The Paper Daughters of Chinatown

by Heather B. Moore

  Miss Cameron’s face came into view, and she presented to Mei Lien the smallest of bundles. A baby. Mei Lien’s baby. Carefully, she took the warm bundle and pressed her lips against the baby’s damp forehead. His hair was dark, his eyes closed, and his eyelashes a perfect row. He was perfect. No matter who his father might be, she was his mother.

  “My son,” she whispered because her voice was too raw to make a sound. She had never felt so elated or so miserable at the same time. Even as she gazed down at the beautiful child in her arms, she wished that Huan Sun could have been with her.

  The girls of the mission home, who had become friends to her, filed into her room to gaze upon the tiny creature. It was only after everyone had left that Mei Lien broke down into tears. Labor pains had not brought such tears of despair, but knowing that this child might grow up fatherless was what broke through her bravery.

  When Tien Fu Wu entered her room later that day, Mei Lien handed over the baby to her.

  “I cannot do it,” Mei Lien said, her voice choked. “This baby does not deserve such a weak mother. I have no father to give him. No income to provide for him.”

  Tien Fu Wu merely took the baby and walked the room, cradling him in her arms.

  Mei Lien watched the young woman carrying the child. The calm manner. The soothing words. The guilt was crushing her like a boulder.

  “Huan Sun still hasn’t returned,” Mei Lien said in a stilted voice. “What if he changed his mind? Or what if he’s . . . dead?” She swallowed back a rising sob. “I should leave here. I don’t deserve your care and goodness. I have nothing to offer in return. I am nothing.”

  Tien Fu Wu sat on the single chair in the room. Her dark eyes focused on Mei Lien. “I used to think I was nothing. But Miss Culbertson kept believing in me. Then Yuen Qui was always kind, no matter what. And finally, Miss Cameron trusted me. Because of that, I know that you have a home here. And your son will too. Once he’s old enough for school, we will find a place to educate him. No matter who his father is, or if he never knows a father, he still has a mother and many, many aunties.”

  “Miss Cameron will not kick me out for having a son?”

  “No.” Tien Fu Wu’s smile was soft. “You are both family here. If Lo Mo can put up with me, housing you is no problem.”

  Mei Lien watched the remarkable young woman holding her child—a baby Mei Lien already loved fiercely. Her love for the child was overwhelming, making her wish that her life had been different, that he’d been born into a marriage, and that she had the ability to give him the world.

  “I don’t want to leave,” she admitted in a whisper.

  Tien Fu Wu rose from her chair and settled next to Mei Lien on the bed. Together they gazed down at the sleeping baby.

  “He will grow into a fine man,” Tien Fu Wu said softly. “With a mother as devoted as you, he can’t help but have a happy and productive life.”

  Mei Lien desperately wanted Tien Fu’s words to be true.

  “Now, you must rest. Miss Cameron’s orders,” Tien Fu Wu continued. “I will walk the corridors with your baby while you sleep. When he is hungry, I’ll bring him back to you.”

  Mei Lien closed her eyes, and the last sound she heard before falling into a warm sleep was Tien Fu Wu humming softly to her little boy.

  “Kindness and peace had a soothing effect at first, but later brooding over her sorrows and worries, and possessed by a fierce jealousy, fits of despair seemed to possess [Chow Kum]. The climax came one day when she tried to jump from a window with the little girl in her arms. After that she had to be taken away from the Home.”

  —Donaldina Cameron, mission home report on Chow Kum

  1904

  Dolly stepped off the train into the midmorning sunlight of a hot August day. She had arrived in Philadelphia at last, nearly a week late. Today she would see Charles Bazatas. She could hardly believe it had been nearly four years since she had seen the man with whom she hoped to build a future.

  The weeks and months and years had passed, one after the other, and still they were living on opposite ends of the United States. Anticipation simmered in Dolly as she thought about what it might be like to see Charles after all this time. She was older, he was older, they were both wiser. Perhaps.

  Charles’s letters were always full of enthusiasm for his work, and Dolly replied in kind with briefer summaries of hers. In truth, the last few years had been hard. She thought of the girls and women who had left the mission home—some of their own accord, others by a judge’s ruling to return to their “uncles” or “grandfathers,” still others being deported.

  Girls moving on, girls arriving, babies being born, and still . . . Mei Lien waiting for Huan Sun to return. Her baby boy was now a few months old, and he was a delightful child. Just thinking about him brought a smile to Dolly’s face.

  And Tien . . . Dolly already missed the young woman who had grown from a defiant child to a clever woman. Dolly depended on her more and more, and Tien was up to the task, acting as a staunch defender of victims and a willing aide to Dolly. Tien now went on all the rescues, and it was because of her skills that Dolly felt she could take a sabbatical.

  Dolly was thirty-five years old now and had been at the mission home for nine years. She had never taken more than a short vacation. Her work was her life, and she loved it, but exhaustion had set in of late. She couldn’t forget how Miss Culbertson had never taken a break and had quite literally died days after a forced retirement. With the board’s permission and encouragement, Dolly was on furlough to travel to the East, then to visit Scotland and see her sister she had never met. Her parents had left her oldest sister in Scotland to offer their grandmother some comfort when they moved the rest of the family to New Zealand.

  After seeing her sister, Dolly would finally travel to China for the first time. She had been assured that the mission home would be in good hands under the direction of Wilmina Wheeler as temporary director, housekeeper Frances Thompson, and of course their young and fierce interpreter Tien.

  This journey back east was sorely needed. Not only did Dolly need the break, but she knew that she had to see Charles and decide on their future once and for all. Yet her heart was now divided between relief from setting aside the demands of the mission home and loneliness from missing her daughters.

  She had visited one of her Chinese daughters in Minnesota, followed by a visit with a friend to the mission cause who convinced Dolly to stay several extra days at her lodge on Lake Minnetonka. It was a lovely and peaceful time, and she felt more than prepared to finally see Charles again.

  The Philadelphia train platform was busy with people coming and going, finding their luggage, calling out to friends and family, and sorting out their transportation.

  Dolly didn’t know where to look first, so she headed for the porter to retrieve her modest trunk. Once she had it in hand, she hefted it toward the ticket office. She should have been more specific as to where to meet Charles. He could be only feet away from her, but it was hard to pick out anyone in such a thick crowd.

  “Donaldina Cameron!” a voice called.

  His voice seemed to lift her feet from the ground with elation. She turned and searched for any sight of him. At first, she didn’t see him, but then a tall, blond man came into view as a family shuffled past with a crying baby.

  Charles was the same, yet different, too. Even though he had a hat on, she could see that his hair was much shorter. Gone were the waves. Had he grown taller, too? Or had she forgotten what it was like to look up into his deep green eyes?

  His smile was broad, and warmth swelled her heart. She laughed as he drew her into a tight hug in front of everyone on the platform. It had been so long since she’d felt his arms about her that she was sure she was dreaming. The best dream imaginable.

  She closed her eyes, the echo of her heartbeat the only thing she could hear now as
she breathed in everything that was Charles. He smelled of sunshine and musk and leather.

  When he drew away, an inexplicable sense of sadness descended upon her. That didn’t make sense. She had been waiting forever for this day, and she should feel only joy. Yet, it was as if a fierce battle was going on inside her heart as pure happiness warred with piercing sorrow.

  Dolly pushed back her confusing emotions and smiled at Charles. “You found me.”

  His grin nearly split his face. “I found you.” As his eyes scanned her features, she felt self-conscious. It had been nearly four years. Of course, she had changed. The silver through her hair had multiplied, and the fine lines about her mouth and eyes had deepened.

  Charles himself looked thinner, his face more angular, but he was still a beautiful man. Full of light and cheer.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.” Charles grasped her hand. “In my city.”

  Her heart pinged at the way he said “my city” so easily. Did he now consider Philadelphia his permanent home? “I’m sorry for the delay,” she said. “I had really planned to spend more time here with you, but my ship for Liverpool leaves tonight.”

  “I understand,” he said, and although she saw the flicker of disappointment in his eyes, his smile didn’t falter. “You will have a wonderful reunion with your sister. I can’t believe you’ve never met her.”

  Dolly nodded. “I suppose my parents didn’t want to leave my grandmother completely without a grandchild when they took the entire family to New Zealand.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.” He looked down at the trunk next to her. “Now, is this your only trunk?”

  “Yes, I packed light,” she said. “Although I might have to purchase a carpetbag once I’m overseas, since I’ll be buying souvenirs.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Charles picked up the trunk with ease. “Are you hungry?”

  “Yes,” Dolly admitted. “The train fare was slim.” She didn’t add that she’d been too anxious to eat.

  “Great,” he said with a wink. “We’ll take your trunk to the pier and leave it with the office.”

  “All right.” She was already regretting that she had less than a day to spend with Charles after being apart for so long.

  “Then we’ll go eat at a place nearby before I take you on the grand tour,” he continued.

  “The grand tour, hmm?” Dolly said, unable to stop her smile.

  It was refreshing to be with Charles and to bask in his cheerfulness. His letters had been wonderful, but they were not nearly the same as speaking to him in person.

  Charles hailed a buggy, and soon they arrived at the wharf, where they deposited her trunk at the harbor office.

  Dolly took the opportunity to visit the powder room there. She gazed in the mirror for several long seconds. Charles was surely growing impatient, though she couldn’t imagine him doing so. He was the definition of patience, as proven by his tenure in the seminary here. How could she jump into his life for such a short time, then leave him behind again?

  She touched her cheeks. Her eyes were too bright, her lips a hesitant line, her pulse rapid. Why was she feeling this conflicted? Why couldn’t she go outside and spend a carefree day with him? But the questions plagued her mind. What were his intentions toward her? Did they have a future together? Would he ask her to marry him, to move out here? Would he return to California?

  Would she say yes?

  Dolly dropped her hands, then turned away from the mirror. She had delayed long enough. It was time to be with Charles, and she could only hope that the answers would come while she was there. She exited the powder room and walked down the corridor that led past the office where they’d checked in her trunk to go aboard the steamer Merion.

  When she stepped outside the office, she saw Charles speaking to the porter. Charles didn’t see her at first. He had no trouble chatting with anyone whom he happened to cross paths with. When he turned, the smile that lit his face made her doubts flee.

  At that moment, if she hadn’t completely understood before, she knew that Charles Bazatas was in love with her. He was at her side in a few strides, and he offered his arm like the perfect gentleman that he was.

  “Hello, darling,” he said. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.” She returned his smile. She could do this; she could be happy.

  Dolly felt like she was floating as they walked along the street. The heart of Philadelphia was charming. The architecture of the towering buildings was beautiful, and the wide streets gave buggies, wagons, and horses plenty of room to navigate. Compared to San Francisco, the lack of Chinese population was noticeable.

  They walked a short distance to a charming Italian café. It appeared that Charles was a regular here, because the waiter made a big deal out of his bringing a date, calling Dolly “Charlie’s special woman.”

  After they placed their orders, Charles leaned across the table. “Did you hear what he said? You’re my special woman.”

  “I heard,” Dolly said. “Does that mean I’m the first woman you’ve brought here?” She meant it as a tease, but his brows pulled together.

  “You’re the only woman I would take anywhere, Dolly,” he said. “Do you think I’m seeing other women?”

  “No.” A slow burn spread across her cheeks. “And even if you were, it’s not as if . . . I mean, we haven’t seen each other in years.”

  Charles’s frown remained. “I thought I made myself clear before I left San Francisco.”

  Dolly could only nod. He’d said some sweet things, yes, and now she felt guilty about being petty. He had never given her cause to believe he wasn’t completely loyal to her. Except . . . for the years and space that divided them. Perhaps the distance had bothered her more than she’d allowed herself to admit. Or perhaps the emotional buildup to this time and place of being with him again had made her thoughts unreasonable.

  “Dolly.” He reached across the table for her hand.

  She let him take it, and the warmth of his fingers was like a gentle caress to her troubled heart.

  “You are everything to me, darling.”

  And she believed him because she didn’t think his green eyes could lie, and in them, she saw only earnest truth. Yet, shouldn’t being “everything” to someone mean that they lived in the same city, or at least the same state? Didn’t it mean that vows would be made and lives fully shared?

  She had to ask; she was ready to ask. “So how much longer will we be apart?”

  “Two years at the most,” he said. “Then I’ll be fully qualified.”

  She tried not to let her disappointment show or her eyes swim with tears. She took a sip of her water to keep the trembling in her heart at bay. It didn’t work.

  “Look,” he continued. “After our meal, I want to show you something, and I think you’ll enjoy the walk.”

  What else could she do but agree? He hadn’t proposed or anything, but perhaps this was the best he could do right now, under their circumstances.

  The waiter brought their steaming pasta, and they spent the next several moments enjoying their meals. Dolly was soon full, and while she waited for Charles to finish, she told him of the latest events at the mission home. His attention was rapt, as usual, and he asked many questions about the rescued girls.

  Despite the heavy disappointment of his two years pronouncement, she loved discussing events with Charles. He was always so interested and complimentary. She couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the appreciative gleam in his eyes when she told him of her more daring rescues and close calls with court cases.

  Once Charles had paid the bill, they walked out of the restaurant. He placed her hand on his arm, and they headed along the wide sidewalk. A soft breeze had kicked up, and clouds meandered across the vast blue sky. They walked along Market Street, and the bustle of the citi
zens and various shops was a distraction for a while. Philadelphia felt open and wide compared to San Francisco. She caught sight of a couple of Chinese men walking briskly on the other side of the street.

  Charles noticed her diverted attention. “We have a Chinatown here, much smaller than in San Francisco, you know. We could visit?”

  “No,” Dolly said immediately. She couldn’t allow any attachments to form here, more than she already had in Charles. Her plans were set, starting with the steamer departure tonight. But it did give her more to consider. Living in Philadelphia wouldn’t mean she would have to be cut off from a Chinese community. It just wouldn’t be her community.

  After leaving Market Street, they walked along a quieter road until they reached an apartment building that was three stories high. The dark red brick was elegant, the rows of windows tall and stately, and the building was topped by soaring flags that seemed to rise to the sky.

  Charles brought her to a gentle stop and peered up at the upper stories. “What do you think?”

  “It’s a beautiful building,” Dolly said. “Do you live here?”

  “Not yet.” He glanced down at her. “But I’d like to. The apartments have two to three rooms, large enough for a family starting out.”

  Dolly met his gaze, and he smiled that smile that always tugged her heart.

  She should have been warmed through, but instead, the clouds seemed to darken overhead, casting a temporary shadow upon them.

  “Surely you know that I intend to marry you, Dolly,” Charles said. “We both have callings in life, but I believe we can be even stronger together.” He squeezed her hand as it rested on his arm.

  Yes. This was what she wanted: his declaration. Although it hadn’t exactly been a proposal, his intentions were clear. Did this mean that in two years they would marry?

  “How is your family?” he asked, and she welcomed the change of subject.

  She told him about her siblings, their spouses, and their children.

  Next, he talked about his family who lived close to Jessie. Yet, as they spoke of their families, she felt another pang in her heart. In two years, she would be thirty-seven. Would she ever have a family like they were speaking of?