company, and I can’t say I blamed him. Now that I’m free of her, I just feel better. More lighthearted than I have in years. It’s strange what being in Mia’s presence does for me.

  “Pace and Kylie are here, I think just below deck showing everything to Max,” I say.

  Colton nods. “Good. When they get back, we have an announcement to make.” He pulls Sophie close and they share a secret smile.

  I have a feeling I know what the announcement is going to be. They were just married about six weeks ago, and I’m quite certain they fuck like rabbits.

  When Pace emerges from downstairs, Colton waves them over. Then he takes Sophie’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Do you want to tell them, or should I?” he asks, softly. I’ve never seen him quite so soft and tender. A feeling of warmth washes over me.

  “We’re pregnant!” Sophie squeals, like she can’t contain the secret even a second longer.

  “Ah!” Kylie cries out, lunging for Sophie as she hugs her tightly. Mia’s smile is wide and she bounces up and down, as if waiting for her turn to hug the mother-to-be.

  “Nice job, dude,” Pace says, clapping Colton on the back.

  “Congratulations,” I tell him, shaking his hand.

  “Thanks guys. We’re pretty excited,” Colton says, pulling Sophie into his arms and kissing her. “She’s just six weeks along, so it’s still early, but we’re over the moon.”

  Pace tosses Max up in the air and tells him he’s going to get a baby cousin.

  The mood is happy and light, and I’m immensely pleased that my brothers have found so much happiness. The women take Max and retreat to the bow where there are scattered cushions for sunbathing. They talk excitedly, asking Sophie how she’s been feeling and when her due date is.

  My brothers and I settle in the deck chairs overlooking the ocean. And even though it’s early, when James brings by a tray of frozen mojitos, we each accept one. There is a lot to celebrate today. Colton requests a virgin drink be sent over to his wife. I smile, knowing he uses any excuse he can to refer to her as his wife.

  We sip our drinks as the yacht cuts effortlessly through the water.

  “So, how are things going with Mia now that Tatianna’s out of the picture?” Colton asks.

  I glance over at Mia who has stripped out of her clothes and is making a turquoise bikini her bitch. Goddamn. A warm shudder flutters through me. “Good,” I mumble.

  Pace laughs. “You’ve got to give us more than that, old man. Are you guys together or what?”

  “I’m working on it.” I’m not sure what else to say. My brain tells me I should go slow, explore where this could lead, while my body screams at me to make her mine. Visions of her on her hands and knees while I pump into her from behind make my vision cloud with lust. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back. I want to know how things could be between us now that we’re both all grown up. I drop a pillow into my lap in an attempt to conceal the half-erection I struggle to fight off.

  Pace laughs. “Still haven’t fucked her.”

  “Shut the fuck up unless you want to be tossed overboard,” I warn, my tone coming out harsh and ruthless. But goddamn, being this close to Mia for the past several weeks, she’s completely gotten under my skin.

  My eyes wander over to her again. She’s gently touching Sophie’s belly and while there’s nothing to suggest she’s pregnant, Mia looks at her in complete awe. It’s beautiful. I can’t help watching Mia as she plays with Max, tickling his belly, and playing a silly game with him using her sunglasses. I’m awestruck, unable to look away. She will make a beautiful mother, and I feel overcome with emotion.

  I listen to my brothers tease me, telling me they’re both fa
thers now, and it’s my turn next, but my attention stays captured by Mia. She is beautiful in so many ways.

  “Excuse me, guys,” I say, pushing out of my chair and heading purposely toward Mia.

  When I reach her, I extend my hand, and she takes it without question and rises to her feet.

  “Collins?” she asks, letting me lead her below deck. I get the sense she’d let me do just about anything right now.

  I don’t respond just yet, because I’m afraid of what I might say, instead I continue guiding her into one of the cabins.

  “What are you…”

  “Do you trust me?” I ask closing and locking the bedroom door behind us.

  “Yes,” she says without hesitation.

  I turn and face her, my body pressing her up against the back of the door. A primal growl eases up my throat as my mouth ghosts over hers. “I’m scared of all of this. My feelings for you, what the future holds, all of it. But I know one thing.”

  “What?” she asks, her chest rising with an inhale while her lips brush mine.

  “I need you,” I whisper.

  Her eyes implore mine for several seconds, trying to figure out what exactly it is I need.

  When my hands settle against her hips and my fingers sink into the edges of her bikini bottoms, it becomes abundantly clear. “Are you okay with this?” I ask, giving her a chance to pull away.

  “I need you too,” she admits.

  My heart jumps at her admission. I untie the strings at her hips, and her bikini bottoms fall to the floor. Mia watches me closely, instantly grasping that I’m no longer the nervous fumbling teenage boy from her memories. As far as I’m concerned, this is our real first time. A chance for me to redeem myself and make this good for her.

  I reach between us, lightly rubbing one finger over her smooth sex. A murmur rises up her throat and I feel her grow wet. I’ve barely touched her, but she’s so responsive.

  She’s much more confident with her body than I remember, pushing her hips into my hands and moaning when my fingertip makes contact with her clit. I kiss her deeply, and her tongue strokes mine while I work her over. Hell yeah.