Of Birds and Beagles

by Leslie O'Kane

  “Maybe it’s a good thing that Magoo barks, after all,” I said.

  “Hey! That could be a new business venture for you, Allie,” Kelsey said. “Renting out your German shepherd.” She shifted her focus and stared into Russ’s eyes. “To women who suddenly find themselves scared to be alone. And in need of protection.”

  “That would be disruptive to the guard dog,” I said. “By the time the dog adjusted to who’s okay and who isn’t in one household, he’d be sent to his next gig. In some ways, a barking parrot truly is a better protector.”

  “Yet another idea whose time has not come.” She snorted and said, “Although you should be sure to share my idea with Baxter. He’s welcome to steal that idea, since you’ve already given it a thumbs-down.”

  “What other idea are you talking about?” I asked.

  “He stole my doghouse-within-a-doghouse concept,” Kelsey answered. “That was originally mine. And that’s one of the reasons I’m here. I want to patent it before he does.”

  “So you’re asking Russ how to file for a patent?” I asked, alarmed at the entire premise.

  “Oh, right,” she replied. “That, too. But I wanted to make sure you can be my witness, Russ. Remember how we were talking to Baxter after those stupid mobsters broke up Allie’s presentation? The women who kept shouting at me, I mean?”

  “Yes, but I don’t remember anything about...nested doghouses,” Russ replied.

  “Sure, you do,” she cried. “You made some remark about getting in the doghouse with Allie. And I said to Baxter, ‘Someone should spruce up ugly dog carriers so that they look like cute little ‘doghouses.’ Then I said, ‘You could make them like those Russian nesting dolls, so the roof of the doghouse outside had a hinge on one side, and you could set the smaller dog-carrier house right inside the actual doghouse.’ Remember?”

  “That’s not true.” Russ was starting to lose patience with Kelsey, although I doubted she was picking up on his subtle signals—the slight lowering of his voice and the tension in his posture. “What actually took place is that you joked that I was in the doghouse with Allie. And then you said that, if Pavlov was smaller, I could put him in a carrier and stick him, carrier and all, inside a doghouse in the back yard, where all dogs belong.”

  I bristled at Kelsey’s nerve to chide Russ over being in my doghouse, but managed to hold my tongue. Largely because I was much more annoyed at Russ, for obviously telling Kelsey about Baxter’s idea.

  “Well, the gist is the same,” Kelsey retorted. “And, in any case, it’s still my bright idea that Baxter stole from me.”

  “No, it really isn’t,” Russ said. “You were clearly being facetious. You can’t turn around now and claim it was a credible, patentable idea that you were considering marketing.”

  “But you yourself just got through telling me that you’d noticed how Baxter’s eyes widened a little when I’d said that.”

  “I noticed that after the fact, because Baxter told us that he was already having prototypes built. And that he’s applying for a patent,” Russell said. “Which he has every right to do, regardless of whether or not he got the idea from someone else’s snide remark.”

  “I was being witty, not snide. And he can’t get a patent. It’s my idea.”

  That was the last straw. “Russell, Baxter told me about this in confidence!”

  He looked at me in surprise. “I was standing right there, so...there was no expectation of privacy.”

  “There was, too! From both of us! Yet you think legality is what’s upsetting me?” I fired back.

  “I certainly didn’t mean to start an argument between you two,” Kelsey said, her voice rife with phony concern that, for me, announced clearly that she couldn’t be happier at my distress. “Actually my original purpose in coming here was for the opposite reason. I realize now that you’re on the fence about even staying in the area, what with the fabulous job offer in Seattle. But I wanted to see if you two wanted to have first dibs on purchasing my house. Before I put it up on the market.”

  I blurted out, “That wouldn’t be a good idea,” just as Russ was saying, “That might be worth considering.” We stood there staring at each other’s facial expressions and said, “What?” simultaneously.

  “I meant a couple of months down the line.” Russ averted his gaze, then shifted his focus to Kelsey. “But, Allie’s right, actually. You need to let some time pass before you make such a drastic decision. It’s only been three days since the murder. You only just now got back into your house. Even so, your house is too close to the university for us. And Allie wouldn’t be able to open a kennel there.”

  Kelsey rolled her eyes. “You’re probably right.”

  “Doesn’t your home-owner’s insurance cover another couple of days at a Residence Inn, or someplace?” I asked, wondering about the timing of her supposed offer; she already knew we’d say no. Although Russ’s ‘maybe’ had been inexplicable.

  “Oh, it covers the hotel bill,” Kelsey answered. “And as far as they’re concerned, that’s precisely what I’m doing. I needed the cash, though.”

  “You’re making fraudulent charges to your insurance company?” I asked.

  “They barely amounted to a thing after my deductible. I suppose you think I should give that money to your friend, to Tracy True-it-ain’t.”

  “As a matter of fact, that would be a decent and prudent thing to do, all things considered.”

  She rose. “Well, I’ll certainly take that under advisement, Allie. Nice seeing you, Rusty. And Allie.”

  “Bye, Kelsey,” Russ said, getting to his feet and rounding his desk.

  She spun around on her heel and headed out the door. Just as she started up the steps, she returned and marched over to the trash can beside my desk. She pitched her cup in it and said, “Bye.”

  This time she left for real. Russ and I stared at each other for a long moment. “Look, Allie, that wasn’t nearly as bad as it must have sounded,” Russ said.

  “Oh? And how was it supposed to sound to me?”

  “I wasn’t talking about you behind your back, or anything. I merely shared the news about my job offer.”

  “And you let her joke about me and our relationship. Then you repeated something that you knew Baxter had said to me in confidence. Which could only have arisen if you were talking to her about my relationship with Baxter.”

  “Only because she asked me about you and Baxter.”

  Surprised and still annoyed, I arched an eyebrow.

  “She said that you and Baxter obviously hit it off. I didn’t want to turn it into a thing, so I said the first innocuous topic I could think of, which happened to be how he was designing dog carriers and doghouses. So that she would think your relationship with him is strictly professional.”

  “It is strictly professional. So she didn’t need to think that; she just needed to be told that. By you. As opposed to your statements encouraging her to think that I’m stepping out on you.”

  “I don’t think that’s what I did. But even so, I don’t see the difference. She was going to draw her own conclusions either way.”

  “Would you like it if our positions were reversed? If I was talking to Baxter about your job interview in Seattle and about your relationship with Kelsey?”

  He pondered the question for a moment. “I don’t know how close of a comparison that really is. But, point taken. I wouldn’t like it. But I didn’t realize you were jealous of Kelsey. I’ll let her know she should stop dropping by our office uninvited.”

  “Fine. Although that doesn’t fix the troubles you’ve made for Baxter. Now he has someone trying to interfere with his patent. For his invention.”

  “I didn’t do that intentionally. I never could have guessed Kelsey was going to think it was her idea.”

  “Maybe you’re letting your past relationship with her cloud your judgment. It seems clear to me she’s manipulative and truly unstable. If anyone is capable of shooting someone in her own ho
me, then acting like she’s been inconvenienced by its messiness, she is.”

  Russ sighed. “Maybe so. For what it’s worth, they’re undoubtedly both on the police list for prime suspects. Kelsey and Tracy, I mean. Along with Malcolm.” His tone of voice turned venomous at Malcolm’s name. “He’s such a jerk. All brawn and no brain. An owner of a Doberman, of all things. She went for my polar opposite when we broke up. He’s got to be a prime suspect in the eyes of the police.”

  Chapter 16

  At the thought of Shirley’s death, my anger at Russell evaporated. I sat down on my comfy-but-ugly light-brown futon against the wall of Russ’s office and tucked my feet up. “Jana told me Malcolm rented a room from Kelsey after they’d broken up for a while. Several months ago.”

  “Really?” Russ replied. “That’s odd. I guess he might have only moved in several months ago. But they were dating right after the two of us broke up. She told me back then about his having a dog.”

  “Huh. Jana told me that Malcolm met her when he answered Kelsey’s Craigslist ad and she basically threw herself at him.”

  Russ was already shaking his head. “That’s not true. Kelsey called me and told me about Malcolm no more than six months after we’d broken up...so about eighteen months ago. My hunch is, Jana doesn’t know that he was two-timing her with Kelsey.”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me. It was pretty obvious that Jana had jealousy issues over how meaningful Malcolm’s and Kelsey’s relationship really was. And Malcolm said something the other day about Kelsey having deliberately messed up his relationship with Jana. More importantly, though, Jana told me that Kelsey used to get violent toward Malcolm.”

  I studied Russ’s features. He showed no reaction.

  “You’re not surprised?”

  “No, but there can be a wide range in people’s definition of violent.”

  “Tell me yours.”

  He rotated my chrome-and-molded-plastic chair near my desk so that it faced me and took a seat. “It’s just sad, really. I feel sorry for her. Kelsey seemed off-kilter to me, almost from when we first met. A therapist I knew who was friends with both of us thought she had borderline personality disorder. She could get completely out of control when people deserted her. Ironically, she’d lose her temper and actually drive people away, only to get hysterical that they abandoned her. I always tried my best to treat her with compassion. I don’t think she could help being the way she was. So, yeah, that didn’t start with Malcolm. She punched me, too, a couple of times. That was the final straw. I packed up and left on the spot. She promised me afterward that she was getting therapy, though.”

  By the time Russ finished his brief narrative, I was sitting bolt upright on the edge of the futon. “Good Lord, Russ! Maybe she really did kill Shirley.”

  “I still can’t imagine that,” Russ said, shaking his head. “She had some temper tantrums, like I said, that drove people away. She’d complain how unfair whatever you were doing was to her. Including that you made her feel bad by feeling bad yourself. But she would never have gotten into a violent rage with a neighbor that she didn’t like. She wouldn’t have cared enough about Shirley to waste that much energy on her.”

  “But maybe she felt like she’d been driven to the edge of a cliff by Malcolm leaving her, and then realizing that you weren’t coming back to her either. Maybe Shirley sneaked into her house to search for proof that she was poisoning squirrels, or something, and Kelsey snapped.”

  “I guess that’s...remotely possible.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?”

  “I guess I should have, Allie.” He grimaced. “The honest-to-God truth is I just wanted to forget her. I’m happier that way. And up until we both went on the group climb a couple of weeks ago, I hadn’t seen her once...in two years.”

  I rose and started pacing. “You should really share this information with the police.”

  “It’s not relevant information, Allie. Is it? I mean, all I know is that, a couple of years ago, the owner of a house that recently turned into a murder scene started hitting me when I told her I was leaving her. Now, if Malcolm had been the victim, I’d have called the police the instant I heard about his death. But a neighbor who squabbled with her about squirrels? That’s too big of a stretch.”

  I rifled through the top drawer in my desk and found the card Sergeant Neustrom had given me. I jotted his name and number on a piece of scrap paper. “Here,” I said, handing the information to Russ. “That’s the police sergeant who interviewed me...and Kelsey, too, at the murder scene. Just tell him exactly what you just told me. If it’s nothing, he’ll treat it like nothing and ignore it. But on the chance that it’s corroborating evidence, and Kelsey’s guilty, you’ll have done your civic duty.”

  “Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Frankly, it’s lucky I can prove I was in Seattle at the time. Otherwise, the police would think: So here’s the boyfriend of the woman who discovered the body at his former-girlfriend’s home. Maybe he shot the neighbor to stop her from blabbing to his girlfriend that he was two-timing her.”

  “For that matter, I’m not completely in the clear. I was alone when Frank called me. Although I’m sure the police already checked his and my phone records to validate the call.” I paused. “Which reminds me. I want to ask Frank where he was when he called to ask me to go over to help Shirley find her dog.”

  “I can see why you’re curious who killed Shirley, Allie. Still. It’s not up to you to solve the murder.”

  “I know that,” I snapped, not wanting any kind of a lecture this evening.

  “Sorry. You got all caught up in that mess with the squabbling neighbors and your client getting killed and everything several months ago, and I’d hate to see that happen again.”

  “My mom said the same thing the other day. I’d prefer not to have gotten involved myself. But now that I am, I do want to be absolutely certain that the man I set up to date my mother isn’t a homicidal maniac.”

  Russ peered at me, clearly taken a little aback. “I can see that. It’s nice that you were looking out for your mom’s best interests, when you played matchmaker.”

  “Not to mention my caring that I haven’t set her up with a killer.”

  “Goes without saying.” He seemed hesitant, standing still in front of me, as if unsure whether or not he should go make my suggested call to the police. “Are we okay, Allie?”

  Not knowing how to answer, I just stared at him for several moments.

  Russ broke the silence first. “We’ve been having a lengthy conversation about Kelsey and whether or not she has it in her to be a cold-blooded killer. Now we’re talking about some guy I’ve never met who you fixed up with your mom. I get the feeling that we’re both dodging the issue that’s on both of our minds.”

  Russ was right, of course, but I felt an uncontrollable need to justify my desire to stall. “A woman I know has just been shot to death. Possibly by someone else that I know. I’m in a somber mood. This isn’t a good time for me to trust that I’m clearheaded when it comes to deciding if I should shut down my business and relocate a thousand miles away.” I searched his handsome features. “I do know, though, that I want you to stay. I’m torn. I’m proud of you for impressing Microsoft so much that they offered you a job. I think it’s really wonderful that you’ve achieved your dream.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head a little. It felt in that moment as if the air had been sucked out of the room. “My dream was to meet someone like you,” he said quietly.

  I couldn’t respond. I wasn’t sure I could speak with such a big lump in my throat.

  “Do you want me to turn the job down?”

  I grimaced. I knew he was going to ask me that question. “If I’m being honest, I want you to want to turn it down...but not to turn down your ‘dream job’ because of me. I don’t want you to resent me for costing you the job. Or, for that matter, to have to worry that you resent me, even if you’re claiming you do
n’t.”

  He took a deep breath, but gave no reply. Apparently it was my time to suffer through a lack of response.

  Patience has never been my long suit. “Again, I don’t want you to leave. I’m just not ready to commit to moving halfway across the country, Russ. I’m sorry, but I’m not. I need to know for sure that we can live together happily with my dogs. Maybe I’ll feel differently in another couple of months. If this had happened a year or so from now, I’m sure I’d know what to do without hesitation. I’d probably be packing for the northwest. Stocking up on raincoats.”

  “I guess we’re going to have to leave it at that, for now?” He sighed.

  “I think so. I love you, Russ.”

  “I love you more,” he replied. He sounded really downcast and looked on the verge of tears. Russell pivoted and started heading into his office. “Hey, I have that pile of laundry to get to, and I’m jet-lagged. If you don’t mind, I think we should fly solo tonight, okay?” He didn’t look at me once while he spoke.

  “Okay.”

  I decided to take Russell’s tacit request to let him be alone for a while to process my statements. I wanted to own a house with Russell and go to bed with him beside me every night. I did. I wanted that without the slightest kernel of doubt. It’s just that I also wanted a dog or two at the foot of that bed. And that was never going to change. The realization hurt me so badly that I wanted to curl up on the floor and sob my eyes out.

  What hurt the worst is that the person I wanted to tell my troubles to, even now, at this very moment, was Russell himself.

  He packed his things quickly. I packed mine slowly. We both said, “Good night,” to the other.

  I was going to have to settle for my second choice of a shoulder to cry on—my mother. In that sense, it was lucky for me to be in Boulder now, as opposed to Seattle.