by Eden Fortae
“Mr. Cortes?”
“Yes,” he stood, trying to contain himself while shaking her hand.
“Nice to meet you. Chloe Alldred. I’m one of the licensed Psychiatrists here. I’ve been treating Eden since she arrived. Walk with me, please?”
Psychiatrist. He’d already pieced things together. However, Eden’s tone and tears didn’t sit right with him. Something happened. She said it and cut herself off. The answers were within reach, somewhere in this building.
With a quickness, Donny followed her onto the elevator and fidgeted with each floor they stopped at. On the fourth, she strode, putting her hands in her pockets. Instinctively, he noticed the setup, which seemed more like a doctor’s office and a lab.
“Are you taking me to Eden?”
“No,” she replied with apparent reluctance. “Of all the things Eden has consented to, that was not one of them, I’m afraid.” She opened the door to a room stereotypical of what you’d expect of a shrink. Degrees framed and on the wall, a large plant in the corner, boring furniture, and a colorful bookshelf.
He wanted to be angry, yet his anxiety wouldn’t allow it.
“Please have a seat,” she motioned toward one of the leather armchairs on the other side of her desk. When she sat, he was still standing. Dark brown eyes narrowed, she shook her head. “Mr. Cortes, I understand that you’re concerned. From the talks Eden and I’ve had, I know you’re extremely protective of her and probably worried. If I answer one of your questions, will you sit and talk with me?”
“Did she say specifically that she didn’t want to see me?”
“No.”
“Then why can’t I see her?”
“If you have a seat, I’ll explain what I can.” Slowly, he made his way to one of the chairs. “Thank you. As I’ve stated, I’ve been working with Eden since she arrived. Once she opened up, she mentioned many names. Yours mostly, which is indicative of your importance to her.”
“Can you just,” he threw his hands up and stopped short of the nasty remark sure to follow. “She said she needed me to do something?”
The way her lips thinned, and she exhaled was troublesome. That feeling in his gut returned with a vengeance.
“Straight to the point?—Eden is pregnant. We need to collect a DNA sample from you.”
The world stopped. Everything around him spinning in slow motion as those words played back. He couldn’t think. The sound of his heart beating was too loud. His blood was rushing in his ears.
“Mr. Cortes?”
“Where is she?”
“Resting. Calling you earlier was a little too much for her.”
“Calling me was too much?”
“She is in a critically fragile state.”
“What the fuck is happening?!” He didn’t mean to yell. All his emotions were erupting. Lack of sleep, stress, and strain meant he was already on edge. Too few answers in a timely fashion pushed him over.
“I just told you.” She spoke calmly, annoying him more.
“Eden is pregnant and in a critically fragile state. You’re asking for my DNA.”
“We have a technician on site today who works for a non-invasive prenatal paternity testing company. If you’re willing, we can have the test conducted immediately. The results would be available in a week.”
He smiled. It was all he would do to calm himself. “Dr. Alldred, with all due respect, you’re pissing me the fuck off. You’re telling me I can’t see Eden because of the condition she’s in and talking to me about a DNA test like I’m some one-night stand–” The bottom fell out of his momentum. Pressure built up in his head. Moments ago, he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Now he wasn’t so sure it was beating at all. The implication behind her request was worse than being sucker-punched. It felt like being stuck with a million hammers at once. Like having a fork jammed into his chest until it came out of his back.
“Mr. Cortes?”
“It might not be mine,” he said more to himself, leaning forward to drop his head into his hands. He knew pain. That of his childhood would always be the worst. Not knowing where Eden was and if she was alive, a close second until this. No, this toed that line. He teetered between rational anger and recklessness, wanting to flip the desk and destroy everything. Getting up to leave, he coached his breathing. At the door, something else hit him.
Eden was adamant about pregnancy prevention. She took birth control and carried condoms to ensure sex was safe at all times. If she’d reverted to her old ways of coping, it wouldn’t have been unprotected. Then again, the last two times they’d been together had been. Harsh revelations fueled both, and although he tried to stop her, he couldn’t deny her what she needed to feel. A stranger wouldn’t have cared.
“I need to see her.” He didn’t bother turning around.
“I may be able to arrange that. However, there needs to be an understanding first.”
Once again, Donny did all he could to compose himself. He took a few steps back and sat down, one hand massaging his forehead.
The young doctor folded her hands on top of the desk. He could tell she was trying to compose herself, which made him pay closer attention to her next words.
“Informing you that I’m bound by law to maintain doctor/patient confidentiality is a required disclaimer. It simply means that I cannot share with you what is discussed without the consent of said patient but perhaps I could speak a bit more freely?”
“Please,” his exasperation was evident in the dismissive wave.
Dr. Alldred nodded, “Eden is barely hanging on. She wanted to be here but hasn’t stopped crying since hearing your voice. Her recovery has suffered a setback with the discovery of this pregnancy. For days, no one could get her to speak. Not even me. When she did, it was on her own and about you. She is fearful and cannot move forward without this paternity test.”
“I suppose you can’t tell me why there’s a question of paternity.”
“You’re correct.”
He shook his head, unsure what he was feeling. “What happens if the baby is mine?”
The doctor hesitated, tapping her fingers against the back of her other hand. “That has yet to be determined. However, I believe she’d want the child to be with you.”
With him. Not them. Not together.
“And if it’s not mine?”
“She still has the right to choose.”
Hurt and at a loss for words, Donny threw his head back and glared at the ceiling. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Nowhere close to the future he envisioned. Doing so was a mistake on his part. He knew that now but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Even as he sat there with his heart in pieces, each still beat for Eden.
THIRTY-THREE
She felt his presence like a gentle wind. It was soothing and couldn't be ignored. The dark pressure hanging overhead prevented Eden from looking up. She couldn't bear the thought of him seeing her like that. Agreeing to this was her way of showing him that beneath everything, she still cared for him. Still wanted peace and happiness for him.
Chloe positioned the chairs across from each other. Seeing his shoes, she stiffened. As he sat, she felt the heat from his body, and for the briefest moment, it felt like sunshine on her ice-cold skin. Goosebumps covered her arms with his closeness. His cologne wrapped around her with familiar warmth. Then the sound of his voice caused her to shiver.
"Hermosa," it was like a whisper. A sweet caress of a welcomed breeze.
"I'm not her anymore." She replied quietly.
"You look like my smart-mouth, soft ass, Hermosa to me."
She teared up, unable to find the smile she wanted to give him. The last time she heard those words, he was holding her. He told her he loved her and repeated those words like he still felt the same.
"It sounds like a stupid question, but how are you?"
"I'm breathing," she answered truthfully. "You? The family?"
"They miss you as I have. You're in front
of me, so I'm good. The only thing that could make me better is seeing your eyes."
Eden shot a quick look in Chloe's direction. The reassuring nod met her with little comfort.
"You won't like what you see, Donovan."
"Prove it."
Slowly she dragged her eyes to him. The urge to cry intensified. He looked like he hadn't slept much and needed a haircut. His beard grew longer, oddly appealing despite his clean-cut persona. She watched his eyes drop to her stomach and her nerves frayed.
"Sorry, I still love my view." His smile was small, but evident.
Immediately, she dropped her head, twisting her shirt more with every tear. "Honesty is freeing and one of the best steps toward happiness." She parroted Chloe from their earlier session.
"Ok," he sighed, leaning forward. His elbows rested on his knees, hands clasped between them. "I hate seeing you here. I hate that you won't look at me longer than a minute and that I can't hold you. But you're still beautiful and always will be, to me."
Donny raised his hand to comfort her and let it drop short of her cheek as she cried more. Did he see her flinch? He must have.
"Eden, please talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Tell me what you're feeling. Tell me what I can do to help you."
Eden looked up at Chloe again. All the prepping she'd done was fading. The strength she mustered to sit there, diminished by the negative thoughts roaring back like a well-rested lion. Her doctor nodded again, gesturing with her hand.
"I feel stuck."
"Stuck?"
"Every night, I've gone to bed praying I'd feel a little better in the morning only to open my eyes and wish I didn't. It's a cycle that won't end. The walls won't stop collapsing on me, and the last thing I'd ever want is for you to be trapped under them with me." She took a needed break, openly wringing her hands.
"My place in your life is not conditional. It exists whether we're on solid ground or under it because you're loved and nothing close to a burden. I should have told you that. I'm sorry I didn't. For every day that I wondered where you were, if you were alive, and how to get you back, I kicked myself for not ensuring you knew how deeply I love you."
She frowned, trying desperately to control herself. "You only feel that way because the baby's yours?"
"You don't get it, do you?" His frustration was evident. Sparing him a glance, she witnessed the rubbing of his forehead. "When I found out there was a possibility, I wanted to set the world on fire. I was so angry I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I thought about it, and I realized I love you so much it doesn't matter. A child of yours would be a child of mine."
She shook her head, wiping her face. Before seeing him, her heartbeat was slowing to a stop. With all he said, it felt more like a revival—shocks of electricity pulsed through her. For a moment, the light at the end of the tunnel was visible again.
"Does everyone know?"
"No. They'd get too excited and want you home as badly as I do." The unspoken question lingered between them. She knew they'd have to discuss it and still did nothing to broach the subject. He'd read the signs and put it off for her benefit until now. "How are we going about this?"
"About what?"
"The baby. Are you leaving for doctor's appointments and coming back, or is there prenatal care here?"
"I can't leave, Donovan."
He frowned, looking at Dr. Alldred. "She's here voluntarily but can't leave?"
"Her choice," was all Chole said.
Immediately Eden felt him turn back to her. Through peripheral vision, she noticed the deepening of his frown.
"If I leave," she started, bravely giving him full eye contact. The hurt already in his eyes sparked a new wave of silent tears, "I'm afraid I won't keep it."
Before she looked away, he did. She'd seen that expression before. It was the same as when he told her of his past. Heartbreak masked by strength.
"You're still considering that." He stated flatly.
"I don't know."
"Alright. You'll let me know if you plan to go forward so I can be here, then?" His voice cracked a little. If she weren't already shattered, she would be.
"If I'm near you, Donvan, I'll only want to get better for you. Not for me."
"You're saying you can't be around me?"
"I shouldn't, right now."
He didn't respond, and for some reason, that bothered her more than if he'd cursed her out or decided on the spot he deserved better. Or so she thought. He sat up, dragging a hand through his hair, looking directly at her. "I hope you feel better soon." When he got up, Eden slouched, pulled her shirt, and dropped her head inside.
"Eden," he called over her sobs. The moment he touched her, though, she tensed. Pushing back as hard as she could, she got up, backing toward the door.
"I tried to prevent this! I tried to stay away so I wouldn't hurt you and still did. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"
"Eden, calm down," Chloe tried to intervene but was cut off by Eden's frantic wails as she wrapped her arms around herself.
"You don't know how sorry I am! You don't understand how I wish you'd seen what everyone else did and left when you could! I won't force you to be stuck with me!" She rushed from the room, openly sobbing and inwardly apologizing to Donny and the unborn baby deserving only one of them as a parent.
The bartender cut him off after his fifth beer and second shot. He paid him with half the cash he had in his wallet and slammed it on the counter. Nearly falling off the barstool, Donny flipped everyone off on the way out. On the street, he staggered, unsure where he parked his truck.
"Fuck it," he mumbled and stumbled toward the corner where he sat on the hood of someone's car. He successfully unlocked his phone on the second try. The picture of Eden was like a knife to his heart and gasoline to the inferno. His buzz was stolen. The battle between rage and devastation returned.
He looked up at the world spinning around him. He pushed off the car without thinking, trying to walk as naturally as he could to the cab stopped at the light. It pulled off before he got there, provoking a string of curses running together incoherently. Long after the cab was out of view, Donny was still yelling and cursing until his phone began to ring.
"Donny?"
"Kya! Does Tonito know you're calling me during back-breaking hours?"
"You called me," she replied slowly. "All I heard was yelling. I called back to get your attention. Everything ok?"
"As a matter of fact, no, it's not. Goodnight!" He hung up, going back to the car, designated as his resting place. Instead of sitting on it, he leaned. Antonio was calling him now. He let it ring the first two times and answered cheerfully.
"Hey, Tonito! Come have a drink with me."
"Where are you?"
"Half on, half off of a 1999 Honda Civic with one rusting door."
"Where that is, Donny?"
He chuckled. "Crazy Horse. I'll meet you at Jay's as soon as my truck finds me," he laughed, raising the keyfob. There wasn't a chirp near or far, and that, too, was amusing.
"Stay there."
"Why not. I don't have shit else to do. Kiss Snuggles for me. I'm going to visit her if my truck ever comes back." He could hear Kya talking in the background. Jealousy reared its ugly head, somewhat sobering him.
"You know what, Tonito, stay home with your family. I'll walk. Love you, motherfucker."
Without ending the call, Donny shoved his phone into his pocket and started his journey home. When Antonio got to him, the mixture of beer and tequila without food on his stomach was taking its toll. The spot between his eyes throbbed, bile tickled that back of his throat. His cousin said nothing the entire ride. Although he caught the occasional glance when he told him he loved him repeatedly, there was nothing more.
Antonio helped him up the stairs and into the apartment. Donny kept tripping over his own feet and had yet to compose a complete thought.
"Tonito… primo… Tengo...que… I wasn't going to t
ell you," the rest fell behind a string of slurred words in both English and Spanish.
Usually, Antonio would have lost his patience, but there was always an exception when it came to Donny. Expecting to be told he's loved for him the hundredth time, Antonio gently lowered him to the bed and immediately went for his shoes. As he undid the laces, the room fell silent.
Sparing him a glance, closed eyes, and lack of movement led to the assumption Donny finally crashed. Even in his sleep, he looked pained. That fucked with Antonio just as much as his inability to fix things. Without anyone knowing, he'd had his sources looking for Eden with no luck.
After placing a bottle of water and pain pills on the nightstand, Antonio headed for the door, pausing when he heard Donny call out to him.
"Tonito?"
"Yes, cousin?"
Silence washed over the room again, ending the moment Antonio stepped into the hall.
"Art was my father."
At that, Antonio turned slowly, his breath stolen and heart-pounding dangerously.
"I dug up some shit on the mean bitch that runs Vital. Got her to give me all the shit from birth." His next words ran together and then slowed to a stop, causing Antonio to rush him.
"Naw, wake the fuck up and tell me what the fuck you just said," he nudged Donny with his knee.
"I'm up, bitch," he finally opened his eyes but just barely. Lazily, he draped his arm over his forehead, sighing heavily. "I found my birth mother. She told me she was a teenage runaway, and he didn't want me."
"When the fuck did this happen?!"
"Last year. I didn't care to know shit before then. You admitted your love for Kya, and it hit me. She could have died, never knowing your true feelings. I didn't want to leave this Earth not knowing my truth."
Antonio tried not to sound angry, but he couldn't control it. "And you kept that shit from us all this time? From me?!"