Of Birds and Beagles

by Leslie O'Kane

  “You had a lot in common.” I rolled the ball again. “Russ and I....” Doppler intercepted it, trotting it back to me with his tail wagging triumphantly. I tossed it over Pavlov’s head. “Sometimes it feels like the only thing we have in common is our lack of height. And our office space. Which we’ll no longer share.”

  “You’re both energetic and active. You’re both intelligent, nice people. You both want to have kids someday.”

  I glared at her and pushed the ball off my lap, gesturing that the game was over. Both dogs promptly trotted to their beds next to Sage.

  “You asked Russell if he wanted to have kids?”

  She shrugged. “I was nosey. But I like him so much. He’s such a good man. He’s got such character, and quiet strength.”

  “He’s also way less proactive than I am. And he doesn’t communicate well. Whenever he doesn’t know what he should say to me, he doesn’t say anything at all.”

  “Maybe that’s because of his past dating history. Think of how rough it must have been to date Kelsey. Judging from what you’ve told me, she sounds like a narcissist. Heaven only knows what he saw in her. Well, other than her looks.”

  The phone rang again, and Mom went to look at the caller ID. “It’s Tracy,” she said, bringing me the still-ringing handset. “Remember what the police said. Don’t talk to her about the murder.”

  I answered. “It’s me,” Tracy said. “You’re not answering your cell phone.”

  “I’m at my mom’s...obviously.”

  “Can I come see you? Please? I need to talk to you, Allie. I’m a chief suspect in a murder investigation.”

  My mom was watching me, hands on her hips. “Of course, Tracy. Come right over.”

  Chapter 12

  “Allie!” my mom cried the instant I ended the call. “What are you doing?”

  “The police told me not to speak to her until they had the chance to interview her first. They already did. She’s a prime suspect. But I’m sure she’s innocent.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You already told me that. I just...really don’t want to see you getting caught up in another murder case.”

  “Neither do I, but Tracy’s a good friend of mine. And she’s in trouble and needs to vent to someone.”

  Although Pavlov, Sage, and Doppler had perked up when Mom scolded me, they now settled back onto their dog beds in the corner of the living room. Mom followed me into the kitchen. I started rummaging through the refrigerator and grabbed a small bowl of leftovers from the chicken dinner. I popped that into the microwave. That of course awakened the dogs, who were now standing in the doorway, pretending not to watch me so that they couldn’t be accused of begging for food.

  “Whatever Tracy asks me about, I don’t want to make the Kelsey-Tracy feud even worse,” I said, mostly thinking outloud. “I’m not going to tell her that Kelsey’s the one who told the police that she could have killed Shirley.”

  Mom grimaced. “I don’t want to let Tracy think I’m privy to any knowledge about any of this. I’m just going to make myself scarce. I’ll be in my bedroom, reading, though, in case you need anything.”

  Mom patted her thigh, and Sage, her adorable collie, trotted after her, wagging his tail. By virtue of their beautiful, loving acceptance, dogs are forever showing us how to live in the moment.

  * * *

  It only took Tracy half an hour to arrive from wherever she’d been when she called. She was understandably a jumble of nerves. After Pavlov and Doppler tried in vain to get Tracy’s attention, I told them to go lie down. They quickly complied. They’d undoubtedly fall back to sleep in a few moments. I told Tracy upfront that I’d found Shirley Thorpe’s body. That had been news to her; the investigating officers who’d spoken to her had not said anything about how the victim’s body had been discovered.

  “Did you ever even meet Shirley?” I asked, after I’d coaxed Tracy to take a seat in the comfy chair adjacent to my favorite spot on the sofa. “She lived in the house next to Kelsey.”

  “The police asked me that, too. And no, we never met, but she was staring at me when I pulled into Kelsey’s driveway. She watched me go into her house. I was too upset to even notice if she was still in her front yard when I left.”

  “But you didn’t talk to her?”

  “Not a word. I just wish I could say the same about Kelsey. We had an argument. I...kind of forced my way in. After she tried to shut the door in my face. We had a really bad...skirmish. I saw the rifle or shotgun or whatever in the corner and I just—” She lifted both arms, then let them drop to her sides as if in resignation.

  “You just what? Tried to leave the house with it?”

  “No, Allie. I’m not that stupid! Kelsey snarled at me that she had a gun, and I needed to get out of her house before I forced her to defend herself. So...I went over and picked it up and said, ‘Now I have a gun’.”

  I gaped at her. “Oh, my God, Tracy! I’m sorry, but that was incredibly...” I let my voice fade.

  “Stupid. Yes, I know. I realized that the instant the words were out of my mouth. But I didn’t think the gun was even loaded. I mean, there were four bullets on top of the end table, right next to the gun. So...I don’t know. I just assumed it was empty. Wouldn’t you?”

  I spread my arms a little, not able to put myself in her shoes when she was talking about something I’d never do in a million years.

  “She immediately grabbed her phone and called the police,” Tracy added. “It was too late to take back my words, so I decided my best recourse was to get the hell out of there. I set the gun down precisely where I’d found it, and I left without another word.”

  I took a moment to let my relief sink in, but I was still flabbergasted at Tracy’s story. She cut an intimidating figure with her sturdy frame, look-at-me colorful hair, and brazen personality. “And now the police think you killed Shirley because your fingerprints are on the murder weapon?”

  “Exactly.”

  “But you had no motive.”

  She gestured with one hand as if in hopeless frustration. “They think that I came back into the house and shot Shirley by mistake, thinking she was Kelsey. I pointed out that the two women looked nothing alike, but they think I just, like, assumed it was going to be Kelsey in Kelsey’s bedroom and shot before thinking.”

  “Geez. I’m so sorry, Tracy. That’s terrible.”

  “I know. It is. And Kelsey is, of course, fueling the police’s suspicion. The cop who was grilling me at the stationhouse told me that she described me as ‘out-of-her-skull with rage.’ And that it was like being trapped in her house with a mama bear. That I was a raving lunatic, and she was scared for her own life.”

  “Did you give her any cause to think that? Other than, well, wielding her gun?” I had a sinking feeling that I’d asked an inane question. Who the hell wouldn’t be scared half to death if someone they were arguing with picked up a gun?

  Tracy, however, was shaking her head.

  “I talked to my lawyer, and he referred me to a criminal attorney he knows. Much as I hate to fork over money for something I didn’t do, the police made me so nervous I decided it was foolish not to retain somebody. If only for my own peace of mind.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but glad you made such a smart decision.” I paused, knowing my curiosity about how she’d gotten herself into this jam could exacerbate her turmoil. “Can I ask...why did you go to her house in the first place?”

  She shrugged. “I just let my temper get the better of my judgment. The bitch called me while I was on the air this morning...during a commercial break...like that wasn’t calculated precisely so that I’d flub up when I got back on the air after hanging up with her?” Her voice was rife with sarcasm. “She told me that she wasn’t willing to give me a dime more than my bill to the vet at the Pets show. She had the audacity to call my visit to Bailey’s regular vet yesterday ‘overkill,’ and said it was ‘on me.’ She demanded that I mail her a copy of the receipt for stitching up
Bailey’s bite-wound from her vicious bird, and said she’d mail me the check. And that I was lucky to get even that much from her after I’d slandered her over the radio.”

  Tracy was looking ashen. We wound up letting Pavlov and Doppler into the back yard while we continued our conversation on the stoop a few moments later.

  “Kelsey was being bitchy,” I said. Anybody in your shoes would be livid. Still. You made a big mistake by going over to her house.”

  “No shit, Sherlock. But it’s not like I could have guessed someone in her house would get killed right after our argument.”

  “True. And I must have missed you by just a few minutes.”

  “Well, but that’s my point. That’s my alibi. Or, at least it should be, if only the police were being reasonable. I wasn’t there. I left her house and never returned. The police seem to think I just drove around the corner, waiting until I saw her leave, and then broke into her house to...I don’t know...steal her blind or something. And that I’d taken the rifle into her bedroom because I was going to steal that, along with her jewelry.”

  “They must think you were taking her stuff in payment for what she owed you for what Magoo did to Bailey,” I said, thinking out loud. Truth be told, I could envision Tracy doing precisely that, along with leaving Kelsey a note to inform Kelsey that she’d get her possessions back only after reimbursing Bailey’s veterinarian expenses.

  “Which is not what I did, in case you’re wondering.” She led the way back inside the house. “Supposedly, she went for a jog,” Tracy continued. “And while she was gone, Shirley crawled in through her dog door.”

  “Yeah, that’s how I got in, too,” I replied. “It was propped open a couple of inches, and there was a trail of acorns on the steps, which Kelsey probably put there.”

  “Why would anybody try to lure squirrels into her house?”

  “Shirley treated squirrels like pets. Kelsey was feuding with her and might have been trying to lure them inside so she could poison them. But, I really think it’s more likely that Shirley staged the whole thing. Yesterday I noticed a brick in her yard that’s designed to encourage dogs to go right near it. In other words, the thing smells like urine. Someone moved the brick inside Kelsey’s house. That sounds like a nasty practical joke, something Kelsey’s ex-boyfriend might have done, or maybe Shirley. So, maybe Malcolm—her ex—or Shirley was trying to set up Kelsey for animal-cruelty charges.”

  “But, still,” Tracy said, “Kelsey could have shot Shirley, thinking it was me who’d broken into her house to threaten her, and was lurking in her bedroom.”

  “And then headed out merrily for a jog? Why wouldn’t she have called the police and invoked the make-my-day self-defense law?”

  “Maybe she panicked. Or maybe Shirley’s husband was having an affair with Kelsey, and somehow Shirley got shot when she caught them in the act.”

  “Shirley’s not married.”

  “She isn’t? She had a nice-looking man with white hair there, when I first arrived. I assumed they were husband and wife.”

  “No, that was probably Frank, who does handyman volunteer work. She lets the house get overrun with squirrels, and they cause lots of damage by nibbling on wires.”

  “Whatever. I just hope the police realize that he could have followed the woman into Kelsey’s house and shot her. For reasons of his own. That makes more sense than the idea that I sneaked into Kelsey’s house and shot some poor woman who startled me.”

  I opened my mouth to object that Frank wasn’t in Boulder when he’d called me to tell me about Toofroo being missing. But I stopped myself. He’d called on his cell phone. I had only his word that he was in Longmont at the time.

  Chapter 13

  The next afternoon, I was really glad that I’d already taken care of two of my appointments yesterday, so that I’d had such a short workday. It was nice to know that I could spend the rest of the day at home in Berthoud to decompress. Maybe if I took the dogs for a walk I could stop my thoughts from drifting to Russ in Seattle and blot the sight of Shirley’s lifeless body out of my mind’s eye.

  As I neared the driveway, I was surprised to see a white Subaru in front of Mom’s house. A moment later, I remembered having seen this car in Shirley’s driveway and realized that Frank Zeller must be here, paying Mom a visit. After sleeping on it, I’d decided that Tracy had been grasping at straws. Frank was no more guilty of killing Shirley than I was.

  Just then Mom and Frank came outside. He was chuckling at something she’d said. They made an adorable couple. At once, my mood brightened. So what if I’d failed at love? Maybe by suggesting that Frank meet my mother, I had helped Cupid to aim his arrow! Granted, that was a bit like being named Miss Congeniality after withdrawing from the pageant, but it still gladdened my heart to think that maybe I’d evened out some cosmic scale in love’s lost-and-found column. I waved and parked my car in the garage.

  “Hi, Frank,” I said, as I emerged from the garage. “How are you?”

  “Oh, good. I tightened the loose wire in the lamp by your back door.” He returned his attention to my mother. “And I should be able to pick up the parts this afternoon, so I can replace that pesky outlet in your kitchen tomorrow or the following day.”

  “Excellent, Frank,” Mom replied. “That’s nice of you.”

  “Yes, it is,” I seconded. Especially considering that Mom had never said a word to me about anything being wrong with the kitchen outlets.

  “I’m so glad you could come up to Berthoud,” I said to Frank.

  “My pleasure,” he replied. “I’ve replaced a fair number of electric sockets in my day. I’ve become something of an expert on them. Plus on getting rid of hairballs. It’s tricky, because the instructions sometimes look like they’re upside down. For the, uh, outlet, not the hairball, that is.”

  Mom widened her eyes at me, and I realized I was sporting too big of a grin for the subject of hairballs. “That’s great of you to help us out like this, Frank. Maybe you could—” I stopped, distracted and unpleasantly surprised to see that Kelsey Minerva was just now pulling into our driveway. “It’s Kelsey,” I said to my mother.

  “Why would she be coming up here?”

  “No idea.”

  Kelsey got out of her car and headed toward us, smiling. “I’m sorry to barge in on you out of the blue, Allie. I’m sort of...drifting today. The police booted me out of my house, since it’s a crime scene. I’m lucky that the hotel allows pets. So anyway, I was visiting a friend up here, and thought I’d drop by for a minute. With all the terrible trauma yesterday, we parted company on such a bad note.”

  That was an understatement. But I had a hard time believing she cared one whit about our relationship. Maybe she’d driven up to my house because she’d failed to find Russ at the office or his condo and hoped he was here. “How did you know where I lived?”

  “There aren’t many Babcocks in Berthoud.”

  Frank and Kelsey looked at each other. My mom, I noticed, was glaring at Kelsey and had crossed her arms.

  “Hello, again,” Frank said to Kelsey. “How odd to run into you in Berthoud.”

  She nodded. “You’re Shirley’s maintenance man.”

  “Name’s Frank Zeller. Also known as Frank the Fix-it Man.” He held out his hand, which she shook. “I did have to make quite a few calls at Shirley’s. She was a good, kind-hearted person.”

  “And I’m Linda, Allida’s mother.” Mom gave a slight smile but did not offer her hand.

  Kelsey’s eyes darted from me to her and back, and she smirked as if amused about the six-inch difference in our heights. “Yeah,” she then said to Frank. “I noticed you were always at Shirley’s. I heard a rumor that she left you her house in her will.”

  Frank stiffened. “Well, I don’t know who told you that. Or why.”

  “I bumped into her twin sister outside the police station this morning. It freaked me out. I didn’t know she had a twin. We chatted for a while.”

  “Did
she adopt Shirley’s Dachshund, do you know?” I asked.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, she did.”

  While I was breathing a sigh of relief, Kelsey narrowed her eyes at Frank and added, “Apparently, she felt lucky to get any of Shirley’s possessions whatsoever.”

  Frank ignored Kelsey’s nasty innuendo and turned toward my mother. “A police officer called me last night. They’d been searching Shirley’s house for possible clues. Seems that Shirley had crossed out her sister’s name on a will that she kept on her desk and wrote in my name. Without saying a word to me about it. According to the sister, they’d recently had an argument. Hopefully, the change in the will won’t be legal. The sister of course deserves the house. All I know about her is she lives in Colorado Springs. But I volunteer for these fix-it jobs to keep myself busy. I don’t want to be compensated financially. I already have a nice house in North Boulder.”

  Kelsey let out a derisive laugh, which caused all of us to glare at her. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound cynical. It’s just that you were certainly acting real proprietary around Shirley two days ago.”

  Frank’s demeanor grew sterner. “You mean when I came into your yard to make peace before someone got shot?”

  “I was just cleaning my gun, for heaven’s sake!”

  “You brought it outside to flaunt the fact that you had a gun.”

  “Because Shirley was being so belligerent toward Magoo! If I hadn’t shown her I meant business, there’s no telling where she was going to draw the line.”

  “You threatened Shirley Thorpe with a gun?” Mom asked Kelsey in a near shriek.

  “No! She threatened me, berating me nonstop over the fence. Eventually, I went inside and got my gun and sat down to clean it. Frank came marching over and snatched it away from me.”

  “I didn’t snatch it from you. You stood up, and it slid off your lap.”

  “Because I was startled that you’d barged into my yard.”

  “So I picked up your rifle and asked you to put it away in a locked cabinet, out of Shirley’s sight, permanently. You’d shaken her up terribly. She was trembling like a leaf!”