by Blair Grey
Still, I knew I was going to have to figure something out. I wasn’t stupid. I knew this was only going to go on for so long before something broke. She was going to find out about the drugs. Unless Jett was able to change what we were doing to make money, it was only a matter of time.
I’d have to have an answer for her when she did, too. I couldn’t act like I had no idea. As tempting as it was, I knew I’d have to face the facts.
“Should we be getting back?” I asked. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah, I guess we better head back before my mother decides Chad kidnapped me or something,” Alexis said with a sigh. I could have stayed out with her all night, but I could sense she was feeling agitated, and I wanted to make it better for her if I could.
“Alright,” I said. I headed back to my bike and sat down, letting her take her time crawling onto the back.
“I just can’t wait to get out of here,” she said again.
I nodded, though it wasn’t a nod of agreement. In fact, there really wasn’t anything for me to say. I knew she had strong opinions, and I had a feeling it would be hard to change her mind about any of them. But, I wasn’t going to tell her I was happy for her or that I hoped she got out soon, too.
I didn’t want her to leave. I knew that. As hard as it was for me to admit it, even to myself, I didn’t want to think about what life would be like when she was gone. It was happening, and from what she said, it would happen in a matter of a few months.
But, I wasn’t sure I wanted to let her go – ever. I knew I didn’t have a say in the matter, and she would make the choice to do what she felt was best for her.
Still, if there was something I could do that would change her mind – anything I could do that would change her mind, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wanted her to stay, and I wasn’t going to give up my life with the MC, either.
Right now, I wasn’t sure how I would bring those two things together, but I knew if I was smart about it, I would find a way. I’d have to. I wasn’t going to give up my life with my family. That sure as Hell would never happen no matter what.
But, I didn’t want to give up my life with this woman, either. Or, rather, the potential for that life.
With a sigh, I started the engine, and we pulled out of the turnout and back onto the road. I’d take her home, and I would try to convince myself I was fine the rest of the night.
But my mind was spinning.
Chapter 12
Alexis
The ride back to my place seemed to go a lot faster than the rest of the riding we’d done that afternoon. Of course, Blade took me right home, instead of weaving in and out of all the back roads like he had before. But, I felt like it had more to do with the fact I didn’t want to go home or see my mother or brother than anything.
I felt good about the conversation I’d had with Blade. I was able to tell him more about how I felt and what I wanted in life, and though he still didn’t offer a lot of his own perspective, he did listen to what I had to say without judgment, which felt good.
I was sure he felt the same way about drugs and those who trafficked them. Hell, I’d even heard there were MCs out there that were dedicated to making sure drugs stayed off the streets.
While I didn’t know if Blade was part of anything like that, I did hope he was. After all, how could anyone feel differently than I did? Only the people who were real losers in life didn’t care about drugs or what they did to people, I thought.
Blade was different than practically anyone else I’d met in this place. I felt good about spending time with him. I realized there wasn’t a lot I knew about him, but that didn’t change the fact that I respected him. I knew he respected me, as well.
That was clear by the way he would step in and make sure I was doing okay. He took care of me. He barely knew me, but he was willing to step in and interrupt anything that didn’t look like it was going well.
But, I couldn’t spend all my time with him, and now that we were back in front of our houses, it was time for us to part ways.
“Thanks again for the ride,” I said. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“I’d say you are,” Blade replied. “You’re the one who stopped me from catching up with your brother.”
“Chad’s rough around the edges, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t deserve to die,” I said with a shrug. “And, with the look you had on your face, I didn’t think it would end well for him if you were to get tangled up together.”
“It wouldn’t have. I didn’t take too kindly to how he was treating you earlier, and I better not see that happen again, or I’m going to step in. I’m not going to put up with that kind of behavior toward women – I don’t care who it is,” Blade said.
“It’s not going to happen again, trust me,” I promised. “I’m going to do my best to get along with both of them, and when this is over, I’m going to move on and get out of here. I know all three of us are counting down the days until that happens. None of us want me here, and I’m not going to overstay my welcome.”
“As long as you’re okay, I’m okay. But don’t stick around in that house if it gets dangerous for you,” Blade said.
“He’s my brother; he’s not going to do anything. Trust me,” I got off the bike and headed for the house, refusing to look back at Blade as I did so. I was grateful for him bringing me back home, and I was even more grateful to him for caring about me enough to tell me what he thought. But, that didn’t change my situation.
I was living in this house for the next few months whether I liked it or not, and he was just going to have to accept that.
Hell, I did, and I was the one who had to go through with it.
Of course, I would have much preferred to be staying in my own place, but it just hadn’t worked out that way. I was making the most of the situation as it happened. There wasn’t any other choice.
I walked through the door, hoping to find the house empty enough for me to get to my room before someone appeared. Since my mother and brother never went anywhere, they were usually in the living room when I got home, which made it hard for me to get by.
I was glad to see my mother was absent, but I’d hardly pulled the front door closed behind me when Chad was all over me once more.
“So glad you had your fuck buddy from next door come to your rescue. Maybe next time, you can tell him to start pulling some weight around here if he’s going to use you like a whore,” he said.
“What do you care who I sleep with?” I asked. “It’s none of your business.”
“I don’t care,” he replied. “I just find it rather hypocritical of you, that’s all.”
“How so? I’m a grown woman. I can sleep with whoever I want,” I replied.
“Of course, you can,” he said. “But I would think someone who got out of town because they were so horrified by the filth that lives here wouldn’t want to get herself tangled up with the people in town who spread the garbage to the filth.”
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about me, and you don’t know anything about Blade,” I replied. “You stopped knowing anything about my life the day you decided you were too mature or whatever to be my brother.”
“You were the one who ran away to go to school and prove you were better than anyone else in the family,” he said with a laugh. “You’re just pissed that I had the loyalty to stay with Mom when you had to prove you were just too good for us.”
“I wasn’t proving anything,” I replied. “I was doing my best to be a functioning member of society. I wanted to help the world and the people who’re in it. You are the ones who chose not to do anything with your lives but lie around here and waste what you have.”
“Now who can’t judge,” he laughed.
“Can you stop making these vague comments and just tell me what you’re talking about?” I asked. “I’m too tired to try to figure it out, and I’ve got more work to do in my room. Just tell me what you think you’re ri
ght about or fuck off.”
“I think you’re being a slut, for one,” he started.
“I thought you didn’t care who I slept with,” I reminded him.
“And, I think you’re getting yourself in over your head with this one,” he continued, ignoring my comment.
“You don’t know anything about him,” I said again.
“I know he’s part of that Steel Wings MC,” Chad continued.
“That means nothing to either one of us, you know that,” I remarked.
“What does make a difference to me is that you get the Hell out of here as soon as possible. I don’t want your high and mighty ass prancing around here and looking down on the rest of us any more than you have to be here. And, if I had my way, I wouldn’t even let you stay with us. You really shouldn’t deserve to after what you did.”
“Well, it wasn’t your choice, and trust me, I’m not going to be here a second longer than I have to be. As soon as the contract is up with the company, and as soon as I’m able to get that certification signed, I’m going to turn my back on this town and never glance behind me,” I smiled. “You’re going to be rid of me for good.”
“You have no idea how happy that makes me.” Chad leaned against the doorframe. “But it’s not going to happen if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and stop getting involved with people who are the very definition of what you claim to hate.”
“Again, you don’t know anything about Blade. I’m not going to sit here and keep saying it to you like I’m a broken record!” I snapped. “I’m free to hang out with and sleep with and date anyone I want. It’s none of your business what I’m doing with Blade, and it’s none of your business how long I’m going to do it. I told you, I’m leaving at the end of the contract. And when that happens, you’re never going to see me again.”
Before he had the chance to reply, I turned and headed back toward the stairs. I wasn’t going to stand in the kitchen and argue with him.
Granted, I wasn’t entirely sure what Blade did all the time, either. Hell, I had no clue what the man did for a living, but I told myself it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to be in this for the long run.
As soon as I was done with my obligations to the company, I was heading out of town for good. So, it really didn’t matter to me what Blade did. Not only that, I was sure Chad was lying. After all, I had said a lot about drugs and how I felt about those who sold them today, and Blade never said a word.
I was sure if he had anything to do with selling, he would have said something to let me know. I knew he was rough around the edges, but he didn’t strike me as the sort of guy who would keep that information from me.
No, I was sure Chad was just trying to cause more trouble for me. It was just the sort of thing he would do. He didn’t want me to be happy. He’d made that clear more than once in my life.
Even now, all he wanted was for me to get out of town – not because he wanted what was best for me, but because he didn’t want to deal with me. I would let him think what he wanted, that wasn’t going to change what I did with my life.
I was only here for a short period of time, and I would make the best of it.
Thanks to Blade, I wanted to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t know what I would do without him, regardless of what Chad was trying to instill in my mind.
I was an adult, and I could make my own decisions. Whatever Chad was trying to do, it wasn’t going to work. He didn’t have any say over me or what I did, and I knew he had to be making it up just to cause more problems for me.
No, Blade wasn’t involved in drugs or anything else my brother did. Blade was a good guy living in this Hellhole, and it really was as simple as that.
And, that’s all I would let myself think about.
Chapter 13
Blade
“What’s the matter with you? You got someone watching?” Jett asked when I didn’t answer his first question because I was lost in thought.
“Sorry, no,” I said.
“What the Hell are you so distracted for? Since when do I have to worry whether there’s something going on with you?” he prodded.
“You don’t, I’m fine,” I retorted.
“You look fine on the outside, but again, you’re always on it. But today, you’re not. Makes me wonder if you’ve got something you’re not sharing? You know we can take care of it if there’s a problem, but it’s better to bring it out in the open now before it becomes a thing,” he said.
“It’s nothing, I’m fine!” I snapped.
“Good, then pull your head out of your ass and get it back in the game. You need to focus,” Jett said. I sighed. I knew he was right. I was being distracted, and that was a good way to get us in serious trouble.
And, there was a plethora of reasons why I could be distracted, which is why Jett was so upset with the fact that I was. If I’d had and sort of interaction with the cops for any reason, that could be enough to put the entire club on their radar.
It wasn’t a secret we engaged in illegal activities, and though the cops weren’t always able to catch us in the act and thus we were able to be on the streets, that didn’t mean they weren’t keeping their eyes on us as much as possible.
The last thing Jett wanted was to deal with more shit because of these drugs. He had recently almost lost his old lady because of a war that nearly broke out with another MC over drug territory, and we were still tense because of it.
Not to mention, it didn’t help we were working to run tonight with another MC. It wasn’t often we would use the help of others in the area, but there were certain times when it was just easier that way. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it wasn’t my call to make.
As long as Jett was the one coordinating who we were working with, it came down to me to pull it off. He didn’t like using the others any more than I did, and it showed. But, he was bound to, getting the best deals and doing what was right for the club, too.
Still, considering the fact we would be working with another MC, Jett was also tense. It wasn’t just an easy run. No, this was a lot more stressful than what we normally did, and we were all feeling it. Still, we all knew it was his father who made the rules, and those were the rules we all swore to abide by.
Jett could be as tense as he pleased. That didn’t change the fact he was the president of the MC, and as such he was the one who had to make this happen. He had us by his side to make it work as smoothly as possible, but even that wasn’t enough to ease the tension he had inside him.
Hell, there were times he, too, had to grapple with the storm that continued inside him. He was his father’s son, but he was his own person, too, and able to have his own opinions on what we were doing with our inventory and sales.
But, he was stuck doing the work of the club, and that meant we were making the run.
There was no way in Hell I could tell him what was really on my mind. He would lose his shit on me if he knew the whole reason I was feeling uneasy about this run was because of this girl I’d been seeing. Sure, I could blame him for moving me into a house and her moving in next door, but I knew that wouldn’t hold any weight.
If he had to deal with this despite the fact he didn’t want to because of Callie, then there was no way he would even tolerate talk about me not wanting to do it because of how I felt about Alexis – and how she felt about the drugs.
Not to mention, there was a part of me that wasn’t entirely sure I was on board with how Alexis thought. Sure, she might have a reason to resent her mother and what her mother had done when she was growing up, but that wasn’t the same thing as what we did.
The MC sold the drugs. We might traffic them from one location to another, passing them from dealer to dealer, or we might be the one selling them to the people directly.
There wasn’t ever a set code that we followed, and we would often do what would bring in the best pay. There were times we’d strike drug deals for the sake of new territory or better standing with other MCs in t
he area, but there were also times when we were doing it for financial reasons.
In my mind, what we were doing was a lot different than what her mother had done – or any other loser who stuck a needle in his arm or snorted a line off a table.
We might be moving drugs one way or the other, but we weren’t making people use them. We weren’t the ones who destroyed lives.
We had to make a living, and if that meant we were going to do it with drugs, then so be it. My loyalty was to the club first and foremost. I had made that promise when I joined, and I would stick with it until the day I died. It didn’t matter what I felt for Alexis or anyone else.
A promise was a promise, and I meant to keep my promise. I wasn’t about to be the one who betrayed my brethren, just like I knew they weren’t going to betray me. Anyone who even acted as though they couldn’t handle the pressure or the demands of the club were questioned, if not completely stripped of the right to be in the club in the first place.
And, that was one thing I couldn’t live with. This was my family. These were my boys. I would do anything for them, just as I knew they would do anything for me. I knew it would be hard dealing with the fact Alexis wasn’t on board with what we were doing, but then, she didn’t need to know.
I might find a way to tell her at some point, but she’d made it clear to me and everyone who asked that she was leaving, which meant she didn’t need to know, either. I always lived my life under the assumption what someone didn’t know couldn’t hurt them, which was part of the reason I wasn’t going to tell Jett what was going on.
There was no point to make him wonder if I was having a tough time knowing where my loyalty belonged. No, it was with the club, and that’s all that mattered. I never would betray them, and I wasn’t about to let anyone come between me and what I would do for them.
That was the first rule of the club, and we all stood by it.
But that didn’t stop me from daydreaming about Alexis all day.