Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  I curled up in fear. I was trapped. I was never getting out.

  “I am going to eat you alive,” the dark voice whispered in my ear.

  I screamed.

  I sat up abruptly, panting, looking wildly around my bedroom. I had fallen out of bed, my knees and hands stinging from the sharp contact with the carpet. I swallowed hard, trying to moisten my throat and calm my breathing, but it did nothing to ease my panic.

  Cringing at the pain in my knees, I moved clumsily to my bathroom.

  I splashed my face with water, my heart still knocking against my ribs hard enough to almost break them.

  There was no way the dream had not been about my family joining the Commission of the People. The warnings I had received about the Commission haunted me to the point of giving me night terrors so realistic I still felt as though the shadowy figure was right behind me.

  I wet a washcloth to press to my knees.

  I was angry. I wanted nothing to do with Central or the Commission. I did not want to think about how secretive I would become, or that I would be unable to hang out with my new friends at Archangel just because my father had received a ‘promotion.’

  I was exceptionally angry and overwhelmed.

  After I had regained control of my breathing, I returned to my bedroom. When I turned off the light and was plunged into darkness, I scurried back to bed, clamoring under the covers before scanning my room, just to be sure the shadowy figure was no longer looming over me.

  * *** *

  I knew I was acting out of the ordinary on Thursday because my group of friends continued to ask if I was alright. I lied. I had to. I was sworn to secrecy.

  I managed to carefully avoid the concerned questions from my friends, but I was worried I would be unable to keep up the act two days in a row.

  When Friday came, I spent the day sick to my stomach. It was my last day before I would become part of the famous—infamous—Commission of the People.

  Everything about the invitation into the Commission felt wrong. The fact that we had to stay silent and were meeting so late at night made me curious. I was constantly asking myself the obvious question: why?

  Becca grabbed my attention during lunch while Taylor and Jill discussed something that had happened during Taylor’s last class.

  “Hey,” Becca said, nudging me, “are you feeling okay? You’ve been acting kind of strange.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You’re not very good at lying, Lily,” she teased. “C’mon, you can tell me if something’s bugging you.”

  I wanted to spill my guts and tell her about my family’s invitation into the Commission of the People. I wanted to tell her how much I hated the idea of being trapped in the government for the rest of my life. I wanted to tell her I was thinking about running away, that I felt as though I was drowning.

  But I bit my tongue.

  “I just have a lot of things on my mind,” I said, forcing a pathetic smile to my lips. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine,” she assured. “But if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”

  “Thanks, Becca,” I said, fighting back tears, hoping she could not hear the cracking of my voice.

  As had happened the previous week, I got ready for Archangel on my own and was picked up by Jill’s father. I had made myself up slowly, constantly staring into the mirror absent-mindedly. I was losing myself deeper and deeper inside my dark thoughts. I was becoming the mask I had put on for the past two days.

  At Club Archangel I tried to take in the noises and lights as if I was seeing the club for the first time. From Saturday on, I would be a Commish Kid. I would be on the balcony, overseeing the club like royalty, keeping my distance from the friends who had welcomed me so warmly into Central.

  Our group moved to an empty table under the balcony and I sighed heavily, for the first time wishing I was old enough to drink alcohol legally, wanting anything to numb my thoughts.

  The songs were heavy in bass and intoxicating, but even as I tried to lose my thoughts in the beat, I remembered that I would see Clark that night. I began anxiously throwing glances at the door, waiting for him, desperate to talk to him before he disappeared as he always did.

  “What’s with you?” Becca laughed. “The last time you were this nervous at Archangel you had never been here before.”

  “I’m not nervous.”

  “Then why do you keep looking at the door?” Taylor asked with a grin. “You waitin’ for someone?”

  “Devon?” Becca teased.

  “Oh, um…well…” I looked at Jill and flinched from her cold glare. I glared discreetly at Becca, but she was watching Jill’s reaction. Her expression had changed again, almost appearing hurt over Jill’s jealousy. Before I could question it, the boys startled me by appearing at the table, seemingly from out of nowhere. I jumped out of my seat when Todd leaned on the table next to me. Everyone stared at me, perplexed by my over-the-top reaction.

  “Are you alright, Lily?” Todd asked, one eyebrow cocked.

  “Yeah. You just scared me, that’s all.”

  My eyes focused on Clark standing behind Devon. His eyes immediately locked with mine, his gaze apologetic.

  “You look like you need to loosen up a little,” Devon noted. “Dance with me?”

  “Um…in-in a minute.” I locked gazes with Clark once more, trying to silently communicate my need to speak with him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes behind his glasses. When he opened them again, I saw the change in him. It was the same demeanor he had adapted when we were being watched three weeks previous by the other Commish Kids.

  “Actually, Devon, I’d like to dance with Lily,” he said, his voice just barely shaking as he stepped over to me.

  I looked at the faces of my friends around the table. They came to the same conclusion at the same time.

  My family’s induction into the Commission of the People was no longer secret.

  “You have got to be kidding me…” Taylor hissed.

  “No way. You just got here!” Todd gasped.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” Becca whispered, her hurt expression causing pain to radiate through my chest.

  “I can’t say anything, I’m sorry!” I burst quietly, feeling the tears coming too quickly.

  “Lily,” Clark said, his voice lined with authority, “come with me.” His hand locked around my arm, pulling me into the thick of the dancing crowd and away from my startled friends. I felt that I would never see them again as soon as I was engulfed by the swaying students so I started fighting him, throwing constant looks back at the table.

  “Clark, no, wait!” I hissed, trying to pull away.

  “You will see them again,” he assured. “But I need to get you away before you say anything you’re not supposed to.”

  I yanked my arm out of his grasp.

  “How could I know anything?!” I snapped. “I’m not even in yet!”

  “Will you keep your goddamn voice down?!” he snarled. We were in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by dancing students as the beat pulsed through the club like a heartbeat. Clark took a deep breath, the muscles in his jaw clenching. “Look, I know this is a shock, and I know that you don’t want to be part of this. But, the fact is, you are…and there is nothing you can do about it. That means you have to abide by the rules, or you’re going to find yourself somewhere you really don’t want to be.”

  “Clark, I want out of this…” I whimpered, surprised by the weakness of my voice. “Please, tell me how to get out of this.”

  “There’s no way out,” Clark choked, his own voice going weak. “If there was, I would have found it already.” He looked up at the balcony quickly and then turned to me. “Don’t tell the others in the Commission that I want out,” he whispered so quietly I had to strain to hear him. “And don’t let anyone know that you want out, either. Pretend to be honored.”

  I felt myself starting to cry no matter how much I tried to fight
the tears. The authoritative look disappeared from Clark’s eyes, his expression softening.

  “I just…I want…”

  “It’s okay, Lily,” he started. “I’m here to help you. I have been instructed to tell you about your protocol from here on, as far as Club Archangel is concerned.”

  “My protocol?” I echoed in disbelief.

  “If you want to travel with the other girls and spend some time with them at the beginning of the night, that’s fine,” he assured. “As long as you don’t let anything slip about what has been going on in the Commission. After you have said hello and settled, you are to go up to the balcony. We take turns coming down and scanning the room for anything that would be of interest for the Commission.”

  “You mean…I can’t spend more than the first few minutes with my friends?”

  “No,” he said reluctantly. “And, if you insist on staying down here, another child of the Commission must be with you.”

  “Why is this so secretive?” I hissed. “What exactly is it about the Commission that no one is supposed to know?”

  Clark glanced at the balcony again. I looked up as well and saw one Commish Kid, but he was on the far side, looking over another section of the club.

  “I can’t say anything here,” Clark murmured. “Besides, tomorrow night you will understand.” He sighed. “Listen, I know that Mr. Christenson has taken a very special interest in your family and that frightens me.”

  “What? Why does that frighten you?”

  “Because anything that Mr. Christenson is this fascinated with…generally, the outcome is not good.”

  “What the hell are you saying? I mean—”

  “Mr. Christenson has ordered me to be your protector at Archangel,” Clark said, interrupted my panicked babble. “That’s how I know he’s interested.”

  “Ordered? My protector? What the hell are you talking about?!”

  “He likes you…or your family, I don’t really know,” Clark said, his tone desperate. “Please, I need you to understand this, so listen carefully.” I nodded, though I was so lightheaded and confused, I was unsure I could pay close enough attention to his words. “The Commission is full of warped and cruel men and women who think that they are more than human. This is a fucked up world you’re about to step into, and you’re going to need help adjusting. That’s why I’m here with you. I’m going to help you.”

  “I thought…I thought the Commission was…”

  “Everything you thought the Commission was is somewhat-true…but it is not clean, and it most certainly is not for the people of America to know,” he explained vaguely. “This is why you need to stay absolutely silent about everything you hear and see in the Commission starting tomorrow.”

  “You’re scaring me,” I choked, tears rising to my eyes again.

  “I wish I could help you. I really do.” He lowered his head and I saw that his eyes were also welling with tears. “…but I can’t…”

  He turned back to the balcony yet again. This time, there were several Commish Kids at the railing—at least seven—and they were all looking at us, whispering to one another.

  “We need to get up there,” Clark said hurriedly.

  “No! Clark!” I cried. “Please…I just want one last night with them. I need that. I’m not in yet, right? I can stay down here.”

  Clark looked between me and the Commish Kids on the balcony, their eyes sharing a silent conversation over the crowded, deafening dance floor.

  I saw one of the Commish Kids, an extremely pretty girl, shake her head and motion her hand for us to join them. My stomach somersaulted once more. I thought I was about to pass out, consumed with terror.

  “Come on,” Clark said, grabbing my elbow again. “I’ll talk to them.”

  “Are you in charge, or something? I mean, with your mom being advisor to Dana Christenson?”

  “Damn it, Lily, you really need to learn how to keep your voice down,” he growled through his teeth. I bit my lip, feeling the tears burn my eyes. He weaved through the dancing sea of bodies to the stairs of the balcony. “I have a little more respect, but Mr. Christenson has three advisors and one of them has a seventeen-year-old and a sixteen-year-old daughter. If they want to meet you, I need to introduce you.”

  I tried to spot the girl who had motioned us to the balcony as we approached the stairs, but Clark was pulling me so insistently, I had to look ahead to keep myself from falling down or crashing into something, particularly since I was wearing shoes I could barely walk in under normal circumstances.

  We reached the grated stairs and Clark ascended them, still holding my arm as I clumsily pulled myself up the stairs in my heels. Admittedly, I was slightly curious to see the balcony. I thought it would be a simple balcony with some tables and chairs, but it looked more like a posh country club than a nightclub. There were couches and coffee tables spread out over the balcony and a bar in the corner. It was also warmer on the balcony due to the close proximity of the lights above.

  As soon as I reached the top of the stairs I was the center of attention. Clark released my arm and went to talk to the girl who had summoned us, leaving me on my own. The thumping of the music was almost drowned out by the thumping of my heart as the Commish Kids moved toward me, like a pride of hungry lions closing in on fresh meat.

  “Hmm,” one boy mused. “She’s pretty enough.”

  “Yeah, you clean up real nice, Sandover,” Felicity said, suddenly at my right.

  “I don’t know.” Another boy shook his head. “I never did like the look of a virgin trying too hard to look sexy.”

  “Wonder how long she’ll stay a virgin,” a girl sneered.

  “Back off, you vultures,” a voice snapped. The others cleared a path and I saw the girl who had motioned for us. She looked me over, smiling thinly.

  “I’m Melissa,” she introduced.

  “Lily.”

  “I know who you are.” She looked me over again and then shook her head. “Clark, why did Mr. Christenson assign her to you?”

  “I don’t know,” Clark snarled, stepping to her side. “But it was his order, so you need to back off.”

  “Relax,” Melissa groaned, rolling her eyes. She turned her blue eyes back to me. “Mr. Christenson has been talking about your father a lot. He says that he’s excited to bring you in.” She smiled in a superior manner that made me feel like melting between the grates and disappearing. “Figures.”

  “…what?”

  “Oh, honey, don’t make the mistake of thinking that Mr. Christenson only looked at your father’s accomplishments,” Melissa said, her smile dropping the temperature of the air around me. “He has seen pictures of you and your mother and he has researched both of you very thoroughly.”

  “W-why would he do that?”

  “He has to be sure you’re qualified for the Commission,” Melissa said in a tone that suggested I was stupid for asking the question. “Now, listen here,” she snarled. “You’re the new one in the Commission, so you are on special watch until you fully become integrated. Do you understand?”

  “N-no…”

  “Oh, God, she’s stupid.” Felicity rolled her eyes, turning away.

  “It just means that we’re going to make sure you don’t say anything you’re not supposed to,” Clark explained. I nodded, feeling unduly embarrassed, my eyes cast downward.

  “Clark, why are you being so nice to her?” a boy leered. “She’s not gonna sleep with you.”

  “No one will sleep with you, either, until that strange little affliction of yours clears up,” Clark snapped, looking over his shoulder at the boy.

  “How the hell do you know about that?”

  “All medical bills are paid for by the Commission,” Clark said, speaking to the other boy in a very condescending manner. “Didn’t you know that?” He turned to me and his eyes softened. He took my hand. “Come with me.”

  I eagerly followed his lead off the balcony. I felt my knees wobbling as we neared
the bottom of the stairs. When we were back on the floor, I remained clutched to the railing, shaking uncontrollably.

  “We’re going to take a trip outside,” Clark declared, his hand on my shoulder. I followed his lead again around the side of the bar and to a door leading to the alley behind Club Archangel. The cool night air hit my face and I gulped it in greedily, thankful that it helped me collect myself. I could still hear the heavy thumping of the music within even after Clark closed the door.

  “Just so you know,” he started slowly, “up on the balcony, you really have to hold your own or you will get eaten alive.”

  The words resonated far deeper than Clark realized.

  “Take your time to collect yourself,” he assured. “You’re allowed to be on the floor tonight as long as I’m with you.”

  “I…I’m so…”

  “It’s difficult because you haven’t seen everything, yet,” he said, placing a hand on my shoulder once more. I looked at him and, for the first time, saw the color of Clark’s eyes. They were a very bright hazel, gentle and sympathetic even behind his thick glasses. “I’m here for you. I’ll help you through this. We’ll help each other.”

  “I thought you said you couldn’t help me.”

  “I can’t help you get out,” he admitted. “But I can stand by you through it.”

  “Clark, I’m scared…” I breathed. “And I don’t even know what I’m scared of.”

  “That will be cleared up tomorrow night,” he murmured. “Before we head back in, there are a few things I need to tell you.”

  “Okay…”

  “For the first few weeks, when you show up at Archangel, you are to wait with the girls and I will take you up to the balcony when I get here,” he explained. “Just…please remember that you cannot say anything to them. I really mean it.”

  “…I promise.” I said meekly. “But why can’t I just stay with them? They’re my friends.”

  “Lily, I’m sorry to say this, but now that they know about your induction…they won’t treat you the same way. They will be really guarded around you. You are part of the secret police force of the government and their parents are the politicians. It’s a tough thing for them to ignore.” Clark shook his head. “It’s easier on everyone if you go up to the balcony.”