Helix glances over with a frown. “You’re cold,” he says.
“A little,” I say. Then I realize how warm his hand is in mine. “How are you not cold?”
He lets go of my hand and wraps me in a hug. Warmth emanates from his body.
“It’s a wolf thing,” he says, and I snuggle in closer, tucking my frozen nose up against his throat.
He sucks in a hissing breath.
“Not sorry,” I say, burrowing closer, desperate for warmth.
He chuckles and rubs his warm hands up and down my back. Finally, Helix eases back to press his warm palms against my chilled cheeks. His emerald eyes study mine, and he looks a little less tortured than before. I purposely keep my eyes off his tattoo.
“Town’s not much farther. Come on,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me along.
I don’t argue. In fact, keeping up with his longer strides helps keep the numbness in my fingers and toes at bay until we finally reach the outer edges of downtown Bridgeport.
From here, it’s a short walk to Finn’s house. Finn’s porch light is on when we arrive, and something tight inside my chest loosens at the sight.
“I hope he’s here,” I murmur, aching for a hot shower and warm clothes. But most of all, some answers.
Helix sniffs the air then cuts me a strange look.
“Finn’s a guardian?”
“Apparently,” I say. “You can scent him or something?”
But Helix looks past me toward the house.
“I don’t like this. We shouldn’t be here,” he says, his voice turning to a growl as he glares at the front door.
“You don’t have to like it. You just have to be civil. We’re here for a reason.”
He nods, and the feral look creeping into his eyes dials back.
“Let’s talk to your friend,” he says, but there’s no mistaking the suspicion in his words.
I sigh then turn back to the house and march up to the front door and knock. There’s movement inside then the door swings open, and Finn stands there, looking tired but exactly like the friend I remember. His eyes go wide, and his mouth falls open.
“El,” he breathes. Finn’s expression goes from shock to anger to suspicion and settles on something I can’t quite read. Then his gaze snags on Helix behind me.
“What’s going on?” he asks, and I know without a doubt he knows what Helix is.
“Hello, Finn,” I say. “I think it’s time we talk.”
He tears his gaze from Helix and looks down at me. I see the guardian in him as he meets my gaze.
He moves aside, and I step into the house, crossing over the familiar, worn hardwood until I’ve reached the fireplace. I stretch out my hands, letting the heat thaw my fingers and toes as Helix enters, and Finn closes the door.
When I turn to Finn, I see the old Finn for a moment. The one who worried about me and had my back.
He crosses the room, and I let him fold me into a hug. For warmth, I tell myself. Not because I missed him.
Over Finn’s shoulder, I glance at Helix who waits by the door like a bouncer, expression carefully blank as he pretends not to notice us. Helix is nothing like Kol—who would be ready to break Finn’s legs for hugging me. Broken legs aside, the thought kind of makes me wish Kol were here.
Finn pulls back, studying me as he holds me at arms’ length.
“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for days. I thought The Silenci had gotten you,” he admits.
“Not for lack of trying,” I say.
His gaze slides over to Helix then back to me.
“Have you joined the Eggther then?” he asks, and it’s the casual way he tosses out the name that sets me off.
“No, I haven’t joined anyone, Finn. Mostly because I have no idea who any of them are. But you do. You knew what The Silenci were the night I was first attacked. And even before that—you’ve known all along what I am.”
My hurt and anger heat my cheeks, and he drops his hands and steps back under the weight of my stare.
“El, I’m not sure—”
“Don’t,” I snap, leaning in to stab him with my finger. “You’ve been lying to me since the day we met. I want to know why, or I’m leaving right now.”
“But you just got here,” Finn protests.
“And I can leave just as quickly.” It’s not a bluff. If Finn doesn’t start sharing some honesty, I’ll walk out. The problem is I have nowhere left to go. But he doesn’t have to know that.
He sighs. “Okay, fine. Look, you’re right. I’ve kept some things from you, but it was only to protect you. That was my job. It’s why I came here to live in the first place. Aerina made me swear I wouldn’t tell you anything.”
My heart leaps. “Aerina? She knew about you?”
“She’s the one who asked me to come,” he admits. “After your mom died, Aerina knew you were both in danger,” he says quietly. “Aerina found me and asked me to come live here and befriend you in order to help keep you safe from the people who had killed your mother.”
“In danger from who?” I ask. “If you know anything about who might have taken Aerina, you have to tell me.”
His expression turns pained.
“I wish I could give you all the right answers and fix this for you. I hated seeing you taken from your home, grieving for your aunt. I’ve only ever wanted to protect you.”
“Am I your chosen? Because the Eggther don’t protect unless they’re divinely instructed to.”
“Sometimes,” he agrees. “But Aerina saved my mother’s life once. I owed her for that.”
“So our friendship was a lie then?”
“No. Sure, there were things I couldn’t tell you, but I care about you, El. How I feel isn’t because of a favor to Aerina, and it’s not a lie.”
I suddenly wish Grim was here. While I believe Finn, I wonder what other secrets he might be keeping from me because my aunt asked him to.
“And how did keeping all those secrets really work out for us?”
“Horrible,” Finn admits.
He reaches for my hand, and I let him.
“I’m sorry, El. Truly. I never meant for Aerina to get hurt, and I never meant to put you in danger. You have to understand . . . I’m a guardian.” His gaze flicks from Helix back to me again. “I’m sure by now you realize what that means. I was following orders. I couldn’t break the promise I’d made to Aerina.”
“But after she was taken, you could have told me then. I thought I was seeing things.”
“The police were already there when I arrived that night. Then Social Services took you away. I was going to tell you the night I came for you. But then, The Silenci attacked and you ran and—I’ve done nothing but search for you since the moment you left.”
“You could have come with me,” I say.
“I couldn’t,” he says quietly. “You left with a Vargar. He was taking you to Black Peak. I can’t go there.” His brows dip in confusion. “Speaking of which, how did you leave with a Vargar and return with an Eggther?”
I glance at Helix and slowly withdraw my hand from Finn’s.
“It’s a long story. One we don’t have time for. I came to you because I thought you could help me. I need to know who is controlling The Silenci and where I can find them.”
“What?” Finn’s eyes widen. “Are you crazy?” He looks from me to Helix. “Is this what the Eggther do now? Encourage their chosen into reckless choices?”
“Of course not,” Helix says, his temper brewing behind his emerald ice.
“It’s not up to him,” I snap at Finn. “It’s my decision. And I’m not going to sit around and wait to be hunted. Not while Aerina is out there and in danger. Now, will you help me or not?”
“El, you need to go into hiding. Somewhere safe where you can train until you can ascend. Until then, you’re too vulnerable.” His tone is gentle but placating like he’s trying to talk sense into a small child.
“Is that why you burned my hou
se down?” I ask. “To keep me safe?”
Finn blinks. “How do you know—”
“It doesn’t matter how,” I say.
“There was a magical signature in that house that led back to Aerina. To you. I couldn’t let just anyone find it. Not while you’re being hunted. You can’t leave a trail. You need to lay low. You’re welcome to spend the day here. You look like you could use some rest. Crash in the guest room?”
I’m still tired from the veil jump and could use the sleep but shoot a questioning look at Helix.
“I’ll keep watch,” he says simply, and I offer a grateful smile.
“Thanks,” I tell him.
Finn looks hurt. “So, you have chosen a guardian then.”
“What? No.” I shake my head then stifle a yawn. “Not officially. Helix is just helping me out.”
Finn gives me a strange look, and I know he’s confused, but there’s also relief there.
I yawn, and Finn stands offering his hand. Before I can take it, Helix is there, pulling me to my feet. Finn narrows his eyes at Helix but says nothing. He just turns and leads the way down the hall to the guest room.
“Bed’s made up,” Finn says, gesturing to the extra bedroom across from his own.
“Thanks,” I say, turning to face Finn in the doorway.
He nods then looks at Helix. “There’s a bathroom at the end of the hall. Clean towels are in the closet. I’m up for the day, so shout if you need anything.”
“Will do,” Helix says but makes no move to leave me alone.
After another long silence, Finn leaves. Helix steps in and closes the door.
I barely notice. I’m already pulling down the covers anticipating sliding between the warm sheets.
“Do you want me to step out so you can change?” Helix asks.
I stop and look down at my still damp pants.
“Nah.” I strip out of the jeans and toss them on the floor along with my socks.
“Wake me up in an hour,” I say as I crawl underneath the covers, utterly drained. “I’ll stand guard next so you can sleep.”
He doesn’t answer, but my lids begin to drop the moment my head touches the pillow.
“Helix,” I call, fighting off the tug from oblivion.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming with me,” I say, the words slow and slurred as I try to talk past the point of coherency.
Sleep grabs me and yanks me under as I hear Helix mumble, “For you, Goddess, it’s my pleasure.”
Chapter Eighteen
Helix shakes me awake.
“You were having a nightmare,” he says quietly.
I blink, squinting against the light that sneaks through the curtains, and look up at Helix. There’s worry lining his forehead and mouth.
“It’s okay. I have them a lot,” I say as I sit up.
Helix sits on the edge of the bed still watching me.
“You were yelling for your mother.”
“That happens a lot too,” I say softly.
“I’m sorry.” There’s sincerity and understanding in his voice.
“Who was she?” I ask before I can stop myself. “Your previous chosen. The one you lost.”
Helix looks away, and I know I’ve lost him.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You can take the bed now if you want.” I scoot to the far edge of the bed, ready to leave to give him space.
“She was Zendara, Goddess of Symphony. We were bonded for a year before— I haven’t guarded anyone since she died.”
“Helix, I’m so sorry.”
He nods, but I can see the raw pain that lingers even after a year. Losing Zendara must have broken his heart so badly.
“I appreciate you being here,” I say. “It can’t be easy being called to protect someone new after what happened. Your commitment is something I admire.” I stand, and Helix follows.
“It wasn’t easy,” he admits. “And to be completely honest, I came here to find and protect you before even taking the oath before the gods. But I want you to know that it doesn’t lessen my commitment. I won’t let anything happen to you, Elidi. I swear it.”
“You don’t have to do that, Helix,” I say, but he reaches for my shoulder, stepping close as he stares intently down at me.
“You don’t get it.” His emerald eyes hold mine, and I can see the determination in them. The promise. “I don’t care if you’ve chosen Kol to be your guardian. The divine sent me to you, and I take that calling seriously. So I’m not leaving you alone no matter what. I’m not walking away from this.”
My heart thunders in my chest, and my sympathy for his loss becomes something else. Connection.
No matter what happens next, I won’t let Kol’s presence in my life push Helix out. He’s part of this now too. Part of me.
“Thank you,” I tell him quietly. “Your promise isn’t something I take lightly. I won’t abuse it.”
He doesn’t answer, and something about his expression makes me wonder if his last chosen had abused his oath somehow.
“I’m going to shower,” I tell him, stepping away. “You should get some rest.”
I don’t wait for his answer before I slip out and head for the bathroom.
After a shower and fresh clothes—which consist of black leggings and a bright pink sports bra and one of Finn’s shirts—I’m ready for another day. Well, night, considering the sun is an hour away from setting.
The veil-jump hangover is better already, and I realize I must be getting stronger. Or maybe even closer to ascension.
In the kitchen, I find Finn pouring a cup of freshly brewed Brazilian coffee. He holds a mug out for me, and I take it with a grateful smile.
“Thanks.” It burns my tongue, but the caffeine hit that follows is worth it.
“You look better,” he says.
I arch a brow at him. “Are you saying I looked bad this morning?”
“No comment. How do you feel about breakfast for dinner?”
“Sounds good to me.”
I take a seat at the table, watching as he goes to work scrambling eggs and frying bacon. It’s such a normal routine that it makes my heart ache, remembering the past mornings we’ve done exactly this. Usually, I’d end my morning run here, and Finn would feed me. When we were finished, he’d drop me at home on his way to work.
“Do you really consult for fitness companies for a living?” I ask. “Or is that all part of your cover?”
“Cover,” Finn says after a moment.
And even though I knew it before I asked the question, hearing him admit something else he’d kept from me hurts.
“How do you make a living then?” I ask.
“The pack provides salaries for each of its members. Guardians receive a special stipend for living expenses when they’re on a mission or protecting a chosen.”
“And this is an official guardian mission?” I ask.
He glances back again, confusion marring his usually smooth features. “Of course. I told you that last night. I came here to help watch out for you.”
“Right, but that was a favor to Aerina. You didn’t actually have a vision or calling or whatever to guard me. Right?”
He scrapes eggs from the pan to a plate and sets it down in front of me along with a piece of toast.
“There are all different kinds of guardian assignments. Not all of them are divinely inspired. Some are more practical.”
Finn serves up his own eggs then joins me at the table. For a moment, we eat together in silence.
“If Aerina is gone, and she’s the one who tasked you with this assignment, why remain here to protect me?” I ask. “If you’re not taking orders from her anymore then who?”
Finn looks up from his own plate. “I’m here because I care what happens to you, El.” He must see doubt in my eyes because he adds, “I wish we could go back to the way things were before.”
“I don’t know about that. I mean, having Aerina here safe, yes. But th
e rest of it? I think I’m better off knowing who I am and what I’m becoming.”
“I should have told you,” he says. “If I could do it over, I would—”
Someone shuffles in behind me, and Finn falls silent. I turn to find Helix rubbing a towel over his hair.
“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” I say.
“I’m fine.” But he eyes my coffee then makes his way to the pot.
“There’s eggs on the counter,” Finn says. “And bacon.”
“Any word?” Helix asks after a quick sip of the coffee he’s poured for himself.
I look at Finn questioningly.
“I made some calls,” he says, but the hesitancy in his voice puts me on edge.
“Calls? To who? What did you find out?”
“A couple of things,” he says slowly, and something about his tone makes me brace for whatever’s next.
“Like what?” I press.
“First of all, Nicnevin, the known leader of The Silenci, has surfaced.”
That was no surprise to me, but how could Finn possibly know? I glance at Helix who frowns around his mouthful of food.
“Where?” he asks.
“Not sure, but she’s been taken into custody by Kol,” Finn says. Apparently, she’s been delivered to Vayda for questioning.”
The last part shocks me. Why would Kol take her there?
“The Vargar have no right—” Helix begins, but I cut him off.
“What sort of questioning?” I demand.
“The Vargar have someone whose gifts include interrogation,” Finn says. “They’ll use him to ferret out her lies, and they’ll uncover why she unleashed her army against you.” He glances from me to Helix. “It’s why the Eggther allowed Vayda to get ahold of her. They know she’ll get answers about why she sent The Silenci after you.”
I sit in silence as the pieces click together.
Grim. He is the interrogator. A master at uncovering secrets and lies. And he and Kol have taken Nicnevin to Vayda. But why?
My frustration builds. Everyone is keeping secrets, and it’s pissing me off. For the first time since discovering I could do impossible things, I want to let the black ribbons of fire out to play.
“El,” Finn calls, and I blink, snapping my head in his direction so suddenly he pauses. “Are you all right?”
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