by Lane Hart
And shit, I guess that’s not my decision to make about whether or not he can see her.
“Just a second,” I say to the nervous-looking, clean-cut man in his perfectly pressed khakis and a white polo. Unfortunately, I’m reminded that he’s not butt-ugly. He looks like he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has always gotten whatever he wanted in life.
I grab the front of Lucas’s shirt and yank him inside the apartment, shutting the door behind him. “Don’t you think you should’ve asked first before bringing him up here?” I snap at the kid in a hushed voice.
“Roman approved it…the other day, before he left,” he croaks out.
“Does Roman fucking live here?” I growl at him while still holding a fistful of his shirt. “No, he doesn’t! It wasn’t his call!”
“Verek? What’s going on?” Tessa asks. I hear her footsteps as she comes up behind us.
I finally let the jackass go and straighten up to face her. “You have a visitor.”
“Ah, yeah, I know,” she says, holding her spatula with a half-smile when she glances between me and Lucas. “I’m looking right at you.”
“No, another one,” I explain. “Paul is here. He’s standing right outside the door, actually,” I remark while shooting another glare at Lucas.
“Sorry,” he says again.
“Do you have Tessa’s cell number?” I ask him.
“Yes, sir.”
“Then fucking use it! Call or text before you knock on her goddamn door again. Understand?”
“Yes, sir,” he replies again.
While I was busy chewing him out, I hadn’t paid enough attention to Tessa. When I look over at her again, I realize she looks frozen in place.
“You don’t have to see him,” I assure her.
“Charlotte asked him to come this week,” Lucas blurts out. “She thought you could use the company while she was gone.”
Goddammit! When Roman and his wife are back, we’re all going to have a talk about them deciding what they think is best for Tessa, without asking Tessa.
“What do you want to do here, sweetheart?” I ask her calmly, despite the chaos going on inside my head. The man she loved – loves – and was planning to spend the rest of her life with is right outside! Fuck! “It’s your decision.”
“I-I don’t know,” she replies, wrapping her arms around her waist, spatula and all. “What do you think I should do?”
Great. How did I become the one who has to make this decision?
My first instinct is to send the guy packing. But just a few hours ago, Tessa admitted to me that she still loves him and that the only reason she’s been pushing him away is because she doesn’t think they can be together after what happened to her. If she absolutely, without a doubt, didn’t want to see him, her answer would’ve been a quick no. Instead, she’s hesitating like she’s just…nervous about the reunion after so much time has passed.
If I care about Tessa, which I do, then I should only want her to be happy with whoever she chooses to be with. It’s not my place to push away her chance of being with the man she loves because she doesn’t think he can handle the woman she is now.
What if, in a few months or years, Tessa regrets not giving him another chance at a normal life? She may not be ready for that now, but one day she will be. I know she’s strong enough to move past the pain those four men caused her. Which is why I rub my forehead and reluctantly say, “Maybe…maybe you should give him a chance.”
Tessa gasps, as if that’s not the answer she wanted to hear. Then she says, “A chance for what?”
“I don’t know! To hear what he has to say, to let him get to know the woman you’ve become. He could surprise you.”
“I-I don’t know,” she says when she finally unfreezes enough to go sit on the sofa, right where we were going at it last night hot and heavy. Lola is on her heels, placing her head in her lap. I’m not even sure if Tessa realizes she’s absently petting the dog’s head when she whispers, “I’ve been such a bitch to him. Why would he still want to see me?”
“You haven’t been a bitch,” I assure her. “You’ve just been doing what you thought was best.” She gives a small nod, so I continue on with what I hope could come from this meeting. “If nothing else, you can finally talk to him face-to-face and tell him to give up on you once and for all.”
Tessa jumps to her feet. “You’re right. He’s come all this way, and I haven’t given him the decency of speaking to him face-to-face since everything happened. I think I owe him that much. Let him in and give me a few minutes to freshen up,” she says before she hurries off to the bedroom.
Lucas starts to open the door, but I put my hand over it to close it again, then bend down, right next to his face. “If you or your friend ever let anyone, male, female, young, or old, Roman approved or not, inside this building without asking her first, yourselves included, I will beat the shit out of both of you until you can only eat meals through a straw. Is that clear?”
Swallowing audibly, he says, “Yes, sir.”
I open the door for him to leave and tell the man, “Come on in. Tessa will be out in a moment.”
“Great, thanks,” he says in relief as he steps inside the apartment. I close and lock the door behind him. “I’m Paul.” He holds out his palm for me to shake.
“Verek,” I say before dropping his hand and crossing my arms over my bare chest.
“Nice place,” he says as he glances around the room.
“It is,” I agree.
Meeting my gaze head-on with his jaw clenched, he asks, “Were you really here…all night?”
“Yes.”
“Oh,” he mutters, looking deflated by my answer. “Charlotte didn’t mention…ah, how, um, how long have you and Tessa been together?”
“We’re not really together,” I answer honestly, which in turn deflates me. “I hadn’t seen her in months before yesterday. I figured she wouldn’t want to be alone with Charlotte gone and in a new apartment.”
“Right,” he agrees with a relieved exhalation. I made it sound like nothing happened between me and Tessa last night, even though that’s the furthest thing from the truth. “Charlotte thought it would be good for Tessa if I came and stayed with her this week. She thought it had been long enough for me to try and see her again.”
“Hold on. Did you say stay with her? As in sleep in this apartment?” I ask in shock.
“Ah, yeah, that was the plan, although Tessa would have the final say of course.”
“Of course,” I grit out through my clenched teeth.
Will she want him to stay? The man she hasn’t seen or talked to in months? Hell, I didn’t even ask her if she wanted me here, so that doesn’t make me much better than Paul or Charlotte for making plans without asking Tessa.
“Can I give you some advice?” I ask him quietly.
“Sure?”
“Don’t get your hopes up, buddy. Tessa’s…different now.”
“I understand that, and I don’t care” is his response. “I’ve spent the last eight months waiting for her to give me a chance to be here for her, to help her get through everything. I’ve been seeing a counselor who specializes in these sorts of…attacks, trying to figure out what Tessa needs from me. I had to do something. Anything! It’s like everything in my life was going great until someone decided to hit the pause button…” He trails off because we both know who hit that button.
“Well, I can’t go into details, but I can say that those assholes won’t be ruining anyone else’s life.”
“They won’t?” he asks in surprise. “Did the police catch them?”
“No, the police didn’t catch them. They’re not in prison, they’re in the ground.”
“Oh,” he replies, his perfect, rich-boy-next-door face looking a little paler. “That’s probably best.”
“It is.”
At least that’s one thing we can agree on.
Finally, after changing clothes and doing something to
make her hair look super curly, Tessa comes out of the backroom with Lola quietly walking ahead of her.
“Hello, Paul,” she says, coming to a stop about three feet away from us.
“Wow,” the man remarks with a sad smile. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? I’ve missed you so much.” He takes a step closer to her with his arms raised like he’s about to hug her, and before I can make a move to stop him, Lola does so by jumping in front of Tessa and growling. The normally sweet, calm dog even bares her sharp teeth at him in warning. “Whoa!” he smartly takes a step backward.
“You don’t touch her unless she asks you to, understand?” I snap at him. Paul looks at me and then to Tessa before his shoulders drop a few more inches.
Nodding, he says, “I’m so sorry, baby. I wasn’t thinking.”
The three of us, four counting Lola, who hasn’t sat down or backed down, stand there awkwardly and I realize it’s not just because of the time that’s passed between anyone saying something, but the fact that I’m there, an unwelcome guest to their little reunion.
I should leave.
Fuck, I don’t want to, though. And I don’t know if that’s what Tessa wants or not.
“Are you hungry?” Tessa finally asks Paul, breaking the ice. “I just finished making some pancakes.”
“I’m starving actually,” Paul admits with his hand going to his stomach.
Trying to figure out how to maneuver through this shitshow, I ask Tessa, “Should I go to the store and get more orange juice, or do you think we have enough?”
There. We both know there’s a full jug in the fridge and that what I’m really asking is if she wants me to leave or not.
“Oh, I think there’s enough juice for all three of us,” Tessa looks to me and replies, which means, she doesn’t want me to leave.
Great. So I’ll just play chaperone to their breakfast date.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Tessa
* * *
“So, apparently Charlotte thought Paul should come stay with you while she’s gone,” Verek grits out when we’re all sitting down at my small four-person table to eat.
“What?” I say in disbelief. How could Charlotte do this to me?
She seriously set up the plan for Paul to come and visit while she and Roman are off on their honeymoon without asking me? What she apparently didn’t know was that he would come over while a shirtless, sexy Verek was still here after an incredibly hot make-out session last night where I got off by rutting on him and he came in my mouth so hard I still taste him this morning.
I pick up my orange juice to try and swallow down those thoughts.
Paul is here, sitting at the table with us, looking at me with big red hearts in his brown eyes and acting like the perfect gentleman. I try to recall at least one of the times I gave him a blowjob. None come to mind because I don’t think he ever finished that way, too sweet to subject me to that kind of treatment. The truth is, I liked it, which is why I didn’t stop even when Verek told me to.
“I don’t have to stay here if you don’t want me to,” Paul says into the long silence. Clearing his throat, he adds, “Not sure if you have room anyway.”
“There are some really nice hotels nearby,” I remark without coming right out and saying no, causing Verek to choke a little on his juice.
“Okay, I’ll check them out,” Paul agrees with a heavy sigh of disappointment. What did he really expect? It’s been months…
I guess the same goes for Verek, but even when I was angry at him, I wanted him to stay with me, like it was a given, something that didn’t even need to be discussed. I’m still angry at him for leaving me behind here, but that’s the thing about falling in love with someone – you can’t stay mad at them no matter how hard you try.
And I am in love with Verek, have been since he sent me flowers while I was at the treatment facility and came to visit every day to talk about anything and everything other than what happened to me. Those awful first few weeks when I felt like I could never have a normal life again, Verek was there. He’s been one of the most important pieces to helping me overcome the trauma I survived and move forward, while Paul is like a distant memory of my life before it all happened. It’s not fair to Paul for me to feel this way, and I would change those feelings if I could, but it doesn’t work that way.
Deep down I know that a big part of my reluctance to ever be with Paul again is due to the different way I see myself – like I’m still dirty and broken. Why would a good man like him ever want me?
I don’t understand why Verek would want me either since he witnessed it all firsthand when he saved me from the storage facility, but at least he knows what he’s getting with me. Paul has no clue. Everything in his life is perfect, peachy. Always has been and always will be. Which is why I think he needs to be with a perfect rainbows-and-sunshine woman. Not the darkness and gloom that’s constantly hanging over my head.
What am I going to do about Paul now that he’s here? There was a reason I avoided him for months. I thought Charlotte understood that.
As if sensing my ire at her, I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom and know it must be her or my parents. They’re the only ones who call me besides Paul, who is sitting here staring at me. Relieved to take a break from the awkwardness, I toss my fork down and jump to my feet, heading for the bedroom. “I better get that. Be right back!” I say before I disappear. Shutting the bedroom door behind me, I pick up my phone from the bedside table.
Charlotte.
“Girl, you are in so much trouble with me,” I answer instead of a greeting.
“He’s there already?” she says. “Crap. I thought I could give you a heads-up.”
“A heads-up would’ve been nice maybe yesterday or last week or whenever you first considered asking my former fiancé to come and stay with me!” I whisper yell into the phone. “I would’ve told you it was a bad idea and not to do it.”
“Sorry,” she whines. “I know you’ve been avoiding him for, well, ever, but I worried about leaving you and thought there should be someone besides the prospects keeping you company.”
“Oh, there is someone keeping me company. Verek.”
“Verek is there?” she asks in surprise. “You mean there as in your apartment?”
“Yes! He brought me home last night and stayed and we…did stuff and then this morning Verek answered the door and there was Paul.”
“Oh jeez! That must have been awkward.”
“Must have been? How about it is very, very awkward. The three of us were just sitting down to breakfast when you called.”
“Oh wow. That’s…jeez…”
“I know!” I exclaim loud enough that the men probably heard, so I lower my voice again. “What am I supposed to do? I think I’ve convinced Paul to get a hotel room, but then what? If he insists on staying until you get back, I’m going to throw up.”
“I thought you were angry at Verek” is Charlotte’s unhelpful response.
“I was. I am. But you know how he is. A few sweet words and I’m a goner for him.”
“And you really did stuff with him? How was that?” she asks.
“It was fine. Fun. Not awkward at all, unlike breakfast.”
“You did naked stuff with him?” Charlotte asks, still sounding shocked.
“Partially naked, yes.”
“Well, Verek’s just come in and messed everything up!” she complains.
“Um, what? If anyone messed things up, it’s you for inviting Paul,” I whisper.
“I didn’t know Verek would be coming back this week or I wouldn’t have. Probably,” Charlotte responds. “Still, if you’re doing partially naked stuff with Verek, that’s a great sign that you could be ready to talk to Paul again. Maybe date him.”
“Huh?” I mutter. “Could you please explain how in the world you came to believe that logic makes any sense at all?”
“You’re getting better, finally moving forward! That’s great news,” she sa
ys. “And I know that in your heart you still love Paul, don’t you?”
“Yes, but –”
“You do! So shouldn’t you at least take a few days to get to know him again? He knows things have changed and that you’re different. That’s okay because he still loves you too.”
“I know that, but –”
“No buts! You love him, he loves you. And Verek is hot and all, sure. Could you actually see a future with him, though?”
“You married Roman,” I point out.
“Roman was ready to give up women and settle down when we got together. Verek’s been away for months, doing no telling what. Do you really think he’s the type to settle down? Have you talked to him about having more than partially naked fun time together?”
“Sort of,” I remark, dropping to the edge of the mattress when I remember the story Verek told me last night about his upbringing, how being with women has always been so casual to him, that once it’s over and done he moves on.
“And? What did he say?”
“That he’s not sure if he’s capable of loving anyone, or of…sex meaning more than just a physical act. I think he used the word ‘transaction.’”
“Exactly!” Charlotte exclaims. “I’m sorry, Tessa, but I think how you feel about Verek is different from the way he feels about you. It’s probably just a crush or lust, you know? And by the time your heart realizes that, you’ll get hurt and then be alone when you could have a life with Paul. That man is going to move on eventually.”
Could Charlotte be right? She’s always been there for me, knowing what I need before I know it myself, especially after I was kidnapped and in a state of shock. I am still recovering from what happened and probably will be for a long damn time.
Being with Verek, while fun and exciting may not turn into anything more. While Paul and I were planning to spend the rest of our lives together, through thick and thin, even if the sex wasn’t off-the-charts great…
“So?” Charlotte asks. “Will you just try and give Paul a chance? He’s been looking forward to seeing you for months, and I’ve been putting him off because I know you weren’t ready to see him. I think you are now. Just remember that his life came to a sudden halt too.”