Friends In Spy Places

by Diane Henders

  And at last we would come full circle. I’d be in chains again with the lie detector wrapped around my head, forced to admit that I had never actually tried to convince Kane to trade his only child for a job.

  Briggs had spoken but I hadn’t heard what he’d said. The guards were unlocking my chains.

  “Wait.” The word came out of my mouth in a dry croak.

  The guards froze with my shackles half off. Briggs turned, frowning, as a surprised murmur went around the table.

  “Agent Kelly, do you have a question?” Briggs asked.

  “Not a question.”

  God, this was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done, but I was just so damn tired. I couldn’t go through it all again.

  “What would you like to say?” Briggs asked kindly.

  “Dermott’s partly right.”

  Dermott stared open-mouthed.

  Briggs’s eyes narrowed. “In what way?”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to get John to come back to active duty, and I don’t think it’s in anyone’s best interests for me to try.”

  This time the murmur that went around the table sounded considerably more hostile.

  “Explain,” Briggs said, his tone completely flat.

  I sucked in a deep breath. “I know John pretty well. His son is the most important thing in the world to him, and he won’t compromise on that. There are lots of ways I could try to manipulate him back into the Department, but he’s a top agent. He’ll recognize any tactics I throw at him. And if I keep hammering away at him, he’ll get pissed off and then you’ll have no chance at all.”

  “That’s why we assigned the mission to you. Your relationship with him gives you the best chance of success, and it’s your responsibility to develop a strategy that won’t alienate him.” Briggs’s voice was dangerously quiet. “Do you refuse the mission?”

  Trapped-trapped-TRAPPED…

  “I’m not refusing!” The cowardly words sprang from my mouth before I could stop them. “I’m just saying that if you’re willing to allow some leeway in your interpretation, I’ve already accomplished the mission.”

  Briggs’s eyebrows rose. “How?”

  Shame burned my heart, but the terror was too strong.

  My weasel-words poured out. “Have you read my last two mission reports?”

  “Skimmed. I don’t know all the details.”

  “But you do know that in my last two missions, I involved John and he was a key component in the success of the missions.”

  “Yes. That’s why we want you to bring him in.”

  “Well, I’ve done it,” I said. “He came to my rescue in this mission, too. He’s done it three times in a row.”

  The murmuring started again. Briggs sat in silence, frowning.

  “So you’re saying…” he said slowly, “…that if you call for help, Kane will come. We gain the benefit of all his expertise, just not through official channels.”

  “That’s what it looks like,” I replied, hating myself. “I don’t know whether it’ll last, but it seems like the best deal you’re likely to get. I can pretty much guarantee that he won’t come in if you offer him anything directly.”

  “That’s true,” Briggs agreed. “We’ve already tried every inducement we could think of.”

  I sighed. “He won’t change his mind.”

  “And what happens when the success of the mission depends on him and he doesn’t show up?”

  Swallowing hard, I raised my chin and looking Briggs square in the eye. “I told you, this is a crapshoot. He might respond to me every time, or he might never respond again. Don’t make the success of the mission depend on him. The first time you do, he’ll figure it out; and then it’ll be over.”

  Briggs sat in thought for a long moment, then straightened and swept his gaze around the table. “I think Agent Kelly’s proposal is our best course of action. All in favour?”

  The show of hands was unanimous.

  “Good. Agent Kelly, thank you for your service, and for the successful completion of both your missions. You are free to go, and I’m placing you on leave until Monday, January 2. Have a restful vacation.” Briggs rose, nodded to me, and strode out, taking the last of my self-respect with him.

  The guards finished unlocking my shackles and removed them, and Holt handed me a bag containing my waist pouch, wristwatch, boots, and weapons.

  “Good work, Holt,” Dermott said as he stalked out, ignoring me.

  My verbal filters finally gave up the battle.

  “How did you ever end up being friends with that assclown?” I asked as I bent to tie my boots.

  “Long story,” Holt replied. “He was the class bully in grade school and I was the wimpy little kid. I paid him protection money until I outgrew him, and then he made out like we were best friends. I was flattered. Kids are stupid.”

  I straightened, shocked that he’d shared such a personal snippet. “I can’t imagine you as a wimpy little kid.”

  Holt grinned. “Gotta love martial arts.” His smile faded as he added, “We stayed buddies through university because we were drunk most of the time, and then we lost touch after graduation. When I got transferred here, we picked up where we’d left off. I thought he’d make a good Director because he’s tenacious and decisive, but I’d forgotten what a vindictive son of a bitch he is. He holds grudges forever.”

  My belly hollowed.

  Holt waved me toward the door. “Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.” As I hurried out ahead of him, he added, “Oh, and Rebecca’s not dead.”

  I jerked to a halt and he ran into me.

  “Christ, Kelly!” He detoured around to face me. “You need brake lights.”

  I gaped at him. “Wh-what did you say?”

  “You need brake lights.”

  “No!” I flapped a hand at him. “The other thing. Rebecca’s not dead? But… Stemp told me he was going to… He said if I couldn’t clean the thoughts out of her brain… When did he… How…”

  “Shut up,” Holt said tolerantly. “He called in and told Dermott this morning, but I just found out. Remember how you said you couldn’t find any thoughts at all in Rebecca’s mind?”

  My heart shrivelled. “She’s a vegetable, isn’t she?”

  “No, she’s fine. She repressed the memories. Stemp said she woke up, screamed her head off for about two seconds, and then sat up and smiled and hugged her parents and blah-blah-bluebirds-and-happiness bullshit.”

  “She’s… fine.” The words didn’t make sense. “And… he’s not going to kill her?”

  “Why would he?” Holt said impatiently. “She just thinks she had some weird dreams while she was unconscious. Stemp pretended to be a newspaper reporter and interviewed her along with a dozen other fucking tabloids about how she fell into a coma and then woke up; all the usual dramatic shit. She’s been thoroughly questioned. She’s not a threat.” He shrugged. “And anyway, Stemp’s got her network keys now. Even if she’s faking the whole thing and secretly planning to go back in, she can’t. And Nora was the last person who knew she could.”

  “So… Rebecca gets to live.” The idea slowly sank into my brain, warming my chest and easing my aching heart. “She’ll be fine. Her parents will be fine…”

  A lump closed my throat. Rebecca’s parents would be fine. Mine…

  “That’s good to hear,” I croaked.

  “Oh, and…” Holt took a secured phone from his pocket and handed it to me. “Stemp wants to talk to you. He’ll call you later.”

  Oh shit.

  I pocketed the phone, turning away to hide my fear. Holding my voice level with all my strength, I added, “And Grandin confessed?” as Holt fell into step beside me.

  “No, I lied.” Holt shrugged. “He still swears he was under official orders, but he’s not our problem anymore. U.S. agents picked him up an hour ago. And speaking of picking shit up, I called Kane and he said he’d get your car from the sportsplex.”

  “Thanks.
” I plodded down the hallway toward freedom. “Guess I’ll get a cab to his place, then.”

  “No, he’s waiting for you in the lobby.”

  “Thanks,” I lied.

  Kane was the last person I wanted to see right now.

  Coming to a halt, I turned to face Holt. “Don’t be too hard on your team. They got blindsided. Wrong location, wrong equipment, wrong strategy, wrong everything.”

  He scowled. “I know. We should have aborted. Fucking Dermott risked all our lives just because of his stupid vendetta against you. You’re right; sometimes he’s an assclown.” He hesitated. “But you didn’t hear it from me. I don’t need the kind of hate he’s got for you.”

  I snorted. “I don’t blame you. Keep your head down.”

  Holt nodded. As I turned away, he added, “I’m sorry about your mom.”

  I swallowed hard and kept walking. “Thanks. Me, too.”

  Not really true. I didn’t know how to feel about Nora. I had believed that either she loved me and was innocent; or she was an evil murderer coldly manipulating me. How could I deal with ‘she loved me and she was an evil murderer trying to manipulate me’?

  But there was no uncertainty in my feelings about what I’d just done to Kane.

  Bitter shame twisted my guts. After all my high-and-mighty talk about doing what was best for John, I had sacrificed him to save myself.

  And now I had to face him.

  Chapter 56

  I couldn’t do it.

  My feet trailed to a halt at the lobby door.

  That door was the only thing shielding me from John’s anger and contempt when he found out what I’d done.

  And when Arnie found out how I’d betrayed his best friend…

  Oh God, no. I was going to lose both of them.

  “Forget something?” Holt asked from behind me.

  “No.” My voice came out in a croak. “See you later.”

  I gripped the door handle and opened the door to my fears.

  When I stepped into the lobby, Kane rose from one of the chairs and strode over.

  “Aydan.” His arms closed around me. “Holt told me what happened,” he murmured against my hair. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  The loss of my mother was a dull ache.

  The loss of my integrity seared like a raw wound, and Kane’s warm embrace weighed me down with guilt.

  I pulled away, unable to meet his gaze. “Thanks. We need to talk.”

  “All right, but first you need food. Holt said you hadn’t eaten, and you nearly fainted.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “I understand, but…”

  No, he didn’t. But he would, far too soon. And when he did…

  “…just a bit,” Kane finished as he nudged me gently out the door. I let him guide me, too numb to argue even if I had actually heard what he’d said.

  As we got into the Expedition I tried again. “John, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Will a half-hour delay change it in any way?”

  “N-not really…”

  “Then it can wait until you’ve eaten,” he said firmly.

  My stomach rebelled at the thought. When I opened my mouth to tell him that, he shushed me.

  I gave up.

  He drove a few blocks, creeping along through the rush-hour traffic to a below-ground parkade. Minutes later we were going up in an elevator. When the doors opened on the softly humid air of the Devonian Gardens, he guided me to a seat beside a small pool.

  “Wait here,” he said.

  I slumped wordlessly on the bench, staring at the splashing fountain without seeing it.

  Maybe I nodded off, or maybe my mind went mercifully blank, but it seemed as though Kane was back in seconds bearing a plastic soup bowl, spoon, crackers, and napkins from the food court.

  “Here.” He handed me the bowl and spoon, and sat beside me with his arm warm around my shoulder. “I know you’re not hungry, but just try a bit of soup. It will help.”

  What the hell, if that was what he wanted, I’d try. I certainly owed him far more than that.

  I spooned in the soup without tasting it. When the bowl was empty I set it aside.

  This couldn’t wait any longer. Every additional second struck me like a hammer-blow.

  “I sold you out,” I said flatly.

  Kane frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “In the debriefing. I sold you out. I traded your life for mine.” I couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m…” My throat tightened and the soup threatened to come up. “…sorry. I’m so, so sorry…”

  My stomach heaved.

  “Gonna puke,” I choked, and fled for the bathroom.

  I didn’t make it.

  Fortunately there was a large open-topped garbage bin around the corner. Hands braced on its sides, I retched over and over. Kane’s strong arms were the only thing holding me up.

  “I’m sorry…” I sobbed between retches. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

  “Shhh. It’s all right. Hush, it’s all right. It’s all right.”

  Just let me fall headfirst into the bin. Huddle in there with the rest of the garbage…

  “All right. You’re all right now,” Kane soothed when the spasms eased at last. He handed me the paper napkins, and I mopped the tears and snot and other unappetizing things off my face.

  “All right. Come on…” He turned me to face him, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing gentle circles on my back. “You’re all right. Everything’s all right. I’m sorry for making you eat.”

  “Don’t apologize to me.” I pushed him away, balancing precariously on my own trembling legs. “Didn’t you hear what I said?” My words came out in a harsh rasp, as ugly as the taste of bile in my mouth. “I sold you out!”

  “I heard you and I’d like you to explain, but I don’t want to have to take you to Emergency. Will you please sit down before you fall down? There’s a bench right here…”

  I let him guide me to a bench beside another picturesque fountain. The beautiful greenery made me feel even worse.

  Kane sat sideways to face me and took my clammy hand in his big warm one. “All right. Now tell me what happened. Just take it slowly.”

  Sheer force of habit made me check my bug detector. Green light. And the splashing of the fountain would blur our words if anybody was listening.

  “I was supposed to recruit you back to the Department.” Shivers shook me, long rolling spasms that threatened to turn my stomach inside out again.

  “Yes, you told me that,” he said gently. “I’m sorry that the timing coincided with me buying the house. Did you get in trouble?”

  “Y… No…”

  He waited, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand.

  “Dermott…” I swallowed hard. Stay put, stomach. “…he’s got a hate on for me, and he tried to convince the chain of command that I was wilfully disobeying orders and not trying to convince you to come back.”

  Kane’s brow furrowed. “Only three days after you got the assignment? That’s ridiculous.”

  “That’s what General Briggs said.”

  Kane’s shoulders relaxed. “Briggs is a good man. So you’re off the hook.”

  “No. Well… yes…” I had to gulp again. “But only because I sold you out.”

  “You keep saying that. How did you sell me out?” he asked patiently.

  “Dermott… he’s going to keep at me. Forever. Before, he might have let it go; but now it’s a blood feud. And sooner or later I’d end up in front of the same tribunal, on the same charge. Because I wouldn’t try to manipulate you. And they’d put the lie detector on me, and I’d have to confess and go to prison for the rest of my life, and I…” Another wave of nausea cramped my stomach. “I just… I… c-couldn’t.”

  “So what happened?” Kane asked quietly.

  “I told them…” My heart trembled in my chest. Unable to escape.

  Trapped.

  I couldn’t l
ook into Kane’s steady gray eyes. I focused on his thumb instead, softly stroking across my hand back and forth, back and forth.

  “I told them I had already completed the mission,” I mumbled. “I told them you had come to my rescue on my last three missions, so you were already effectively working for the Department.” Shame boiled up like acid in my throat, choking my voice to a bare whisper. “And I told them that if they wanted you to keep working for them, you’d probably come if I called you and said I needed your help.”

  Kane’s thumb stilled on my hand.

  “You told them I’d probably come if you called,” he repeated, his voice dangerously flat.

  I could only nod.

  Afraid to look at him. Afraid to see his contempt for me.

  Still a damn coward.

  “And if I don’t respond?” There was no emotion in his voice.

  Somehow I forced myself to reply.

  “I told them you might not come next time or ever again; but it was the only chance they had.” I swallowed hard, but my voice still came out in a pathetic croak. “And they took it. I’m off the hook, and you’re on it. I’m so sorry.”

  Stupid words. Pointless and inadequate.

  Choking silence swelled between us.

  My heart wailed, dashing itself against my ribs again and again in raw and futile grief.

  Over.

  It was over.

  “Oh, Aydan.” It could have been laugh or a sob in Kane’s voice as he gathered me close, pressing his lips to my hair. “You’re so honourable it’s almost embarrassing.”

  “I’m not honourable!” I shoved him away, shame kindling into anger. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I said? I sold you out!”

  “No!” He caught my hands. “No, you didn’t. Aydan, listen to me. You did the right thing. You immediately told me about it. That’s not selling me out. If you had lied to me about it, pretended it never happened, that would have been selling me out. But this…” A smile spread over his lips, his eyes lighting up. “…you’ve given me exactly what I wanted.”

  “What?” Flummoxed, I could only stare at him.

  His grin widened. “This is perfect. This is better than I ever dared to hope.”

  “What the ever-loving fuck? But you said…”