All for Her

by Penny Best

  That seems to be the most important thing to Edward.

  “McGovern told Ernest that you write to communicate. So, I have a pencil and paper here. I thought we might discuss this before Ernest comes in.”

  Edward goes to the dresser and comes back with a notepad and pencil. He’s already written some lines and he thrusts them at me.

  Dearest Minnie Hatton,

  I don’t often write, having no family to send letters to. This is a short note to convey quite an important message.

  With no family to speak of and with very little good in my life, there’s a need in me to settle down with a good woman and create a family of my own. This is sudden, I grant you, but I’ve explained my reasons for asking you this.

  We could help each other. I don’t mean with just money and cleaning; I mean in life. As you get to know me, my traits of honesty and loyalty will be obvious. I am a hard-working, healthy man and I’d keep a fine house with you in the future and provide well for us.

  I would very much like if we could step out together. What do you think?

  Please don’t be shocked and whatever you do, don’t tell Ernie just yet. Think about it and don’t be worrying, you can still work here if the answer is no.

  However, I hope that it is clear that I think very highly of you and that I want you to feel safe and happy. I am a good man, Minnie, and I would look after you. I’ve always admired you and thought that someday I’d get the opportunity to ask you this and then God led you here to me. Please don’t be scared, say that you’ll think about it or I will break in two.

  Forever yours,

  Edward Tandy.

  My mouth goes dry. Never in my wildest notions did I think a man like Edward would look twice at a woman like me.

  Are both men enamored with me because they have very few options? Or is it that I do have something special which Mammy has tried to get rid of? Dottie is always commenting on my beauty, but I felt she was just being patronizing when I had no confidence. What should I make of all of this?

  I’m used to Mammy making me believe I’m nothing much at all, a woman in children’s clothes, treated like a weakling and curtailed from intelligent thought and normal freedom.

  Edward is on a stool, level with me, trying to assess if I’m finished reading all the pages and he’s shuffling wondering what I might be thinking. A pencil comes under my nose.

  “Despite the past, your mother will be persuaded by the farm and the fact I have good savings. I know there will be no dowry and that is fine. I want you to think about this because I know Ernest, and he will have notions about you. I need to be clear and show you that I’m serious before he decides to do the same.”

  The churning of guilt, amusement and hope is hard to bear. Any mute girl would be pleased at such opportunities. What should I do? What would Ernest say to this? They’d fall out even more! How can I think when this is all fast and flung at me on the second morning here?

  The pencil trembles as I write. This is very sudden and too strange for me to even think about.

  “Surely you’ve thought of the future. Have you not considered boys at all? Men? You’re of an age for marriage?”

  Without looking up I write Don’t be angry. I am flattered but I don’t know what to say.

  In the blink of an eye, Edward lowers a stubbled chin and tenderly kisses me. There’s a heart thumping silence between us. Breathing softly, he does it again and I let him. With a blank mind, I reach out and hold a weathered hand as he sweetly whispers, “You are lovely, Minnie. I’ve never met a woman like you. Say that you’ll consider this and try to think of me as a suitor, someone to love you?”

  I smile and know I’m playing with fire as he kisses me again. Ernest cannot be far away and yet I’m encouraging his brother to toy with my tongue.

  “I will admit that I have been with one woman, once before,” Edward whispers, “but there was no future in it.”

  The honesty should disturb our union. It doesn’t.

  “I wish you would talk. We’d have amazing conversations. I could talk to you about the bible and books. We’ve so much in common.”

  Sometimes there are advantages in being silent and now is one time I’m glad of it.

  “Maybe you’d bring me tea to the back field later and we could talk there?” Edward breaks away from me to look over a shoulder. “Will you come out and let me show you the farm later? Ernest wouldn’t like it if he saw us like this, here.”

  Curious to know how much Edward is aware of Ernest’s feelings I write quickly Why wouldn’t he like it?

  “He’d be jealous. Ernest likes beautiful women and always charms them.”

  I try not to look crest fallen.

  “Why do you ask? Might you be interested in Ernest?” Edward moves back screeching the leg of the stool.

  I pick the words as carefully as I can. You both are handsome. I am flattered Edward.

  “We both look the same! You know that we’re not considered eligible, despite the farm? I’m caring and strong. I’d care for you, Minnie. I’m a good man.”

  Our lips pucker together again. The niceness of the act makes me sigh.

  “Come to see me later? Around midday? The dog will find me, follow her,” he whispers. I watch the notepad flop onto the table and the half-door close.

  While cleaning and starting on some baking, I mull over what’s happening. Where is Ernest this morning? What will I do about Edward? Finding myself humming a tune, makes me chuckle at the contentment inside despite the strange turn of events. For the first time ever, I’m attractive and sought after.

  Chapter 11

  The pantry at the back of the kitchen is tiny and cold. It has helped firm up the butter a little with the coolness there. Assessing the stores and singing a satisfied song to myself, I make a plan for a picnic lunch to take to both men in the fields before I head home later. Just as I am about to go back down the five narrow steps out of the pantry, Ernest’s height blocks the light.

  “Hello you,” he says. “All alone in the dark?” He closes the door with a loud bang and leaps the few steps to almost land on me. Rough hands go straight into my hair where he always delves. “I need you,” he breathes slipping one hand down and kneading my buttock. “Now!”

  As much as I should stop him or pretend to be shocked, I’m overjoyed that Ernest is as impatient as me.

  Hoisting up my skirt, he pulls down my pants, lifting me, propping me against the first shelf. Knocking a few earthen jars back and over on the wooden boards, I balance myself while being manhandled by a very eager Ernest.

  “Need you! Need inside you,” he mutters into my messed hair and sucked ears. There’s a clatter of trousers on the floor and a scuffle of boots as he positions himself. Teeth find their way to a nipple and the nibbling makes me wetter as his thumbs slides smoothly over a thigh and through the opening between my splayed legs.

  “The shelf is too high for us. I’ll have to lower it,” Ernest complains and holds me astride naked hips. He’ll never be able to manage the act like this, so I slide down onto my knees and rub a trembling hand down the length of his horn.

  “Oh Jesus,” he moans. I cannot see it all that well in this light, but Ernest’s balls tighten when I breathe on them and I try to tug on the shaft before me. He shows me how to rub with a rhythm and then asks, “Can you suck on it, Minnie? Would you put it in your mouth?” It’s salty, hard and long as he moves it further back against my tonsils. I try not to gag and suck as best I can. He likes that a lot and moves in and out. I hold his clenching buttocks and he’s back tangling his hands in my hair as he moans. “I’m going to burst!” he says stopping and scooping me up into tight arms. Then he turns me around and moves us up a step or two. I fall forwards and his thumb finds its home again.

  “I need in there,” he orders and quick as anything he does go there, thrusting and groaning over my back and grabbing at my breasts. The damp smell in the pantry rises as the chink of daylight under the door reminds
me of the world outside our lust. Rubbing myself, I reach in and cup Ernest’s testicles an odd time. This drives Ernest wild as he thumps forward harder, making slapping noises and the thoughts of the spurting makes me shudder and ride into the nice end of my own passion.

  He withdraws, groans loudly and I feel a slight warm spurt on my inner thigh. Holding himself he heaves a few times into a tight fist and sighs, “Minnie, you’re unbelievable. Bloody hell, I’m done for.”

  Coming out of the darkness of the pantry hurts my eyes and heart. The bright light of day shines on the sins I’ve committed – we’ve committed. Ernest doesn’t seem in the least bit bothered and in fact looks exceedingly pleased with himself.

  “Tell me that you love it too?” he asks. “Tell me, that it is bloody good for you as well?”

  Following me into the kitchen, he pulls himself together. I fix my disheveled clothes and hair while looking out for Edward. Like a child, Ernest puffs at the flour I shook on the table earlier. He spies the notepad on the corner of the dresser. He gets to it before I do, and he flicks it open and squints into the paper.

  “My name is there,” he points. “Were you talking to Ed about me?”

  Why didn’t I get rid of those pages? Fear clasps me to the spot. The room starts to spin. With everything that’s happening and has happened, a tortured brain cannot keep up with a confused heart. A long haze descends. I stagger and knock over a chair. Ernest rushes towards me just as I lose sight of him.

  A lovely scent of man greets me as I come around fully. A beard tickles me with a worried breath as I get covered in a soft blanket. “Minnie, sweet Jesus I thought you’d never waken. Do you need the Doc? I did this to you. I’m so sorry. I’m like a savage when I’m near you. Your mother will kill me. Talk to me. Open your eyes. I’ll go get Edward and go to the town and…”

  I touch Ernest’s arm and try to smile. Tiredness gives way to a thumping headache. Pinching the bridge of my nose I sit up in his bed.

  “I’m sorry. So sorry I’m rough with you,” Ernest rubs my arms. “Say something Minnie. You gave me some fright. I shouldn’t have done that in the pantry, but you drive me wild for you. You know, I’m weak too with all of it! Minnie, tell me you’re okay. Tell me that I didn’t hurt you.”

  I silence the worries with kissing. It soothes fears and brings me back to normal. There shouldn’t be anything to spoil the time we’re together, but there’s always something. Refusing talk of the doctor, nestling his head against my chest, I try to place everything into cupboards. Lust for Ernest in one place, strong feelings for Edward in another, fears about Mammy and the world in another one. Ernest hasn’t a bean, not a shilling and we’d never survive without the land. It’s all he knows. Choosing either brother will be impossible but being without them will be hell itself. Ernest pecks lightly at an exposed collar bone and promises me, “I’ll not take you like that again. It’s too fierce, too hard on you. I was sure you liked it. I am sorry.”

  I wish that I could explain to Ernest that I adore all of that wild Irish lust, but the weakness came with the stress and worries of the world heaping on top of one another.

  “Edward will be cross and blame me for you fainting again. I think he’s getting fond of you. I can see it. He mentioned you twenty times yesterday evening. It does worry me, Minnie.” The caressing at his chest that I’m doing stops, but he goes on. “He can take care of you, if I’m not about. We can both care for you, Minnie. Talking about you brings us closer together as brothers. Isn’t that odd?” Ernest gets up, “I’ll go make some tea. It will help you feel better.”

  Mammy says that tea cures all ills. What would Mammy make of me snuggled into Ernest’s bed at what must be midday? Edward will be looking out for me in the fields, but I couldn’t face lumbering a basket across ditches right now.

  However, I needn’t have worried as in troops Edward all concerned. “I’ve sent Ernest to get the Doc as he tells me that you need looking after. I came back all mournful that you didn’t come out at midday. It’s only after one. I’m almost glad that the reason you didn’t come is that you haven’t been well. How bad am I? You poor fragile creature.”

  He marches over and immediately goes to take off my shoes. “Good gracious, that Ernest left you with these on.” Unlacing them has never risen the hairs on the back of my neck before. Edward fondles my ankle and up both legs a bit. I lie speechless and vulnerable, tired, but elated that he’s here too and cares about me. “Can I remove anything else?” Edward grins. It’s the first time Edward has looked naughty or bold. It makes me happy despite feeling rotten. Dealing with a woman who loses consciousness isn’t all that grand and it worries me that they will feel burdened with me, like Mammy does. He looks as interested as ever as he goes to the boil kettle.

  “Men don’t need to be troubled by women,” Dottie says. “Or troubled by women’s needs.”

  Edward doesn’t seem put upon as he hands me a china cup of tea and some buttered bread from the satchel Dottie packed. “There is some colour back in your cheeks! Ernest says that we shouldn’t tell your mother about this episode and I agree. He says that he’ll tell the Doc that it’s our secret and Ernest will bring you home on the horse later.” The bed creaks with Edwards’s weight. “I wish you could stay here, though in another bed.” There’s that bold look again. “Don’t look so worried. I’ll wait until we’re married for such things. That’s important to me. You look less pale and I probably shouldn’t say this, but just so you know, Ernest asked me quickly about the notepad and said he could read his name.”

  Staring at Edward I just know that there’s something awful coming.

  “I told him out straight that I have asked you to think about me as a suitor and that I would honour you with marriage, after a decent courting time, of course. He left for the Doc looking very annoyed. Don’t trouble yourself about that now. It isn’t your fault. We fall out about everything and he’s going to have to learn that life isn’t just about how Ernest wants it to be.”

  I sip at the tea and cry inside.

  Chapter 12

  Edward is shouting in the kitchen. He doesn’t want Ernest to take me home on the horse. The voice of temper doesn’t suit Edward. He’s realised that by going on the horse with Ernest will mean me sitting close to Ernest’s crotch. He’s said it openly at least twice that he’s not allowing it. The air is stuffy in the back bedroom and with all the men at me today, I’m very tired indeed. The doctor did come earlier. He staggered in after driving that flashy motorcar up into the yard. I knew he couldn’t do anything in the drunken state he was in. The expression of shock at seeing me in Ernest’s bed was bad enough without holding out a grubby hand for a fee. Edward paid even though I refused to let a drunkard listen to my chest and hissed like a cat. The twins felt they’d done their duty and scuttled the doctor out to the car with a bottle of poitín and a warning not to speak of the afternoon’s patient.

  I write on the paper and Edward reads it aloud. Please don’t shout at each other. Thank you for being good to me – both of you are good to me. I must go now. I’m already very late home.

  Graciously he reads it aloud for Ernest. “We both worry about you,” Edward admits. “It is getting late and you should have been home hours ago.”

  Ernest promised to leave me home. That would be nice. I’m tired and it would be quicker too.

  The evil side of me doesn’t let on to have heard Edward’s fears, but also rebels against him dictating terms at Ernest.

  Edward’s face falls and he flings the paper at Ernest. “Minnie wants you to see her home.”

  As a triumphant Ernest leaves to get the horse, I write I’ll see you tomorrow Edward. I won’t be sick again and once I get rest I’ll be fit for work in the morning. I’ll bring you that tea at midday.

  Edward brightens and glances at the door before kissing my cheek.

  The evening is pleasant. Someone has cleared the manure piles away; the front of the house looks more presentable and pla
ns to plant flowers form in my head.

  With a few curt instructions, Ernest pulls me upwards as Edward cups a hand for my foot to hoist me up onto the horse. One settled there, Edward taps my boot and nods knowingly as I settle with ease in front of Ernest. With an expert clenching of thighs and a click to the horse, we move out of the yard. When we are a decent distance from the house Ernest nuzzles into me whispering, “He wants you too, you know. He has the farm and everything in this life and then he wants you as well. I’ve nothing. Somehow, I’ve got to be near you all the time. We have to work it out soon, Minnie. I’m going demented thinking about what the future will be.” He releases the reins and massages my breasts. “You make me wild for you, Minnie. Simply bloody wild.”

  The horse trots down the hill and the scents of the hedgerows come alive in the waft of our movements and the evening sun.

  “I’ll have to let you off here,” Ernest says pulling on the reins. “If Annie Hatton sees us like this, we are done for. We’ll figure it all out, Minnie, wait and see.”

  Sliding from Ernest is hard to do. Petting the horse, I hold my lover’s calf for a time and then turn for home.

  “Someday you’ll tell me that you want me too, Minnie, won’t you?” Ernest asks as I walk away. “It would make me the happiest man in the world to hear you tell me that you need me too. Some day that will happen, won’t it?”

  Even my thoughts are silenced by the fate that has finally come.

  Chapter 13

  The following day it rains, and Mammy doesn’t let me go up to the farm in the lashing torrents saying, “Put your hair back the way it always is. Loose hair doesn’t suit you. You’re not leaving here today. They’ll not be in the fields on a day like that and you’ll be stuck up there with the two of them!”

  I cannot think of anything I’d like more. Instead of arguing and showing my cards to her, I read romance novels with a new insight. Clinging to the pages which allude to what a man and a woman do together, I figure I’m possessed by the divil who tortures good people with sexual desires.