A Lifetime to Share

by Kathleen Ball

  The snow had disappeared amid days of bright sunshine. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest. Five more wagons and it would be their turn. She couldn’t really believe her parents meant to leave her behind. It had to be some awful game they were playing.

  She sighed as she sat on the warm rock. She wished the loud sound of the churning water would drown out her thoughts but it didn’t. Maybe she could approach the Otters. She didn’t have money for her fare but she could work for them. If only she dared do it. She watched as the Downeys then the Otters all ferried over safely.

  Still her parents ignored her. She swallowed what little pride she had left and walked over to the wagon. “Papa, should I get in now?”

  He didn’t even glance at her. He just shook his head.

  A lump formed in her throat as she walked to the back of the wagon. “Mother, surely you don’t mean to leave me behind?” She held her breath, fearing the answer.

  Her mother leaned out of the back. “Amelia, we only have enough money for three of us to cross. You’re a grown woman now. It’s time you made your own way.”

  “But you’d always said no one would ever want me. You said I couldn’t make it on my own.” Her voice cracked and she stopped talking. She pulled her wrap tightly around her and began to walk down along the riverbank. There were other wagons waiting to cross over. Perhaps someone needed help and would be willing to take her on.

  Tears streamed down her face. God knew how hard she’d tried to please her parents. She never complained. She never contradicted them when they told her she was useless. She worked hard. If not for her lameness, things would have been different. Someone would have asked for her hand already, but now that would never happen.

  She tripped but caught herself before she fell into the mud. All she had were the clothes on her back. Weren’t her parents afraid of what the rest of the party would think? They always put so much emphasis on appearances that it seemed odd that they would just leave her behind. She turned and looked back. Her parents and Aaron were on the ferry now. Even in the face of their betrayal, she still held her breath and then let it out once they were safely across.

  That was it then. Fear blanketed her. What if no one wanted her? And why should they? She did have an awful limp and her hip was disfigured. She stood still for a moment trying to gather some strength inside her. She tried to find a sense of calmness, but all she had was sheer panic within her. She heard the horse coming behind her and knew it was Eli. She just couldn’t talk to him. He was probably there to say good-bye.

  He reined in his horse and hopped out of the saddle. She stared at the ground and didn’t look up when his boots came into view.

  “Amelia? What happened?”

  “What did my parent say happened?” She kept her gaze fixed on his mud-caked boots.

  “It doesn’t matter what they had to say. Are you alright?” His voice was so full of concern she wanted to weep.

  “I’ll be fine. I think I can probably find a family to take me on. I’m a good worker.”

  He put his hand under her chin and tilted her head until she looked at him. “Yes, you are a good worker. Did you have a fight with your parents?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not sure what happened. They told me they couldn’t afford to take both me and Aaron with them. They didn’t choose me. I can’t blame them. To them I’m nothing but a cripple and a burden. I do work hard but they never see that. They only see me as a charity case or something.”

  “Amelia, you are not a burden. I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as you. It’s their loss if they’d rather have Aaron. You can cross with me. Here let me get you on the horse. I’ll need you to wrap your hands around my waist nice and tight.”

  Dread pooled in her gut and she took a step back. “Oh no…I can’t. My—my leg. I can’t sit a horse.” Tears flowed at her confession.

  “That’s fine. You can sit sideways in front of me. I’m not leaving you behind.”

  “My parents will be angry.”

  “I don’t care about your parents. I do care about you.” His rich voice rolled over her, and her tears stopped.

  “I won’t have a place to be once we cross. I don’t want to be a bother. I can find someone to work for.”

  “You can work for me if it comes to that. We’ll get it all figured out. I can’t leave you behind.” He tilted his head and stared at her.

  So that was it. He didn’t want her on his conscience. “Thank you. I’ll pay you back for the fare.”

  “I know you will. Now let’s get going.”

  He put his large hands on her waist and lifted her onto his horse as though she weighed nothing at all. Then he swung up behind her and practically cradled her in front of him. Safe and cherished; that was how he made her feel at that moment. It wasn’t real, but she wished the feeling would last forever.

  The sun glistened on the rolling river water making it look magical but fear filled her the closer they got. As they rode to the ferry she stiffened, sweat formed on her brow and her stomach began to churn.

  “Are you alright?” He murmured into her ear.

  “I can’t swim.” Her heart pounded.

  “That’s fine, I can. Roman can too.” He swung down then reached up for her. After setting her down, he took her hand in his. Holding the reins in his left hand and her hand in his right, Eli walked onto the ferry. His confidence gave her the sense of calm she’d been searching for.

  Until they started across.

  The roar of the fast moving water filled her ears and all she could see were the logs and debris being carried swiftly down river. Fear paralyzed her as she watched the water greedily gouge at the riverbank, eroding chunks of clay and rocks in its path. The scow bobbed up and down and this way and that, and she thought for sure they’d go over the side. She was squeezing Eli’s hand for all she was worth, but she couldn’t let go. She glanced up at him and was surprised when he smiled at her.

  “See, nothing to it.” On the other side, he led her and Roman up the riverbank. He never once let go of her.

  Embarrassed, she slipped her hand out of his. “I didn’t mean to squeeze so hard.”

  “You’re much stronger than I imagined.” His voice was teasing but heat rushed to her face. “Come on, let’s catch up with Smitty.”

  Eli took her hand again as they walked past her parents. “Don’t look at them. They aren’t worth your consideration. Smitty always has a fire going near the bank at each crossing in case someone falls in and needs thawing out or drying. I bet he has coffee for us. Did you eat this morning?”

  She was concentrating so hard on walking with her head held high she forgot to answer.

  “Amelia?”

  “Yes, I had a biscuit. Thanks.”

  Eli grunted but didn’t say anything. He handed the reins to Jed and put his hand on the small of her back as he led her closer to the fire. “Smitty, we’ll have an extra guest for a while.” He glanced toward the Cruthers’ wagon and squared his shoulders. “I take that back. Amelia is a hard worker, and she’ll be part of our team.”

  Smitty smiled broadly “Good to have you aboard. Now if this one,” he nodded toward Eli, “gets too bossy, you let me know. Sit.” He pointed to an upended crate, and she lowered herself onto it, wincing at the pinching sensation in her hip. Then he poured two cups of coffee and handed her one and Eli the other.

  “Thank you.” She wasn’t sure what else she should say or do, so she sipped the hot black liquid.

  “You’re very welcome, little lady. I’ve watched you and I know you work hard. If that one,” he nodded toward Jed, “tries to get you to do his work, you let me know. A shirker, he can be.”

  Jed laughed. “That’s right. Smitty runs everything single handedly, or so he thinks.”

  Both Eli and Smitty joined in on the laughter, and Amelia’s heart lightened . They were making her feel welcome, and for that she’d be eternally grateful.

  Eli relaxed a bit. The river crossing was b
ehind them, and Amelia seemed comfortable enough joining his little group. What a rotten thing to do, leaving a daughter behind. Just when he thought he had seen it all, someone did something so outrageous to top everything. The Cruthers were now on the top of the heap. Amelia was better off with them. He wanted to stop by her parent’s wagon and ask for her things but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

  They’d now been traveling about fifteen miles a day. They were making good time but Jed predicted rain for that evening. They’d stop early and camp as far uphill from the river as possible. He rode Roman up and down the train, letting people know they needed to cook for tonight and probably tomorrow. It would be hard to make a fire in the rain. He also instructed each to make any repairs to the wagons that were needed, especially the wheels. More than likely, they’d have to push the wagons through the mud come morning.

  He rode next to the Cruthers wagon and was surprised that they all rode in it. The usual way was for all but the driver to walk. Thinking back, he’d never seen Cheryl Cruthers walking. “We’ll be stopping early. It’s going to rain tonight, so be sure to cook enough grub for tomorrow too.”

  Benjamin frowned. “Don’t look like no rain to me. There’s hardly a cloud in the sky.”

  “Trust me, it’s going to rain. Best to be prepared. Grab drywood now.”

  “We don’t have to do what you want,” Benjamin spouted.

  “Tomorrow you’ll need to lighten your load by two people. If the missus can drive we could sure use your strength to push wagons.” Eli waited for another snide comment.

  “She don’t drive, and she doesn’t walk either.”

  “I hear you. Just don’t ask for help getting your wagon out of the mud tomorrow if that’s how you want to play it. You can always be left behind.” Eli rode on before Benjamin utter another word. What an idiot.

  Amelia wore Jed’s old pants cinched at the waist with a rope under her skirt. The getup should keep her warmer. He smiled when he remembered how she balked at wearing them, but she seemed to like them now. It was hard to believe she’d been with them for a week. She’d fast become the sister he never had. Her silky blond hair hung down her back in one long braid. She certainly was pretty enough. And she was likable. He looked forward to coming to the fire each evening and having her there.

  He wasn’t sure what they’d do with her once they reached Oregon. He’d probably just bring her out to the ranch. There was always enough to do there. Warmth spread through his insides at the thought, and his mouth dropped open. He shook his head. I do not have feelings for her. I do not! He couldn’t afford to have a woman in his life. He had too much to do before he settled down, if he ever settled down.

  Besides, people always left and he had no reason to expect a wife to be any different.

  His best bet was to put some space between them. He refused to develop feelings for her. Dang it! He never planned to have feelings for anyone. His brother Mike took the marriage fall, but Eli had sworn to himself he was never going to get caught up in any type of love.

  He rode away from Amelia. He’d have to come up with reasons to stay away from camp.

  Chapter Four

  It poured and poured outside. The boom of the thunder shook the wagon, and the zigzag of lightning lit up the sky. It felt as though the wagon would blow away at any moment. Amelia thanked her lucky stars she wasn’t outside. Boom! She jumped and this time she shrieked. She was alone in the wagon. Smitty was right outside trying to keep the fire going in case it was needed. Jed was just keeping the livestock from bolting, and Eli said he needed to keep an eye on everyone.

  Something was bothering him, and she wished she knew what it was. He had hardly glanced in her direction the whole day. He’d talked to her parents. She’d watched the interaction and neither Eli nor her father had seemed pleased. After that, he’d been distant somehow. A sigh slipped out. She’d come to rely on his approving smile too much.

  Perhaps she was making a nuisance of herself, and she’d worn out her welcome. They weren’t used to having a female under foot. They’d been nothing but solicitous, but maybe they didn’t want her around. It weighed heavily on her shoulders. They didn’t need her. They’d been doing just fine without her. She worked hard and tried to earn her keep, but in reality she was just an extra person for Eli to take care of.

  He had probably expected one of the families to want her in their wagon. He hadn’t given her limp enough importance when he’d said she could stay. That must be it. Her face flamed. She thought she was used to being unwanted, but her heart hurt in ways it never had before. After the storm, she would find a new place, if there was one.

  “Amelia, make room! Eli was thrown from his horse!” Smitty yelled.

  Her heart skipped a beat. She immediately laid out a bedroll for him and then she grabbed a coat intending to go outside but Smitty told her to stay put. So, she made herself as small as possible.

  Jed and Smitty carried Eli into the wagon and set him down. He groaned and moved his head back and forth but he didn’t open his eyes.

  “I’ll get Lynn Downey!” Jed yelled above the thunder.

  “Tell her I can stay with her boys if she needs!” Amelia shouted. Jed nodded and disappeared in the storm.

  “We need to get these wet clothes off him,” announced Smitty. “Amelia can you help or would you rather—”

  “I’ll help. Of course I’ll help.” She quickly unbuttoned Eli’s shirt and and after a struggle with the sodden fabric, she got it off. She gulped when she saw how muscled his chest was.

  Smitty took off the rest and they both bundled Eli with blankets. they switched places, and Smitty smoothed Eli’s hair off his face. He leaned over and drew the lantern close, peering closely. He sat up with a grunt. “I don’t see no wounds on his head.”

  Amelia sighed. That was a relief.

  A few minutes later Jed stuck his head in and asked her to sit with the Downey boys. She put on her coat, and Jed helped her down. The ground was soaked and numerous puddles had formed. Amelia watched as Lynn went into the wagon, then she hurried off with Jed to the Downeys’.

  Eli groaned. Why was everyone screaming? He touched his head and slowly opened his eyes. Dang, it was light out.

  “Eli?”

  He waited for his eyes to focus. “Amelia, how long have I been out?” He tried to lift his head but it made him dizzy.

  “Just since last night. It’s good that you’re awake.”

  “Roman?”

  “Your horse is fine. He fled for a bit but was back early this morning. You were lucky. You didn’t break any bones. We were just praying you’d wake up.”

  Unshed tears gleamed in her eyes and warmed him in a way he’d never felt before.

  “Have you been here all night?”

  She smiled. “And most of the day too. Lynn attended to you, and then I came back, and I’ve been watching you sleep.”

  He nodded and his eyes widened. The blanket slid over his bare chest and it struck him he was wearing nothing – not even his drawers! He clenched his fingers around the edges of the cover lest it slip and forced a smile. “Amelia... where are my clothes?”

  “Smitty took off most of them.”

  “Most?”

  Amelia nodded and looked away. “I took off your shirt. You were soaked through.” A delicate shade of rose stained her cheeks. “I... I, um... tried not to look... if that makes you feel any better.”

  He wasn’t sure it made him feel any better but he nodded anyway. “It does. How’d everyone fare the storm?” She glanced back at him and he found himself staring. He could look at her all day.

  “The usual. Everyone was wet and not in the best of moods. Smitty saved the day with his fire. I don’t know how he keeps it going. I know he uses a tarp, but still. There was some pushing that needed doing to get us all going, but it’s hard to know exactly what’s going on. I’ve been in here with you. We’ll be stopping for the nooning soon, and Smitty mentioned we may stop for the day.
The trail is wet and slick.” She drew in a gulp of air. “ Did you know that all of Lynn Downey’s boys are adopted? But they call each other brother. I watched them for a bit last night. They really didn’t need watching, but I think it made Lynn feel better that I was there with them. They each have a different story as to how they ended up without their parents. They are all doing well and they seem happy.”

  He listened to her as he watched her clasp and unclasp her hands. He never noticed that little habit of hers. “What about you?”

  Her brow furrowed. “What about me?”

  “Are you happy?” For some reason her answer was important to him.

  “Of course I am. Who wouldn’t be?” Her heart wasn’t in her answer, and that bothered him.

  “Is that Eli I hear talking back there?” Smitty called from the front.

  “It’s me, and stop hitting every bump. Who taught you how to handle oxen?”

  Smitty laughed. “We’ll stop in a bit.”

  “He really isn’t trying to hit every bump, you know,” admonished Amelia gently. “He cares a great deal about you and Jed.”

  Her genuine concern amused him, and a smile tugged at his lips “I know. I was joking with him. When our parents died, Smitty was there for us. He’s family.”

  “Family is important.” She bit her lip.

  “It can be. But there are different types of families. You said it yourself. The Downeys aren’t related, but they are a family.”

  His lips twitched into a smile as he fought a burst of laughter at her expression. It was though he’d said something profound. “What about the other livestock? Did they scatter?”

  “A bit, but the men got them back. We had a bit of a late start. How do you feel besides your head?”

  “My ribs are a bit bruised but nothing that hasn’t happened before.” He grinned at her. Having her fuss over him was nice. He could get used to it, unfortunately. He struggled to sit up, pausing for a moment to allow the dizziness to work itself out. He wasn’t one to sit around. “I’ll be fine by the time we stop. Is there any water to drink?”