by Nikki Ash
Her expression turns evil as she smirks. “Oh, honey. That's where you're wrong. Everything involving Harland is my business.” She looks down at the test in my hands and back up. “Especially things that are going to ruin his dreams.”
“What? I'm not trying to—”
“Well obviously you're not trying to, but you will.” She looks at my stomach like the devil himself resides inside of it. “That baby will. I mean, you don't honestly think he could have it all, do you? His record label will drop the band the second they realize their lead singer knocked up some girl he's not even dating.”
I shake my head like it's going to prove her wrong. “No. They wouldn't do that.”
“Of course they would. That's just the music business, hun.” She pauses. “Unless...never mind. You're not selfless enough for that.”
“For what?”
She shrugs. “You could just keep it to yourself. I mean, he doesn't have to know.”
She can't be serious. “That's fucked up.”
“You're right, you're right,” she says with a nod and waves off the suggestion. “He deserves to know about the baby. I just hope he doesn't end up resenting you both for ruining the chance he had at the life he's always wanted.”
My stomach churns as I realize she might have a point. He's going to hate me. He might even hate our baby. Harland has everything he’s ever wanted in the palm of his hand right now, and this? This would take that all away from him.
Lindsey purses her lips and goes back over to sit on the bed. “Your choice, babe.”
Suddenly, the room feels like it's five sizes too small, and it's getting hard to breathe. I put a hand on my chest to try to ease the pain, but it doesn't work. Nothing works.
He's going to hate me.
I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from forming, but they come anyway. In a split-second decision, I turn around and run from the room. As I book it down the steps, I run right past Harland himself.
“Emery?” he asks, confused.
But I don't stop.
I can't.
Telling him would ruin his life.
It would ruin everything.
I love him too much to do that to him.
“That stupid fucking bitch,” Ashlyn fumes. “I'm going to kill her.”
She goes to get up but I grab her wrist, pulling her back onto the couch. “Don't. Please? I just...I need you here.”
Thankfully, she gives in and holds me again. I lean my head against her, feeling relieved that everything is finally out in the open, but still hating the emptiness in my chest that yearns for Harland.
“He's probably with her right now anyway.”
Her brows furrow. “Who?”
“Harland,” I say as if it's obvious. “I mean, he's not here trying to pound down my door. Where else would he be?”
She shakes her head. “I don't know, but it's definitely not with Lindsey.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because.” She shrugs. “I've seen him over the last couple months. He looked happier than he's been in a really long time, and after yesterday, I realized why. I take it he's been spending all his time here?”
I nod. “He wanted to spend time with Hollis.”
“And you,” she adds.
“No. I mean, I want to believe that. I do. But it's a losing game.” I swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “He chose her over me back then, and he'll choose her over me now. I can't put myself through that again. A future between him and me just isn't in the cards for us.”
Ashlyn hisses and slips away from me. “About that...”
My expression goes blank. “What?”
She cringes, like what she's about to say may unleash the beast. “I may have told him you were off limits.”
I roll my eyes. “And since when has Harland ever listened to you?”
“Since I pulled the Bar Harbor card.”
My jaw drops. “Ashlyn!”
When they were younger, during a trip to Bar Harbor before their parents’ divorce, Harland broke his dad's computer. He was at an age where he was acting out a lot and constantly getting in trouble, and his dad had said that one more fuck-up and he was sending him to boarding school. Knowing the computer would be the last straw, Ashlyn took the fall for him and said she broke it. In return, he promised that he would do something to make it up to her. It could be anything, no questions asked. And now I know what she used it on.
She holds her hands up in surrender. “I'm sorry! I just—I saw the way he looked at you, and I could tell he was crazy about you, but he was such a jerk all the time. I didn't want him to take you from me.”
“Ash.” I frown. “You could never lose me. It's not possible.”
“You say that, but what if he were to hurt you?”
I cuddle into her side. “Then it's a good thing I have a bad-ass best friend to get my revenge.”
She snickers. “I would, too. I don't even care.”
I'm sure she would, except she won't have to.
“Well, it won't come to that because he doesn't want me. Maybe he did at one point, who knows, but he doesn't now.”
“You don't know that,” she counters.
But I do, and I'm done getting my hopes up by letting myself think otherwise.
Chapter Ten
Harland
My fist pounds against Vance's door harshly. After a few moments it opens, and Vance stands there in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and bedhead. He looks at me like I've lost my mind, but instead of forming a logical answer for my being here, I hold up the bottle in my hand that's wrapped in a brown bag.
“I brought whiskey.”
He grunts and looks at his nonexistent watch. “It's like eight in the morning.”
I push my way inside. “It's noon, but close.”
“You couldn't have called? Given me the heads-up?”
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I show him the black screen. “It's dead, like my soul.”
I throw the device behind me and onto the couch before unscrewing the cap off of the bottle. However, just before I take a sip, Vance grabs it from me.
“Okay, drama queen,” he sighs. “How about you tell me what happened, and I'll decide if it's whiskey worthy, all right?”
Groaning, I plop down onto the couch. “What happened is I started dating a psycho nearly a decade ago, and she's made it her mission to destroy every bit of happiness in my life.”
He sighs and pours a single shot before passing it to me. “Lindsey's back.”
“Oh, she's back all right.” I swallow the shot down and wince at the taste. “She's not only back, but she managed to get rid of Emery in all of like ten minutes.”
“That doesn't sound like Em.”
“And after Emery and I finally hooked up last night, by the way.” I snort at how shitty my luck is. “But wait, it gets better.”
Pouring another shot, he slides it over to me. I tilt my head back as I let it slide down my throat. And then, I drop the same bomb on him that was dropped on me no more than a couple hours ago.
“She knew about Hollis. Like, from the beginning.”
Shock fills his face. “She didn't.”
I motion for another shot, thankful when he doesn't refuse. “Oh, she did.”
“And she never said anything?” He pauses. “Wait, how did she know but Ashlyn didn't?”
I shrug. “I don't know, and I can't even ask Emery because she won't talk to me.”
“Have you tried asking her?”
“She didn't give me a chance,” I answer. “I begged her to talk to me, but she wouldn't, and I don't blame her. I hurt her when I made the biggest mistake of my life and chose Lindsey. Then to see us together today, even if she doesn't know the full story, I can see why she hates me. Shit, I hate me.”
Vance sighs. “So, what are you going to do?”
“There's nothing I can do but give her time to cool off and then see if we can come to an agreement ab
out Hollis.” I signal for another shot, but he doesn't give me one.
Instead, he just sits there staring at me.
“I need another.”
He shakes his head. “You can't honestly be that stupid, can you?”
My bottom lip sticks out. “I didn’t come here for insults. I just want whiskey.”
“No,” he says. “Fuck no. That is not how this is fucking going down.”
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” I ask, bemused at his tone.
“You're what’s wrong with me right now, H!” he roars. “Are you forgetting that I was there all those years you used to stare at her from across the damn room? You should have made a move then, but you babbled some bullshit about a promise to your sister, so I left it alone. But Lindsey? You're really going to let Lindsey ruin this for you? You don't think she's ruined enough?”
I throw my hands in the air. “What else do you expect me to do? You didn't see how broken she looked! I can't keep doing that to her. I won't. She deserves better.”
“Don't act all noble,” he growls. “I don't know who the fuck you're trying to fool, but it sure as hell ain't me. Stop pretending like you're not taking the easy way out of this because you're scared.”
“I'm scared?” I question sarcastically.
“You're fucking terrified,” he replies. “Because while Lindsey might be a nutcase, a part of you loved her, and she screwed you over seven ways to Sunday. I'm sure seeing her today brought all of that back for you. And Emery? You feel something a million times stronger for her than you ever felt for Lindsey. So yeah, you're afraid. Afraid of letting your guard down. Afraid of letting her in. Afraid of giving her the ability to hurt you, because you don't know if you'd make it through that.”
I look down at my lap, knowing he's right, except for one thing. “I know I wouldn't.”
“What?”
“Make it through that. I wouldn't. I know that.”
He exhales and finally passes me another shot but doesn't take his hand off it until I look at him. “And how does the alternative feel? Knowing you'll just have to live without her entirely— knowing that one day you'll have to watch her move on with someone else. How's that going to go?”
I move my hand away from the shot glass, leaving the amber liquid inside. Even the thought of seeing Emery with someone else makes me feel sick to my stomach. Growing up, I was so glad she never brought a guy around. I might have snapped his neck in a jealous rage just for hugging her. And now? It might only take a handshake.
She's my childhood obsession.
The mother of my son.
The love of my fucking life.
I flop back on the couch, utterly defeated. “What do I do?” I mentally beg for him to have the answer.
He leans back, looking utterly pleased with himself. “I don't know. Stand outside her window with a boombox over your head like one of those cheesy movies. Or sing her one of the dozen songs you've written about her that you submitted under my name so Lindsey wouldn't figure it out. Whatever the fuck it is, you're not going to find it at the bottom of a shot glass.”
Knowing he's right, I stand up and head toward the door. When I notice Vance is behind me, I stop and look at him, confused.
“You just took a bunch of shots of straight whiskey,” he deadpans. “You don't honestly expect me to let you drive right now, do you?”
“Good point.”
Pulling up to Emery’s apartment building, I don't think I've ever been so nervous. Even with all the liquid courage flowing through me, I genuinely think I might vomit. Let's just hope I can manage to keep it in until after I get her to talk to me.
If I get her to talk to me.
I thank Vance and climb out of the car, stubbing out the cigarette I smoked on the way over to calm my nerves. It didn’t do as much as I had hoped, but at least it's something. With one last puff, I head for the door when I see Ashlyn step out of it.
The second she sees me, she throws her head back and chuckles. “Thank fuck you grew a pair. I was afraid I was going to have to hurt you.”
“How is she?”
She tilts her head from side to side. “Upset, but I think us talking helped a little.”
Silence encases both of us as I try to figure out what to say, but my sister speaks again before anything comes to mind.
“She loves you, H.”
To hear that coming from the girl who knows her best gives me an overwhelming sense of hope.
“I love her, too. And I'm sorry that I couldn't manage to keep my hands to myself. And I'm sorry that I broke the promise I made, but I can't stay away from her, Ash. I can't. Please don’t ask me to.”
A smile spreads across her face. “It's fine. I never should've had you make that stupid promise in the first place.”
“You were looking out for her. You’ve always looked out for her.”
She snickers. “Yeah. Keep that in the front of your mind. Just because you're my brother doesn't mean I won't cut you if you hurt her.”
“You don't have to worry about that,” I tell her honestly.
“I know.” She glances back at the apartment for a second. “You better get up there. Hollis is down for a nap, but I'm sure he'll be awake soon.”
I nod and give her a quick hug, but as I go to walk away, she stops me.
“Wait.” She takes a key off of her key ring and hands it to me. “This way she can't just refuse to let you in.”
The corners of my mouth raise. “Thanks, Ash.”
As I go inside and head up the stairs, I start to wonder what things will be like after this. If she takes me back. If she doesn't. Will I go back on tour? Would she and Hollis come with me? Would she be able to handle the pressures of dating one of Hollywood's favorite rockstars? Honestly, if I had to choose between the fame and the family, I'd pick her and Hollis without a second thought.
I slip the key into the lock and open the door. Emery's back is to me as she looks down at her phone, but she still looks incredible.
“What'd you forget?” she asks, but I don't say anything. “Ashl—”
Her words are cut off as she turns around and sees me standing there.
“I forgot to tell you that I'm in love with you.” I take a few steps toward her. “I forgot to make sure you knew how much you mean to me without a fraction of a doubt. And I forgot to tell you that getting back with Lindsey when I could have had you was the biggest mistake of my life.”
I reach my hand up and run the back of my knuckle down her cheek.
“But I won't forget any of it anymore.”
“Harland,” she breathes.
I shake my head. “It's you, Em. It was you when we were little kids building pillow forts in the living room. It was you when we started getting a little older and you would prance around the backyard in a bikini, totally oblivious to what it was doing to me. And it was you the night I finally let myself have what I had been wanting for as long as I could remember. It's always been you and it’s always going to be you.”
“But Lindsey—”
Putting a finger over her lips, I stop her. “Lindsey doesn't matter. She never has. Not like you.”
I wrap an arm around her waist and move my other hand to her cheek before bending down and pressing my forehead to hers.
“I love you, Em.”
She takes a deep breath and finally leans into my touch. “I love you, too.”
Ashlyn telling me it’s true and hearing those words come straight from her mouth are two different kinds of bliss, but neither of them are something I will ever take for granted.
In an instant, I pull her close and cover her lips with my own. The kiss is wet, made slippery by the tears that stream down her face, but perfect all the same. I reach down and grab her ass, lifting her up and sitting her on the counter to get a better angle.
As I slot myself between her legs, she grips at my back and deepens the kiss. I don't think I could control myself right now if I tried. The need I ha
ve for her is too primal to resist. I grip her hair and pull her head to the side as I start kissing down the side of her neck. The moan she lets out goes straight to my dick, and all I can think about is getting her in bed.
“Mommy!” Hollis calls, and I drop my head and groan into her shoulder as Emery laughs.
“Did my son really just cock block me?” I whine.
She moves me out of the way and jumps off the counter. “He did, but you'll get used to it. It'll happen a lot.”
“I'm hiring a fucking nanny.”
“That's fine, Casanova,” she teases and puts her hand out. “But first, we have to do something else.”
My brows furrow. “What?”
She stares at me with a raised brow and it's like I can read her mind. Hollis.
The excitement that runs through me is paired with an utter fear of rejection. I'm just not sure which one is stronger.
“What if he hates me?” I ask, but still putting my hand in hers.
She shakes her head. “Are you kidding? He could never hate you.”
“I mean, he could.”
Pulling me down the hallway, she stops outside his room. “He won't. But regardless, we'd get through it. We’re a team, remember?”
She opens the door and goes to our son, and I'm left thinking about how right she is. With her on my side, I feel like I could take on the world.
“Hey, H,” Em says softly as she sits down on Hollis’s bed. “Harland and I have something we have to tell you.”
He rubs his eyes with his little fist and then looks at his mom expectantly, still half asleep from the nap he just woke from. I calm my emotions as much as I can manage and step into the room. The second I sit beside Emery, she interlaces her fingers with mine just out of Hollis’s view.
“Do you remember the time you asked me about your dad?” she questions.
Hollis thinks for a moment then nods. “You said he’s a big rockstar and that I never got to meet him. But you lied, Mommy.”
Her brows furrow. “I lied?”
He nods again. “Aunt Mila told me that my daddy was taken by the Wicked Witch of the West, like the dog in The Wizard of Oz.”