by Nikki Ash
Day or night.
Whenever she needs me.
Instead of fighting it, she leans into my arms and allows me to comfort her.
It takes a few glasses of wine, but eventually Em actually starts to laugh. My mom sent me a video of Hollis eating a giant spoonful of icing. You can hear her in the background telling him that he's supposed to put it on the cake, not eat it, but he doesn't care. He happily shoves the spoon in his mouth and smiles at the camera with icing all around his lips.
“You do know he's never going to sleep tonight, right?” Em wincing.
I chuckle and toss my phone onto the coffee table. “Her fault. Who gives a four-year-old a tub of icing right before bedtime?”
“Fair point.” She plays with the rim of her glass, staring at the wine like it's the most amazing thing she's ever seen. “Is it weird that I miss him already?”
“No,” I answer immediately. “Not at all, because I do, too. But I'm also enjoying this.”
Emery finally looks up at me and I can see the wonder dancing in her eyes. “You are?”
My brows furrow. “Aren't you?”
“I am,” she assures me. “That's not what I meant. I just figured you were only hanging around all the time for Hollis.”
“You mean, our son who goes to bed by seven every night?” I tease. “Sounds logical.”
She throws her head back and giggles. “Harland.”
“No, no,” I press with a smile. “It makes total sense that I would spend the entire evening here because of a kid who goes to sleep before the sun goes down.”
“Well, I don't know.” She reaches over and puts her glass on the coffee table, but I'm stuck on the way she licks the excess wine off of her lips.
“Don't you, though?”
Our gazes lock, and it's like neither one of us can look away. I can see the way her chest rises and falls with every breath, but her attention stays on me. Reaching forward, I tuck a stray hair behind her ear and a blush coats her cheeks.
“H,” she whispers.
My hand lingers there, on the side of her face. I know I should stop. I should pull my hand away and move to the other side of the damn room, but tell that to my body that won't seem to listen. We both lean in slowly, but before I let myself have what I've been craving for months, I press my forehead against hers. After everything that happened tonight, I worry she's too vulnerable right now to realize what she's doing.
“If we do this, if we cross this line, there's no going back for me. I need you to know that,” I tell her. “I don't want secret hookups in the dark. I don't want to hide it from my family. If we do this, it's real. I can't handle it being anything less.”
She stares back at me with both fear and clarity. “Good, because I can't either.”
Her words are all I need to close the gap, pressing my lips to hers in a kiss that's nearly five years overdue. As her fingers lace into my hair and her tongue tangles with my own, I can't help but think about how this is what I should've been doing since the night Hollis was conceived. I never should have run scared. I never should have chosen Lindsey.
It's always been her.
I growl under my breath as I try to get through the crowd. I woke up this morning with an extra pep in my step. After connecting with Em last night, I couldn't be in a better mood. Granted, I have what is probably the worst case of blue balls I've ever had, but it was worth it. We made out for hours and then fell asleep with her exactly where she belongs—wrapped in my arms.
When I left her apartment, she was still sound asleep. I left a note on the nightstand letting her know that I was going for coffee and to pick up Hollis and that I'd be back. What I didn't expect, however, was for someone to notice me while inside the coffee shop. By the time I walked out, there was a whole mob of fans and photographers. A mob I'm still trying to get through.
“Harland!” a girl screams in my ear. “Oh my God! I love you so much. Can I get a picture?”
“Sure, love.”
I pose for a few pictures, hoping it will make them happy enough to give me space to get through. Flashes from paparazzi cameras come from all directions while they shout questions at me.
How do you feel about your failed engagement?
When is the band going back on tour?
The fans want to know, is there any hope for you and Lindsey to get back together?
After what she did? No.
After the night I just spent with Emery? Fuck no.
I push through the crowd and finally make it to my car. Thankfully, they all have enough sense to move out of the way so I don't hit them, but I know I'm far from safe when I see a couple of the pushier photographers jump into their cars to follow me.
Great.
Reaching to pull my phone from my pocket, I try to call the police. Usually they'll pull them over for reckless driving. However, my phone is completely dead.
I'm on my own.
It takes an extra half-hour for me to lose them, turning down side streets and alleyways that only a local would know. I finally pull up to my house long after the time I had hoped. Emery is bound to be awake by now.
I climb out of my car and head for the door when a familiar voice meets my ears.
“Hey, H.”
Stopping in my tracks, I throw my head back and groan. “Today is really not my fucking day.”
I stand there for a second and hope she'll go away, but if I've learned anything about this girl over the last eleven years, it's that she's like a bad fucking rash. She'll stand there for as long as it takes, and if I don't talk to her, it'll be worse.
“What the hell are you doing here, Lindsey?” I ask as I turn around.
She looks down at the ground and then back up to me, trying to be flirty. “I've missed you.”
I snort. “That's rich.”
My eyes rake over her, and I genuinely wonder what I ever saw in her. Her makeup is caked on, as if she can hide the ugly inside. Her clothes cling to her body, seeming two sizes too small, and she has her shirt pulled down so low that her tits are almost spilling from it. If she thinks that's going to win me back, it's not. She doesn't hold a candle to the girl I woke up next to this morning.
“Go home, Linds.”
She starts to scowl but quickly masks it over with a smirk. “I am home, Harland. You're my home.”
I shake my head. “No. Your actual home, or whatever dude's bed you've been sleeping in the last couple months.”
“Oh, come on. You don't mean that.”
“I sure as shit do. I don't want you here.”
She takes a step closer and runs her index finger down my torso. “I'm sure I can think of a part of you that does.”
Stepping back, I cringe at the thought of sex with her. “Cut it out. It's not cute, it's desperate, and that isn't a good look on you.”
That seems to strike a nerve, because she drops the innocent act. “When are you going to just forgive me? You and I both know we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. That guy didn't mean a thing to me.”
“That's what you think this is about?” I all but shout. “You think I'm mad because you cheated?”
“Yeah. What else would you be mad about?”
Oh my God. “You are seriously deranged, you know that? You beat the fucking shit out of yourself and then had me arrested for it! There's no going back from that.”
She rolls her eyes. “Please. You were locked up for a couple hours before I dropped the charges. Relax.”
“I shouldn't have been locked up at all!”
I know I need to drop my voice down. It's well past ten in the morning, which means Hollis is wide awake inside the house. The last thing I want is for him to hear me yelling.
Taking a deep breath, I close the gap between us so she can hear me despite the low volume. She gets the wrong idea, though, because she smiles as I get closer.
“Let me make this as clear as possible, since you obviously have an issue with understanding,” I tell
her firmly. “There is no us. No you and me. No Harland and Lindsey. It's over.”
She glances past me and rolls her eyes before running her hand through my hair. “I've always loved when you grow your hair out.”
My brows furrow. “Are you even listening to me?”
“Yes, but it's hard to focus when you look this good.”
I close my eyes for a second to contain my anger before I lose my ever-loving shit. I think about how Emery is waiting for me to come back, and how I finally have the ability to kiss her whenever I want. It's all working to calm me down, but when two lips meet my own, I'm jolted back into reality.
“The fuck?” I ask as I push her away, but a whimper behind me sends fear straight through my body.
No.
Lindsey grins deviously as I spin around to see Emery standing there. If I thought she was devastated yesterday, it doesn't compare to how hurt she looks right now.
“Em,” I plead.
She swallows, as if she's willing herself not to cry. “You weren't answering your phone. I got worried.”
Lindsey wraps her arm around mine. “Oops, sorry. Old habits and all that.”
What the fuck? Her tone is sickeningly sweet, in an evil kind of way, and I watch as they hit their intended target because Emery winces.
“Wait, no. It's not...This isn't...”
But she doesn't care to hear anything I have to say. She shakes her head and runs into the house. As I go to follow her, Lindsey steps in front of me.
“Get out of my way.”
She puts her hands on my chest. “No. Being with her is a bad idea.”
“Bad idea?” I snarl. “Being with you for so long was the worst idea of my life. Get the fuck out of my way!”
Rolling her eyes, she steps to the side. “Fine.”
I start to rush past her, but her next words stop me dead.
“But imagine how the press will eat you two alive when they find out she hid your son from you for years.”
My whole body goes cold. “How the fuck do you know about my son?”
She opens and closes her mouth before coming up with an excuse. “Your sister told me.”
“Bullshit!” I roar. “My sister fucking hates you.”
“That's not true.”
I'm not interested in any more of her lies. “How long have you known I have a son?” She sighs and reaches for me, but I dodge her. “How fucking long, Lindsey?”
“She would have ruined everything,” she says, and the last bit of respect I had for her vanishes in an instant. “I was protecting you. Your career. Your fame. Your success. None of it would have happened if I didn't step in and do what I did.”
“Un-fucking-believable.” I feel like I'm going to vomit, or maybe commit murder if she doesn't get out of my face fast enough. “All you have ever done for me is ruin my life. Now fucking leave before I show you what it would really feel like if I abused you.”
The door opens behind me, and I see Emery walking out with Hollis. He waves at me happily, but she doesn't let go of his hand, marching quickly back to her car.
“Em!” I call. “Emery, please. You have to listen to me. Nothing happened.”
She doesn't answer and instead robotically puts Hollis in the car and buckles his seatbelt.
“Babe, I wouldn't do that to you.”
Shutting the car door, she turns to glare at me. “Really? You wouldn't?” she growls, shoving her finger into the center of my chest. “Do you not remember the morning after our son was conceived? Because this is that all fucking over again.”
I shake my head, feeling my chest tighten almost to the point where I can't breathe. “No. I swear this isn't like that. It's not the same.”
She laughs, but there's not even a trace of humor in it. “Really? Because it looks exactly like that.”
Taking her face in my hands, she tries to pull away, but I won't let her. I need her to listen to me.
“Emery, please,” I beg. “I meant every word of what I said last night.”
For a second, it looks like she's actually starting to calm down. I wipe the tears from her cheeks and feel relief flood through me as she grabs my wrists, but it's gone the second she pulls my hands away.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t trust you.”
I stand there, frozen in place as I watch her climb into her car and drive away—leaving me with my broken heart in my hands.
Chapter Nine
Emery
Sobs wrack through me as I drive through town. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to calm down. I only get a couple blocks away before tears blur my vision so bad, I need to pull over. If I were by myself, I might chance it, but with Hollis in the car, I won’t.
I knew better. I knew how bad he broke my heart five years ago, and I still let him back in. I fucking knew better!
“Mommy?” Hollis asks. “You okay, Mommy?”
Using the backs of my hands, I quickly wipe away the tears and put my brave face on. “I'm fine, baby.”
“Did Hawlan make you sad?”
It's adorable how sweet he is, but the last thing I want is for him to think negatively of his dad, even if I think he's a lying fucking pig.
I shake my head and look at him through the rearview mirror. “No, honey. Harland didn't make me sad. I'm okay.”
By the grace of God, he takes the excuse and goes back to playing with his iPad. And me? I shove my emotions to the side. They'll have to wait until later, because my son needs me.
I sit on the couch in a mess of self-pity and heartache. It’s pathetic, really. Even I would make fun of me. Thankfully, Hollis has been pretty into his toys, so he hasn't paid much attention to the way I keep tearing up.
Out of all of it, the part that sucks the most is that the one person I would talk to about it, doesn't want to hear a single word from me. I texted Ashlyn when I woke up this morning, but never heard anything back. Everything feels different without her. It's like she's been such a huge part of my life for so long that I don't know how to function without her. And this morning’s drama just intensifies that feeling.
Keys jingle outside the door and it opens, letting me know that Mila is here. She called me a little while ago, and I was able to play it cool for a bit, until she made a joke about Harland and I lost it. Immediately she told me she would come over as soon as she got off work.
“Can you grab me a bottle of water on your way through the kitchen, Meel?” I call.
She doesn't answer, but I hear the sound of the fridge opening, and before I know it, a water bottle falls into my lap.
“Thanks.”
I'm mid-sip when the voice that echoes through the room catches me off guard. “You look like shit.”
My head whips over to see Ashlyn standing there. I'm not sure if the sight of her makes me want to cry in relief or vomit at the thought of her still being mad at me. I mean, it's been less than twenty-four hours. Of course, she's still mad. But as I take in the sight of her, I realize that's not all. She looks just as upset as I am, and I hate knowing I'm the cause of it.
“I feel like it, too.”
She huffs out a small chuckle and walks around the couch to sit down. “Mila called me. She told me what happened.”
Fluttering my eyes closed, I try to ignore the pain in my chest. “We don't have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Talk about him. It's your brother, and I get it if that's weird for you.”
She looks down at her lap and nods. “It is, but what's even more weird is not having my best friend to talk to. I just don't know why you didn't tell me.”
“I wanted to,” I admit. “So many times, I wanted to.”
“But?”
“But I was afraid you'd hate me.” The irony isn't lost on me as I start to tear up again. “A lot of good that did me. Now you hate me even more.”
Ashlyn sighs and moves next to me, wrapping her arms around my body and pulling me close. “Em, I don't hate you. I'm really mad
at you, yes—but I don't hate you. I could never. You're my best friend.”
“You're my best friend, too,” I sob. “I thought I was doing the right thing. She said—” I stop myself. “I just thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Rewind,” she orders. “Who said what?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. It's nothing.”
“Emery.” Her voice tells me it isn't up for debate as she forces me to look at her. “No more lies. Who said what?”
Taking a deep breath, I know she's going to lose her mind when I tell her. “Lindsey.”
I feel like I'm going to throw up as I jump out of my car and run into Ashlyn's childhood home. Her mom’s car isn’t in the driveway, but Harland's is, so he must be here.
Good. He hasn't left yet.
I clutch the positive pregnancy test in my hand as I quickly make my way up the stairs and down the hall toward his room.
“Harland, I need to talk to y—”
My words are cut off as I find not Harland in his room, but Lindsey. She looks at me with pure disgust, the same way she always has. Her platinum blonde hair is perfectly straightened, and even with a scowl, she's gorgeous. It's no wonder Harland picked her. She's exactly his type.
“Can I help you?” she sneers.
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hide how upset I am. Even a two-hour car ride wasn't enough to get my emotions under control. Not after finding out that I'm pregnant. Not even two months into university, and I'm fucking pregnant.
“I was just looking for Harland.”
She gets up from the bed and comes toward me. “What do you want with Harland?”
Ugh. Of course, she's not going to tell me where he is.
“Nothing,” I lie. “Forget it. I'll just talk to him later.”
As I go to leave, she grabs my arm. “What's this?”
She yanks the pregnancy test from my hand, and her brows raise when she sees the two lines.
“He slept with you,” she breathes exasperatedly. “Of course he did.”
I take the test back, finally gaining some confidence. “It's none of your business.”