Nocere

by Max Ellendale

  "Did she tell you the results?" I asked, my heart giving a great squeeze in my chest.

  "She didn't. But she did say she called Anita. Did you tell her about Anita?"

  I shook my head and sipped my coffee. Sam cocked a brow at me and I smirked.

  "Some of it, but not all. I'm a grown up. She'll get over it."

  "I know but she thinks you have support. And now Anita knows your business."

  "I would've told her anyway. I mean, if I talked to her," I said, thumbing the rim of the cup.

  "Do you miss her?" asked Sam before sipping her own drink.

  "I miss knowing that she exists. I could've gone months without seeing her just fine, but knowing I had someone there if I needed her. That part is the hardest."

  "Understandable, honey." Sam gave my forearm a squeeze. "You have me now. And Stella and Ainsley, Jordan."

  "Yeah. I know." I turned my hand over to hold hers.

  "What are you most afraid of right now?"

  I didn't get a chance to answer her because Rebecca arrived at that moment, and brought Juniper with her. To my surprise, she didn't arrive alone. A man stood in the hall with a small smile on his handsome face and a little boy with white-blond hair perched on his hip. The child couldn't have been more than two. Juniper kissed both of their cheeks before she followed Rebecca inside. They turned and headed off down the hall before Rebecca shut the door. Sam stood to greet them, but I gripped my mug tighter.

  "Hi, Rosie," said Juni, her eyes on me after greeting Sam.

  "Hi," I said, glancing to Rebecca after gulping down the lump in my throat. "Who was that with you?"

  "My fiancé and our son," she said, a soft smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

  "Girls, why don't you come sit over here?" Rebecca gestured to the sofa and Sam held her hand to me. I took it and heeded Rebecca's call. Juni and I landed beside each other on the couch while Sam perched on the arm of it next to me, her hand on my shoulder.

  "Can we just get this over with?" I blurted out. "Do you know?"

  "I didn't open it, sweetie." Rebecca sat down on the coffee table in front of us, a sealed envelope held in her palms. "Ainsley is the only one who knows the truth."

  "She ran it?" I blinked away the tears that tumbled from my lashes.

  "She's who I trust." Rebecca looked between us. "How do you feel about this, Juni?"

  "Nervous. I want to know, too," she said, and we shared a quick glance.

  "All right." Rebecca opened the envelope and reviewed the papers inside. Her expression remained neutral while she turned it around to show us. Numbers and boxes filled the page with items I didn't understand, but my hands trembled too much for me to focus on the narrative below.

  "What does it say?" I asked, nearly choking on my words.

  "That...we're sisters," said Juni, sniffling through it.

  "Whole sisters," said Sam, her voice soft as she rubbed my back while looking over my shoulder. "Both of your parents are the same."

  "Whole sisters?" Juni covered her mouth now, and for once, her reaction matched mine.

  My heart pounded in my chest as I folded myself against my lap. I prevented myself from thinking about my relation to Juni, but allowed for the possibility that she was my half-sister. I never considered that we shared all of our genetics. Rebecca leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

  "You have a sister, sweet girl. Would you like to meet her?" she whispered and I leaned up, nodding as I looked to Juni as if seeing her for the first time. A wash of clarity punched me in the gut, and our resemblance became something I couldn't deny anymore.

  "Hi," she said, chuckling softly.

  "Hi." I wiped my eyes on my sleeves and drew in a shaky breath.

  "Can I hug you?" She hiccupped. "I've never hugged anyone in my birth family before."

  I nodded and returned her embrace when she squeezed me.

  A single piece of paper changed everything for us that day. I had a sister; a secret kept from me for my whole life. With the warmth of her against me, we both cried while my brain spiraled to places I often didn't allow them to go. I thought of my grandmother and wondered if she knew about Juni, and if she didn't, how much she would've loved to meet her. Knowing that Juni was a social worker, a good person with a family, calmed the fear in my heart that I kept tucked away. I always believed that because of my mother's evil, I also had the ability to do terrible things to other people. But I had a sister, a good sister who did good things for the world. Maybe my tender heart wasn't a fluke after all. Maybe our mother was capable of producing goodness. And just maybe, it could start with us.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Sam, Rebecca, and Alex sat at my kitchen table with Nate, Juniper's fiancé, and spoke in animated tones. Juni and I sat together on the carpet in my living room while her son played with a set of small toy trucks that he repeatedly crashed in the Ziggy statue I let him use as an obstacle on his race track.

  "Sebastian, gentle," she said, patting his hand when he smashed the truck into the table leg. I fought a snicker while I watched him.

  "No, Mama." He bashed the truck again and I burst out laughing.

  Juni shot me her first ever glare before she chuckled as well. She snatched the truck away from her son, and a big fat pouty lip marred his formerly jovial face. His sharp blue eyes, pale skin, and wild blonde hair made him appear like the perfect imitation of a porcelain doll. I tried hard to process the idea that we were related. That he was my nephew, and I spent an afternoon with people who shared my blood.

  "We don't say no to Mommy, Bast." Juni held the toy away from him. "Say sorry to Aunt Rosie for beating up her table."

  Sebastian's attention shot to me, his pout turning into a shy shoulder shrug. "Say sorry," he said, in a tiny voice.

  His cuteness made me smile and I held my hand out to him. "Thank you, Sebastian. I accept your apology."

  Little white eyebrows lifted and washed away his pout. He slapped my hand like a high-five then turned back to Juni, his palms outstretched. "Mine? Mine?"

  "Yes." She chuckled as she placed the toy in his hands. "No more smashing things."

  "'Kay." He dropped back down on his knees and instead of crashing into the table, he sent the truck flying into the bookshelf. I let out a laugh and Juni dropped her head in her hands.

  "He's going to be fun when he grows up," I said, grinning at the cute kid.

  "He's a handful all right. Tenacious and loves doing exactly the opposite of what we tell him. The terrible twos are almost over," she said, with a smile on her face despite what she said. "Just in time for the next one." Juni patted her stomach and met my gaze.

  "You're pregnant?" I asked and she nodded, her smile broadening.

  "A girl. Almost five months." When both of her hands made it to her belly, her sweater pressed against her and I noted the small bump.

  "That's amazing. Congratulations." My expression lifted with hers and she let out a small giggle.

  "Thanks. Will you come to the baby shower? You'll get to meet my family and some of my friends." Her gaze met mine and the shimmering glee wasn't something I expected to see. "I can't wait for them to meet my sister."

  "Yes. I'll come." The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. My eagerness to attend a people-filled affair startled me.

  "Hooray." She beamed, clasping her hands in front of her chest. "I'm going to invite your girlfriend and Rebecca too. They're lovely."

  "Thank you." I glanced at Sam and she tossed me a wink as if she'd been watching me the entire time. It made my belly flutter and the unusual excitement inside me bumbled around like a foreign body trapped in a metal tube.

  "How long have you and Samirah been together?" she asked while redirecting Sebastian's truck away from the table again.

  "About four months. But it seems like longer…" I wrung my hands in my lap as some anxiety returned to its usual baseline.

  "You seem very close. Sometimes it happens that way. Nate and I m
et in college. From there we just…" There it was again, the dreamy smile that I noted accompanied her happiness. I'd only known Juni for a few hours, but already began to observe her tendencies. She was a happy person, for the most part, and it reminded me of Ainsley. She offered a breath of fresh air when she spoke about her passions, and it comforted me the same way as my friend. "We fell in love and we've been together ever since."

  "I like hearing that," I said, catching the truck that Sebastian sent my way. He patted me on the head when he toddled by and I laughed. "He's too much."

  "He is. Very affectionate. Probably because I am." She smiled at her son who bolted over to his father, then returned her attention to me. "I have to show you something."

  "Okay..." My chest tightened slightly as I watched her turn toward her purse. She pulled out a tattered manila envelope that crunched when she opened it, followed by a few photographs, three of which were old Polaroids.

  "The adoption agency gave me these…" She showed me one picture at a time of her as an infant, less than six months old at least for most of them. The resemblance to her son became evident right away. "These two...I thought you should see."

  I took them and she scooted closer to sit beside me. In the first picture, baby Juni sat on a fluffy green carpet with a rainbow ring toy in front of her. Beside her, a little girl in a purple dress leaned against the legs of an adult whose top half wasn't in the picture. I recognized the dress before I recognized my own blonde ringlets and round cheeks. With my finger in my mouth, and a tentative gaze at the camera, the image brought a wave of emotion that tightened my throat.

  "Is that you?" Juni pointed at me and I nodded. "That's me." She pointed to the baby in the picture. "We did meet before."

  I stared down at the image of the two of us, and a sharp stab struck my back. Rose, look here. Look at the camera. Someone's voice echoed in my memories.

  "Where was this?" I croaked, sniffling as I fought the emotions that tripped me up.

  "The woman at the adoption agency said these were standard photos taken back then when they were preparing to adopt children out," she said, while giving my forearm a squeeze.

  "But our grandmother took me…"

  Juni showed me the second photo of the two of us; a five-year-old and an infant in a typical posed picture. I sat with Juni between my knees, both arms around her while her little fist wrapped around my thumb. My eyes, bluer in the image than their current grayish, glassy with recent tears. My fingers held tightly to the baby in my arms and I ran my finger over the two of us in the photo.

  "When did you get this?" Tears dripped from my cheeks and Juni scooted closer, her chin on my shoulder and arm wrapped around me. I found myself leaning into her, and her similar body contours offered an unusual comfort.

  "Last year after I found out who our birth mother was. Everything opened up then. From what I gathered, they tried to adopt us out together."

  "But I lived with our grandmother until I was eight or nine…"

  "I didn't," she said, her voice soft.

  "Babies are easier to adopt out," I said and she nodded.

  "When CPS took me from the hospital, you were already living with our grandmother. They brought you to meet me after a while." She pointed to the first picture. "They let her keep you, but not me. But I think they attempted to adopt us out together when Carly had her parental rights terminated for both of us."

  "Who told you this?" I choked on a sob.

  "Some from the adoption agency. Some from Carly…" She met my gaze and I nearly crumbled when I heard her say it.

  "You talked to her?"

  She nodded and I shook my head, moving away from her as I held up my hands.

  "Rosie?" she called, setting the pictures down.

  "You can't talk to her." I covered my face as the weight of the situation finally hit me. "You can't. She'll...I'll—"

  Firm arms wrapped around me from behind and I latched on to Sam right away. Rebecca wasn't a beat behind and came to crouch beside us, her hand on Juni's shoulder.

  "I didn't mean to upset you, Rosie," Juni's panicked voice penetrated the underwater sounds in the room. "I'm sorry."

  I nodded and hid my face against Sam's chest. She kissed my cheek and rocked with me before she whispered, "You have to tell her, baby. She doesn't understand."

  Sam's words quelled the panic, but left the anxiety bouncing around inside me. I rested my head on her shoulder and returned my gaze to Juni. Tears welled in her eyes as Nate crouched beside her with Sebastian on his hip.

  "If my mother's parental rights were terminated, how did I end up back with her?" I asked Rebecca, my voice harsher than intended.

  "We don't know the answer to that, sweet girl." Rebecca stroked my cheek. "We never have."

  I nodded and sniffled while watching Juni. She swiped at her face as she held the pictures to her chest. Her eyes never left me and my heart squeezed knowing I'd upset her by recoiling.

  "Can we talk in private?" I said, my voice cracking in the end. She nodded right away and I slowly peeled myself from Sam's comforting embrace.

  "Rosie…" Rebecca's calm expression shifted to wrinkle her brow with concern.

  "I can handle it." I drew a deep breath and stood from my place on the floor. A surge of confidence struck me and I smoothed down my shirt. Sam squeezed my hand, offering me a gesture of support as everyone else rose with us. I turned to Sam and she stroked my cheeks with her thumbs, a small, sad smile lingering on her lips. I nodded before kissing her palm, and breaking away from her.

  Juni followed me down the short hall to the bedroom, still clutching the pictures, and I closed the door behind her. She sat down on the bed, a smirk on her face when she glanced around my room.

  "You like to read?" she asked and I nodded. "Me too. Who's your favorite author?"

  "Stephen King. But I read everything, especially romance."

  "That's a big spectrum," she said, watching me when I sat beside her.

  "It is. Who's your favorite?"

  "Agatha Christie. I've reread almost everything she wrote. Well, until I had Sebastian. Now I'm an avid follower of Dr. Seuss."

  "Uck. I hate those books." I smirked while fiddling with a tear in my jeans.

  "Sebastian loves them." Juni sat cross-legged as we turned to face each other on the bed. "What did you want to talk about alone?"

  "My m—our mother." I pulled a pillow into my lap and held it close to my stomach. Because I hadn't known her all that long, looking her straight in the eye intimidated me a little. I still hadn't wrapped my brain around the fact that she was my sister at all.

  "About why you hate her?" she asked, her voice soft while her fingers traced a pattern in the quilt between us.

  "When did you talk to her last?"

  "A few days after she got out of jail. We met for coffee and she filled in some gaps about how and why I was adopted," she said, folding her hands in her lap as if attempting not to fidget.

  "Did she say anything about me?" I glanced to the door, aching for the comfort of Sam's arms or the solace of Rebecca's taking control when I felt vulnerable.

  She nodded, drawing in a breath. "That she was using heavily back then and your grandmother was awarded custody of you until she died."

  "Nothing else?"

  Juni shook her head. "No. Other than she loves you and has a lot of regret."

  "She can be really manipulative, Juni…" I ran my fingers through my hair and drew my attention from the door back to her. "She's not just a recovering addict. She has a personality disorder and a serious one."

  "Why do you say that?" Juni's brow furrowed under her side-swept bangs.

  "Because of what she did to me. And the fact she didn't tell you." I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands and dropped my gaze for a moment. "I don't want to upset you."

  "I can handle it." Juni placed her hands on top of mine. "What did she do?"

  I stared at her hands, delicate and small like mine, save for the
glistening rock protruding from her left ring finger. Her caution and gentility offered some comfort, but I feared that finding out the truth would hurt her. Starting out our new sisterhood on the precipice of harm wasn't where I wanted us to begin.

  "Do you know why she was in prison?" I let a single finger wrap around hers as the swell of emotion tightened my throat. I hadn't clutched onto a blood relative in almost twenty years. In her eyes, the flecked areas of darker blue in her irises reminded me of our grandmother. Did she know she looked like her?

  "Trafficking and selling drugs," she answered, though the shimmer in her eyes told me of the question that lay beneath.

  "Selling drugs, yes. But not drug trafficking. Human trafficking." I remembered Sam's reaction to my reveal and rushed my way through this disclosure. "Because she trafficked me in exchange for drugs. She got arrested when Rebecca's team found out. That's how I met Rebecca. She saved me."

  "Wait…" Juni's eyes widened as the horror struck her. "She trafficked you?"

  "Yes. In exchange for drugs or money. And she's on the sex offender registry because of it, because she was present once or twice. I have an order of protection against her. The fact she didn't tell you this, Juni, scares me. Don't let her manipulate you. Don't let her near Sebastian." When I said his name, tears finally broke through the walls I tried to rapidly cement around my emotions. "You can't trust her."

  "She did that to you?" Juni's expression crumbled and thick tears tumbled down her cheeks as her hands squeezed mine.

  I nodded and gulped down the knot in my throat that I continued to fight. "You can't trust her. She's not just a person with an addiction who has regrets. She's a person whose character pathology runs deeper than we could ever understand. Okay?" At that point, I lost my composure and she sobbed.

  "Can I hug you, Rosie?" she croaked, holding her arms open to me. I nodded, and she scooted closer to wrap me in a hug. With trembling arms, I returned her embrace. "I'm so sorry," she whispered against my shoulder. "I wished I'd known the truth earlier."

  "I'm glad it didn't happen to you." I gulped down my sob and squeezed her. "I'm glad you got adopted and had a safe life."