Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  We laughed again.

  “Alright, I know a lot of you, but I have to take roll anyway…” He tapped the tablet screen to life and scrolled through the list with his finger, calling out the names on the attendance sheet as we affirmed our presence. He then grabbed a stack of papers off his desk.

  “Alright, everyone, let’s do it together and get it out of our systems,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “We have to read over the syllabus now. Everyone groan on three. One, two, three…”

  The class groaned and griped for the fun of it and Mr. McDermott gave a strong, approving nod.

  “Perfect,” he complimented. “Okay, pass these around.”

  We went over the syllabus as we had in my other classes, even though Mr. McDermott would crack jokes about the things we had to do and what should have been common knowledge by that point in our schooling.

  When he got to the schedule, he told us to look up from the syllabus and focus on him.

  “Okay, as you have all heard, we are reading only J.A.N.E., so I want you to really pay attention to what I am going to tell you right now. There is only one book to read for this entire year, and I know you’re celebrating internally, but that means that if you don’t do the reading once, I will know…and I will mock you in front of the class,” he teased. We chuckled until he motioned us quiet. “However, in all seriousness, it is very important that you follow the reading schedule. Do not read ahead. This is a complicated book, and we need to go over it as I have broken it up. This is extremely important. Do you all understand?” We nodded obediently, though Mr. McDermott looked around suspiciously. “Do we need to make an oath?”

  He raised his right hand.

  “Everyone raise your right hand,” he instructed. We laughed and followed the orders, rolling our eyes. “Okay, repeat after me. We, as Mr. McDermott’s third period class…”

  “We, as Mr. McDermott’s third period class…”

  “Do solemnly swear…”

  “Do solemnly swear…”

  “To do the assigned reading, and only the assigned reading…”

  “To do the assigned reading, and only the assigned reading…”

  “Under the knowledge that my punishment will be to act out the chapter as a mime in front of the class if I stray off the schedule.”

  We all laughed and asked if he was telling the truth.

  “Finish the oath,” he said, avoiding answering directly.

  We finished the recitation, giggling the entire time. Mr. McDermott nodded once more, satisfied.

  Chapter Six

  It did not take me very long to get into the swing of school. However, I was concerned that, as the term continued, darker sides of the school would make themselves known. Once I was no longer worried about being in the new school, I started looking at my classmates, trying to remember the individuals Becca had warned me to avoid. I became paranoid that my transition to the school in Central was too smooth.

  By the middle of the week, some of the people in the school discovered I was new and introduced themselves. There were a few that I recognized from my study sessions with Becca, but fortunately, I was often with Becca, who would fix me with a serious stare when those students would approach to remind me to be careful with my associations. I was always polite to those who introduced themselves, but I was sure to stay close with the three girls I had come to know.

  Even though I was becoming more confident in my ability to navigate the school’s student body, my anxiety found a new focus—the Welcome Back party at Club Archangel that Friday.

  “Hey, about the party this Friday, do you want us to pick you up or do you want to meet us there?” Jill asked me at lunch. “You know you have to go, right?”

  “Yeah…” I grumbled. “I don’t know…I mean…I’ve never been to a club before…”

  “It’s really not that big of a deal. Most of the time, these parties are kinda boring after the first hour or so,” Taylor admitted. “I mean, there are certain rules you absolutely have to follow, but—”

  “Rules?”

  “She means that there are some things you are expected to do,” Jill clarified. “You kinda-sorta-in-secret circle the room and pick up on the gossip. Then, you compare what you heard with your group of friends,” she motioned to the group, “and try to figure out if the rumors are true.”

  “That sounds complicated…and a little creepy, honestly.”

  “Don’t worry,” Becca assured. “It’s a little hard to explain. You’ll understand when you get there.”

  “Do you want us to pick you up, or meet us there?” Jill asked again.

  “Please pick me up,” I pled. “I don’t want to go alone.”

  For the first time in a very long time I had plans for Friday night, which dumbfounded my parents.

  “Do you mind if I go out with my friends on Friday night?” I asked over dinner on Wednesday. Both of my parents froze, staring at me in surprise, my father’s mouth open, his fork suspended in the air.

  “You don’t have to act as if I just asked you if I could get married…” I groaned.

  “No, honey, sorry, it’s not that,” my father assured quickly. “It’s just…you’ve never had plans on a Friday night to go out with friends, even back home.”

  “I know…” I groaned, rolling my eyes. I decided not to tell them how much I did not want to go because I did not want to explain why I felt I had to attend the Welcome Back party.

  “I think it’s a good idea,” my mother said, nodding strongly. “You need to get out and enjoy your youth. You’re young. You need to have some fun.”

  “I have fun,” I protested.

  “It’ll be good for you to make some friends that you can go out with,” my mother continued. Then she nudged me with her elbow. “Maybe you’ll even find a boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, somehow I doubt that…”

  “Where, exactly, would you be going?” my father asked.

  “There is a club that my entire school goes to called Club Archangel,” I explained. “They’re holding some kind of party for the new term—a welcome-back-to-school party.”

  “I heard about that club from Mrs. Grayson,” my mother interjected, turning to my father. “Apparently, all the kids go there at the end of each week to unwind and relax. It’s completely safe.”

  “It does sound like fun,” my father admitted, though he seemed reluctant to say so. I knew he was trying to protect me and the thought of his seventeen-year-old daughter going to a club, even a safe one, was not easy for him to process.

  “The club closes at ten. I’ll be back by curfew.”

  Even though I had insisted I would be alright and finally got him to agree to letting me go with my friends, I still did not want to go. Throughout Thursday I was quiet and brooding, my thoughts consumed with dread about attending the party.

  I entertained the idea of saying that I did not feel well so I could stay at home and draw, or finish my homework, or the things I had always done on my non-social Friday nights. By the end of Thursday, I had worked myself into a ball of nervous energy that was almost desperate to find a reason not to go to Club Archangel.

  After school, when Jill and Taylor had run off to catch their buses, I caught Becca’s arm and pulled her back.

  “Wait, Becca.” She turned back to me. Judging by her concerned expression, it was obvious that my anxiety was etched into my face.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Listen…I…I really am nervous about the club tomorrow.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “There’s nothing to be nervous about,” she assured. “Really. It’s just a gathering like school, only with loud music and flashing lights and dancing,” she laughed. I smiled but her words did nothing to ease my nerves. “It’s alright,” she insisted. “I’ll be right there with you. We all will. You’re not going to be alone.”

  “But…” I shook my head, not sure what I was going to say or even what I c
ould say for her to understand my apprehension.

  “Step out of your comfort zone,” Becca urged. “It’s alright to be nervous, but don’t let it stop you. You might actually have some fun. You’ll meet some of our other friends, too. They’ll help you out.”

  “You mean…there’s more?”

  “Yep. The boys. Taylor’s boyfriend and two of his friends. They’re all in honor’s track courses, so they’re too busy to hang out with us during a normal day. Friday is when we all get together.”

  I took in a deep, shaky breath.

  “Okay, how about this?” she started. “Try it out a couple times, and if you really hate it, we can think of something to get you out of it without making you the root of rumors.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” Becca confirmed with one of her brilliant smiles. “But I think once we get you there, you’ll have fun.”

  I took another deep breath, nodding even though I was not convinced.

  “Alright, so I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Becca said.

  “Wait, Becca, there’s one more thing.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  Becca’s face lit up and she smiled devilishly.

  “Oh, this is going to be fun!”

  * *** *

  Friday morning I awoke nervous and tense. I went through my morning routine, my mind distracted with anticipations of the party. It was only as I was heading outside to get on the bus to school that I realized how deep my antisocial behavior ran.

  I recalled the club scenes I had seen in movies and those images only made my fear worse. I had always thought of clubs as places where people hooked up to have sex, or do drug deals, and even though I knew Club Archangel would not be the movie stereotype, it was difficult to get the image out of my head.

  I rode to school hoping I could focus on my classes and forget about the party, but as soon as I took my seat on the bus, I was surrounded by conversations about Club Archangel and what everyone was planning to wear, who they were going with, and all other manner of details that made my stomach twist. The party was already surrounding me and it was only eight in the morning.

  I met up with Taylor, Jill, and Becca at Jill’s locker, as was routine before class started. The three girls were far more enthusiastic about Archangel than I had hoped.

  “Are you excited for the party tonight?” Taylor asked with a broad grin.

  I could only smile nervously in response.

  “Hey, let’s kinda stick together this time,” Becca suggested. “We want to make sure that Lily isn’t completely overwhelmed. It’ll be her first time in Archangel.”

  “Good idea,” Jill agreed. She turned to Taylor. “Are the boys going to be there?”

  “Yep, they’re meeting us at six at the tables.”

  “Great. They’ll be another layer of protection for you,” Jill assured, placing a hand on my shoulder. “They’re great guys.”

  “One more thing,” Becca said, flashing the same devilish smile I had seen the previous day. “Lily doesn’t have any clubbing clothes. So, let’s meet at her house at five and get her ready. We’ll all bring something and see what fits her.”

  “Yes!” Jill exclaimed.

  “I’ll just bring makeup.” Taylor shrugged. “I would bring my clothes, but none of my stuff will be small enough for your hot little body.”

  “What?” I barked a laugh.

  “She’s right,” Jill seconded. “When we’re done with you, you are going to look so sexy we’ll have to beat the boys away from you.”

  As I went through my classes, hearing more and more about the party, my concerns became larger and larger. I was thankful that my new friends were going to be with me, but the fact that I was also going to be their dress-up doll was not so comforting.

  In Lit class we discussed America’s history before the Second Revolution, as we had done for the past four days. I was still unable to pay attention, even with our teacher’s enthusiastic manner.

  When class was over, Mr. McDermott spoke over the din of scraping chairs and opening book bags.

  “Okay, okay, hold on!” he called. “I know you all have a party at Archangel tonight, but do not forget to read the first chapter of J.A.N.E. this weekend. Alright? It’s really short, and it won’t take you long. Be sure you read it so that we can discuss it in class!” As his students filed out of the room, he shouted the last sentence. “Remember the oath you took!”

  The entire day was about the party. In every class, someone was talking about it. When the students left class, the teachers would tell everyone to be careful that night and to do our homework. Lunch was spent explaining where my house was and what bus we were catching back home—apparently, there was a free shuttle service for the students once the club closed, surprising me further about how accommodating everything was for the students in Central.

  I got home and hid in my room to agonize for two hours before my friends arrived. I tried to do my math homework but could not concentrate, fear tangling my stomach and stunting my productivity.

  Around four-thirty, my mom returned home and came to my room.

  “Hey, honey,” she said gently. I was on my bed, pretending to read a book. “Nervous about the party?”

  I groaned, placing the book over my face.

  “Yes…”

  “Oh, come on, now,” she laughed. “It won’t be bad, I promise. You’ll probably even have some fun.”

  “Is it bad that I don’t want to go?” I peeked at her from under the book. “That I’m horribly antisocial and don’t really have any plans to change that?”

  “No,” she assured. “You’re just a different kind of person, Lily. You don’t need all the noise and shiny things to amuse you. You are a quiet person.”

  “You mean horribly antisocial.”

  “I did not say that,” she corrected with a smile, taking the book off my face. “But it won’t hurt you to get out and experience something different. And, even if you don’t like it, at least you can say that you tried.”

  “It’s not that simple…” I said, sitting up.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m supposed to go to these parties, otherwise everyone thinks there is something wrong with me,” I explained. “It’s required of us to go.”

  “If you don’t want to go again, you don’t have to,” my mom chuckled. “That is your choice. Don’t let anyone force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

  “How long has it been since you were in school? Don’t you remember that it’s a game of survival?”

  My mom laughed and pat my hand.

  “I remember that I thought every little thing was so important. But as I got older, I look back and go, ‘wow, that really wasn’t that big of a deal.’ One day, you’ll do the same.”

  * *** *

  As promised, my friends arrived at five o’clock. My mom answered the door as I walked nervously to the foyer.

  All three girls dressed for the party. Becca was in a tight black halter top with skinny jeans, wedge heels, and a decorative belt, her hair pulled back, emphasizing her dark makeup. Jill was in a short, tight dress with a sheer panel across her belly and high boots. Taylor was in jeans and heeled boots with a halter top that glittered with several long necklaces.

  A wobbly smile came to my face as my mother turned to me.

  “Well, there she is. Are you girls going to make her up for the party?”

  “Yes, we are,” Jill said, lifting her two bags.

  “Good,” my mother said with an approving nod. “She’s never been one to doll herself up unless she absolutely has to.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Have fun with her.” My mother winked at the three girls.

  “Oh, we will,” Taylor sang.

  Becca grabbed my arm, dragging me toward the stairs.

  “Come on, you…”

  Taylor and Jill followed eagerly, giggling maniacally. They cl
osed my bedroom door and Jill smiled evilly, leaning against it to block my only means of escape.

  “Let us begin…”

  “Everyone, put everything out on the bed and let’s see what we’ve got,” Becca instructed

  “Don’t I get to decide?” I whined.

  “No!” Taylor snapped, placing her makeup on the bed.

  “Why not?”

  “Because there is how you want to look, how you should look, and how you can look,” she elaborated. “We’re going to show you how hot you can look.”

  “Oh, yes,” Becca gasped, grabbing a top Jill had brought.

  “No!” I yelped. The black halter top had nothing covering the belly with a drape floating down the back, connected to the neck by a golden chain up the center of the back.

  “Hell yes!” Taylor agreed.

  “Okay, wear this…” Becca shoved the garment into my hands, “and I have some pants…” She rifled through her own bag and pulled out a pair of simple black pants. “Then we’ll use this belt.” She pulled out a chain belt with dangling ornaments from the loops.

  “Perfect!” Jill declared, handing me the other objects. “Now, go change. Where are your shoes?”

  “Hold on a second,” I said, staring at the jumbled clothes in my arms. “Look, I appreciate what you’re doing, but—”

  “Nope, no buts,” Jill interrupted.

  “Honey, trust me, you’re going to look great,” Taylor assured. “You need to loosen up a bit. Everything will be fine.”

  “I agree,” Becca concurred. “Besides, I’m excited to see that hot little bod you’ve been hiding.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jill leered.

  I groaned and rolled my eyes.

  “My shoes are in the closet on the bottom shelf.” I nodded to the door. “I’ll go change…”

  “No!” Jill barked, pointing at me. “You are not allowed to see yourself in the mirror until we are completely finished!”

  “What?” I gaped. “Oh, come on!”