by Nikki Ash
“How?” He sits back in his chair, waiting for me to make my point.
“Well, you’re sitting here right now, aren’t you? Wondering what my problems are? You won’t go tell Sandy at the co-op if I tell you, will you?”
A sharp laugh escapes his lips and hits me deep in my chest. A bright smile grows across my face at the sound. It’s been a while since I’ve made someone laugh or even felt they were happy to be in my presence.
“Touché,” he says. “And no, I won’t go tell Sandy. Now, Todd at the gas station though? He has a way of getting information out of anyone. So, if you don’t show him you’re upset, then he won’t ask me if I know anything, and we’ll be good.”
I pick up my bottle to cheers him. “You’ve got a deal.”
We both sip our drinks, not taking our eyes off of each other.
“So, what about you? Where are you from?” he asks.
“Originally about an hour from here. I’ve lived in the city for three years though.”
“Do you like it here?”
“No.” I take another sip, not even contemplating the question.
“Whoa, don’t try to fight those feelings now. Tell me how you really feel.”
I sigh as I set my drink down. “It’s not the life I thought I’d have. That’s for sure.”
“Isn’t that everyone’s life?” he asks so nonchalantly that I’m intrigued.
“Do tell. What’s different in your life than you expected?”
He crosses his arms as he thinks. “Multiple things. I’m about to graduate, and I have no job offers. And I’ve been single almost my entire time here in San Francisco.”
“You mean, you haven’t been the knight in shining armor who sweeps in to save the day of a woman drowning her sorrows in a beer and a shot?”
He lets out another deep laugh, and it lifts my spirits more than the last. “Nope. Definitely hasn’t happened … until you.”
I playfully raise my eyebrows and take another drink, letting that comment sit in the air for a second. “So, if you don’t have any job offers, will you go back home?”
“I doubt it. Not much to go back to. My mom already said she’d move wherever I landed.”
“Seriously? She’d pick up and move her life for you?”
“Yeah, she knows there’s not much work there for me. Family is everything when it’s just the two of us. I want her near me too.”
“Just the two of you? Can I ask where your dad is?”
“He died before I was born. Killed in the Gulf War.”
I suck in a sharp inhale, surprised to hear this so nonchalantly. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”
“I mean, I never met him, so …” He shrugs and takes another drink. “My mom moved back home, where they both were from. I was raised with his parents, so I know a lot about him. Over the years though, they passed as well as my mom’s mom, so now, it’s just us.”
“She never remarried?”
“Oh no.” He vehemently shakes his head. “She says he was the love of her life. I’m hoping once I get her out of there, she’ll find someone. It’s kind of hard to date in a town of twelve hundred people.”
My eyes widen. “Only twelve hundred people?”
“Yep. I told you, everyone knows everyone.”
“I’m sorry you never got to meet your dad though. I’m sure he’d be proud to see you’re becoming a doctor.”
“Yeah, it’s a weird catch-22 with that. I attend college for free because he passed in the war. Where all of my friends are in debt up to their eyeballs, I’ve only had to pay for books and my housing while I’ve been in school. I work part-time at the Lazy Bear in the Mission District, so that hasn’t been too hard.”
“That’s a fancy place to work,” I say, impressed he works at a restaurant like that.
“Yeah, pays well too. So, I guess it’s nice that I get to let his legacy live on that way.” He pauses and eyes me suspiciously. “Wait, why am I spilling my guts to you when I’m here to lend you a shoulder to lean on?”
I rest my elbow on the table, placing my chin on my hand, and move closer to him. “Because you’re way more interesting than me, and you’re helping by giving me a chance to forget my problems.”
His grin covers his face ear to ear. “Well then, glad I can help.” He raises his glass and takes another drink.
Chapter Two
“There’s no way you actually did that,” I say, slapping my hand on the table.
Travis snorts as he laughs, and it’s the cutest thing ever.
“I’m telling you, when you live in a small town, you have to get very creative when it comes to entertaining yourself. Tipping over the sheriff’s tractor seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Were you ever caught?”
He shakes his head with a huge grin on his face. “Nope. It was a big ordeal too. The city was in an uproar for weeks. They finally blamed it on some weed growers who live in the hills, thinking the sheriff must have pissed them off.”
“I can’t believe none of your friends spilled the beans.”
“Are you kidding me? We saw firsthand how much trouble we would be in. Hell no. We all stayed tight-lipped on that.”
“So then, it is possible to keep secrets in your small town,” I say with a grin, raising my eyebrows.
He flashes me a gorgeous smile. We stare at each other, and I feel that pull, that connection that’s been happening between us.
“Tell me, Travis … how have you been single the entire time you’ve been in San Francisco?”
He takes my hand that was playing with the Sierra Nevada coaster, which originally sat under our drinks. “I’ve never met someone like you.” I blush, and he continues, “I’m serious. Look at the time. Did you realize we’ve been sitting here for four hours?”
My eyes open wide. “Seriously?” I search around the bar to see no one around us.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m learning I’m not a city person. Everyone here is into big clubs or fancy dinners. Give me a barbeque and a backyard with just a few people, and that’s my kind of night. Call me a small-town boy, but the big city doesn’t really fit me, you know?”
I nod, pursing my lips. “Yes. I know exactly what you mean. I moved here three years ago, thinking it’d be exciting but it hasn’t been. I’m over not being able to find parking and then walking three blocks in the freezing cold with the wind blowing like crazy every time I’m in between the buildings.”
He laughs out loud, knowing exactly what I mean.
I grew up an hour away, where it’s normal weather. Here, it’s always cold and windy.
“So, no matter what, you’re leaving the city after you graduate?” I ask. I’m not sure how his answer will affect me, but for some reason, it’s making me nervous.
His lips tilt up in a slight grin. “If you had asked me that yesterday, I would have said absolutely. Now, I guess it all depends.”
My face turns flush as my heart beats rapidly. I don’t get to respond because the bartender walks over to our table, interrupting our moment.
“Sorry, guys, but we’re about to close down.”
He grabs the four beer bottles that cover our table. Besides my shots when he first got here, that’s all we’ve had these past four hours.
Travis looks at me, and I sigh, pursing my lips together as I reach for my purse. Sadness rips through my body at the thought of leaving and going home. Tonight has been the best night I’ve had in a while, and I’m not ready for it to end.
Our conversation has flowed this entire time. I didn’t even notice it’d been an hour since I finished my drink, and I never cared or needed another one. All the stress that had riddled my body as I entered this place is totally gone, and I feel like a completely different person, just being in his presence.
I stand, and Travis covers my hand with his.
“Don’t leave yet,” he says, and I see the sincerity in his eyes.
They click off the lights to a po
rtion of the bar, and we both laugh as he stands. We walk together toward the door. The silence is painful. I’m not ready to say good-bye, but I fear this is it.
As we step outside, I turn to him, taking a deep inhale, readying myself to say good-bye. Before I do, he slips a hand around the nape of my neck and kisses me with so much passion that I melt.
As he pulls away, he holds me close, placing his forehead to mine. “Please don’t leave. Come back to my place for the night.”
With my brain still in a lust-filled haze, I nod and forget my entire life when he kisses me again. Then, he walks me back to his truck, which is parked on the street.
His place is only a few blocks away, but we both stay silent for the entire ride. The air is so thick, as we both know what’s coming and are dying to get the opportunity to touch again.
When he parks, I try to make my mind go blank and think about nothing else but that kiss and the emotions I’ve been missing for so long.
I open the door, and when he meets me at the front of the truck, his fingers slip into mine. He leads me to a bottom-floor apartment. It’s dark when we enter, but I breathe a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have roommates—or at least, they aren’t home if he does.
He clicks on the lights and wastes no time in walking me back to his room. After he kicks the door shut, I’m back in his arms, and his lips are pressed to mine.
All my inhibitions go out the window, and I reach down, pulling my shirt over my head, revealing the black lace bra I have on underneath. His hand runs over my breast as his other hand grips the back of my neck, bringing his lips back to mine.
There’s this urgency between us but also this passion I’ve never felt before. With every breath, I breathe him in, and it opens my heart to things I’ve only read about.
Things I never thought I’d actually feel.
As his lips trail down my neck, I take a deep inhale, letting the emotions run through me like a drug, living in the moment.
I run my fingers under his shirt and slowly lift it until he pulls away from me briefly, so I can remove it completely. Once it’s off, he yanks me closer to him, and the warmth of his body envelops my soul as he holds me tightly while making his way to his bed.
We simultaneously lie down together, him on top of me, and he kisses his way down my neck and over my breasts. He slides the bra strap down my arm, and when my nipple pops free, he sucks it into his mouth, sending sensations directly to my core, which only makes me want him—want this—more.
He unbuttons my skinny jeans, and I shimmy my hips, kicking off my shoes and helping him slide them down my legs until they’re completely off. He stands to remove his own jeans and then his boxers.
When his cock springs free, I lick my lips as my chest tightens. I can barely breathe; I feel so much need to have him near me, inside me, claiming me.
As he lowers himself to me, he tucks his fingers under my panties, pulling them down until they’re on the floor. He reaches for his drawer, and his face tightens when he doesn’t find what he’s searching for.
His eyes meet mine, and I know he’s saying he doesn’t have a condom. I rub my lips together and slowly shake my head side to side, telling him I don’t have one either.
I watch as he closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale. My heart sinks when I realize this probably won’t happen, as neither one of us has protection.
I sigh as I move to make my way up when he stops me and says, “Wait, I have one in my wallet.”
He moves faster than a cheetah on the hunt and reaches for his wallet, where he does indeed produce a condom from the sleeve.
Relief floods my body as I bring my hand to his face and kiss his lips, just like he did with me before, hoping to revive the feelings I almost lost.
Within seconds, I’m breathing heavily as I wrap my fingers around his girth, tightening my chest for the second time in the short period I’ve been in his room.
I lie back on the bed while he wraps the condom on and positions himself against my entrance. When he pushes in, his lips crash to mine, and I moan from the pleasure ripping through me, finally getting what I wanted—what I needed—since his lips first touched mine.
As he moves in and out of me, my body glides with him in synchrony. We’re in perfect alignment, and for this moment, I feel free, alive, and like I’m floating above my body.
My life has been nothing but stress and pain for the past year, and right now, none of that matters. I only exist to feel his strength glide through me and bring me the happiness I need now more than ever.
When his hands find mine, intertwining and gripping them tightly, he moves them above my head as he grinds into me. My entire life erases. I fully give it over to him. Handing him my heart and my soul.
He hurries his thrusts, and I feel the urge, the desire to fall climbing higher and higher. He grunts a manly sound, and I explode around him, clenching him with my body and letting that last bit of me go.
His hands hold mine tighter, and I feel his release. Once we both float down to earth, his lips find mine, and he kisses me so softly, so meaningfully that I almost want to cry.
I want this.
I want him.
But my life has already been given to someone else.
Chapter Three
Seven Weeks Later
As I stand on the street, I check my watch for the third time, nervous he’s not going to make it. Finally, I see Daniel turn the corner. One look at his face, and I know he’s not in a good mood. I remind myself that at least he’s here, and I try not to second-guess anything.
I head toward him, wrapping my arm around the elbow he offers me, not removing his hand from his pockets.
“Thank you for coming,” I say nervously.
I’ve been sick for weeks, and I finally made a doctor’s appointment that I was too afraid to come to alone. Having to beg my husband to attend an appointment with me is something I never thought I’d have to do.
We’ve been spending more time apart while he dives into his work as a criminal attorney as I try to be the doting wife, making dinners for him, only for him not to come home.
I try to remember the man I married, and I know he’s still there somewhere inside. He has to be. People don’t change into completely different human beings overnight, yet that’s what I’ve been facing for the last few years.
We were happy in our small town. At least, I thought we were. After we got married and moved to the city, away from my family and friends, he did a one-eighty. The nice guy who had swept me off my feet seemingly couldn’t care less about me—that is, unless he wants to tell me how horrible of a wife I am.
If I don’t have the table set and house spotless when he gets home, I know I’ll never hear the end of it. He’s even gone as far as throwing all of our clean, folded clothes across the room because I was in the middle of putting them away when he walked in the door.
I’m starting to feel like his maid rather than his wife.
I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a rough patch in our marriage, but the more time that passes, the more I don’t know what to do.
I believe in the sanctity of marriage. When I said, “Till death do us part,” I meant it—even though more recently, I’ve been spending more days wondering about death rather than the marriage I’m in.
I think all the stress I’m under is what’s causing my current issues. I’m so conflicted with my life that I’m literally making myself sick.
That’s why I wanted Daniel here. I’m hoping it will open the conversation of our home life in the safety of my doctor’s office. Maybe if Daniel hears how stressful situations are bad on people’s well-being, he’ll soften his demeanor with me.
I know it’s wishful thinking, but I’m desperate at this point.
Daniel opens the door to the doctor’s office for me. I sign in, letting the doctor know I’m here before we both take a seat in the waiting room. Daniel instantly takes out his phone, answering an email, so I pick up the
People magazine sitting next to me.
The nurse calls us back and leads us into the room. Once she takes my temperature and vitals, she leaves us alone as we wait for the doctor. Daniel doesn’t even spare me a glance and continues to type away on his phone, like he’s at his desk and not at an appointment where there might be something horribly wrong with his wife.
Dr. Parker enters the room with a friendly smile on his face. “Michelle, Daniel.” He reaches his hand out to me and then Daniel, who finally puts his phone away and places a fake smile on his face. “It’s so good to see you. What brings you in?”
“Well”—I place my hand on my stomach—“I really haven’t been feeling good. I feel nauseous all the time, I’ve had horrible headaches, and sometimes, I’m so tired that I feel like I can’t get out of bed. I just feel weak and flush, no matter what time of day it is.”
He sits down on the rolling stool and types his password into the computer. “The nurse said your vitals are good. When was your last period?”
“I’m due in about a week.”
“And was your last period normal?”
I bite my lower lip. “It was really light, but I’ve had that before. My period has always been all over the place.”
“Well”—Dr. Parker reaches in a cabinet, handing me a container—“why don’t we have you take a pregnancy test? That way, we can rule that out before we do anything else. Just take this and go to the bathroom. While you’re doing that, I’ll look over your chart some more and see what our next plan might be.”
My stomach instantly turns even more than it already was as my heart beats rapidly through my chest. I wasn’t even thinking about pregnancy because we barely have sex. Hell, it’s been weeks.
Ever since before that night with Travis.
I push the idea out of my head as I hop off the chair.
I grab the container from him as Daniel says, “Dr. Parker, is this even necessary?”
I turn to him, furrowing my brows. What kind of question is that? I was thinking a baby was exactly what we didn’t need in our marriage right now, but I can’t believe he would be so blunt about our lack of a sex life.