The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

by Rudolf Erich Raspe

  CHAPTER XXIII

  _The Baron proceeds on his voyage--Convoys a squadron to Gibraltar--Declines the acceptance of the island of Candia--His chariotdamaged by Pompey's Pillar and Cleopatra's Needle--The Baron out-doesAlexander--Breaks his chariot, and splits a great rock at the Cape ofGood Hope._

  Taking the reins in my hand, while the music gave a general salute, Icracked my whip, away they went, and in three hours I found myself justbetween the Isle of Wight and the main land of England. Here I remainedfour days, until I had received part of my accompaniment, which I wasordered to take under my convoy. 'Twas a squadron of men-of-war that hadbeen a long time prepared for the Baltic, but which were now destinedfor the Mediterranean. By the assistance of large hooks and eyes,exactly such as are worn in our hats, but of a greater size, somehundredweight each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to the wheels ofthe vehicle: and, in fact, nothing could be more simple or convenient,because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with the utmostfacility. In short, having given a general discharge of their artillery,and three cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went, helter skelter,and in six jiffies I found myself and all my retinue safe and in goodspirits just at the rock of Gibraltar. Here I unhooked my squadron, andhaving taken an affectionate leave of the officers, I suffered them toproceed in their ordinary manner to the place of their destination. Thewhole garrison were highly delighted with the novelty of my vehicle;and at the pressing solicitations of the governor and officers I wentashore, and took a view of that barren old rock, about which more powderhas been fired away than would purchase twice as much fertile ground inany part of the world! Mounting my chariot, I took the reins, and againmade forward, in mad career, down the Mediterranean to the isle ofCandia. Here I received despatches from the Sublime Porte, entreating meto assist in the war against Russia, with a reward of the whole islandof Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitated, thinking that theisland of Candia would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereignwho at that time employed me, and that the most delicious wines, sugar,&c., in abundance would flourish on the island; yet, when I consideredthe trade of the East India Company, which would most probably sufferby the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at oncerejected the proposal, and had afterwards the thanks of the Honourablethe House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment.

  Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I again proceeded, and in ashort time arrived in the land of Egypt. The land of this country, atleast that part of it near the sea, is very low, so that I came upon itere I was aware, and the Pillar of Pompey got entangled in the variouswheels of the machine, and damaged the whole considerably. Still I droveon through thick and thin, till, passing over that great obelisk, theNeedle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled again, and jolted at amiserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all that country; yetmy poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labour across the Isthmus ofSuez into the Red Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which hassince been taken by De Tott for the remains of a canal cut by someof the Ptolemies from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean; but, as youperceive, was in reality no more than the track of my chariot, the carof Queen Mab.

  As the artists at present in that country are nothing wonderful, thoughthe ancient Egyptians, 'tis said, were most astonishing fellows, I couldnot procure any new coach-springs, or have a possibility of setting mymachine to rights in the kingdom of Egypt; and as I could not presumeto attempt another journey overland, and the great mountains of marblebeyond the source of the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make thebest way I could, by sea, to the Cape of Good Hope, where I supposedI should get some Dutch smiths and carpenters, or perhaps some Englishartists; and my vehicle being properly repaired, it was my intentionthence to proceed, overland, through the heart of Africa. The surfaceof the water, I well knew, afforded less resistance to the wheels of themachine--it passed along the waves like the chariot of Neptune; and inshort, having gotten upon the Red Sea, we scudded away to admirationthrough the pass of Babelmandeb to the great Western coast of Africa,where Alexander had not the courage to venture.

  And really, my friends, if Alexander had ventured toward the Cape ofGood Hope he most probably would have never returned. It is difficult todetermine whether there were then any inhabitants in the more southernparts of Africa or not; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of the worldwould have made but a nonsensical adventure; his miserable ships, notcontrived for a long voyage, would have become leaky, and foundered,before he could have doubled the Cape, and left his Majesty fairlybeyond the limits of the then known world. Yet it would have been anaugust exit for an Alexander, after having subdued Persia and India,to be wandering the Lord knows where, to Jup or Ammon, perhaps, or on avoyage to the moon, as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook.

  But, for my part, I was far more successful than Alexander; I drove onwith the most amazing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore at theCape, I unfortunately drove too close, and shattered the right sidewheels of my vehicle against the rock, now called the Table Mountain.The machine went against it with such impetuosity as completely shiveredthe rock in a horizontal direction; so that the summit of the mountain,in the form of a semi-sphere, was knocked into the sea, and the steepmountain becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since receivedthe name of the Table Mountain, from its similarity to that piece offurniture.

  Just as this part of the mountain was knocked off, the ghost of theCape, that tremendous sprite which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad, wasdiscovered sitting squat in an excavation formed for him in the centreof the mountain. He seemed just like a young bee in his little cellbefore he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod; and when the upperpart of the mountain was split across and knocked off, the superior halfof his person was discovered. He appeared of a bottle-blue colour, andstarted, dazzled with the unexpected glare of the light: hearing thedreadful rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping of the crickets,he was thunder-struck, and instantly giving a shriek, sunk down tenthousand fathoms into the earth, while the mountain, vomiting out somesmoke, silently closed up, and left not a trace behind!