by Kip Nelson
“That’s something of a long story. Do you mind if we go sit down by the fire? I feel a chill creeping into my bones and I’m worried that if I don’t do anything about it soon it’s going to stay there.
“I’d prefer to wait until I’m sure about you, if you don’t mind,” Darren said. He felt his heart ache, hating that he was putting the man through this, but he had to make sure.
“When everything started going dark, I made my way to the church as soon as I could, knowing that people would come there for refuge. Now, you should understand that I come from a small town, not like the city. I had my congregation and we all knew each other, but when I arrived at the church I was greeted with a horrible sight. A plane had fallen from the sky and crashed right into the church. The wreckage was everywhere, and the people who had gone to the church for salvation had been killed. It was horrendous. It is a sight that I will never forget.
“I felt awful. In some way I felt guilty for all those souls who had lost their lives, but it was small comfort to me in that moment that the Lord had taken them. They were only there because I had made that place feel safe, but it was safe no longer. I fell to my knees and stared at the flaming wreckage, breathing in the smoke and the ash. Others were around me, wailing and crying.
“Eventually they dispersed, going their own separate ways. Some of them stayed in their homes, others went to find a safe place somewhere else, but I had nowhere to go. You see, I’ve lived a solitary life, and without my congregation there’s really nobody I’m close to.
“When I gazed at my burning church, which was now just a pile of broken and smoldering wood, a profound realization came over me. I was reminded by a voice inside me that a man does not need a church to preach the word of God. The Lord is all around us. The only thing I needed was faith and love in my heart. So, I rose, dusted myself off, and told myself I was going to continue to do the Lord’s work no matter what. I looked around and knew that the world needed me more than ever.
“I went to the police station and tried to find aid there. It was empty apart from one officer, who was busy going to quell an uprising of crime. Apparently, people were easily led into sin,” he said, with a heavy heart. Darren thought back to the scenes he had witnessed on that first night and nodded in silent understanding.
“He thrust a gun in my hand, told me to defend myself, and left me to my own devices. I wasn’t exactly pleased to be holding a weapon, but it dawned on me that the world could be more dangerous than I ever had known. I still harbored hope that the power would be restored. But as the days passed it quickly became apparent this was the new order of the world, and we all would have to adapt.
“People shut themselves in their houses and boarded up their windows. I tried to gather others to form a community, but nobody wanted to listen, and I grew sad. I thought to myself that I should go where the suffering is greatest. In my mind that would be the city, where so many souls are crying out for guidance. I had seen sorrow, and I could well imagine the destruction that had occurred in the city, what with all the cars and cranes and expensive pieces of equipment that no longer were functioning. I made it my mission to reach the city and preach peace, hoping that when I arrived people would be willing to listen.
“Sadly, I got waylaid, and confused. However, along the way I met many people who needed my help and it soon became clear that the Lord had set me on this path for a reason. In recent days, however, I have grown more despairing. This winter seems to have lasted longer than any before. Although, in truth, I don’t know if that’s a trick of my mind or not. I’ve found myself wondering where this path is going to end. Then I came upon this cave and yourself, and even though you may not think it, I believe I am here for a reason.”
“It sounds as though you’ve had a hard time of it,” Darren said.
“Haven’t we all? I’m sure you have endured your share of sorrow,” JR said. “If you ever want to talk about it, I am quite a good listener.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Darren said. “Okay, you can come in, but you have to make sure to follow the rules I laid out and try not to do anything to startle the mountain lions.”
JR went to say something, but Darren turned his back and walked into the cave.
Chapter Three
“Okay, kids, I have somebody I’d like you to meet,” Darren began. JR followed close behind him and froze when he saw the mountain lions.
“Th…those are lions?!” he said. Darren looked at him blankly.
“I did tell you there were mountain lions in here.”
“Yes, you did, but I didn’t believe you. I thought you were saying that just to frighten me away.”
“Just keep your distance. They’ve mostly been docile, although I wouldn’t get too close to her cubs,” Darren suggested.
JR muttered a prayer under his breath and kept to the cave wall, putting as much distance between himself and the mountain lions as possible. The mother hadn’t stirred from her slumber, and Darren hoped she wouldn’t take offence at their new guest.
His kids looked up at him and were curious about their new visitor. Darren made the introductions, and told his kids that JR was going to stay with them a little while. The younger girls waved to JR, while Betsy and Brent were warier.
Darren ushered the minister in. He immediately placed himself by the fire and rubbed his hands together, trying to get himself warm. Darren gathered him a little bit of food and water. The minister was eternally grateful.
“It seems as though you’ve done quite well for yourself here,” he said.
Darren narrowed his eyes.
“I’d much prefer to be in a warm house somewhere with central heating and no mountain lions,” Darren said sharply.
“Absolutely, absolutely,” JR said, focusing on the fire that danced before his eyes. Brent came up to Darren and spoke in a low voice, so that JR couldn’t hear.
“Are you sure this is okay? I mean, what do we know about him?” Brent asked.
“I had a quick chat with him. I think he’s legit. He just wants to help people. I couldn’t turn him away. We’ll keep a close eye on him. At the first sign of danger we’ll act, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the others,” Darren said.
Brent nodded. Darren directed him to keep watch over the others while he went to talk more with JR. Darren put the gun down and rubbed his hands, watching as JR wolfed down the food and water.
“You should have made that last longer, we don’t have much,” Darren said.
“I guess I was hungrier than I thought,” JR said, smiling weakly.
“You must be tired too.”
“I am. Although I think I’ll stay up a while longer, if you don’t mind. It’s been a little while since I’ve enjoyed the company of a friendly face.”
“I’m not sure how friendly my face really is,” Darren joked, “but I’ll try staying up with you.”
“Is that to make sure I don’t steal your supplies and run away?” JR asked.
“Something like that, although to be honest I wouldn’t mind the company either. It’s just been me and the kids here for most of the time. And while I love them, sometimes it’s nice to talk to another adult.”
“I can imagine. Who else was here with you?”
“Now, that is another long story,” Darren said.
When JR made it clear he had plenty of time to hear such a story Darren regaled him with the tale of Bill, and how Betsy and Tara came to be staying with them. JR noticed that Darren seemed haunted.
“What happened to Bill?” he asked.
“He died,” Darren said, and from the tone of his voice it was clear he didn’t want to speak about it anymore. Darren ended up regaling JR about all their adventures, including his own when he had left. JR exhaled deeply when he heard about the harrowing experience with the cannibals.
“It pains me to hear how so many people are led so easily into sin, but I suppose that is what we’ve had to guard against,”
JR said.
Darren found him to be a pleasant enough man and, slowly but surely, he let his guard down. He enjoyed the camaraderie that had been missing from his life ever since he’d been living in the cave with his family. As night settled in the kids went to sleep, but Darren and JR stayed up. Both men had been deprived of adult conversation for quite some time. Darren was especially glad for the opportunity to confide in someone who wasn’t a member of his family, and who wasn’t a teenager.
“Are you a religious man, Darren?” JR asked.
Darren gazed into the fire, not wanting to offend the minister, but not wanting to lie to him either.
“I’ve gotta be honest with you JR, not really. I suppose I used to be when I was younger, and my wife certainly was, but I never really had much room for God. Maybe that’s why my life has turned out the way it has.”
“I think God has a plan for everyone, even if we don’t know the nuances of it.”
“People always say that when something bad happens. It always seemed to me as if people are trying to reassure themselves of something. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to talk badly about your faith.”
“It’s okay. It’s hardly the worse insult I’ve ever received.”
“In a way, I am envious of you, like I was of my wife. When I used to go to church with her, I looked around at everyone else who had faith and I wished that I could feel something like they were feeling, but my heart was just empty. I suppose my family was good enough for me, and I thought that if God had a plan in mind for me it was going to happen whether I knew about it or not. So, the best thing I could do was to get on with my life and hope things worked out for the best.”
“That’s all any of us can do, really. As long as we can rest our heads at night and be content that we have been the best people we can be, we know that the Lord is steering us along the right course, even if you don’t believe in him.”
“I’ve been trying to live by that philosophy ever since we’ve been out here. I know that it’s up to me to set an example for my kids and I’ve been trying to think about what kind of people I want them to be when they grow up. That’s why I let you come in. It would have been easy to turn you away.”
“Yes, it would have, and you have my eternal gratitude for showing me your hospitality. I only hope that I can repay it.”
“Well, like I said, we’ll put you to work tomorrow,” Darren said in a light-hearted manner.
Both men smiled. The fire had warmed them both, although Darren thought the conversation may have had something to do with that as well. Sharing JR’s company made the time go by more quickly, and it helped to distract Darren from the impending sense of doom that roiled in the pit of his stomach.
“I look forward to it. It’ll be good to toil away and bring something worthwhile from the ground. But tell me, Darren, you mentioned your wife before, yet she is not with you? Did you lose her on the way here? I don’t mean to pry, but if I can make an observation, you have been without counsel for too long. I know there must be much you are holding inside yourself. I know I cannot offer you food or water, but I can offer you my ear.”
“It’s okay, JR. I appreciate it, but Stacie left me a long time ago. Over a year now, actually, which seems a lot longer than it really is.”
“Do you think about her a lot?”
“Some days, most days actually. At first it was hard, not knowing why she left. Looking back on it, I suppose we never had a perfect marriage. But I thought we loved each other, and we tried to give each other a good life. Then one day I woke up and she was gone. She left a note, not that it explained much.
“I thought that one day she’d come back, that it was just some kind of emotional crisis she had had, but she never did. And now she’s out there somewhere and I really have no idea if she’s dead or alive. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with the fact that I’ll never see my wife, the mother of my children, again.”
“You must have felt abandoned by her.”
“I did, but the kids have been great. Brent has helped out tremendously, and I’m so proud of him. Even Michelle has done her part. When we had to come out here it wasn’t easy for them you know. I mean, Brent kinda knew what was going on, but it was difficult for Michelle to grasp. We left our home behind and they’ve been a little sad, but they haven’t been a problem for me. I know I can trust them, and they know they can trust me.”
“You are a good father, Darren, and you should be proud of all you have done for your family.”
“I hope that’s true. I think it is, but really, I’ve just done anything I’ve needed to do to survive, no more than anyone else has done.”
“That’s not true, and I think you know it. I’ve seen plenty of people who have let themselves be subdued by the world. You haven’t. You’ve kept your family going, and by my estimation they seem in good health considering the condition of the world outside. You’ve given them shelter, and you’ve protected their innocence. It’s something to be admired.”
“I appreciate your kind words, but it’s not all been rosy. I’ve done things, things you wouldn’t believe.”
“Tell me,” JR said gently, trying to coax the truth out of Darren in the way that only ministers could. Darren shook his head and bit his lip, trying to stop the words from coming out of him. But some part of him wanted to confess, wanted to share his sins with this holy man.
“I…I can’t,” he choked.
“Yes, you can. I will not sit here in judgment of you, Darren. That is not my job. I am only here to listen, I am here because you can tell me the things you can tell nobody else.”
“I’ve killed men,” Darren said, his voice cracking with emotion. His words were a harsh whisper and he hung his head, looking away from JR. Admitting it was a hard truth, and he was forced to face the images of those he had killed.
“Do you feel you killed them in cold blood?” JR asked. Darren shook his head. “Then do you think you should feel guilty?”
“I…I do not know. I’m trying to tell myself I did the right thing. But I’ve always believed that killing someone is the worst thing you ever could do. I guess I’ve just never liked to think I was capable of something like that. But I know that if I was in the same situation again, I would do the same thing. I killed them to protect my family. I killed them to save myself. But when will it end? Will I have to kill tomorrow, and the next day? How many more people will I have to kill before I’m done?”
“I cannot answer that, but you are a brave man for facing the most difficult questions a man can face. The fact that you are in such anguish about this matter shows you are a man of conscience. Sadly, that is the price good men must pay for such acts. If your heart was unscarred you would be able to kill with abandon and wouldn’t care anything about these men. Yet, you show compassion for them, even though they are in many ways the embodiment of evil.”
“But I’m angry too. Angry at this world. Angry at the future my children must face. I’m angry because I must teach them how to do these things as well. Because otherwise someone is going to come along and they’re not going to be able to defend themselves. I never wanted this for them. I never wanted any of this.”
“No, but you do not deny the truth. I can feel your struggle and I wish I could lighten the burden upon your soul. But believe me when I tell you that you should not despair. You are doing right by your children. You are struggling to be moral, and when the times comes for your reward you will be bestowed eternal life.”
“Thanks, JR,” Darren said, shaken by facing his confession, and too weary to get into a debate about whether eternal life was really a reward or not.
He felt exhausted and drained, but he didn’t want to leave JR awake by himself. Although the two men had been talking for a long time, Darren still wasn’t confident about leaving him alone with the food and other supplies there.
“You know, Darren, even I struggle with my faith sometimes. How can I not when there is so much sorrow around? I have heard
harrowing accounts from people like you, many of whom have not remained as strong. I always have tried telling them to be strong and keep their faith, to hold onto whatever shred of hope they can, but it often tires me.
“I wish I could look upon people and tell them that life was going to be easy, but I suppose if that was the case there would be no reason for me to be here. I think I found you and your family for a reason. You seem in great need of some spiritual healing. And with your permission I’d like to speak with the children, in case they are burdened by anything as well.”
Darren nodded. Brent especially would like that, for he shared his mother’s faith. JR announced he was going to retire to bed, and Darren was glad, because he was struggling to keep his eyes open. Darren took him to the rear of the cave and showed him the small space in which he had to sleep. JR arched an eyebrow but made no complaints. Darren explained that the mountain lions were taking up a lot of room, and until they moved on this was how things had to be. JR praised him for showing such compassion to the animals.
The two men went to sleep, and Darren hoped that JR was genuine in everything he said, because Darren didn’t want to have to kill another intruder. The last thing on his mind was the people he had killed, and he found himself asking God for salvation.
Chapter Four
The following morning, Darren was sleeping soundly, but Brent had awoken early. He was excited to take the bike out, although afraid to leave his father alone with the minister. He hated to think badly about a man of the cloth, but Brent had heard the stories his father had told him and knew that it was possible this man was a danger.
Brent kept one eye on the minister as he went about his morning business. He considered waking up his father, but then decided that Darren needed the sleep, and that he was old enough to look after things by himself. After all, he had looked after Michelle while Darren had been out working two jobs, and he was capable enough to handle this.
Brent stoked the fire and looked out to the world, glad to see that the skies were clear and there was no sign of rain. If there had been any hint of it, he was sure Darren would have revoked permission to take the bike out. Brent finally was going to enjoy a small bit of freedom, and he was hoping to find something they all could make use of, plus something a little special for Betsy. He didn’t know if there would be any flowers blooming, but he wanted to find her something nice, to show her how much she meant to him.