Nocere

by Max Ellendale

  "Snowman," I croaked and Samirah's actions halted in a heartbeat. Her brow furrowed and she let out a few quick breaths.

  "Did I hurt you?"

  "No." I rubbed her arms from wrist to elbow. "I want to talk to you, Sam. You're hurting."

  "Take back your safe word, please, and let me." When she said it, her whole face contorted as if she fought a wave of emotion.

  "Not yet, okay?" A tear slid down my cheek, and she drew in a slow breath. "Be with me. Together."

  That was all it took to break her stance. She shook her head and hugged me to her again, her teeth raking over my shoulder. My back arched and I couldn't fight the arousal that the gesture brought. I squeezed her tight, and nipped at her neck while she scratched gentle lashes up and down my back. Goosebumps rushed my whole body in an erotic wave of excitement and I leaned back to meet her gaze again. She watched me for a moment, then pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in only a bra. I kissed her cheeks and forehead while she reached behind herself to release it.

  When it fell away, her heat cooled and she held my waist again. I smiled when I saw her nipples pierced with circular barbells, then pressed my finger to her lips.

  "I found two of the three hidden piercings," I whispered and she laughed softly.

  I brushed my thumbs over them and she nuzzled my face with her nose. Her belly fluttered against mine and instead of letting me continue, she pulled my hands to her lips to kiss each of my fingers.

  "What's your safe word?" I asked, lacing my fingers with hers.

  "Snowman, too," she said, her gaze meeting mine.

  "How about we cuddle together in bed for a little bit?" I suggested, and her gaze darted back and forth between mine.

  "Is that what you want?"

  "Yes. Is that what you want?"

  "I want to make you come," she said, though it wasn't in the sultry tones of our earlier endeavors. "I want to taste you."

  "Is that what you do when you're upset? Make women come?" I urged her with me, dismounting her lap and tugging her toward the pillows. She followed without skipping a beat as we slid under the covers. She let her boots fall to the floor first.

  "Usually," she said, and we turned to face each other as I pulled the blankets to our shoulders. She nudged her knee between mine and I draped my leg over her hip.

  "Not today." I placed my palm against her cheek. "Talk to me first, then you can do whatever you want to me."

  "Only if you lift the safe word after we talk."

  "I promise." I placed my hand over my heart and it made her smile. "What happened?"

  "Sometimes visiting my mother makes me upset. Today it made me upset," she said, though now she never stopped touching me.

  "What made today different?"

  "Will you come to Ainsley's?"

  I nodded, holding her hand to my chest. "I said I would. I noticed that you avoid my questions when you don't want to answer them. Stop that."

  She chuckled softly. "You sound like Stella."

  "With good reason, probably. What made today different?"

  "Have you ever had the experience of a smell just setting you off?"

  "Oh yeah. Often. Is that what happened?"

  "It was so innocuous. I visited my mom and when I was leaving, the way the air smelled, like when the sun hits the rain on the mucky pavement. Damp but dirty, it just slammed me in the face." She took a deep breath. "And I just remembered that smell. Maybe living here was a bad idea. Maybe I should've just stayed less tethered."

  "Triggers like that are going to happen anywhere, Sam. The same way that I'm going to catch a whiff of Clive Christian cologne sometimes and it will make me throw up on the spot." I brushed my thumb over her bottom lip a few times. "It's how we handle the aftermath that counts."

  "Making you feel good makes me feel better," she declared.

  "I understand that and I'm all for indiscriminate sex. But you asked me to be your girlfriend, Sam, and I want to be. That means not keeping each other in the dark. I haven't had many girlfriends, if any really that I could name of significance, but I know for sure, we need to talk about things. Even if you came in the door and said you were so upset that you just wanted to fuck me, I would be okay with that, knowing we would talk about it later." My monologue ended when she took my thumb between her teeth. "We have to tell each other what we need. If that's what you need, I'm there."

  "What do you need?" she asked, her gaze locked on mine.

  "More than anyone has been able to provide yet."

  "You deserve it all." She tickled her fingers up and down my side then tugged me closer to her when she rolled onto her back. I dropped my head on her shoulder, and let my hand fall between her breasts.

  "So do you, Sam." I leaned up and kissed her chin. "Safe word officially lifted. How about we take a nap before the party tonight? Because you look about ready to pass out."

  "In your bed, do you sleep better?" she asked while running her fingers through my hair.

  "Mostly. Knowing Alex is asleep in the living room helps for some reason. I've never had a temporary roommate, but since she's been here, I've slept better."

  "What about when we're in bed together?"

  "I sleep well until I wake up and can't fall back to sleep."

  "Me too." She pressed her lips to my forehead. "I'm on board for a nap, my sweet."

  "Good." I smiled under her affection then kissed her chin. "Me too."

  Chapter Nine

  We settled down together and though I didn't sleep, Samirah drifted into a semi-restless doze for about an hour. I cuddled with her, stroking her hair and letting her recuperate from the stress of the day. To say that I didn't expect her visit and the emotions that came with it wouldn't do the situation justice. Up until today, Sam presented as a brazen, bold personality. I didn't anticipate her vulnerabilities or how she handled them. It worried me more about my own ability to be what she needed in a relationship. We were so new and I didn't want to mess it all up.

  When Sam awoke, we readied ourselves to head to Ainsley's house. Alex and Sam waited for me while I showered and dressed in a suitable outfit. I found them seated together on the sofa, Alex in her usual torn skinny jeans, combat boots, and bomber jacket. Her style, coupled with her reddish-brown shoulder-length hair, always made her look younger, in my opinion anyway.

  "You look so cute, Rosie," said Sam, holding her hand to me when I joined them.

  "Thank you." My cheeks heated as I took her hand.

  "She has cute styles, doesn't she? This chic nerdy girl is my favorite." Alex grinned at me as she finished tying her boot.

  "It's just a skirt and sweater…" I leaned into Sam when she stood up and slipped her arm around my waist.

  She placed a swift kiss on my temple.

  "I like when you wear skirts," she whispered and it made me smile.

  "We better go if we're going to catch the bus, Rosie." Alex hopped up and grabbed her purse from the armchair.

  "I drove here. We can all go together," offered Sam.

  "Are you sure?" Alex glanced between the two of us.

  "Of course." Sam's gaze flickered between the two of us. "You're a little alike, I've noticed."

  "Alex taught me how to be gay." I gestured in her direction before scooping my keys up from the table.

  Samirah's eyes widened and she cocked a brow at Alex.

  "Not like that!" Alex laughed, holding her hands up in a gesture of surrender. "We were in the same group home then foster home when we were teenagers. We never hooked up."

  "I was going to say…" Sam poked my side and I chuckled.

  "Everyone always asks why we don't date. She's like my sister. It's weird." I scrunched up my nose and Alex nodded her agreement.

  "Well then, sisters, let's get going." Samirah grinned as she tossed her arm around my waist again, then held her free hand out to Alex. Alex took her hand seemingly without thinking then paused, her eyes widening.

  "I forgot to mention that Sam is ra
ther bold." I led them out the door, then locked up when we were in the hall.

  "Sounds like Ainsley's warning label," said Sam, snickering as we headed to her car.

  Cars filled Ainsley's driveway and lined the street in front of her house. Alex hurried inside, but Sam and I remained on the front walkway. I looked up at her and she stroked her thumb over the curve of my jaw.

  "Have you come to these parties before?"

  "Once. When I realized how many people they have, I never came back. It's overwhelming. I like smaller parties like when I met you," I told her, and she took my hand in hers.

  "What makes them overwhelming?"

  "I just never know what to do. What to say. I don't have anything in common with anyone other than being gay." I squeezed her hand and let out a soft sigh. "Wildrose is easier because it's not intimate at all."

  "Understandable. How about this?" She turned to face me, taking both of my hands in hers. "You follow my lead and I'll help you figure out what to do and say, okay?"

  "Okay." I squeezed her hands and drew in a deep breath. Sam's smile broadened and she released me to tug at the collar of my shirt that sat on top of my sweater. "This is the first time I'm going to anything with a girlfriend, too."

  "It might make things a little easier." She gave my collar a second tug before leaning in to kiss me. Her passion brought me to my toes and immediately set alight the unsated burn in my belly. "Mmm." She grinned and brushed her nose against mine. "Coming over after?"

  "Yes." My teeth chattered and I draped my arms over her shoulders. "Definitely."

  "Good." She swatted my rear and I let out a squeak. "Let's go say hi to our friends and get some dinner."

  I chuckled when she took my hand, and led me inside.

  Music played under the voices of dozens of people. Sam squeezed my hand as we joined the fray in the house. In the living room, Stella, Alice, Vee, and Scarlett sat together on the sofa chatting while devouring plates filled with food. At the table, Eve, Ciara, Cin, Grace, and Alex spoke in animated tones while consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Mixed in smaller groups, Billie and Mira joined a few women that I didn't recognize, and another batch of folks hung around on the back patio lit with torches and candles. Food trays lined the tables in the dining room and kitchen.

  Ainsley appeared from the hall, and her whole face lit up when she saw us. Jordan bustled out behind her and walked right into her.

  "Babe! What the heck?" Jordan huffed and caught her beer before it spilled.

  "Look who's here!" Ainsley squealed as she bounced over and hugged me.

  "Hi, Ainsley." I laughed as I hugged her then caught Jordan in with us when she joined the hug party.

  "Hooray!" she shouted then hooted before kissing my cheek. "Sami, this was all you, wasn't it?"

  "I'll take some of the credit for Rosie's appearance, but the rest is all her." Sam grinned and hugged them when they turned on her.

  "C'mon, sweet girl. Let's get you fed and watered." Ainsley took my hand and dragged me toward the kitchen. I laughed and looked to Sam to make sure she followed. Of course she did, and Jordan joined us.

  Most of the women waved and greeted us when Ainsley led us through the crowd. Pockets of people here and there returned our gestures, and their smiles accompanied it.

  "How many cops are here?" asked Samirah when she accepted a glass of wine from Jordan.

  "About as many hair stylists," answered Jordan. "Billie is FBI and Eve is a detective. Dax is a marshal. The rest of the lot are retired, disabled, or career changers."

  "Well, at least no one will successfully rob us, threaten, harass, or menace us in their presence." Samirah lifted her wine before taking a sip.

  "Even if they did, there are a bunch of doctors, too, who will save our lives," I said when Ainsley offered me a glass as well.

  "Except me. I'll find out how they killed you," chirped Ainsley, her smile menacing at best.

  Jordan laughed, then grabbed her around the neck. "She's kidding."

  "No, she isn't. If any of us died, she'd figure out how for sure," I said, chuckling at them.

  Samirah grinned and slipped her arm around my waist. She pressed her lips to my temple briefly, before starting suddenly. I looked up at her with a furrowed brow only to see her staring over behind our friends. Jordan and Ainsley turned as well. A tall woman with brown curly hair and a gear belt hanging from her sharp hips talked idly with Billie and a few other women I didn't know. She wore black-on-black jeans and a blouse that screamed federal agent, just like Billie.

  "Who's that?" I asked, glancing between them.

  "That's Caroline," answered Jordan. "We went balls to the walls and invited everyone tonight."

  Samirah pulled me closer to her, a content smile curving her lips as she watched the woman. An extremely fair woman with light blonde hair appeared beside her. She held a carrot between her lips and smiled at the taller women before taking a bite. Caroline reached up to stroke the blonde woman's cheek with her knuckle, before leaning forward to place a sweet kiss on her forehead. The gesture reminded me of Samirah, and I returned my attention to her.

  "You know her?" I asked, and Sam met my gaze.

  "I do."

  "I think I've seen the blonde woman before," I said, glancing to Jordan who nodded.

  "That's Nora. She comes to the salon."

  "Oh. That makes sense."

  "So how do you know her, Sami? Is she on your chart?" Ainsley perked up. "Jordy, we need to add Sami to the chart."

  Jordan laughed and wagged her brows at us. "Oh, yeah. We need to get this chart updated. Rosie needs a few new lines."

  "I do not." I swatted her arm and they all laughed.

  "You do, dollface." Jordan cupped my cheeks in her hands, and made an affectionate squeak. "Because you're so cute."

  "Stop that." I nearly cracked up and swatted at her. "I have a girlfriend now."

  Sam and Ainsley shared a hearty laugh at my expense which earned both of them a glare from me.

  "She knows we love you too. Okay, enough hiding away. Go eat food." Jordan released me and waved us off.

  Jordan and Ainsley hurried off to mingle in their usual way, and I returned my attention to Samirah.

  "Are you hungry?" I asked as she took my hand. I laced my fingers with hers and she gave me a squeeze.

  "I am. Let's grab something."

  "Well, right now I've grabbed you and this wine." I lifted both my hands and she chuckled, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

  "Jordan's right. You are cute."

  "Thank you for saying that." I hugged her arm to my chest as we made our way to the buffet of food. "You're incredibly sexy. Has anyone ever told you?"

  "Not lately. Thank you for the compliment, baby." Sam set her wine down on the dining room table and I followed suit before we fixed ourselves plates.

  Voices around us grew louder as people crowded the living room and greeted new arrivals. The sound tunneled and my heart pounded over the noise in my ears. I managed to place a few chips on my plate, but before I knew it, Samirah crouched in front of me to get my attention. I met her gaze and the haze over my sight faded.

  "Hi, honey." She took the plate from me and nodded toward the vacant table. "How about I get us something to eat and you save us seats there?"

  "Okay," I croaked as the awareness of my nerves rose to the surface. I gulped down the thickness in my throat and Sam set the dish aside to hug me. Her arms encircled my waist and she nearly lifted me from the floor. The desire to wrap my legs around her hit me hard, but I fought the urge to do so. She led me over to the portion of the table closest to the corner and I sat. Sam crouched down in front of me, and placed her hands on my knees.

  "Rosie," she called, her voice a sweet sing-song. "Are you wearing purple fairy socks?"

  I laughed softly and nodded. "I think so."

  "Good. Purple socks are my favorite." Her maroon-painted lips curved into a smile. When she leaned forward to kiss my knee, her hair fell
forward and tickled my legs. I ran my fingers through it and her closeness settled me. "So how about some sandwiches and baked ziti?"

  "Sounds yummy. And chips. I still want that."

  Her laughter echoed and she leaned up to kiss me, her fingers tangling in my hair. I melted under her warmth and affection when her hand slid up my thigh. I ran my finger down the curve of her jaw until she released me, leaving me breathless.

  "Better," I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers.

  "Mmm. You're the best medicine, Rosie." She nuzzled my nose with hers before standing. "Be right back."

  "Okay." I pulled my legs up to sit cross-legged on the chair while I watched her.

  While moving through the buffet, Samirah tossed me a look over her shoulder that nearly melted me on the spot. A sultry gaze, a wry smile, and her quirked brow brought a smile to my face. In that moment, everyone else faded away. When she returned to the table with two plates piled high, she set one in front of me.

  "Here you go, my sweet." She kissed the top of my head before sitting beside me.

  "Thank you, Sam. You're very good to me." I reached over and squeezed her hand.

  "You deserve someone who cares about you and takes care of you, Rosie." She brought my hand to her lips for a kiss which turned me into a figurative puddle in my seat.

  "So do you." I gave her hand a squeeze.

  "To say I didn't expect to run into you here, Samirah Flynn, is an understatement." A husky, sardonic voice broke our syrup fest. I turned to see the curly-haired woman, formerly identified as Caroline, approach.

  "I was strategically ignoring you in presumably your territory," answered Samirah, though her expression flattened to a stoic doctor face.

  "Hmm. Here I was assuming it was yours." Caroline folded her arms over her chest and cocked a brow.

  The two of them burst out laughing together and I glanced between them. "What the heck is going on?"

  "Rosie, this is Caroline. Caroline, my girlfriend Rosie." Sam ran her fingers through my hair before tucking a loose strand behind my ear.

  "Good to meet you, pretty." Caroline pulled out a chair and sat beside me, then leaned her elbow on the table. Her presence, overwhelming at best, had me gulping down the nerves in my chest. I glanced to Sam, who snaked her hand over my knee and gave me a gentle squeeze.