Intimacy (Rose Series Book 3)

by Eden Fortae

  “You have so much faith in me.”

  “Because I see the fight in you, and I see me.”

  “How? You battled real monsters. I made stupid mistakes.”

  “That makes you no less a survivor than it makes me.” Eden attempted to pull away only to have him tighten his grip and keep them nearly nose to nose. “You’re a survivor. Let me help you beat this.”

  Surprising him, Eden covered his hands with hers. It was only the second time she’d returned his touch without sexual motivation. As her nimble fingers curled around his, he expected her to pry his hands away. Instead, she closed her eyes and nodded.

  Internally, Donny felt elated. In no way would it be easy, but it was going to happen, and that was good enough for him.

  When Eden agreed to let Donny help her, running through the city before dawn was the last thing she expected. She noticed his focus on the road, the cars, and the buildings when he wasn’t looking at her. He hadn’t said a word outside of those encouraging her to keep going and asking if she needed to rest.

  Stopping at the gate of a cemetery, she held onto the iron bars with one hand while the other clutched her chest. Her lungs burned with each breath. The muscles in her legs begged for relief. Once Eden collected herself, she noticed Donny staring beyond the rusted iron. Aside from the frown set in his brows, he showed no emotion as he breathed out deeply and took her hand. While she watched him, he remained still, locked on something in the distance.

  “Vanessa is buried here. Ten years ago, the police were called to her apartment when one of the neighbors reported a foul odor. They found her decomposing in the bathtub with her wrists slit. They ruled it a suicide. Although I heard her beg for her life as I made her slice through her flesh and Tonito stood beside me, watching the last bit of life seep through her eyes, I still come here. I still find it hard to sleep, and I’m still impacted by the actions of this rotting corpse and her lover that I have to be here almost every morning before my day starts.”

  He squeezed her hand gently. After confessing to what could be classified as murder, he rubbed her fingers tenderly.

  “What happened to Hank and the friend?”

  “The death of Hank Rawlings and Luther Portis Jr. in a tragic fire a month prior made Vanessa’s suicide believable. They were inseparable after all.”

  “You and Antonio…?”

  He nodded, holding her gaze now without an ounce of remorse. That should have terrified her, but it didn’t. Suddenly it made sense why Kya didn’t run from Antonio after his confession. His seriousness was scary as hell, but the fact that he’d told her so much meant the trust ran deep. He trusted her enough to reveal his truth, and that spoke volumes. As crazy as it was, Eden felt special.

  “I brought you here because I could show you better than I could tell you. I don’t have all my shit together. I struggle, and at times, I fail, but I never stop trying. Every day I work hard to be the man I want to be. No matter what it takes, I will be that man. I’ll fight to be happy. Until you’re ready, I’ll fight for you, too.”

  He leaned down for her to hop onto his back after kissing her hand. Muscles aching and lungs still stinging, Eden didn’t hesitate. The symbolism in him carrying her didn’t go unnoticed. The thought did strange things to her heart and chipped away the last of her resistance.

  FIFTEEN

  Things shifted so quickly. When Donny called, Eden answered. Most of the time, it was to check on her mental health. Sometimes he merely wanted to talk and flirt. Although Eden was receptive to the help, she hadn’t fully warmed to the idea of intimacy. Outing invitations were usually declined unless he clarified that it wasn’t a date. For her comfort, he included the girls and Christian. In doing so, the level of comfort around him grew tremendously. They were friends now. Real friends who kept each other’s secrets. That felt good but also came with guilt.

  Kya’s leave was approaching rapidly, and Eden still hadn’t found the courage to talk to her. Donny provided a soft landing place, yet her fear was too great. The one time she came close to confessing resulted in a panic attack. At the onset, she excused herself to the bathroom and called Donny. His voice comforted her so much she masturbated to it.

  Eden saw that as a setback. Donny saw it as progress. After her release, he convinced her to talk about how she felt. The calm he transferred to her wasn’t enough to finally reveal all to Kya, but she could at least smile again.

  His approach was a skillful tactic. The gentle hand and understanding made it easy to try everything he suggested and speak on some topics. His decision not to have sex with her became the biggest challenge. Knowing everything had indeed changed her opinion of him. He wasn’t just sexy because of his dark features and the air he walked with. His sex appeal came from who he was inside. Being attracted to Donny mentally made it ten times harder to ignore the physical attraction. Even when he wasn’t trying, he was appealing to every part of her sexually.

  Taking her to his office gym wasn’t supposed to feel like going to a hotel, but it did. He led her by hand, speaking with such authority like foreplay. Placing boxing gloves on her registered like an erotic touch. Always with tenderness like she was made of the most fragile glass. His white shirt clung to his body, and his black sweatpants fit perfectly. Inadvertently, her eyes went to his crotch, where she often traced the print until he positioned himself behind the punching bag. If he noticed her lusting, it didn’t show in his actions or his tone.

  “Alright, baby, talk to me about your triggers and punch the bag.”

  Eden frowned, crossing her arms as best she could despite the bulky gloves. His smile called to her, appealing to the desire that came with being near him.

  “You trust me?”

  “You know I do, Donovan.”

  “Then tell me your triggers and punch the shit out of the bag.”

  Her eyes narrowed. His smile grew as she raised her fists. The first jab was a weak swing prompting an immediate reaction.

  “All that fire in you and you hit like a girl? I’m disappointed.”

  “Yeah? Switch places with the bag and talk that shit.” She swung a little harder, barely moving it.

  “Give me what I want, and we’ll see about that.”

  She swung at the bag again, following up with a second but said nothing. She didn’t know where to begin. There were so many triggers tangled within fears and truth. Some cut deeper than others but all capable of crippling her. When she swung again, she decided to talk without thinking.

  “I went to Ms. Tam’s grave and apologized for not being here for her and Kya. I still see her as my mom.” It was more of a confession than a trigger. Donny nodded, encouraging her to keep going.

  “I’m nervous as hell about the interview Friday. I miss the hell out of Chace. I don’t want to be in the spotlight. I don’t want to be connected to my dad or his church.”

  “Rina wants me to meet your family. I’m afraid I won’t know how to act and fuck it up.” She hit the bag with a little more force.

  “That’s it. Tell me about your family.”

  Eden rolled her shoulders, raising her fists for two powerful jabs. “They’ve never been my family. Just a group of people who took me in to make themselves look like saints.”

  “Eve hasn’t tried to talk to me in so long that I’m not sure how I feel about it. Egypt has always been a bitch. She used to pinch me to the point of bruising and slap me because she knew she’d get away with it. I told Ms. Sandra once. I showed her the handprint Egypt left on me. She rolled her eyes and told me I probably deserved it.”

  “They never hugged me.” A double jab shook the bag in Donny’s arms. So engrossed in the mental pain consuming her, she couldn’t tell if he was impressed or appalled. “The only time I was shown affection was when I was at Kya’s or with Kenneth.”

  She paused, lost in thought, before realizing where she was.

  “I thought I was happy and wanted. He pulled out that beautiful ring and put it on Egypt’s
finger. I felt worthless. Like I didn’t belong all over again.” She jabbed and this time kicked the bag. Her breaths grew short, eyes clouding with tears.

  “The night before I left for Atlanta, I thought about taking an entire bottle of sleeping pills to end the pain for good.”

  At that, Donny frowned, his back straightening.

  “I’ve hated myself for a long time. I hated my skin because they taught me to. I hated my hair. I hated having curves by fourteen because Egypt told me it made me fat. I look in the mirror and see a coward. I see everything that family ever said about me as truth.”

  The jabs were fast, hard, and conducted absently. She couldn’t see Donny now. Through her tears, she saw nothing but the blurry punching bag and her red gloves.

  “You make me feel at home, and I hate it. I wake up every day wondering if you’re going to see what they saw in me and do me the same way Kenneth did.” Four jabs and two kicks, she managed to keep the tears at bay, “I don’t want you close enough to hurt me, but like Kya and Rina, I don’t want to lose you.”

  After she kicked and punched the bag again, Donny released it. He attempted to approach Eden and was stilled by her quick reaction.

  “I’m alright. Let’s keep going.” She could see the reluctance in his hardened features and stiff posture. Both were reassuring and the strength she needed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love enough to get married or nurture children, but I’m scared to die alone.” Hitting the bag became second nature. Every time she concluded a thought, she’d hit the bag or kick it. Doing came with a release of anger and sadness. Weights were lifting from her chest.

  “You’re the only other man to kiss me outside of Kenneth. He only did that when he felt his grip slipping. He taught me that making love was rough sex. It was giving pleasure and being satisfied with giving without receiving. His way of teaching me to love my family without them loving me back.”

  Donny’s face turned hard as stone. She knew she shouldn’t have revealed some things, but once she started, she couldn’t stop and didn’t want to. Letting it out felt liberating, like breaking a chain that’d held her down for some long.

  “I’ve accepted that I’ll never have a relationship with my mother,” one hard punch shook the bag, “but a part of me still wants it. Kenneth knows that. He knows I’m a glutton for punishment. That’s why he thought he could use it to get me back.”

  “He what?” Donny let the bag go once more.

  Like a child fearing the worst, Eden looked down for a moment, “He cornered me in the elevator at the hospital. He found my vibrator in my purse and tried to blackmail me with it.”

  Donny took a step causing her to back up instinctively. His anger wafted off of him like scorching sun rays. “That’s what set you off that night.” Realizing it wasn’t a question, she didn’t respond to it. Confirmation would only light the fuse. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

  “What?”

  He peeled back the velcro on her gloves, tossing them to the floor so hard they made a loud pop. Now it was his turn not to answer, but Eden wouldn’t let that slide.

  “What do you mean by that, Donovan?”

  “I’m going to talk to him.”

  “By talk, you mean use words? Because you can’t burn him up in a fire and expect to get away with it. He isn’t worth the risk.”

  “But you are,” he turned around, lowering his face to hers. The inferno in his eyes scared her—his protectiveness heartwarming.

  Nervously, Eden raised her hands to his face. Pressing up on her toes, she kissed his lips quickly but softly. If it served no other purpose, she wanted him to see that he’d made her comfortable enough to kiss him even if it was small and somewhat innocent.

  Donny wrapped his arms around her. The tension in his handsome features relaxed. He pressed his lips to her forehead lingering for several seconds.

  “You’ve done so much for me already, Donovan. I’m begging you not to harm him. Not because I care for him,” she trailed off. Summoning the courage used to tell him everything else, she exhaled, “Because I care about you. I can’t afford to lose what little friends I have.”

  He kissed her again, dragging his hands up her back as she laid her head on his chest. “You won’t lose me.”

  Eden caught herself smiling at his declaration and bit her lower lip. For some reason, it excited her to know he had no plans of leaving. That despite her flaws, he would still be there.

  SIXTEEN

  Eden rubbed her clammy palms against her pants, gazing through the window of the restaurant a few blocks from her apartment. Initially, the interview was scheduled for that evening. That was before a sick photographer initiated a change in plans. Meeting with Maxine was a privilege. According to Kya, it was the key to opening every door.

  Maxine sat across from Eden, radiating power and elegance. Long locs of beautiful spiral curls framed her face on one side, tucked behind her other ear. Sparkling earrings shaped like Africa caught the light from above, and the sun beaming through the window. A knee-length black dress covered by a red blazer spoke of business, her smile, warm and inviting.

  And still, Eden found herself freezing and stumbling through her answers.

  The first time the beautiful woman reached across the table with a calming hand over Eden’s, she was able to relax and get through the questions about her designs and inspiration. Once the topic became more personal, they were back at square one.

  The second time Maxine noticed Eden’s nervousness, she set her tablet on the table and held her hand out. “Off the record, did you want to do this interview?”

  “No,” she sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping. “I saw what it did for Kya. I’m honestly not sure I want that.”

  “May I ask why?”

  “My father is well known. Even before that, my life was held under a microscope and scrutinized. As a little girl, I was judged. When I moved away from home, I was judged. I did what I needed to survive on my own. That’s a huge accomplishment for a young girl with nothing, and I was still judged. As long as I have his name–and probably after–I will always be tied to him and a family who’d disown me in the blink of an eye.”

  “All the more reason to attach bells and whistles to yourself, don’t you think?” Maxine replied, gently releasing Eden’s hand to grab her glass. “Nothing kills your haters more or faster than your success. Sure, they’ll talk and try to minimize what you’ve done. The more you grow, the less they can say. When you’re up here,” she held her hand palm-side down and above her head, “they’ll still be living in your shadow.” Lowering her hand, Maxine sat up, clasping her hands, “I would love the honor of being your first official interview, but I understand your hesitation and am more than willing to wait until you’re ready.”

  With things put into perspective by someone who’d already obtained success, Eden considered it. From the outside, it probably looked as if she were scared of what people would say. As if she were holding herself back because of it. The Eden those people would shun until they took their dying breaths already thought the worst of her. Their opinions didn’t stop her from anything before and wouldn’t now.

  “What did you want to know?” She smiled, scooting her chair back enough to cross her legs.

  Maxine returned the smile, picking up her tablet. “What motivates you to create what many would consider bold or risque?”

  Just as Eden’s lips parted, something behind Maxine caught her eyes. From over her shoulder, Karrina waved excitedly as she was being escorted to a nearby table with Kya and Donny in tow. Maxine glanced behind her and smiled, giving a small wave back.

  “Did you know they were coming?”

  “No. They knew I was nervous.”

  “So what you lack in family you make up for with friends.”

  She looked to the trio, giggling as Kya blew kisses her way. Donny merely smiled but said more with his eyes than anyone could voice.

  “Yeah. I guess I’
m winning already.”

  “That you are.”

  The interview concluded after six more in-depth questions, a date for the official photoshoot, and excitement on both sides. Maxine hugged Kya on her way out, handing business cards to Donny and Karrina. As soon as Maxine left, the girls rushed her. Donny hadn’t said a word. He didn’t need to. His eyes and smile spoke of pride that she could feel.

  They stared at each other with watery eyes, holding hands with soft smiles. Kya broke first, laughing as she began to cry.

  “I’m going to miss you, Edy.”

  Eden broke their connection to fan her eyes, “No, you’re not because we’re going to talk every day.”

  “I got so used to seeing you and hanging out like we used to. I’m going to miss that.”

  “We can video chat. It’ll be like the three of us are still together.”

  Kya nodded, looking up with new tears in her eyes, “And you’ll be here when I get back?”

  That wounded her. Eden frowned, losing the battle with her emotions. She knew her absence hurt Kya. No matter how much she covered it with her happiness to be reunited, she knew. Glancing back at Chris, Karrina, and Donny, Eden smiled weakly, settling on the man who’d become her source of strength. With his eyes, he encouraged her to speak from the heart.

  “Kya, I left because I was running from something that’s going to take a while to explain. I promise I will. As soon as you get settled in, I’ll tell you all about it. But I can say now that I only stayed away because I saw you as my sister and I didn’t want that to change. I came back because I realized I needed my sister. I’ll always need you. I promise I’ll be here.”

  Kya rushed her with a hug. They held onto each other until Kya had to go. Once she disappeared into the crowd, Eden turned back to the others. Chris and Karrina watched her with somber expressions. Donny smiled proudly. As he held out his hand for her, Karrina smacked it away and laced her fingers with Eden’s.