Inside

by Kyra Anderson

  I told my mom I would be meeting with Becca and would call her to let her know when I would be home. As I was gathering my phone and keys, I heard a small voice from my bedroom door.

  “Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Mykail hissed urgently.

  I glanced at him and then peeked around him to see where my mother and father were. Unfortunately, they were very close, sitting in the small living room the bottom of the stairs.

  “I’ll tell you tonight,” I promised quietly.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To meet with Becca.”

  He looked me over nervously.

  “Alright, be careful,” he whispered, gently brushing his fingers over my cheek.

  I had to rush on the buses to get to the park in time. Becca was waiting for me on the same bench we had occupied the previous weekend. I ran to her, trying to catch my breath. She stood to greet me, and I smiled weakly at her.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I hope you didn’t have any plans today.”

  “No, it’s fine. I was sitting at home, bored,” she assured. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I just ran here,” I panted. “I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”

  “It’s fine,” she chuckled. “You didn’t have to run.”

  I sat next to her on the bench and caught my breath.

  “So, what’s up?” she asked. “That seemed like a really random text. Are you okay?”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Honestly? No,” I said.

  “What is it?” she whispered. I took another deep breath and looked around to be sure no one was listening.

  “I’m not supposed to talk about this, but I really need to talk to someone,” I hissed. “You know Miranda?” She nodded. “She was taken by the Commission.”

  “She was taken?” Becca gasped. “How do you…what happened? What did she do?”

  “They said that she had a gun and was smuggling drugs.”

  “That’s insane,” Becca hissed. “She would never do that.”

  “That’s what everyone was saying,” I said. “They also took her little sister because they said she was somehow involved.”

  “Her little sister?” Becca breathed. “Not the six-year-old little sister…” When I nodded, her eyes went wide and she turned away, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh my God…”

  I also fell silent. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her the rest. But I needed someone outside the circle of the Commission as a confidant.

  “It’s a Sweep, isn’t it?” she whispered.

  I lowered my head and bit my lip.

  “Oh God…” she groaned, her eyes closing.

  “It’s not a Sweep, yet,” I said. “Dana is talking about starting the Sweeps again, but nothing is official.”

  “Why would he start the Sweeps?”

  “Because he’s Dana fucking Christenson,” I said coldly. “He can do whatever he wants.” I took another slow breath. “I want out…The things that happen in the Commission…” I whispered, staring at the sidewalk under my feet, “I can’t…”

  “Lily, this is tearing you apart.” Becca placed a hand on my shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “I…” I hesitated. I wanted to tell her about the experiments and Dana and everything else, but that would put her at risk.

  “I can’t tell you. You’ll be in danger…”

  Becca stared at me for a moment, her expression full of conflict. She finally took a slow, measured breath.

  “Lily…if Sweeps are starting again…I’m already in danger.”

  I did not know what to make of the statement.

  “What do you mean?”

  Becca was silent for a moment.

  “If you tell me what’s going on, I’ll tell you,” she whispered. “I have to see if I can really trust you.”

  “I have to see if I can trust you,” I responded. “This is something that could get me taken by the Commission, also…”

  We were silent, looking at one another seriously. I could see the fear in her eyes. She had a secret she was terrified to let people know, something that could get her captured by the Commission. There was something about that that intrigued me, yet also worried me.

  “How can we be sure we can trust each other?” I whispered.

  “I think it’s a leap of faith for both of us.”

  “Okay,” I breathed, straightening and turning to her fully. I had to take another chance. Everything inside of me screamed to not tell her, but I had to. I needed help.

  “Okay,” Becca said, relaxing visibly when she realized she did not have to speak first.

  “I…” I hesitated, closing my eyes and preparing myself as best I could. “I have been thinking…that the Commission needs to be taken down.”

  “That’s because you want out,” Becca said, her tone understanding. “Treasonous thoughts are normal as long as they don’t turn into actions.”

  I fixed her with a serious stare. I didn’t say anything, and that spoke louder than words. Her eyes widened.

  “…what have you done?”

  “Nothing, yet,” I assured. “But,” I looked around, “I am planning to do something.”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean why?” I snapped. “The Commission did what it needed to do during the revolution, but it’s not needed anymore. Do you even know what it does to the people it takes?”

  There it was. I had said too much. If I was going to disobey the non-disclosure agreement, there was no turning back now.

  Becca hesitated.

  “Do they kill them?”

  “Worse,” I breathed. I leaned close. “I should not be telling you this, but they test on them.”

  “Test what?”

  “They’re trying to make a weapon out of humans,” I whispered. “They take in these people and make them into monsters and then give them to people in the Commission as gifts.”

  “You’re making this up,” Becca shook her head quickly. “It’s not funny.”

  “Damn right it’s not funny.”

  “So…Miranda…and, no, not Julie…”

  “There are so many other sick things that happen the Commission,” I continued. “Dana Christenson is insane. There is no other way to describe him. He attacks and molests the children of the Commission and he sleeps with all the members, both men and women—”

  “Wait, you can’t be serious. Doesn’t Leader Simon keep him under control? That’s illegal!”

  “I haven’t met Leader Simon yet, but either he is in league with Dana and doesn’t care, or he is afraid of Dana, just like the rest of us.”

  I looked over Becca carefully, who was staring wide-eyed at the grass below her feet.

  “Please, believe me…”

  “I do…” she whispered, fear causing her voice to shrink. She swallowed hard. “But…Lily…if that’s the case, how do you plan to fight?”

  “That’s something I’ll tell you when I trust a little more that you share my position on this,” I said carefully, not wanting to tell her I did not yet have a plan. “Wouldn’t you want the Commission taken down?”

  Becca knew it was her turn to confess.

  I waited patiently. I was worried that she would not trust me enough to tell me what she was hiding, leaving me the only one who divulged a secret. In that sense, I had given her complete power over my life.

  She turned to face me fully.

  “I guess that if we both know each other’s secret, we can’t tell anyone else because we’ll both get thrown into the Commission,” Becca whispered. A wave of relief crashed over me. I would never do anything to betray Becca. She had been my first friend in Central and she had welcomed me with open arms. I trusted her, but even then, I knew I had to be careful. I was going up against the Commission of the People and Dana Christenson. There was no room for error.

  “I could get taken into the Commission…” she started quietly, “because of Jill…”

  “Jill?
” I repeated. “Why?”

  Becca looked around nervously and then leaned closer, her voice tight.

  “I was thirteen when I met her. I thought it was just an awkward phase…” She took a deep, shaky, breath. “But I…I never grew out of it…”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I…I love her.” Becca barely managed to breath. She dropped her eyes to the bench and lifted a hand to her face. “I know I shouldn’t…but…”

  It took me a moment to comprehend the meaning.

  Becca was in love with another woman. I couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable with the knowledge. Homosexuals were people that one heard about as having an illness and going against the nature of society, which was why the Commission took them into custody. I had never had personal experience with someone who was attracted to their own sex, so it was awkward for me.

  “Well, is it just Jill?” I asked once I found my voice again.

  “No.”

  I did not know what to say so, instead, I placed a hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes tight and pressed her fingers into her eyes to stop the tears.

  “That’s the first time I’ve told someone…” she near-sobbed. “I just…I was…I was always so afraid…”

  “I won’t say anything to anyone,” I promised strongly. “Thank you for trusting me.” I hesitated. “But, maybe you should tell Jill.”

  “No,” she said shortly, lifting her head. “No. There’s no way.”

  “You two are close friends. She won’t say anything that would get you in trouble.”

  “I don’t want to push her away,” Becca said. “It’s better for her to never know. She likes Devon. That’s the end of it.”

  My mind clicked and I remembered how Becca had looked when I had told her Jill liked Devon. It had been a look of heartbreak.

  “I’m so sorry…” I murmured, rubbing her back in comfort.

  “It’s not your problem,” she said. “But…if you can find a way to take down the Commission, I would sleep easier.”

  “Then, you’ll help?” I felt the hope rise in my chest.

  “As much as I’m able.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I somehow managed to get through school on Monday even with the butterflies tying my stomach into a knot. I was nervous, yet oddly exhilarated. I would finally be able to do research on the inside workings of the Commission. I just had to remember to take it slow while quickly planning the rebellion.

  When the last bell rang, I packed up my books and made my way to the front of the school. My father had been called by someone on Dana’s staff and told that I would carpool with Clark, so I had to meet Clark in the southern parking lot.

  I said goodbye to Becca and the others as they walked to the buses, telling them that I had an afterschool club now. Becca and I shared a private glance as she walked away.

  “Hey, stranger,” a voice said next to me. I jumped and spun around, coming face-to-face with Devon.

  “Hey!” I greeted with a smile.

  “I miss hanging out with you at Archangel,” he play-pouted. “I guess the Commish Kids have a pretty tight leash on you, huh?”

  “You have no idea.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh, I think I do,” he chuckled. “Melissa and I dated for a few months in freshman year.”

  “No…” I gasped in disbelief.

  “Yep,” he said. He rolled his eyes. “The Commission and its secrets…She was always wanting to be in my life and telling me to be careful because of this or because of that. She drove me nuts!”

  I laughed and nodded. “She’s like that.”

  “Yeah, some people like Melissa are meant to be in the Commission, or at least in government,” he joked. “But people like you and Clark…you just don’t do well in that environment.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, look at Clark. Poor kid’s afraid of his own shadow. He never looks at girls, you’re the only girl he’s shown any interest in at all, but I know there’s nothing going on. And you used to be a little shy, but you could have some fun once you loosened up. Now it seems like you’re always worried someone is going to attack you, too. You just…” he shook his head and laughed, “this sounds really offensive, I’m sorry. This is not what I came here to talk to you about.”

  I laughed it off as well, not offended. However, his observations made me realize I needed to be careful about the emotions I showed if people saw something different about the way I was acting.

  “What I came here to talk to you about is that my band will be doing some songs at Archangel two weeks after the Halloween party. I wanted to know if you can stick around with the commoners that night.”

  “You’re in a band?”

  He laughed. “You would know that if you hung around us a little more,” he teased. “Yeah, we’re doing some of our songs and I want you and the other girls near the stage front. You know, to give us support and get excited so people will thing we’re better than we are.”

  “That sounds awesome,” I said. “I’d love to! I’ll talk to Clark and see what I have to do so that I don’t have to go to the balcony.”

  “Great. And we should dance together at the Halloween party.”

  I felt a little awkward—more than a little. Jill was the one who really liked Devon, and Becca was in love with Jill, but it seemed like Devon was interested in me when I was interested in my angel experiment back home.

  It was not a situation I could have ever been prepared for.

  “That sounds great,” I agreed with a weaker smile.

  “Awesome!”

  “Hey, Devon,” I said quickly, grabbing his attention, “you know, you should really ask Jill to dance with you more often.”

  Devon smiled. “Between you and me, she doesn’t have very good rhythm.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I laughed. “But, she really likes you.”

  “She does?” He put his hands in his pockets nervously. “I mean…I like her, too, but…”

  “But what?”

  “I just never really thought about her like that…” he said with a nervous chuckle. He took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out as he exhaled. “Thanks for telling me.”

  “Sure.” Obviously the conversation was dead. “So, I owe you a dance at the Halloween party.”

  “Or two,” he teased. “Great! And remember it’s a costume party, so you better dress up.”

  “For me, every Friday at Archangel is like Halloween.”

  “Then I love Fridays,” he said with a larger grin. I laughed off the compliment. “Alright, hopefully, I’ll see you sooner than Friday, but I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay.” I waved to him as he walked away.

  “Popular,” another familiar voice said, and I jumped once again.

  “Clark, I didn’t see you,” I gasped as he approached.

  “How could you? Devon was flirting with you.” He smiled suggestively.

  “Just a little.” I shrugged it off.

  “Do you like him?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Not like that.”

  “Maybe you should just tell him that, then,” Clark suggested. “Best to let people know what you’re thinking right away so that they don’t assume anything.”

  “Maybe…” I murmured, trying to avoid the subject.

  “Are you ready?” he asked. I nodded out of habit. “Alright, let’s go.”

  Clark led me to the south parking lot, which was generally reserved for teachers. We started toward one black car where a man in a simple suit and sunglasses stood, waiting for us.

  The man walked to the back door, opening it for both of us. I climbed into the backseat and put on my seatbelt, trying to ignore the nervous shaking of my hands. Clark sat next to me, also putting on his seatbelt as the driver got in, adjusted the mirrors, and pulled out of the parking lot.

  I was nauseous, almost light-headed. I had so much adrenaline coursing throug
h my veins, I was sure I would go orbital at any moment.

  “Since this is the first day, we will be getting you clearance first,” Clark explained. “My mother told me to show you around the Commission building before showing you more of the basement levels.”

  “That basement?”

  “Where we’ve been having the meetings,” Clark elaborated. “During the day, most of the regular workers are upstairs. Dana even has an office up there…not that he’s ever there…” He added the last part under his breath.

  “Dana’s at the Commission today, though?” I asked slowly.

  “He’s always there,” Clark confirmed. “He breezes in and out without anyone noticing. I told you that he leaves the Commission at least once a day, but he somehow always seems to be down in the basement, also,” he explained. “So, we’ll get you a clearance card and chips and then I’ll show you around.”

  “Okay…” I chuckled, my voice shaking. I cleared my throat, trying to pass off the nervousness when Clark smiled thinly.

  “It will be alright,” he assured. “I’ll show you around. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

  I glanced at the driver and then at Clark again. I could not tell if the driver was looking at us due to his dark glasses—it seemed as though everyone on Dana’s security staff wore sunglasses. Clark looked at the driver as well and took a deep breath.

  “…do you have a lot of homework?” Clark asked. That answered my silent question. Obviously, we could not talk about our plans in front of anyone on Dana’s staff, but I wasn’t sure if I could ask Clark other questions, such as what to do if I ran into Dana. Rather than risk it, we spent the car ride talking about homework and reports, as well as decisions for university and so on. I was grateful for the distracting conversation.

  When we pulled into the gates of the Commission, breathing became more difficult. I grabbed my backpack and moved toward the door before it was opened by the driver.

  As soon as my foot hit the pavement, I felt a strong sense of finality, even more so than the night I had first stepped inside the Commission meeting room. I was walking into the den of the lion. This was the last point where I could back down and decide that not to fight against the overpowering force that was the Commission of the People. Or, I could fight and hope against all else that my will was stronger than Dana’s influence.