by Kip Nelson
“Whoa, man! We don’t want any trouble here. Sorry if you were tracking these beasts, but we thought they were fair game,” the one in the flat cap said.
“Tracking them?! I was trying to feed them. I was trying to take care of them.”
Darren’s voice faltered as he cast his gaze down to the mountain lions. The mother’s head lolled to the side, her empty eyes gazing at her cubs. He almost dared not look at the cubs, afraid of the emotions it would conjure up, since he always had linked them with his own children. Their fur was stained with blood and they were huddled together, reaching for their mother.
Once again Darren was filled with regret, for he felt that if he had been standing there the men may not have fired and the mountain lions still would be alive. Somehow it seemed empty that they should die like this, killed by some random hunters when Darren, who had shared a shelter with them, had offered them mercy.
“Take care of them? Man, I don’t know how long you’ve been out here, but these are mountain lions. You don’t take care of them, they take care of you, and not in a friendly way, if you get my drift. Listen, are you okay? We can help you. We’ve got food and water,” the man in the deerskin hat said.
Darren heard the concern in his voice, saw the look in his eyes, and knew what these hunters thought of him. They probably thought he was a hermit, a crazed man who had lost his mind and adopted these mountain lions as his own family after his mind had cracked. Little did they know what he had been through or how much these animals meant to him, and how much they had taken away by killing them so mercilessly.
“No, no, it’s fine. You’ve done enough,” Darren said, and dropped the gun as he walked away, feeling like something else had been stolen from him.
He heard the hunters muttering to each other about him, thinking him crazy for believing that these mountain lions were more than animals. But Darren knew better. Darren knew the truth, and these hunters just couldn’t see past the obvious. He heard the hunters bend down and start slicing open the mountain lions, ready to make them a feast. Darren closed his eyes and retraced the steps of the mountain lions back to where he had begun, although as he did so he rubbed his feet to cover up the tracks he left, just so the hunters didn’t think to follow them.
When he returned to the cave, he slowed his pace and tried composing himself. His kids were there at the cave entrance and looked at him with confusion in their eyes.
“Did you do it, Dad? Did you kill them?” Brent asked.
Darren gazed at the children one by one and imagined what they were thinking. Tara and Michelle both looked anxious. They only had seen the mountain lions as pets. Neither of them had been able to comprehend the true, savage power of the great beasts or realized how much danger they had been in. So, they were filled with sorrow at the thought that the mountain lions had been killed.
Brent and Betsy better understood the way the mountain lions worked and how much danger they posed, but they too had developed an affinity for the animals. It had been hard enough for Darren to tell them that he had gone to put the mother out of her misery, let alone to tell them that random hunters had killed her along with her cubs.
Darren wanted to be devoted to the truth and honor his children with it, to treat them like mature adults and expose them to the true nature of the world. It was the only way they would grow and harden their hearts to tolerate the unending misery promised by this world, and yet that seemed deeply unsatisfying. The need to protect his kids tugged at his heart and he found it difficult to tell them the truth. There was something more important than the truth, hope. He wondered if it really would be that bad if he told them a little white lie.
“No. In the end I couldn’t do it. I thought of all we had been through together and, even though I was angry at her for killing JR, I couldn’t take it out on the cubs. I found them and then I let them go to fend for themselves. I don’t know if they’ll make it in this world, but I gave them a chance.”
Michelle and Tara looked delighted. They clapped their hands together and jumped up and down on the spot, hugging each other tightly. Even Brent and Betsy looked relieved. Darren turned back to look at the forest and hoped that his kids never would know the truth. As far as they were concerned the mountain lions were still out there, but Darren knew better. At least he had been able to give his family a little bit of hope. It was far too rare these days, but it should be enough to sustain them for a little while yet.
He went inside and set down the gun and the spear. Then he gathered himself, trying to forget about the way the mother mountain lion’s head had lolled against the ground, and how they all had looked so powerless against the hunters. It was a bad sign that hunters were patrolling this section of the woods. It meant they might come across his family, and there was no telling how cruel they may be. The hunters he had run into seemed like reasonable men, but not all of them would be like that.
Things had to change. If that was one lesson he took from this, then so be it. Without JR their force was depleted, and the mountain lions had shown how difficult it was to gather food. If the mother mountain lion had struggled to find animals to kill, then it was going to be even more impossible for Darren to hunt enough to feed his family. The sooner they left the better, but it already was getting dark and leaving now would be hazardous.
Before it got too late, Darren called a family meeting.
“I know that a lot has happened over the last day or so and it’s been hard to take it all in. I don’t want to put too much on you but I have other news. We’re going to move. I have been thinking about this for a while now. It always was in the cards when winter began to break and spring came. I still think we’re a few weeks away yet, but the timing seems to be good for us to leave now. This cave has stood us in good stead ever since we came here at the start of the new world, but it’s not going to take care of us for too much longer.
“We need a proper home, one with more privacy and better facilities. We need a garden and fields to grow crops, and a better system for gathering water. We need to be able to make our own clothes and make tools so we truly can master this world. We have done a great job at surviving through this winter with the meager resources given to us and I’m so proud of you all for everything we’ve achieved, but this is only the beginning. You’ve learned a lot about survival and it’s time to put those lessons into practice. Tomorrow morning we’re going to gather as many supplies as we can, and then we’re going to leave this place for our new home.”
The kids looked at him expectantly. Brent had seen the place, of course, but the girls were excited and nervous in equal measure. Darren described the farmhouse to them and tried making it sound as great as possible. He knew it would be hard for Tara and Michelle to understand how desperately they needed to leave. They weren’t as concerned with the lack of privacy as the others were, especially not Brent and Betsy. He needed to have a separate word with them, and that wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. They all seemed to get excited at the thought of living in a new place, though.
After witnessing what had happened with JR and the mountain lions this cave was tainted, and Darren didn’t know if they’d ever think of it as a wholly safe place again. Whenever he looked around now he saw JR being slashed to death by the mountain lion and bleeding out over the ground. He saw the hand print his blood-stained palm had made, and the aroma of death lingered.
He imagined the same was true for his family. It was time for a fresh start. When they had come here it had been therapeutic to leave their home behind. Even though Stacie was still on his mind, being away from their home gave him fewer reminders of her. They were able to embrace the future and become their own people again, rather than being haunted by the ghosts of the past all the time. He hoped that by leaving this place they could have another fresh start, where they could remember JR and the mountain lions without having to feel like they were being haunted.
They spent the evening eating and talking about JR and the mountain
lions. It broke Darren’s heart to hear the girls speak about how they thought the mountain lions would return higher up the mountains and never come down this close again. Each of them had their own theory, but Darren knew the truth. When it came time for him to share his own theory he blanched and tried not making it obvious that he knew what really had happened.
“I think as long as they’re together it doesn’t matter where they end up. I’m sure that the mother will take care of her cubs and she’ll see that they end up somewhere safe. Just like I’ll take care of you wherever we end up.”
The girls seemed satisfied with this answer. Brent told them more about the farmhouse. Darren almost warned him against building expectations too high, because it wasn’t as grand as Brent was making out. But it was rare to see Brent so passionate about something now, so Darren encouraged it. He lay against the rock and placed his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and falling asleep to the sounds of his children talking among each other. It was a sweet sound, and it lulled him to sleep quickly.
He was drained from everything that had happened since he’d returned from the farm and, quite truthfully, he just was looking forward to it all being over. He looked forward to sleeping in a proper bed again and looking around at four walls rather than gray, jagged rock. He wanted to see a proper fireplace rather than just a collection of wood and kindling near a cave entrance, and he wanted to look through windows, not through a wide open entrance to the world, where anyone could walk through if they were determined enough.
Many nights had passed in this cave and it was strange to think that this might well be the last one. It had indeed served them well, but like all good things it had to come to an end. Maybe someone else would come across this place, look at the remnants and wonder who had lived here. They surely would notice the hand print, but it would be a mystery to them. Darren thought about finding some way to write a note for whoever found this cave next, but he decided that it might be better if the whole thing was left a mystery.
With that thought, he fell asleep and slept through the night, not waking until the morning sun spilled into the cave.
He yawned and stretched out the cricks in his neck and back. Sadly, this had become something of a ritual for him ever since he had started sleeping in the cave. He wasn’t sure the aches ever would go away fully. He stood up, placed his hands on his back, and pushed his stomach out, making his body arch. He let out a sigh of relief. He certainly had slept better than when they all had had to huddle together to give the mountain lions their space.
He was happy to see that the children were awake and getting ready to go gather supplies. He was tempted to separate Brent and Betsy to talk with them, but then decided to leave it until later and talk with them together. It already was going to be awkward enough anyway without him having to repeat the experience more than once.
After breakfast he gave them their assignments and they went out into the world to forage and gather supplies to keep them going. The mood in the family was one of anticipation, which vindicated Darren’s decision. After JR died and the mountain lions had been driven off, it would have been easy to fall into despair, but instead they had made a positive decision and were living as JR would have wanted them to live.
Whenever Darren was near the cave, he found his gaze drifting toward the grave, though, wishing that JR could have survived the attack. He also wished that JR’s grave could have come with them. It seemed wrong to leave him all alone out here, but at least the grave was marked so that others could pay their respects.
They spent the entire morning outside and when lunchtime came they returned to the cave to share food and drink. Darren announced that they were going to be leaving that afternoon. He ordered Tara and Michelle to have a nap so they were fresh. There was already too much for them to carry and he didn’t want to have to carry them both (even though he knew inevitably he’d be spending much of the journey with at least one of them in his arms). They protested, but eventually didn’t have any fight against his wishes. They retreated to the back of the cave where they soon fell asleep. Darren tucked them in with thick blankets and then rubbed his hands, returning to Betsy and Brent, getting ready to have the awkward conversation.
The two of them were deep in conversation themselves. Darren recognized the look in their eyes; the way they would have assumed the world was melting away and the only thing that mattered was their love and emotions. They’d feel so strong they would be able to take on the world, and they probably thought that nothing would tear them apart. It was a feeling that Darren had known well in his youth. Although, as the wheel of time had turned, it became less of a force, and love after his teenage years became more of a tempered thing. No less deep, but far less intense.
In recent days he wondered what it would be like if and when he fell in love again. Would he fall completely and utterly in love without hesitation if he met the right person, or would he always be guarded because of the taint that Stacie had put upon his soul? He decided that he’d never know until it happened, and that may never happen. It had taken him long enough even to open himself up to the possibility that he could love again. So, the thought of falling in love was still something far into the distance.
There was a time when he had felt confident he never would love anyone as much as he had loved Stacie, although she evidently had not felt the same way.
Still, it was not time to think about his own love life but his son’s. Brent was a charming boy who had a brooding nature, which often attracted the fairer sex, even if on most occasions he did not realize how fierce their attractions simmered. Brent only had had one serious girlfriend during his teenage years, but it had been a chaste affair, and Darren had been confident that nothing untoward had happened between them. However, he still had had the talk with Brent, and it had been an entirely awkward affair.
Throughout his life Darren had tried encouraging an open and honest relationship between children and parents. He wanted the opposite of what he’d experienced in his own household. He had grown up rather alone, having to teach himself about sex and girls and how to act like a man, which went a long way toward explaining why it had taken him many failed attempts to woo a wife. He didn’t want Brent to go through puberty alone, and even though the subjects were awkward, it was something that simply had to be done. After all, Darren thought, who was Brent going to turn to talk about these things if not his father? He well could imagine what stories and tall tales Brent had heard from his friends. It was better that Darren cut those off before they worked their way insidiously into Brent’s mind and gave him the wrong impression of what sex was like.
But now Betsy was involved too, and that gave the talk a different dimension. Darren hadn’t imagined he’d be having this conversation for a number of years yet, until Michelle grew older, and he had no idea if Betsy had had this talk with her parents. She had proven herself to be a responsible and intelligent girl. She’d handled herself well in all the circumstances that she’d found herself in, even before Darren had known her and, like Brent, had devoted her time to looking after her younger sibling. However, Darren was well aware that such common sense and intelligence could be thrown out the window when it came to matters of the heart, especially between teenagers. He wanted to approach the matter delicately so they wouldn’t think he disapproved of the pairing, but also set ground rules. Because he was still the responsible adult, and it was his duty to look after their wellbeing, even if they resented him for it.
“Hey guys, are you okay?” he began. They jerked their heads to meet his gaze and blushed. They had no doubt been sharing secret sweet thoughts and had lost their awareness of the surrounding area.
“Yeah, Dad, we’re good,” Brent said, with a smile on his face.
“Listen, let’s sit down,” Darren said, gesturing to the area where they usually sat for dinner. Darren ran his hand over his head and sucked in his breath.
“There’s no easy way to go about this. So, I’m just goin
g to get it over and done with and hope that we all can come out of it alive. I need to talk to you about whatever’s going on here.” He waved his arms between them. Brent rolled his eyes and threw his head back, while Betsy cast her gaze to the ground and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Dad,” Brent whined. Darren held up his palms.
“I know. I know. Believe me, this is more awkward for me than it is for you. In fact, I’m a little surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I applaud you for finding some happiness in this forsaken world, but I wouldn’t be doing my duty as a parent,” he looked at Brent, and then shifted his gaze over to Betsy, “or the responsible guardian if I didn’t have this conversation with you. I’m not going to come down hard on you, but there are a few things I’d like you to keep in mind.
“The first is your own safety. If you’re out there foraging for supplies or keeping watch, you need to be aware of your surroundings. We all know how dangerous this world can be. I know you’re young and you think you’re invincible, but believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. It only takes one moment, one lapse of judgment, for everything to fall apart, okay?”
Brent and Betsy nodded. Brent looked glum and resigned to having this conversation with his father. Betsy was hiding a smile. It may not have been as tortuous for her since she wasn’t having this conversation with her own father.
“Now, secondly, I want you to keep in mind Michelle and Tara. They’re still young and they don’t need to be exposed to any displays of affection. Let’s keep it PG-13, okay?”
“We haven’t done anything like that!” Brent exclaimed, his face turning a deep shade of red.
“I know,” Darren sighed. “I’m just making the boundaries clear for you. I know that it’s probably been frustrating for you, shut in this cave without any privacy. I appreciate that it’s been difficult for you to have your private moments, but that’s going to change when we’re in the farmhouse.