by Nikki Ash
“She looks just like me.” His tone is deep and filled with wonder. His eyes lift slowly from the phone. “I’m so sorry. I thought we were careful. If I had known…And you’ve been doing this on your own ever since?”
“We were careful.” I shrug. Seems like a bad time to remind him condoms aren’t one hundred percent effective.
“Yo, Datson!” A guy carrying a tray of red and green shots approaches. “Pick your poison.”
My phone is handed back to me and then he takes two of each color from the tray. “Thanks, man.” He looks to me. “Want one?”
I shake my head.
Standing tall, he lets out a long breath that makes his cheeks puff out. “Is your friend coming back?”
“I’m pretty sure the bathroom was an excuse to give us privacy.”
He nods his head. “Come with me?”
I stick close to him as he heads farther into the house and to the stairway. We go up one flight and Datson unlocks a door and holds it open to let me enter first.
The court is smaller than the one they played on tonight, but even a non-sports fan like me can appreciate how cool it is that he has a freaking basketball court in his house.
He flips on a light and then walks to the middle of the court and sits down. He sets the shots out in front of him in a line.
“Sorry, this is the only place I could think of where we could have privacy outside of my bedroom. Given the circumstances, figured that was a bad idea.”
A giggle escapes me and I walk over and sit in front of him. “It’s okay. We can talk as much or as little as you want. If you need some time, I get that. I had six months to adjust to it before she was born, and I think it took three of those for it to really sink in.”
He’s taking it better than I expected. Minus the strong shots he warned me against earlier that it now looks like he’s about to consume.
“I want to know everything. I’m just figuring out what to ask first.” His fingers wrap around the first shot glass and he tosses it back. “When was she born?”
“December twenty-third. I got to bring her home on Christmas day.”
He mulls that over for a minute and then another shot is drained. “What’s she like?”
“A little shy. She loves books and car rides. She doesn’t talk much yet, but she likes when I read to her or sing along to the radio. Her favorite toy is this big stuffed cat unicorn. I bought a backup because I fear the day she loses it or it falls apart. She will seriously have a meltdown without it.”
As I talk, John relaxes a little. He leans forward listening intently and smiling occasionally. Each time I get more than a slight upturn to his lips, he catches himself and his brows furrow as if he doesn’t think smiling is acceptable in this moment.
His mannerisms are familiar, but he’s changed too. He’s not as quick to joke or laugh – whether that’s because of the situation or just him, I’m not sure.
“Can I meet her?”
I take a steadying breath. “Of course, you can.”
Chapter Four
John
“A baby?” Shaw asks, his eyebrows have disappeared into his hairline and his eyes are bugged out of his head.
“Oh my gosh!” Sydney looks just as stunned, but her version is a much happier, optimistic expression. I focus on her. “You knocked someone up?”
Or maybe not.
“Can we not phrase it like that?” I rub at my temples. Between the booze and the restless sleep, I’m already on edge and these two are not helping. “What do I do? I’m supposed to be there in an hour, and I have no idea what to wear, or bring, or do, or say, or…”
“You’re sure this chick isn’t scamming you?”
“For what?” I shake my head. “Nah. The timeline adds up, and the kid looks just like me. She suggested we do a paternity test so that everyone is comfortable, but I don’t need it to know it’s mine.”
“She,” Sydney corrects me. “Don’t call your baby an it.”
“This is so wild.” I run a hand through my damp hair. “I always wondered what happened to her. We had this crazy night together. One of those memories you pull up every so often and smile because it stands the time test.”
“What’s the time test?” Shaw asks.
“You know those moments where people or events seem great, but then in a day or a week or a year you realize it was the booze or your lack of experience or… a million other variables that alter your perception.”
They both stare at me like they have no idea what I’m talking about.
“That’s never happened to you guys.”
Shaw grins. “Dude, I was in love with a girl for two years before I got her… of course I know what you’re talking about. I’m just surprised to hear you talk like this. I didn’t realize you were carrying a torch for this chick still.”
“Still? You knew about her?” Sydney asks her boyfriend.
“Well, yeah. We were rooming together when he met her and then spent the next month trying to find her.” He dodges a playful slap from Sydney. “What? I didn’t know you freshman year.”
“I can’t believe I’m just finding this out. Some friends you guys are.”
Shaw pulls her onto his lap and kisses Sydney’s neck. “I’ll tell you the entire story. Every detail I remember.”
These two. I can’t get over them finally acting on how they feel. We all knew they were in love with each other, but I really never thought I’d see the day they figured it out and did something about it.
“First, can you tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do in…” I check my watch. “Fifty-five minutes?”
“No idea, buddy.” Shaw slaps me on the shoulder. “Congratulations, though.”
“Syd?” I ask hopefully.
“This is beyond my expertise, but I’d love to meet both of them. And we’ll be here for you every step of the way. Whatever you need.”
“You mean except now when I’m asking you to tell me what to do?”
She nods. “Sorry.”
“All right, well I have to go. Thanks for nothing,” I grumble.
“Hey, wait,” Shaw calls before I step out of the kitchen.
“Yeah?” I pause and hope like hell he’s going to provide some guidance because I’m lost here and desperately want to choose my next step carefully.
“You found her and maybe it doesn’t look like what you expected, but you have another chance. Take it. The rest will fall into place.” There’s a sincerity in his words and in his eyes. I don’t know if it’ll be as easy for me as it was him and Sydney, but he’s right about one thing – this isn’t going anything like I expected.
It’s late afternoon when I pull into the parking lot of Rylee’s apartment complex with two bags filled with baby stuff. I broke down in the middle of the store while trying to buy an outfit for Indie. I hope the unfortunate store employee that I melted down in front of, while trying to figure out the madness of eighteen month versus 2T clothes, works on commission because I bought out half the store to apologize.
I’m the oldest of four boys. My youngest brother is seven years younger than me, so I vaguely remember him being little. Mostly I remember that he got out of chores and people fawned over him a lot. Then, when he got old enough that my mother let him out of her sight, he followed me everywhere. Drove me crazy, little shithead. I’d have done anything to protect him though. Still would.
And it’s that sense of family that has me trudging up the stairs to Rylee’s apartment with determination to… I don’t know what. Whatever she needs, I guess.
Nerves set in again when I knock on the door. Surreal is the only word I can think to describe everything about this situation. Any moment now I feel like I’m going to wake up from the weirdest dream ever.
Rylee opens the door and gives me a shaky smile. “Hey. Come in.”
I follow her into the living room. She moves a rainbow-colored stuffed animal off the couch and motions for me to sit. “Indie is still napping, bu
t she should be up any minute.”
“I brought some stuff.” I set the bags on the floor in front of her and then sit next to her on the couch.
“I see that.” One of her dark brows quirks up above her glasses. I dig her in them but telling her so feels weird now. Are there rules for hitting on a chick you accidentally got pregnant?
“I didn’t know what she might need or want. Also, I have some money. Not a lot, but I can help pay for whatever she needs. Daycare, food, rent—”
“Woah.” She places a hand on my thigh, which I now realize was bouncing up and down. “We’re okay. Part of why I waited two years to come to Valley was so that I could save up enough to keep us afloat while I finish my degree. I am not expecting you to do anything except meet her and be a part of her life if you want.”
I sense that she doesn’t like the idea of me coming in and trying to take over, not that I could even if I wanted to. I wouldn’t even know where to start. “I want to be a part of her life, of course. I also want to help you anyway I can. Sorry feels like the wrong thing to say, but I am so sorry.”
An uncomfortable silence hangs between us. My leg goes back to bouncing.
“She’s usually up by now, but my parents were in town so she’s a little off schedule.”
Parents. Shit, I gotta tell my parents. “What did your parents say? Oh my god, they must think I’m the worst.”
“They were surprised, of course, but I couldn’t have done it without them.”
Guilt punches me in the gut. I have no idea how my own parents are going to react, but they’re the least of my concerns right now because a little girl cries in the next room and my heart stops as I hear my daughter for the first time.
Rylee stands. “I’ll be right back.”
I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, stand, then sit again, then stand. The living room isn’t big enough to pace, so I settle back on the couch and grab the multi-colored stuffed animal. It’s a cat, no, a unicorn. It’s a caticorn or maybe a unicat?
I’m squeezing the marshmallow textured toy and watching it expand back to size when Rylee steps out of the bedroom with Indie in her arms.
I get to my feet, but she shakes her head and speaks softly, “It’s probably better if I come to you.”
My heart’s beating so fast I worry I might have a heart attack and traumatize my kid on our first meeting. The cushion dips next to me. Her dark head of messy ringlets rests on Rylee’s shoulder with her back to me. Her limp little body clings to her mother.
“Relax, John,” Rylee says, a hint of a smile on her lips.
I do my best to uncoil the muscles that are strung up so tight I’m about to break a sweat.
Indie raises her head and looks back to me as if she’s just realized there’s someone else in the room. Those dark blue eyes lock onto mine and I stop breathing.
“Indie, this is my friend John.”
I wave awkwardly while she looks me over and then hides back in her mother’s shoulder. Rylee motions for the stuffed animal still in my hands.
“Is this yours?” I ask hesitantly. “I was trying to decide if it was a caticorn or a unicat.”
Her little head slowly turns and I hold out the toy. Rylee situates Indie so that she’s on her leg facing me and ever so carefully, my daughter reaches toward her stuffed animal and pulls it to her chest. It’s nearly as big as she is.
“Does he, or she, have a name?”
Indie doesn’t respond but talking makes me feel like I’m doing something productive, so I keep going. “I brought you a few new toys and some clothes. Do you want to see?”
I look to Rylee for approval and she nods. While I lean forward to get the bag, Indie scoots off her mother’s lap so she’s sitting between us. I pull out each item for her. She looks them over. Most end up tossed on her mother, but she holds onto the small rubber ball. I smirk over her head at Rylee.
“I also got some books. I wasn’t sure which you already had. The receipt’s buried at the bottom of the bag so you can return anything that isn’t right.”
Indie brings the ball to her shoulder and tosses it. She watches as it bounces across the floor and her little face lights up with happiness. Off the couch she goes running after it.
“Well, that seems appropriate.” Rylee laughs lightly.
“She’s beautiful.”
Rylee seems taken aback by my words, but nods. Indie brings the ball back and sets it in my lap. “Is your mommy raising a jock?” I wink at Rylee who makes a face.
It goes like this for a while. Rylee and I watching Indie play with the basketball. Eventually, she tires of it and goes to a little bookshelf lined with books of all shapes and sizes in a rainbow of colors.
“Clearly, she has your love of books. What else does she like?”
“She likes going outside for walks or to the park. We do that quite a bit.” Rylee feels her pockets and then checks the couch next to her.
“Lose something?”
“My phone. I was going to show you a picture from this morning.”
“Uhh…” I point toward Indie. Her little fingers are wrapped around the device and she swipes at the screen.
Rylee laughs, goes and gets the phone from a grinning Indie, and then settles on the couch a little closer this time. “She also likes stealing my phone.”
The first few pictures are of the ceiling and that makes me chuckle. “And taking pictures, apparently.”
Rylee flips through photographic evidence of their outing this morning.
“Those your parents?” I ask, looking at a photo of Indie and an older couple.
“Yeah.”
There must be fifty photos just from today. Some candid, some posed, one of Rylee and Indie with their faces smushed together in a selfie. That beautiful girl I dreamt about all these years grew up into this amazing woman and mother. It’s sexy as hell. But the best part is that even without knowing the specifics of what’s happened the last two years, I know my daughter has been loved. That helps me relax just a little.
“Thank you for this. For all of it. Taking care of her and loving her so hard, and for letting me in now even though I’ve been absent all this time.”
“I’m glad you know and that you’ve met her. I didn’t realize how much it was weighing on me. Guilt for not getting your name, for lying to you, for getting pregnant. I never meant to keep her from you. Although, I admit that I was worried about what would happen if I did find you. It was such a perfect night, and I was afraid I’d built you up in my mind, that you’d disappoint me and her.”
Well, shit. That feels heavy. “And now?”
“I’m not disappointed.”
Chapter Five
Rylee
The following night John comes over after practice. “Come in. She just got out of the bath. I need to find her some pajamas and then we’ve got about an hour before I usually put her to bed.”
“Sorry, I came straight over, but practice ran a little late tonight. We’ve got our first game this weekend and–” He stops abruptly, looking a little frazzled, but still as hot as sin. “Doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. Can I help somehow?”
“No. I got it. Sit. I’ll be right back.”
Indie’s still in her room where I left her. She’s naked except for her pull-up. She has the ball John got her in her lap as she flips the pages in a book on the floor in front of her.
“There’s someone here to see you, pretty girl. Which pajamas do you want to wear?” I bring her two options and let her choose.
After I help her get dressed, we walk out to the living room. John is looking down at his phone with his brows furrowed. Indie halts when she sees him and takes off back toward her room and grabs her ball with a smile.
“Well, she likes the ball,” I say with a teasing eye roll.
“It’s in her genes,” he pipes back and then goes quiet, eyes wide. “Sorry,” he whispers.
I take a seat next to him on the couch. “It’s okay. She doesn’t know what ge
nes are, and besides, I don’t plan on keeping it from her. If you’re going to be a part of her life, then she should know.”
“If?” His dark brows pull together again. I know he’s offended, but I’ve given him a lot to process.
“Let’s just take it slowly, okay? This is a lot for all of us to get used to.”
He nods. “I thought we could compare schedules and figure out times I could hang with you guys or help with Indie while you’re at school or work, if you’re comfortable with that.” There go his furrowed eyebrows again.
My heart pinches at the thought of splitting my time with Indie. I already feel guilty for the hours I’m at school.
“I don’t remember you being so grumpy,” I say, deflecting.
“Yeah. I’m trying it on for size. It’s kind of like wearing a medium shirt. I know I still look good, but it isn’t very comfortable.”
And there’s the guy I remember. Funny and a little cocky.
“That you do. Look good, I mean.” He gives me a lopsided grin that makes my stomach do somersaults. My flirting skills are rusty. Yikes. “I’ll grab my laptop.”
Turns out, John’s schedule is as nuts as mine. Between workouts, classes, and then practices and games, there aren’t a lot of hours for him to choose from.
He frowns. “I could pick her up from daycare on Wednesdays, but other than that I’m not a lot of help.”
“No, that’s great. That’ll give me an extra hour or two on campus to study. It’s been hard to fit everything in,” I admit.
He scans my face. “I can come over in the evenings and hang with her while you study, if you want? Or she could come to my place and give you some time to yourself.”
“You want to take her to The White House?”
His grin is sheepish. “It’s much calmer on the weekdays, but I’ll come here if you prefer.”
“Thank you.”
Indie brings a book to me. My girl might like her new ball, but she loves books. “Do you want us to read to you?”
She nods and climbs up between us. I spread the large picture book out onto her lap and John scoots closer to hold the other side. I sneak a glance at him and smile. The nervousness he’s displaying is charming. I can tell he wants to do right by us. I just hope he doesn’t get freaked out when he realizes just how hard it is to juggle everything. I’m barely managing right now with my classes. So much reading, which I love, but by the time I get Indie into bed at night, I’m so exhausted that it’s hard to stay awake long enough to finish everything.