Inside

by Kyra Anderson

“Yes and no,” he admitted. “But not for the reasons you probably think. I am happy not to be alone in this position any more, but I wish that you didn’t have to be subjected to him like this.”

  “Wha…what do you mean?”

  Clark folded his hands and shifted to sit on one of his legs, facing me, his eyes full of torment.

  “As I’m sure you noticed, Dana is not…all there.”

  “Oh, believe me, I noticed.”

  “He has no regard for any rules other than total obedience to him,” Clark explained. “And his tastes are…questionable.”

  “I saw.”

  “Wait, what do you mean, you saw?” Clark asked, his eyes wide. Realizing that we were talking about two very different things, I became suspicious.

  “Wait…what are you talking about?”

  Clark groaned and ran a hand through his hair in frustration, avoiding eye contact.

  “…I’ll give you an example,” He looked around before leaning even closer, though his eyes were locked on the space between us, never meeting my gaze. “You remember that thing he did with his eyes when he took his glasses off?”

  That I remembered all too well.

  I nodded.

  “One day, in a private meeting with Dana and his advisors,” Clark began, his voice choked. He paused, lifting his eyes long enough to wildly look around the balcony to be sure no one was eavesdropping. “I was sitting near him and he got bored. So, he…” Clark swallowed hard and closed his eyes, his voice pained. “He took off his glasses and looked around but everyone was watching my mother on the other side of the room.”

  I leaned closer, his voice getting quieter and weaker with each passing word.

  “He, um…he looked at me…and he did that thing with his eyes…and…I-I felt…” He turned away, biting his lip. Seeing how difficult this was for him to talk, I placed my hand on his and nodded.

  “I understand. You don’t have to say it.”

  “And that night when I was going to his office to find my mother…” He trailed off, a shudder running through his body. I forced myself not to jump to any conclusions. “…I found them, alright.”

  My eyes widened. “They…they weren’t…”

  “Right there on his desk,” Clark confirmed, his eyes finally turning to mine, cold and serious. “And what was worse was that he knew I was there. He was showing off. He knew that I had seen them.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because he looked right at me and smiled while he was…screwing my mother!” he hissed. I could tell by the pain and tension in his voice that he had been keeping the story to himself for far too long.

  “…does your mom know that you know?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe…I don’t know, it was a one-time thing?” I tried to comfort him stupidly.

  “Yeah,” Clark scoffed, rolling his eyes, “one time a week.”

  “What?”

  “I’m telling you, Dana does not care,” Clark said strongly. “He has had sex with all of the women in the Commission—with the exception of your mother—and even a good portion of the male members.”

  “You can’t be serious,” I hissed. “That’s illegal.”

  “That’s why I said his tastes are questionable. Another thing I’m sure you noticed is that Dana doesn’t care too much about the law.”

  I pursed my lips.

  “So…” I started awkwardly. “Since I’m…more than a favorite, does that mean he’ll try to…I mean, has he ever…” I raised my eyebrows, motioning to Clark, hoping he understood what I was trying to ask.

  Clark shook his head.

  “No,” he whispered, “we haven’t.” Relief engulfed me. “But…”

  I immediately tensed again.

  “But?”

  Clark rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes.

  “He’s shown explicit interest in me.”

  “You’ve said that before.”

  He sighed heavily, this time tears welling in his eyes.

  “He…” Clark stopped. My heart was racing and breaking at the same time. Clark had obviously been enduring far too much on his own. “He likes to…”

  I leaned forward again and took Clark’s hand but I stayed silent.

  “He gets playful,” he choked. “It started out as some kind of sick game for him. At first, he would send someone to get me—I stay at the Commission every day after school—and when I would go to his office, I would catch him with someone else, or sometimes with my mother.” He took a moment to collect himself. “He wanted me to see him with all these people. But…one night…”

  “Are you alright? You don’t have to talk about this,” I assured after he trailed off yet again.

  “No, I’m alright,” he assured weakly, his voice tight. “It’s just…it’s really hard to talk about. I’ve never told anyone this before.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat. “One night…my mom was working late and I was doing homework in her office, but I got tired, a-and I fell asleep on the couch…”

  At this point, I stopped thinking about how this could relate to what was in store for me. The pain in Clark’s voice was so real and so powerful that I simply sat and listened, horrified at what he had suffered.

  “And when I woke up…he had me p-pinned on the couch…and he just…kept touching…and k-kissing…” Clark quaked at the memories. “I couldn’t move…I-I couldn’t…”

  Clark hid his face in his hands, shivering. I did not know how to comfort him. I waited, fighting the urge to hug him, worried what the others on the balcony would think, sure that they would bully or tease either one of us about the display.

  Clark ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath, trying to discreetly rub away the stubborn tears in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “Don’t be sorry,” I whispered.

  Clark dabbed away the escaped tears on his sleeve, turning to look distantly at the wall, taking several deep breaths. “He hasn’t gone any further than that…but…every time it happens…I just keep wondering if that’s when…”

  He did not need to finish.

  “And you haven’t told anyone? Your mother? Your father? Does your father even know what’s going on between your mother and Dana?”

  Clark chuckled brokenly.

  “Oh, Lily, the world you are getting into is so fucked up you’ll never believe it,” he said. “Yes, my father knows about my mother and Dana. He even participates on occasion, if he feels like it.”

  “You’re not serious…”

  “Dana has that power over people.” Clark shrugged. “I don’t know if they know about what Dana does to me, but I’m sure they must have some idea, just because they know how Dana can be.”

  “And they don’t care?”

  “Within Dana’s inner circle, no one questions anything.” Clark shook his head. “Dana does what he wants and no one stops him. No one can.”

  “What about Sean?”

  “If you can stick around him, you’re more likely to be safe from Dana,” Clark agreed. “He’s the only one Dana listens to.”

  “Why?”

  “Hell if I know,” he said, rolling his eyes. “There have been rumors about family connections, or even a love affair, but no one really understands their relationship. I doubt even Sean understands it.”

  “Is there anything you can do to stop Dana when he…”

  “No. To be completely honest, I don’t think he’s human,” he whispered. “He has ridiculous strength. I have never seen him sleep, or eat.” The teenage boy’s eyes lost in time, filled with memories of the leader of the Commission of the People. “He’s not just crazy, he’s crazy with insane power, both physically and politically.”

  “Why does everyone put up with it? There have to be a lot of Commission members that think that this is wrong and that he should be stopped.”

  “Many do, or did. Once you fall under Dana’s spell, it’s all over,” he muttered. �
��He’ll have you convinced that the testing is the right thing to do, and there will be no solid argument against him. He just has that kind of power.”

  “So, for me…”

  “I don’t know what he has planned for you,” Clark admitted. “But I saw him mulling over your pictures, so I know—”

  “Whoa, what?”

  “He has thoroughly researched you,” he elaborated. “Don’t ever think he’s not watching you, Lily,” he warned, his voice dark. “He is everywhere. He lives in the basement of the Commission, but at least once a day, he comes to the surface and he does something different every day. You never know when you’ll run into him.” Clark looked around the room. “And he has cameras everywhere and connections with the National Security Council. You’re always under his eye.”

  I felt my skin crawl at the warning.

  “That’s how you know I’m more than a favorite?” I pressed. “The pictures?”

  “Yes.” His eyes turned apologetic. “I’m so sorry.”

  “No, don’t be,” I assured. “I’m sorry that you’ve been carrying this weight alone for so long.”

  “I will admit,” Clark whispered, smiling weakly, “it is really nice to be able to tell someone. I didn’t mean to dump all my emotional baggage on you…”

  “It’s fine,” I said, forcing a smile, hoping that, as things progressed, we would be able to depend on one another for support in dealing with Dana.

  The night wore on as I mulled over everything Clark had told me. It sickened me that he had had to bear up to such abuse for so long, and it worried me that I would soon be the object of Dana’s inappropriate affections. Clark told me that Dana was more into mental torture than physical domination and he explained that the molestations were a mind game, not an act of pleasure.

  As the words settled in my brain, I began to wonder how similar my abuse would be to Clark’s. I began to panic that it was going to be exactly the same, and to make it worse, my family would not even bother to intervene on my behalf because, as Clark had said, Dana had that type of power.

  As the announcement came over the club speakers that the buses were taking everyone home, I looked around at the Commish Kids, who were watching people leave, or talking casually with each other, making no moves to gather their belongings.

  “Are we catching the last bus?” I asked.

  “No,” Clark said. “We’re having our own meeting here, and then we’ll catch the Commission bus.”

  “The Commission bus?” I repeated incredulously. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah…” Clark groaned, understanding my exasperation. “Melissa,” he called. “Are you doing the report today?”

  “Yes,” she answered.

  “Report? What are you talking about?” I pressed.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s just for the advisors’ children,” he assured. “After everyone leaves, we’ll talk about what we heard around the floor and what, if anything, should be presented to the Commission at the meeting. One of us has to write a report about who said what and who they heard it from so more investigations can be done if warranted.”

  “Wow,” I breathed, my eyes wide. “That is slightly terrifying.”

  “Only slightly?” Clark grumbled. “Dana likes to be well-informed on everything.”

  I watched as other children from the Commission walked to the seats, turning the chairs to face one direction, creating a haphazard circle. Other Commish Kids returned from the dance floor, talking quietly with those next to them as they assumed a seat. Each of them had an air about them that was stuck-up and cold, as though knowing the horrors of the Commission entitled them to be unfeeling about everyone else around them. It was unnerving to hear the sharp comments and relayed gossip about possible Commission criminals who could be captured and imprisoned in the horrible back labs of the Commission of the People.

  Melissa looked over the railing of the balcony for several minutes once the main lights of the club turned on, white light flooding the building. That was the first time that I noticed the real color of the walls—a dark grey that was so plain, it was in complete contrast with what the club looked like in full swing.

  “Alright, everyone is out,” Melissa announced, turning to face us and walking away from the railing. “Who’s not here?” When no one spoke up and her eyes had scanned each face, she nodded. “Great. It’s my turn to do the report this week so, Clark, do you have anything you want to put in it before we start?”

  “No.”

  Melissa went to her purse and pulled out her phone, starting a voice recording. “September thirteenth, Club Archangel Report. Who would like to start?”

  A boy raised his hand.

  “Brian Dunning,” Melissa said into her recorder.

  “I heard Susana Reynolds explaining to her friends that her father is interested in pitching an idea to Leader about the war in the Far East,” Brian said simply. “Apparently, he spoke to some of the locals when he was there a month and a half ago.”

  The others around him whispered to one another, shocked. I looked at Clark, who also seemed interested. I gently tapped his arm to let him know I did not understand. He leaned over.

  “Don’t worry too much about knowing all this information,” he assured. “The most important thing is to just listen. You’ll pick up names and get to know people as long as you pay attention.”

  For a half-hour, Commish Kids discussed the things they had heard in the club. Some of the teens were very accusatory about the gossip. Others stated constantly that they were unsure if they had heard correctly or if the information had been out of context. Nothing I heard jumped out at me, so I did not think much of the news. But, apparently, it merited something from those who had been in the Commission longer.

  After the half-hour meeting, Melissa stopped recording.

  “Alright, now that that is out of the way, you all were at the meeting last week, but because it was her first meeting, we didn’t get much of a chance to talk to her. So, I would like to introduce Lily Sandover,” she nodded to me and I felt sweat break out on my palms, not expecting to be put in the spotlight. “She is of particular interest to Mr. Christenson, which is something you all need to keep in mind.”

  “Sure,” the boy named Brian sneered, looking me over hungrily. “I guess it’s no mystery why.”

  “Oh, please.” One girl rolled her eyes. “Mr. Christenson doesn’t like virgins.”

  “And how would you know?” Felicity snapped.

  “Because he’s always hanging all over your mother,” the girl retaliated.

  “Well, if he doesn’t go after virgins, then that doesn’t explain why Clark and Lily are his favorites,” a boy I knew as Lance said, looking us over with contempt. “After all, we all know that no girl in her right mind would want to sleep with a faggot like Clark.”

  Clark got to his feet angrily and moved toward Lance. I jumped. Everything was far too intense to feel real. I felt like I was watching a terrifying competition where everyone wanted to be the target of Dana’s attention.

  “Say that again,” Clark growled. “Call me a faggot one more time.”

  “Clark, enough,” Melissa warned. Lance chuckled and leaned back in his seat, triumphant.

  “You’re awfully defensive…”

  “Oh, if only you knew the things I’ve seen your uncle do with Dana.” Clark hissed.

  Lance’s face fell and he stood angrily.

  “And what, you participated?” Lance hissed. “Or did you jerk off to what you were seeing?”

  “You know it’s against the law to engage in any activities of a homosexual nature,” Clark said angrily.

  “No wonder you want to be so close to Mr. Christenson, then,” Lance chuckled. “Keeps you nice and safe as long as you please him, huh?”

  “Mr. Christenson won’t take him to the lab until he gets tired of him,” a girl giggled coldly. “The little faggot that he is. He won’t last another two years, probably.”

  �
�For the last goddamn time!” Clark snapped, glaring at the other teens. “I’m not a fucking faggot, so you can back the fuck off!”

  “Then why are you getting so defensive?” Brian challenged, trying to make his condescending tone sound innocent. “You’ve never actually fucked a girl, admit it.”

  I had no idea what possessed me, but I realized that I was the only one who could step in on Clark’s behalf. He was being torn apart. But as I watched Clark flounder with a way to stop the cruelty, I saw that the only way to get them to back off was to play their game on the same level.

  I walked to Clark, trying to put as much movement into my hips as I could. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, leaning close to his ear.

  “It’s alright,” I murmured. “Just calm down.”

  He turned to me, startled. I could only hope that my wobbly smile was convincing.

  “What are you…”

  “I’m sure he’s never been with a girl, himself,” I assured, keeping my arms around Clark and turning to Brian, channeling my inner bitch. “He probably has to beg for it. Or maybe even pay.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “Just what it sounds like,” I said with a cold smile. Surprisingly, it was very easy to mimic their level of cruelty. I turned to Clark, placing one of my hands against the side of his face. “…I know we said we wouldn’t flaunt anything, but I don’t mind if they know.”

  Clark’s demeanor changed. For a moment, I could have sworn he had the same dangerous power I had seen in Dana. His hand went around my waist and he glared at those who had been attacking him—who were now awfully silent and clearly confused. I leaned closer to him as the other favorite of Dana smirked.

  “No,” he assured confidently, “we’ll let them keep guessing.”

  He turned us both, keeping his arm around my waist as I kept a hand on his shoulder. We returned to our seats, Clark leaning to my ear.

  “What the hell was that?”

  “I plead temporary insanity.”

  We sat in our spots quietly, though I moved my chair closer to Clark so that we could appear like couple. Since my bitchy demeanor had gotten everyone to shut up, I tried to keep up the same confidence. I sat proudly, throwing smiles at Clark occasionally, even though I was internally smacking myself, wondering what the hell had possessed me to put myself in the way of more bullying from the Commish Kids.