by Kip Nelson
He was gathering the morning dew from the water-gathering system they had in place. They had about half a cup, which he added to the bottles they had stored in the cave. He was so engrossed in his work that he was startled when JR came up to him.
“That looks like an ingenious system you have there,” Jr said, holding out his hand. Brent took it and shook it.
“Yeah, it’s just to collect water so we don’t have to go over to the stream every day.”
“How marvelous. You know, your father was telling me about how proud he is of you. It seems like you’ve been through a lot. I know how troubled you must be, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m here to talk to you, if you would like.”
“Thanks, but I think I’m okay,” Brent said, wanting to keep as much distance between himself and this stranger as possible.
Darren had talked about being good people over and over again, but after what had happened with Bill and the others who tried getting into the cave, Brent thought they were better off by themselves. After all, they had everything they needed here.
“If you insist, but he told me how you used to enjoy going to church with your mother. So, I thought you might like to talk to a minister again, but I won’t bother you.”
“Wait,” Brent said, “did Dad really mention Mom?”
“Oh, of course. We had a nice little chat last night.”
“What did he tell you about her?”
“Oh, I can’t really share that information. I know we’re not in a church, but anything anyone says to me is confidential. But trust me, he didn’t say anything bad, only that he misses the way life used to be. He mostly spoke about how proud he is of you and the others, about how you’re really growing into a good man.”
“He’s helped me,” Brent said, smiling. “I’m just trying to do my bit to help him. When Mom left it was tough you know? Dad really struggled. We all did, I guess. I don’t want him to feel as if he has to be alone in this.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t. But how do you feel? Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” JR asked.
Brent shifted his weight from one side to the other, unsure if he really should talk about these things with a minister. But there were some things he wanted to talk about that he simply couldn’t share with his father.
“I guess there are. I mean, I know Dad has his reasons, but I hate that I can’t mention Mom without him getting angry.”
“That is troubling. I suppose it makes you feel bad for loving her?”
“It does, and part of me thinks I should. After all, she left us without any warning and she’s never given us any reason for it. But she’s still my mom. I remember all the times we had together, and I just wish I could see her again so she could tell me why she left.”
“Do you think she ever will come back?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think anymore. We’ve left home and there’s no way for her to know we’re out here. I wanted to go home in case she came back. I wanted to believe that she might return because of what happened, that she might realize how much she misses us and come back. But Dad says it’s a mistake to go back, that it’s too dangerous.”
“Do you agree with him?”
“I don’t know. I guess so, given what we’ve seen and what Betsy said about the city. But I still wish I was there just to see her one more time, just to ask her why she left.”
“Well, we never can know what’s going to happen in the future or who we’re going to meet. After all, I’m quite sure I never expected to walk into a cave filled with people and mountain lions. I have to say it’s quite remarkable how tame they are.”
“Oh, they’re not tame. I think the mom is just tired. She goes out hunting most days, when it’s warm, and leaves the cubs here. I like to think that she knows we don’t mean them any harm, even though sometimes I think Dad should drive them away. But I suppose we wouldn’t be very good people if we did that.”
“Your father has done a good job raising you,” JR said.
“Yes, he has, and I want to do right by him. I want to show him I can be responsible, and that he can rely on me when he needs to.”
“I’m sure he knows that,” JR said.
Brent found he didn’t have much more to say to the minister, although it was somewhat comforting to unburden himself of certain things. JR asked if there was anything he could help with, and Brent soon set him to work. JR kept glancing back at the mountain lions, for which Brent couldn’t blame him. Sometimes it amazed himself that he had grown so used to sharing his living quarters with the beasts.
Still, he hoped that his father awoke soon, because he didn’t want to be the only person alone with JR. Even if the minister had no ill intentions toward Brent and his family, he was still a stranger, and Brent was wary of anyone who hadn’t proven themselves to his family.
Betsy awoke with a yawn and stretched her arms, careful not to wake Tara, Michelle, and Darren, who still were sleeping. She looked around for Brent and, for a moment, thought the worst, but then she saw him near the fire, along with the minister. Betsy was skeptical of anyone in this world, but since he was a minister, she supposed she should trust him. Brent and Darren seemed to, so that was good enough for her. She trusted them with her life, and knew they were far more reliable than Bill.
Thoughts of spending time with that horrid man flashed through her mind and she shuddered. She wondered if there ever would be a day when she could forget him and what he had done to her father, but it certainly wouldn’t be this day.
She walked through the cave and kept a watchful eye on the mountain lions and squeezed Brent on the arm. She wanted to kiss him good morning, but although the two of them had grown close, they didn’t have that kind of relationship yet. She wanted to, though, and she was almost positive that Brent wanted to as well. But, it was difficult to steal any intimate moments when they were always in such close proximity to the others.
It would come in time, though, of that she was sure.
She announced she was going to hang some of the pans outside, hoping Brent would come with her, but he seemed intensely focused on what he was doing. Instead, JR offered her his assistance, and she was too polite to refuse.
“Why are you hanging up these pans?” he asked.
“Because the wind blasts them clean, and it’s easier than taking them down to the stream. They usually get cleaned properly if it rains as well, and then all we have to do is wipe them down and they’re ready to be used again,” she explained.
“How ingenious! I’m always amazed by people’s ingenuity. It’s really quite wonderful, the little home you’ve built here.”
“I’m just trying to make it as nice as possible. Darren, Brent, and Michelle are the ones who made this place what it is. We’re just lucky enough to have found them.”
“I feel the same way. I hope there’s a place for me here. I’ve been wandering for too long. It would be nice to call a place home again.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to stay, as long as you pull your weight,” she said, offering him a pan to hang up. JR smirked and nodded, taking the pan.
“So where did you and your sister come from?”
“Did Darren not tell you?”
“Not the specifics,” JR said.
“We came from the city. It was a long journey here.”
“I was hoping to get to the city myself, eventually, but it seems as though most people are moving away. Why is that?”
“People went crazy and started attacking each other. We tried to stay, but it was too dangerous. Better to be out here where people can’t hurt you.”
“I see. Well, perhaps by the time I get there things will have settled down a little bit. Betsy, are you afraid of people hurting you?”
“I guess so, I mean, isn’t everyone?”
“Some are, I suppose, but I don’t just mean the general feeling of dread. I mean the kind of fear that keeps you up at night, the kind you can’t run away, from no matter how much y
ou try.”
“Then, no, I don’t suppose I am afraid of that.”
“But you are afraid of something, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes. It’s okay, Betsy. You can talk to me about it. I want to help you.”
Betsy felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach as she tried pushing away the dark thoughts that tugged at her mind.
“I know we can’t always talk to the people around us about these things. That’s why I’m here,” JR continued, his voice soothing and calming. She began nodding. It made sense. She needed to tell somebody, after all.
“I do have that kind of fear, but it’s not a fear of being hurt by people. It’s a fear of hurting people.”
“What are you afraid of doing? I hope that I’m not in danger. You’re not about to whack me over the head with the pan, are you?” JR said, trying to make light of the situation, but Betsy wasn’t laughing.
“No. I’m afraid I’ll be like my mom. I’m afraid that I’ll betray those closest to me, that I’ll lie to people and they’ll give me their love, but I won’t give them anything back except pain. And I’m worried that I’ll be too weak to protect Tara. That if anything was to happen to Darren, that I’ll be like my father and let some bad person, do the things that I can’t.”
Her voice and body trembled as she gave voice to the fears that had been residing so deep within her. She had wanted to carve them away like meat off the bone. She stood there and, in that moment, for all that she had accomplished in the world, for all the responsibility she had taken on, she looked like a little girl rather than a young woman. She sniffed, and wiped her nose with her sleeve, then turned away, feeling ashamed that she had given voice to these fears. Somehow it made them more real, more possible, and that frightened her.
“It’s quite normal to be afraid of turning into our parents, especially when they have done so much to hurt us already. The entire human race has that built into themselves, I think. Because we are always afraid that we’ll be like Eve and give into temptation rather than resisting it.
“But the important thing to remember is we have a choice in the person we become. If we can look at our parents and understand why we disagree with the choices we made, we can become better people. You seem very mature for your age, and I think that you’re more suited to this world than your parents already. Do you think either of them would be here like this?” he asked.
“No,” Betsy sniffed. “Mom probably would be complaining about things not being done the way she liked, and Dad just would be waiting to be told what to do. At least I’m helping.”
“That you are, and I know God is smiling down on you for it.”
“But what if I hurt them? What if I hurt Brent?” she asked, her words choking in her throat.
“Then you hurt him. Unfortunately, we can’t go through life without hurting people, that is just a part of human nature. So, the first thing you can do is give yourself a break for thinking like that. All we can do is try to do our best with what God has given us. And if we keep working hard, and we keep being aware of ourselves and the people around us, we’ll be doing alright.
“I’m sure that you’ll do fine in life, Betsy. You have a good foundation here, and you seem to be quite pragmatic. But one thing I wouldn’t do is let this fear stop you from living life and seeking happiness. There are going to be hard times, that’s just the way of the world, but those hard times make us appreciate the good times more. Let yourself be happy. I think each of us are owed that little bit of relief, don’t you?” he said, gesturing to the world around them. Betsy nodded and sniffed again. She felt a little relieved after talking with JR.
The minister smiled and returned inside.
Darren awoke and yawned widely. His entire body ached and cracked as he stretched it out from side to side, the sinews of his muscles knotted and throbbing with pain. How he wished for a long, hot bath to ease his aching muscles, or a massage with hot coals, anything to give him some relief, but the only thing promised him was more pain.
He let himself lie there for a few moments, leaving his eyes closed. He heard movement and then suddenly realized that JR must have been awake. Panic flared within him and he shot up, looking around the cave. Fear slashed through his heart as he was afraid that he had been taken in, deceived by another wicked man. He vowed that if that was the case, he never would let his good intentions be the ruin of him again. If anything happened to his family, he would go on a warpath and give in to all the grief and anger…but as he looked around, he saw JR on his haunches talking with Tara and Michelle. Betsy and Brent were deep in conversation by the fire, holding hands, and the mountain lions were sleeping peacefully.
Darren rubbed his eyes. The rising panic inside him dissipated and his heart returned to its natural rhythm.
“Ah, Darren, good morning!” JR said, cheerily waving to Darren. Darren pushed himself up and walked to where the others were standing. Tara and Michelle hugged his legs as he approached them.
“JR just was telling us a story!” Michelle said.
“I was a youth pastor before I became a full-fledged minister,” JR admitted bashfully. “I do miss the children sometimes.”
Darren pressed his lips together and began realizing JR was the real deal and had been honest with everything he had said. This was further confirmed when he spoke with Brent and Betsy, and they told him how JR had helped talk them through a few things.
“It was amazing,” Brent said. “I don’t know how he did it, but he just had this way of making me want to open up to him.”
“I guess it’s because he’s a minister,” Betsy said, “they have a way of doing that.”
“It helped me, though. I guess it’s just nice to have a new perspective around here. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with all of you, but sometimes it’s nice to talk to an outsider,” Brent said.
“Yeah, it is,” Darren agreed. “I actually had a long talk with him myself last night. He seems quite perceptive. I think we might have the right choice in bringing him in.”
“Certainly, although I think he might need a little more time to get used to the way we do things around here,” Betsy said, giggling as she remembered him struggling with some pots.
“That will come to him in time. I’m glad he was able to help you out. I know there are some things you might not want to share with me, just like there are some things I can’t share with you. But I hope that you know you can always come to me with whatever you’re feeling inside, and we can talk things through,” Darren said.
Betsy and Brent nodded enthusiastically and offered him reassuring smiles. There was a calm aura about them all, which was a change from the romantic tension that usually lingered between them. It had never been an awkward tension, just the kind of feeling that arose between people when they had spent a long time together without being able to split off and enjoy some time by themselves. Darren was pleased that JR had had a positive effect on them. It also reminded him that good deeds sometimes did go unpunished.
“Can I still go out on the bike today? I know JR is here now, but I don’t think you need me to watch him,” Brent said, bristling with nervous excitement.
Darren peered beyond Brent’s shoulder to the gray skies outside. The air was crisp, and it didn’t look as though a storm was likely to occur on the horizon. The only thing holding Darren back was his own fear, and only he should suffer for that, not Brent.
“Yes, you can, but remember what we talked about. I want you back here within a couple of hours and don’t do anything reckless. You see something suspicious or dangerous? You turn right back here right away.”
“Yes Dad,” Brent sighed, but no amount of rules and regulations could have diminished his excitement for the day.
He grinned at Betsy and pulled her toward the bike, wanting to show her the vehicle of his dreams. Darren had to smile himself, amused that a simple thing like a bike could mean so much to his son.
“He seems happy,” JR said, sitting down next to Darren.
“He is. I’ve just given him his freedom. He gets to go out into the world alone without me there to catch him if he falls,” Darren said.
“And how do you feel about that?”
“Scared out of my mind. I know what the world is like, and all parts of me want to keep him in here out of danger, but I know that’s not good in the long term. If he’s ever going to be able to take care of himself, he has to start learning now. I feel the same as when I first sent him to school, except that time there weren’t any murderers or cannibals lurking around.”
“I can’t pretend to understand how you feel because I don’t have kids of my own, but I think it’s brave of you to face this fear and allow your son the freedom to explore the world on his own terms. I’ve seen too many parents who keep their children under wraps for their own protection, but really, it’s for the sake of their own fear, and the children never really amount to anything. I think this is a good gift you’re giving to your son, and he’ll be a better person for it.”
“I hope so, but it still ain’t going to stop me from worrying until he comes back. I need something to take my mind off it,” Darren said. He led JR away from the cave so the two of them could go chop some wood, leaving Betsy behind to watch the children.
“Are you sure it’s okay to leave the children with the mountain lions in the cave?” JR asked.
“They haven’t threatened us yet. I can’t explain why. The only thing I can figure is that she sees that we’re just the same as her. But hell, maybe it’s one of God’s miracles. I’m not complaining, though.”