Things We Lost

by Shae Banks

  He turned on the water and watched me brush. I left him in privacy so I could go and get ready.

  We both got ready in record time, and I was just locking the door when he called, “Change of plan, we’ll have to take your car.”

  “Why?” I asked, walking to the end of the drive.

  “Some fucker slashed my tires.”

  He didn’t sound too bothered by it. Almost as though he expected it. I was horrified. “I told you to park on the drive.”

  He shrugged. “I’ll call someone out to sort it while we have breakfast. Come on, you can show off your tiny car.”

  I watched him walk back up the drive to my car frowning. It wasn’t usual for things like that to happen, not on my quiet little street. The neighbors were a pain in the arse for parking their cars badly, but they certainly wouldn’t vandalize someone else’s.

  It was getting late by the time we arrived in town, and I parked in a small private car park just over the road from a small pancake house he said he liked. His phone chimed, and without bothering to look at it he added, “I need to make a phone call, work. Can you go in and order drinks? I’ll follow you in a couple of minutes.”

  Leaning over to kiss him, I unbuckled my belt and smiled, dropping my keys in his lap. “Anything in particular?”

  He was already looking at his phone. “Just coffee, thanks.”

  I walked into the little café, wondering why he was working on a Saturday and went directly to the counter. I was waiting for someone to take my order when I heard a familiar voice, and looked over to see Sandra sitting with two other women at the table behind me. She noticed me and scowled.

  Turning back to the counter, I froze, wondering if she was going to say something. I considered warning her that Jase was with me, since she was off work—apparently sick—and was about to turn and go to her table, when she came up behind me. “Enjoying my job, Nathalie?” she hissed in my ear.

  I didn't know what to say. Obviously one of the other girls had contacted her and told her I’d swooped in and took her job. I wanted to set the record straight, but didn’t know how to handle that level of confrontation. “I… Tony… I…” I stuttered.

  I was panicking. I wanted to explain I was backed into a corner over it. That I didn’t want it. But when I turned to face her and saw the look in her eye, I lost my nerve completely. I was saved by the waitress who waited at the counter for me to place our order. “Two coffees, please.”

  She walked away, busying herself with the coffee machine, and Sandra stepped closer to me.

  “Didn’t take you long, did it?”

  My stomach clenched with anxiety. While I wasn’t really one for confrontation, it wasn’t what she was saying to me that upset me, I didn’t give a shit what she thought, not really. It was that this would make my work life difficult and, more urgently, how she stood behind me and said it quietly. The way he used to.

  My instinct was to escape. But I was trapped between her and the counter. Thankfully, she was interrupted as our drinks were put down in front of me. I forced a smile and handed over the money to pay for them, with Sandra still at my back, then turned to face her. “Tony asked me to temp it rather than get someone new in.”

  “I heard different. I heard you were sleeping your way to the top, and my job was a performance bonus. I wonder how that’s going down with—”

  “Hello Sandra, you’re looking remarkably well.”

  My heart stopped for all the right reasons. I’d never felt so relieved to hear someone’s voice.

  Sandra’s face slackened. “Jay…”

  I looked up at him, but rather than feel relieved he was here, I tensed. His stance was aggressive. Protective.

  “Mr. Locksley,” he corrected, his voice as cold as the glint in his eye.

  “I was just saying how nice it was to see—” she spluttered, trying to backtrack.

  He stepped back, making sure to be well out of touching distance, and said in a low voice, “Nathalie’s position at the company is none of your business. My life, in or outside of the company, is none of your damn business.”

  I watched her, wondering what she was going to do next. The answer was nothing. She seemed to freeze.

  Jason stepped closer to my side, his hand brushing mine as he asked, “Are those our drinks, Nat?”

  I nodded, unable to look away from Sandra. The color had drained from her face, and she looked like she was caught between screaming an obscenity and bursting into tears.

  He picked up both saucers and faced her again. I glanced his way to see him looking at her heels. “Your sick note is due next Friday. Make it a long one,” he ordered, before turning and picking up both our drinks and moving away from the bar. I followed him to a table at the other end of the cafe, trying not to glance back over my shoulder to see what her friends were doing.

  “Sciatica…” Jase said with a sniff. “In those shoes?”

  I couldn’t muster a smile. “They’ve been talking…”

  He sipped his coffee. “And?”

  “And they think I’m—”

  “They can think what they like.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, you’re not around.”

  He looked wounded. I wasn’t sure why, but I scrambled to rephrase. “What I mean is—”

  “I know what you mean, and honestly, I’ll replace the lot of them if they keep this shit up. It’s none of their fucking business. They aren’t paid to poke their noses into our private lives.”

  “She’s management.” It was a weak argument, but I knew he couldn’t just fire her.

  “She’s worked four weeks beyond her probationary period and thrown in a long-term sick note. She’s sitting in here with her friends, having a ball, while we pay her a full fucking salary, you’re doing the job she should be doing, better than she ever did I might add, and she thinks she can have a pop at you?”

  Uncomfortable to the point of nausea, I kept my eyes on him. He was looking over at her as he spoke to me, making me edgier. I didn’t dare look around to see what was happening, but his attention was firmly fixed on her table. “I just don’t want any friction at work…”

  He finally looked at me, and his expression changed. I don't know what he saw, I was too anxious to assess myself, but I saw his brow furrow, and he lowered his head.

  “Sorry. I heard how she spoke to you, and I don’t ever want to see you treated like… Well, nobody speaks to you like that. Nobody.”

  While his voice was calm, there was a fierceness to it. I didn’t remember being defended like this by anyone but Haylie. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. “You can’t threaten her like that though. I mean, it doesn’t look good, does it?”

  The scraping of chairs and the click of heels on the tile floor drew his attention back to her table. “I don’t give a fuck how it looks. She’ll stick in another sick note and when that runs out, she’s fired.”

  I was mortified. “She has rent to pay…”

  “I have a business to run.”

  I looked down at my hands and picked at my nails. His hands closed around them, thumbs brushing over mine, and he murmured, “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to. I don’t usually get angry, really, but when it comes to you my back gets right up. I can’t stop it.”

  “You don’t have to protect me, Jase.”

  He raised my hands to his lips and kissed them. “I do. I will.”

  “I’m hungry.”

  It was a lie, but I needed the subject changed.

  He nodded at something behind me. “Let her get her arse out the door, and I’ll order you the biggest stack of pancakes and bacon you’ve seen in your life.”

  I smiled, dipping my chin. He watched me intently for a few moments, and I began to feel self-conscious. “What?”

  “I like looking at you.”

  I laughed. “Why?”

  “Because you’re beautiful, and I don’t get to look at you enough. What?”

  I shook my head.

&nbs
p; “Don’t? Why?” he asks in response.

  I shrugged.

  He grinned at me. “Get used to it, babe. It’s not stopping.”

  I shook my head and sat back, forcing him to release my hands. “Get me some breakfast.”

  He gave me a small salute and got up, leaning over to kiss me before heading to the counter. Left alone, I thought back to his car. When he came back I said, “When are you getting the car sorted?”

  “It’s being towed now. Tony’s seeing to it, he knows a guy.”

  I nodded. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that would happen. Not on my street. It’s usually so quiet.”

  “It’s not the first time. Don’t worry, it’s expected with a car like that.”

  I frowned at him. “That’s not right, though, is it?”

  “It is what it is. Don’t worry about it.”

  But I did. He didn’t understand just how unusual it was for that to happen. Everyone looked out for everyone else on my street. It was a real little community. I left it, but I was determined to ask around as soon as he departed, and see if anyone had seen anything.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The month passed in the usual way, except I didn’t see quite as much of Haylie. I didn’t pry, assuming they’d returned to their previous bliss, and saved some money by not going out. Instead, I busied myself with decorating the living room, putting the saved money to better use. The final weekend of October arrived, and Jason with it. I’d left my car on the road, leaving the drive empty for his car. I heard him pull in and looked out of the window, surprised to see a black Audi A7 in place of his white i8. Not only was it a considerably cheaper car, it wasn’t as sporty.

  “Where’s your car?” I asked, opening the front door.

  He kissed me, smiled, and teased, “I’ve missed you too.”

  “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see… Never mind.”

  He looked at me for a second then cupped my cheek in his hand. “Do me a favor.”

  “What’s that?” I queried, leaning into his hand and closing my eyes.

  “Go and get ready, we have to be at the races at eight.”

  “What? You can’t drop that on me short notice. I haven’t had my hair done,” I argued, glaring at him.

  “It doesn’t need doing. You’re fine, just go and get ready to go out like we’re going for dinner.”

  I didn’t think he understood just how much effort I put into getting ready when he was due to visit. Thankfully, most of it was already done, I just didn’t have my hair styled or a face full of makeup because we weren’t supposed to be going out.

  “What are you wearing?” I asked, looking him up and down. He couldn’t go in jeans.

  “My suit is in the car. I’ll take considerably less time to get ready than you will.”

  “I don’t believe this,” I grumbled, turning and heading up the stairs. “Why the short notice?”

  “I’ll tell you in a minute,” he called out, then the front door closed.

  I went into the bedroom and started dragging hair styling paraphernalia out of the wardrobe while listening for him coming back. He was only a couple of minutes, and by the time my straighteners had heated up he was climbing the stairs. “The room looks nice. What brought that on?”

  “Boredom. Why do we have to go to the races tonight?”

  He threw his suit onto the bed and dropped a pair of polished shoes on the floor at the bedside. “I was invited. Looks like we’re being weighed up against the competition. It’s common practice, schmoozing.”

  “Why can’t Tony go?”

  “For the same reason you don’t want to, I imagine,” he speculated with a look of amusement. Then he moved across the room and bent over me, leaning his chin on my shoulder. “You can feign a headache at nine thirty and spare us if you like.”

  “I have a headache now,” I claimed with just a touch of self-pity. “I don’t like stuff dropped on me. You could have said this morning.”

  “I didn’t know this morning, Tony dropped this on me as I was driving up here.”

  I looked at him through the mirror with my brows raised. “Yeah? Where’s the suit from then?”

  “The office. I keep one up here and one at the other office. Good practice should I have an emergency schmooze to attend and no time to go home.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Fine. Did you shower?”

  He grinned at me through the mirror and kissed my cheek. “I’ll go now.”

  I took a deep breath and got on with making myself look presentable.

  “Turn it off.”

  “I can’t turn off the sun, babe.”

  “God… What time is it?” I groaned into my pillow as his arm circled my waist.

  “Eleven. You had a good night.”

  I had. It turned out the guy he was meeting had a private box or had hired one from someone for the purpose of impressing Jase. The latter seemed much more likely. That meant we had a private bar, tote facilities, and a full hot buffet laid out for the evening. I’d taken full advantage and was paying for it.

  “Oh, god. Did I embarrass you?”

  He laughed. “Not at all. He was quite taken with you.”

  I remembered. Jason had introduced me as the Admin Manager of the local branch and his girlfriend when we arrived, and I was treated as though my opinion was as important as his. “Yeah. Oh, my head…”

  “I’ll get you some painkillers. Just give me five,” he said, rolling out of bed. “Are they still in the drawer?”

  I nodded and watched him go when his phone started to ring. “Jase, phone!” I called after him, and he came back to grab it. “All right, mate? Yeah, not bad.” He conversed, moving back out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, where he rummaged in the drawer. He was still talking when he came back into the bedroom. “No, we separated. Yeah, yeah, I’ll ask her. I’m sure she’d love to. No, I’m sorry. Yeah, we’ll be there. Thanks for checking in, sorry about… No. Okay. Yeah.”

  I rolled onto my back. “What?”

  He put his phone down on my bedside table, and passed me the painkillers and a glass of water.

  “Wedding invitation. The ex must have received it, and didn’t tell me or bother to RSVP. That was the groom checking final numbers.”

  I took the pills and washed them down with the full glass of water before flopping back onto the bed. “And you’re going with her?”

  He snorted. “No, I’m taking you.”

  “Really?” It came out as a croak. I was not well.

  He climbed back into bed and held me. “Who else would I take?”

  I shrugged. “Dunno.”

  “Nat, I understand why you thought I was going to disappear earlier on, but why do you think it now? It’s been months. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I shrugged again. The truth was, I was expecting it to fall apart. I was just waiting for it to go to hell. There was no way I could be as happy as I was without something terrible happening. I was sure I could feel it creeping up.

  “Look at me.”

  I glanced up, my eyes meeting his.

  “I love you. This isn’t a fling for me, believe me. I’m in this for the long haul. I know it’s all a bit mad, but I’m working on getting some things sorted so you can come down to me occasionally. I just need some time. While this is what I want, it surprised me a bit.”

  I swallowed and nodded my head, tears welling in my eyes.

  “What’s wrong? What did I say?”

  He sounded so worried I laughed. “Nothing.”

  “Then why are you crying?”

  I buried my face in his chest. “I’m happy.”

  He kissed the top of my head as he held me close, and I wrapped my arm around his waist, savoring the feeling of being safe in his arms. Of being loved. Of being all he needed.

  I fell asleep and woke up to find Jason gone. I was feeling much better, but I was hungry, and I moved to get out of bed. “Jase?”

  There was
no answer, so I took myself to the bathroom and started the process of getting dressed.

  Back in the bedroom, I heard a car pull into the drive and tugged a shirt over my head as my phone beeped. At least I thought it was mine, until I sat on the edge of the bed, picked it up, and read the message on the screen.

  It’s date night tomorrow. I can’t wait. I’ve missed you so much x

  “Babe? Are you up?” he called as the front door closed.

  My blood ran cold. He’d done it to me again. No, this was worse. He hadn’t left me, or her. He was stringing us both along. Every hope I dared to have shattered with the sound of his voice.

  He’d been lying to me for months.

  After promising me. He’d made me believe he wouldn’t hurt me and lied about his entire life.

  The tables had turned. I was the other woman.

  I’d given him everything. I shared the darkest moments of my life with him that I hadn’t shared with anyone but Haylie, and he’d lied and cheated his way back into my life, stringing me along, telling me he was divorced.

  And Tony was in on it.

  I put the phone down where I found it and answered, “Yeah. Where have you been?”

  He ran up the stairs and appeared at the door, holding up a paper bag in one hand and two milkshakes in the other. “I went out for burgers. Not good for us, but they will help your hangover. Back in bed.”

  I didn’t move.

  “What’s up?”

  “I thought it was mine… I thought it was you…”

  He followed my gaze to the table. To his phone.

  The look on his face was one of alarm. “Who called?”

  I shook my head. “Nobody. Just a message. I read it thinking…” I choked back the tears stinging my eyes. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit there and explain myself. I needed him away from me. Trying to remain calm, I pleaded, “I’m sorry… Jase, I need you to go.”

  “No, wait. Just…” He reached for the phone and read the text on the screen. Despite my reaction, he looked relieved. He even smiled. Then he said, “Fuck… Right, I can explain.”