Just Friends

by Tina T. Kove

  I hadn’t been fishing since I was little. Back when it was fun to fish small crabs, keep them in a bucket for a little bit, and then let them out again once it was time to go home.

  ‘We let the seagulls have this.’ Robert must’ve seen my face because he laughed as he scooped up the goo and then threw it out to sea. The seagulls were on it immediately, as they’d been floating around the boat at a distance. Clearly they knew there’d be food eventually.

  ‘You still think it’s disgusting?’ Tarjei asked, bumping my shoulder with his.

  ‘Yeah.’ So disgusting. ‘This is what you like to do in your spare time? Gut fish?’

  ‘Sometimes.’ He chuckled. ‘It’s nice being out here. All alone. It’s peaceful. And you get free food out of it too, mostly, so win-win.’ He bent to help his dad gut more of the fish.

  I stood at a safe distance, part revolted at the sight, part fascinated. It was strange, really. Back in the day when I’d used to cut, I’d liked seeing the blood trickle down my skin. But fish blood… that did nothing for me. It wasn’t fascinating the way my own blood was nor was it triggering in any sort of way. It was just plain nasty.

  ‘What do you like to do in your spare time, Ben?’ Robert asked.

  He’d known me for years. Nik and I had always been over at each others’ houses. But he’d never known me as Tarjei’s friend.

  Shit. Not Tarjei’s friend. Tarjei’s boyfriend.

  ‘I’m still all about music.’ I always had been. It was all I was good at. I played the piano, guitar and violin. I was a good singer too, but I prefered to play my instruments and make the melody. ‘I’m thinking about trying out for the Opera Choir. Chorale. Whatever it’s called. When school’s over, that is.’

  ‘I’ve seen a few of their performances. They’re good.’ Robert smiled, but his gaze was fully on the fish he was gutting.

  I hadn’t ever seen them. We had a choir in school, something everyone doing music had to be a part of. But I’d never taken much interest in it. I’d been more interested in making my own music, all alone.

  Nowadays the thought of getting up on a stage and sing alone filled me with anxiety. Maybe being in a choir could help my sudden onslaught of stage fright. I’d never had stage fright before. Maybe it was the result of faulty medicine, or even alcohol—or both. Or maybe it was just my depression and anxiety fucking up my head. Likely that. I’d always been depressed, though. The stage fright was new.

  I met Tarjei’s gaze. He’d been looking at me, and when our eyes met, he smiled. My heart fucking jumped.

  Maybe I could do this after all. Be someone’s boyfriend. Be a good boyfriend. Maybe I could be his boyfriend—and be good at it.

  That sounded nice. That was something I wanted. And it both scared and excited me. Mostly it terrified me. But it was a good kind of terrified.

  Tarjei and I… together.

  Who would’ve believed this back when I let him take my virginity on my sixteenth birthday? If anyone had told me I’d end up in a relationship with him back then, I would’ve laughed in their faces and flipped them my middle finger.

  Now here I was, on a fucking boat out on the fjord, with my boyfriend and his father. It was all domestic and shit.

  What had my life come to?

  A good place, probably.

  Yeah. I could definitely get used to this. Get used to being with and around Tarjei. Though I could do without the gutted fish.

  Saturday, May 4th

  I woke to the startling realisation that while yesterday had started out as a shitty day, it had ended rather well.

  Tarjei had forgiven me for ghosting him for the entire week. The fishing had been… not fun, exactly, but relaxing. Dinner with his parents after had been good too. Robert and Eli Müller were calm, kind, nice people that didn’t pry into other people’s business. Not even with me, having gone from Nik’s best friend to Tarjei’s boyfriend. They hadn’t asked much about it.

  Maybe Tarjei had already told them. I hoped he hadn’t shared everything. About how shitty I was to him. No parent would want that for their kid.

  I was going to try my best to do better though.

  Speaking of Tarjei. His weight was on me and my ribs were aching.

  ‘You’re squishing my ribs,’ I murmured, not sure if he was awake or not.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He rolled off me. ‘Didn’t think about that.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ I rolled over on my other side and fitted myself against him. I kept my eyes closed as I didn’t want to see how he reacted to that. This wasn’t something I normally did, after all. I wasn’t a cuddler.

  My dick was hard, however, and it wanted him. I wanted him. But I was too damn tired to do anything about it, which sucked.

  ‘Tired?’

  ‘Mhm.’ I moved my head a little to rest more comfortably on his chest. ‘Have to go home though.’

  ‘Home?’ He tensed. ‘Why?’

  ‘Bloody antidepressants.’ They could go to hell… but if I stopped taking them cold-turkey, I would be even more miserable than I currently was. ‘I’m weaning off them and am on the lowest dosage, but I still got to take them. If I don’t, I’ll be a mess.’

  Even forgetting them one day messed me up. That’s how bad those pills were. I had to get on something that wasn’t as strong as they were.

  ‘I like this.’ He hugged me close.

  ‘It’s not too bad.’ I chuckled.

  ‘Want me to take care of that for you?’ His thigh moved slightly against my hard dick.

  ‘You gripe about the sex thing, but you’re really no better than me.’ He had no business whatsoever bitching about me being all about sex.

  ‘Because I love having sex with you.’ With that, his hand was in my boxers and stroking my dick.

  I bucked against him. I was still sleepy, but if he wanted to get down and dirty, I was all for it. Not that we were actually getting all hot and heavy. It was a rather lazy time of stroking each other off.

  And the most wonderful thing of all? I came.

  His arms wrapped around me after and he buried his face in my hair. There he went with the cuddling again. But then I figured I hadn’t been any better earlier, so I couldn’t say anything about it.

  ‘There’s one other thing I want to do today.’ I’d been thinking about it for a while but hadn’t felt up to it.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘I want a haircut.’ I tangled my fingers in my hair once he drew back enough to give me some space. It was long and ruffled and tangled. ‘I’m done with the emo-slash-scene look. I want something short, something modern.’

  ‘Maybe Yvonne has time today,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘I’m not sure if she’s working this weekend, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind coming here to do it if she’s off.’

  ‘Would you mind asking her?’ I rolled over on my back, dragging one hand repeatedly through my hair. Having Tarjei’s ex cut my hair wasn’t ideal, but she was good. Kristina was always bragging about how Yvonne did her hair.

  ‘She might be asleep still, if she’s not at work.’ Tarjei reached for his phone on the bedside table. ‘If she’s not working weekends, she’s out partying Friday nights.’

  ‘Sometimes she’s out even if she’s got work in the morning.’ And sometimes she dragged Kristina with her.

  ‘True that,’ he laughed as he typed on his phone.

  ‘I really have to go home though.’ I didn’t want to. I was comfortable right where I was. ‘The antidepressants… They mess me up, but—it’ll mess me up even more if I just stop taking them.’

  ‘Let’s get dressed and ready, then.’ He sat up, then grimaced. ‘Better yet, let’s have a shower, then get dressed.’

  Right, we’d both come in our boxers. They weren’t all that comfortable to wear anymore.

  Shower it was.

  It wasn’t often Tarjei was over at my place, but today wasn’t a normal day for either of us. Waking up not hung-over and having a calm, relaxing morning in b
ed was a first.

  ‘You go in.’ I motioned to my room. ‘I just got to take that damn pill.’ I slipped into the bathroom.

  The pills were right where I’d left them yesterday and I swallowed them with some water from the tap.

  ‘There, done,’ I said as I entered my bedroom, stopping close to him where he stood just inside.

  He turned to face me. We were almost nose to nose.

  ‘What do you want to do now?’ he asked, gaze flitting between my eyes. ‘Yvonne can’t do your hair until the salon closes, after all.’

  We had a few hours to kill, and I knew just the way to kill them.

  ‘I can take you out for breakfast,’ he offered. ‘Or lunch, I suppose.’

  I shook my head in amusement. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. Instead of using my words, I grabbed him and pulled him close, kissing him hard and deep and long.

  He pressed our hips together just before I turned us around. I pressed him up against the wall next to my still-open door and bucked my hips against him.

  ‘Ah, fuck.’ He moaned as I kissed and sucked my way down his neck.

  He tugged impatiently at my jumper and I lifted my arms so he could get it off me.

  ‘You too.’ If my chest was on display, so was his going to be. As soon as his jumper was off, I pressed close again, enjoying the warmth of him as I kissed him messily.

  He turned me around now, practically slamming me back against the wall.

  I groaned, but tilted my head for another kiss. My hands were busy unzipping us and once both our dicks were out, I wrapped a hand around them.

  ‘Oh, fuck.’ I slid my lips over his cheek as he tilted his head to look down at us. ‘Tarjei?’

  ‘Hmm?’ He nibbled on my earlobe before kissing his way down my neck as I’d just done to him.

  ‘Fuck me right here, up against the wall.’ We’d never done that. Not in my room.

  ‘Where’s—stuff?’ That was asked in-between kisses.

  I motioned towards my bedside table. Or my bed. His head was sort of in the way.

  ‘If you want me to do that, you’ve got to let me go.’ He leaned in for a soft brush of our lips.

  Let him go? My brain was mush.

  Then I remembered I was still stroking us both off. I didn’t want to let his dick go, but I also wanted to be fucked right here, so I had to.

  He rummaged around in the drawer and came back with a condom and lube. As he dealt with the condom, I turned around and pushed my jeans down to bare my arse. I spread my cheeks and waited for him to coat me with the slick.

  ‘Don’t bother with prep,’ I told him after he’d coated my hole with the precious lube. ‘I want to really feel it.’

  He did slide one finger into.

  I glared at him over my shoulder and he held his hands up with a quiet laugh.

  ‘All right, okay, you’re the boss.’

  ‘Damn right I am.’ Those were words I liked hearing. ‘Come on, Tarjei. Fuck me like you mean it.’

  He didn’t bother with more fingers, thankfully, just positioned his dick and pushed inside.

  I groaned, all long and drawn-out. Just as long and drawn-out as he slid into me, considering the time he took. Once he was buried though, he wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled the back of my neck.

  ‘You all right?’

  I could only nod as I moved my hips a little. I loved the feel of a hard dick in my arse. Especially his dick. It just fit so damn well.

  Not counting his first slide into me, we didn’t take it slow. He thrust ruthlessly into me, and I moved against him. Both of us were searching for our orgasms and planning on reaching them as soon as humanly possible.

  My right hand was curled around the doorway, gripping it tightly. His right arm now rested over mine, squeezing. His left hand was on my hip, holding us together and in sync.

  I stroked myself off furiously with my left hand. It wasn’t my good hand, but it would have to do. When it came to masturbation, I was good at it with whichever hand I had available.

  ‘Ahh, so close.’ I stroked faster, gasping for breath.

  He increased his speed if that was even possible. Stroking right up against the magic that was my prostate.

  I came with a loud moan, and he was grunting behind me as he kept on fucking me. He was hopefully filling that condom.

  He was pressed against my back, dick still buried inside me as he finished.

  ‘You planning on moving anytime this year?’ I pushed my arse against his crotch. Even though we were standing, he was heavy. And my knees sort of wanted to give out under me. ‘I need to lay down. My knees are literally shaking.’

  He did pull out and fumbled with the condom as I stumbled over to fall on my bed.

  ‘That was good.’ I stretched, smiling up at him as he walked over to the bed. The condom was gone and his clothes were pulled back up. That last one was a shame. I’d love to stare at his dick some more, I hadn’t gotten my fill of it earlier before it’d slid into my arse.

  ‘It was.’ He sat down next to me.

  With him being fully clothed again, I felt ridiculous with my limp dick and sticky arse out on display. I lifted my hips a little to pull boxers and jeans back on before lying down flat again.

  ‘I think I’m gaining weight. Seriously hard to get these damn jeans over my arse.’ Or maybe it was just the lube, come to think of it. Although, shouldn’t lube make it easier for things to slide over my arse? Maybe I was just getting fat.

  ‘You’re not gaining weight.’ He gazed down at me. ‘You’re too skinny for your own good. Actually, gaining some weight would be good for you. Gaining some muscle too.’

  I grimaced. Gaining weight and muscle would require some sort of training and I was not lifting weights or going to a gym. That was so not my style.

  He kissed me.

  ‘So how about that lunch?’

  ‘If we must.’ I sighed, as if going out for lunch was such a drag. It sort of was, but… I couldn’t exactly be arsed to make any food on my own either, so it was certainly the better option.

  ‘We need to eat. And afterwards, Yvonne will do your hair. Maybe I’ll even get her to trim mine.’

  My legs were still a bit shaky as we made our way upstairs, where Alex came walking out of the kitchen with a glass of water.

  ‘Oh, good, you’re done.’ He stared straight at me.

  I stared back for a couple seconds, my brain not functioning properly yet, before it dawned on me.

  ‘You heard us, did you?’

  Alex’s expression was not amused and I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.

  ‘Oh, I have so much to make up for.’ I pointed at Alex. ‘You have no idea.’

  ‘We never shag with the door wide open,’ Alex pointed out as a flush spread up his neck and over his cheeks.

  I’d give him that, but… ‘I still hear you through the bloody walls.’

  ‘Bollocks.’ Alex crossed his arms over his chest.

  ‘You’re not as quiet as you think you are.’ I hated to break his little bubble, but it was true.

  Alex’s expression turned from embarrassed to mortified.

  ‘No worries, Alex.’ I clapped him on the shoulder as I walked past him. ‘Maybe you’ll beat off to the sound of me and my boyfriend doing it next time.’

  ‘No thanks.’ Alex’s reply was instantaneous. ‘But I am happy for you.’ He glanced briefly at Tarjei, smiling slightly.

  I couldn’t stop laughing at him as we headed out. I’d heard them so many times, I had lots to make up for. Him hearing us one time was nothing.

  Tarjei was smiling all the way out to his car. What he was so happy for, I had no idea. He certainly wasn’t voyeuristic, so it couldn’t be because Alex had heard us going at it.

  He looked good smiling, though. He should keep doing that. The fact that I might be the one making him smile… well, something fluttered inside me, liking that thought.

  I turned my head slowly as Yvonne
stepped back, taking in the entirely different hairstyle I was now sporting. I was so used to having my hair long, that it was all up in my face all the damn time. Now the sides were buzzed short and it was longer on top, but not so long it got in my eyes.

  It was different… and good.

  Yvonne rubbed her hands together as she came back to stand behind me, and she put them in my hair. I looked in the mirror as the spread the wax or whatever it was around and styled it.

  ‘You look so handsome, Ben.’ She grinned. ‘I’d totally do you if you weren’t gay. Who knew that messy shag of yours hid such a handsome face?’

  I smiled slightly, not sure what to say or how to react to that. Yvonne and I weren’t friends. She was Kristina’s best friend and Tarjei’s friend and ex, but the two of us had never had much to say to each other. Even less after Tarjei cheated on her with me.

  Not knowing what to say to her, I looked at Tarjei in the mirror.

  ‘You look fucking amazing, Ben.’ He gave me a thumbs up with a grin.

  ‘So you two are a thing now?’ Yvonne glanced between us. ‘Properly? For real?’

  Tarjei stared at me as if this was my question to answer. Or was he asking me the same thing she was?

  ‘Yeah.’ I stared back, not blinking. Showing him I was serious, hopefully. ‘Yeah, we are.’

  Tarjei’s grin almost split his face and he spun around one time on his chair.

  ‘About damn time.’ She rolled her eyes.

  Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?

  I bent forward to look at myself closer in the mirror, touching my hair tentatively. There was so little of it now. It was strange.

  They were sharing smiles behind my back. The big-arsed mirror I was planted in front of was unable to hide that from view.

  I found I didn’t mind though. I liked Tarjei happy. It made my stomach all fluttery. It was as strange as my new hairstyle, but it was a good kind of strange. Both were. Not that my growing feelings for Tarjei could be compared to a new hairstyle, but… whatever.

  A new hairstyle, a new boyfriend. And I was soon to be on new antidepressants. Maybe life would start to look brighter from now on. It certainly couldn’t get any darker than it had been the past couple of weeks.