Blood Ties a Broken Heart

by Cassandra Hawke

  The tears flooded down her cheeks and she struggled to speak through choking sobs.

  “I will and thank you—both of you.”

  Rylee turned and left the room. Ash was right behind her. He took her hand and they walked up the corridor together.

  * * * *

  The three of them had a delightful dinner. Lilli had been declared by Ash fit to go back to school the following week, much to Lilli’s disgust.

  A hot north wind had been gusting all day and as it lulled, the heat intensified and black thunderheads loomed on the horizon as they settled down to a game of Monopoly.

  Lilli moved her token and counted. “One, two, three, four, five. Yeah! I’m going to buy Mayfair then you can all pay me rent,” Lilli chortled.

  The phone rang as Rylee settled the transaction with the child. She heard Ash’s raised voice and wondered what the call was about. When he returned, he looked grim. “They have trouble in Melbourne and want me to go and sort it out. I need to fly out tomorrow morning and it’ll probably take me a couple of days to fix. Sorry, my love, but dinner is off for tomorrow night.”

  She smiled. “Never mind. It can’t be helped.”

  “Yeah and there’s another problem. Dad’s away until next week.”

  “That’s all right. Dad, I can stay with Rylee.”

  The inevitable situation she had been dancing around for weeks slammed into her chest.

  “What do you think, my love? It would be good practice for being her mum.”

  Rylee was already pushing herself up out of the seat. She shook her head. “No, Ash. I-I…have the stables to look after.”

  “Awww, I wouldn’t be any trouble. I promise,” Lilli cried. “Really I won’t.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  “But why? You two get on great. It would be the perfect solution.”

  She glared at Ash. “No, I can’t.”

  He glared back at her. “Why?”

  Tears welled in her eyes. She danced restlessly on the spot, desperate to escape.

  “I can’t, Ash. You can’t trust me with your child, okay? I’m not to be trusted with kids. I killed my baby brother. I won’t risk Lilli.”

  “What? For God’s sake what are you blathering about?” Ash spluttered, shaking his head.

  Lilli ran up to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “But you always take good care of me.”

  Rylee shook her head. “Someone else has always been there, to keep you safe. I’m sorry, but if you only knew, you wouldn’t trust me with you daughter. I can’t look after her and I can’t be her stepmother.”

  “Stop. Talk to me,” Ash pleaded.

  But Rylee was beyond discussion. Her heart was ripping in two. There, she had done it—told him.

  “Don’t you love me?” Lilli cried.

  Ash stepped toward her. She backed away. If he touched her, she would be lost.

  “What the hell are you raving about?” Ash reached for her again.

  Rylee turned and fled, out of the room, down the passage and to her car. She heard Lilli wail.

  “Rylee, come back. Please don’t go,” Lilli shouted.

  “Stop. For God’s sake, wait a moment,” Ash yelled.

  She leaped down the steps and dove into her car. Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Ash and Lilli appear on the verandah. She revved the engine and accelerated out of the circular drive, showering gravel behind her.

  The heat pressed in on Rylee as she drove recklessly toward home. All she could think of was getting away—to be alone with her failure, her shame and her loss. Not only had she lost the man she loved with all her heart, she had also lost another child—Lilli, the maddening little girl she had grown to love. But this way at least Lilli was safe from her carelessness and Rylee would never be subjected to the rage Ash had turned on his sister after the accident.

  * * * *

  Regan arrived just as she was leading Thor from the stable.

  “What you doing here, sis? I thought you were staying the night with Ash?”

  She could barely see Regan through the blur of tears. “I was, but he asked me to babysit Lilli for a couple of days. I couldn’t put her at risk so I told him. I told him I killed my little brother and I was not fit to care for kids.”

  “Did you explain?” Regan asked reaching for the bridle.

  “I said what needed to be said,” she snapped, pulling Thor’s head out of his reach.

  “You’re a bloody fool, Rylee. A damn bloody fool.”

  She swung up into the saddle and, after one long look at her brother, she turned the horse and kicked him into a canter.

  She had to get away—from the demons that rattled inside her head and away from Regan’s voice of reason and the child who wanted her for a mother. Thor was toey at the unexpected exercise and it didn’t take much urging for him to break into a gallop. They pelted across the paddock and Rylee let him have his head.

  They were soon both sweating in the muggy heat. The light had turned an eerie green-gray as the storm clouds covered the sun. The leaves of the gums rattled and scratched in the breeze racing in front of the storm. The air felt heavy, but not as heavy as Rylee’s heart. The storm grumbled in the distance. The wind picked up strength now cold and damp in her face. Clouds built on the horizon, but she didn’t care if she got drenched. She needed to cast off the restraints.

  She rode, but her mangled thoughts came with her—haunting her, mocking her. The day she had slept at the table and woken to find her brother gone—the pain and humiliation she had suffered at her grief-stricken father’s punishment, the ostracism she had continued to suffer from him, even after he’d married again and had had three more sons. Thor’s hooves thudded dully on the damp ground, almost matching the thud of unresolved issues in her brain. Thunder rumbled deep in the black clouds now covering the sky and an occasional flash of lightning shone through the darkness. Logic told her she should turn for home. She didn’t know how Thor would react to the storm, but she refused to let her sensible self win. She kicked the big horse on, and he went down the gully, across the stream, then went to bound up the other side, but she turned him west toward the gorge. The normally small babbling stream was already deeper than usual and gushing over the moss-covered stones and around the bigger boulders. Thor scrambled and hopped over the rough ground, struggling to find secure footing. Rylee was thrown to one side. She lost her stirrup and had to save herself by clinging to the bridle with one hand and the saddle with the other.

  What were you thinking? You weren’t thinking. You’ve become a danger to yourself and others. But then you always were a danger to others. She scolded herself for her foolishness, already seeking a safe place to shelter as the rain pelted down before turning into hailstones, whipped by the gusty wind into stinging bullets of ice. Thor baulked at moving forward and danced against her aids wanting desperately to turn around and put his backside to the weather.

  She had come so far up the gully in a vague haze of pain. Both sides now rose steep and straight and there was barely room for Thor to turn around. She suddenly realized she had gotten herself into a very dangerous spot because she wasn’t going to make it to the exit by the waterfall. There was already too much water gushing down the narrow stream bed, rising so rapidly it would soon be up to Thor’s knees. He was jittery and throwing his head around and snorting. He wanted out of the gully, but for him to turn, she would have to dismount, putting her at risk of being trampled in the maneuver.

  She slipped from the saddle and went to Thor’s head, firmly tugging on the bridle. He began to swing when a roar enveloped the gully. Rylee looked up. A wall of water, logs, stones and other debris towered above her, rushing down the narrow space. Thor reared, swung away from her and galloped down the gully. Rylee screamed, but any noise she made was drowned out by the rumble and splash of the torrent. She scrambled up the rock face, using branches and tree roots. As the surging flood reached her, she tucked herself behind a couple of solid roots an
d clung to them. The deluge tugged at her, dragged her clothes and hair, and filled her mouth and eyes with muddy water. She clawed at the tree roots, wound her arms around them. The dirt and rocks behind her dissolved and tumbled away as the worst of the maelstrom rushed past. She gasped for air when she could. Something cracked against her head, her vision blurred but she shook unconsciousness away, afraid she would be swept into the swollen stream and drowned. The roots shuddered and began to pull out of the rock face. Petrified, Rylee prayed they would hold and clung to them. Suddenly, the gushing flash flood was gone, along with most of the stream bed and great gouges out of the rock walls. Rylee dragged wheezing breaths into her lungs, tucked her feet under her and tried to stand. Her legs wouldn’t support her. They were trembling so much. She peered along the gully, hoping Thor had made it to safety. She sagged back down and sat in the mud, not sure what to do next.

  * * * *

  At the stables, Regan stood hunched under the eaves. He seemed tense and unsettled.

  “Has Rylee come home? She left my place pretty upset,” Ash yelled, as he ran from his car.

  Regan contemplated Ash with a quizzical look. “So she told you then?”

  “To be honest I’m not sure what she told me. All I did was ask her to mind Lilli for a couple of days—I thought they would like the bonding time, but Rylee went crazy, hysterical, yelling at me she killed her brother and I shouldn’t let her near Lilli. Then she stormed out the door. Is she here?”

  “No. She’s out there,” Regan said pointing into the storm.

  “Why? What the hell is going on? You’re her brother—for God’s sake fill me in.”

  “Rylee’s scared to look after Lilli because she can’t forgive herself for letting her baby brother wander off and drown in the river when she was twelve. Da has never forgiven her and she’s afraid of seeing that same look in your eyes. She was terrified when you went ape at your sister after the accident. Rylee’s been driving herself insane with worry ever since you told her you had a child.”

  “And this happened when she was twelve?” Ash asked, his voice sharp and shrill.

  “Yes, just after our mother died. Rylee had been up all night nursing little Roisin with a fever. She fell asleep at the table. It was too late when she woke. They found Rohan an hour later, drowned. Da beat the hell out of her and turned his back on her. He would have thrown her out except the vicar interceded and said she was entitled to a home and one day, perhaps forgiveness. The forgiveness has never come,” Regan stated baldly.

  “And she takes the sole responsibility for that on her shoulders?” Ash asked.

  Regan nodded. “She thinks you would never want Lilli in her care when you know what she did. She believes she killed her brother. She can’t forgive herself.”

  “She was twelve, for God’s sake—a child,” Ash exclaimed.

  Regan nodded. “Go find her, Ash, and bring her back.”

  “And damn it, I haven’t helped by ranting and threatening anyone who might hurt Lilli. Poor sweet Rylee, what have I done to her?”

  “Well, you better hope it isn’t too late or you’ll have me to deal with. I wasn’t worried until the rain came down. Thor is unpredictable in stormy weather.”

  “Why haven’t you gone to find her then?” Ash asked. Fear and urgent frustration surged through him at the little Irishman’s laid-back manner. “Or don’t you like to get your feet wet either.”

  Regan huffed his disgust at Ash’s suggestion. “I have no mind about wet feet, Ashford St. Clair, but I’d be less than useless out there God damn it, I’m as blind as a bat in the dark.”

  “What?

  “I have congenital night blindness, okay so now you know why the hell I’m still standing here instead of rescuing my sister. So you going to do something about it seeing you claim to love her so much?”

  Ash tried not to resent Regan’s sarcasm, the guy probably felt embarrassed admitting his impairment to a virtual stranger.

  “Got a horse?” Ash asked.

  Regan smiled. “Silly question. Monti’s already saddled and he doesn’t mind the wet. My oilskin is there and a first-aid kit is strapped behind the saddle. I think she went up the valley. Her favorite place is a small clearing just past the waterfall. She’s probably just taken shelter under the cliffs, although it’s not a good area to be in when it pours like this.”

  “I’ll bring her back safe, Regan,” Ash said as he climbed into the saddle.

  The bay gelding was big and muscular and full of unleashed power. Taking a solid grip on the reins, Ash urged the horse into the pelting rain. The rain whipped in his face and the cold pervaded his bones, but he could think of nothing but the big horse carrying him forward, finding Rylee and knocking that unrealistic burden of guilt from her shoulders. And, given the chance, he’d knock it off her old man’s shoulders too—or maybe his head. How dare he treat his own child like that? Then he pulled his thought up. He hadn’t exactly been the perfect father either. He sighed. None of it mattered right now, except bringing Rylee home safe.

  He slowed for the trees and let the horse make his own way. The stream had been transformed into a rushing river of muddy water and flailing debris. He urged the horse forward and, after a slight hesitation, he forded it without trouble. As they emerged on the far side, he heard a horse whinny. He peered through the driving gray curtain of rain. Thor stood with his back to the storm, huddled under one of the willows. Ash’s heart lurched. Fear caught him in the chest and he gasped to draw breath. If Rylee had fallen—was hurt—he would never forgive himself. Thor was minus his saddle, but his bridle seemed intact. Ash left him under the tree.

  He guided Monti upstream toward the waterfall. Any signs left by Rylee were long gone. Ash tried to keep his concern quiet in his chest. She was an experienced horsewoman. He shivered as the icy drops of rain trickled off his helmet and down the back of his collar. He had gloves on, but his hands were wet icy lumps, barely holding the reins. His jeans were soaked through, but Regan’s riding boots kept his feet try. Monti made his way cautiously through the water, only flinching slightly when the lightning lit up the sky and thunder rumbled almost directly above them. Ash knew it was dangerous out here in an electrical storm, but he was not going home without Rylee.

  “Rylee,” he called again and again. His voice echoed back to him from the enclosing rock walls as if the spirits of the land were mocking him.

  Then he heard it. A faint cry for help disembodied by the rain and scattered by the wind.

  He urged Monti forward. “Rylee, where are you? Answer me,” he shouted.

  “Here, just around the second bend—to the left.”

  Her voice rose and fell, wavering and choked.

  He rounded the bend and moments later found her huddled in a deep depression entangled in some sturdy roots. His heart leaped. She was safe. He climbed from the saddle, shocked at how stiff his legs were from the ride and the cold. He hobbled under the shelter and pulled her into a tight embrace. She was cold and wet, her hair hanging in tangled strands from under her helmet. A trickle of watery blood ran down her forehead. He grabbed the spare coat he’d brought and helped her into it before he pulled her back into his arms. She shivered violently and sagged against him.

  “Oh, Rylee, I love you so. I was afraid something had happened to you,” he shouted above the roar of the wind.

  “I needed to think. I always come here. It’s my special place,” she shouted back.

  “Did you come to any conclusions?”

  “One, Ash. I cannot be stepmother to your child, and you wouldn’t want me to be once I tell you the truth.”

  “I know what happened—Regan told me just now.”

  “And?”

  “And, I’m not going to let you be crushed under such a burden—a burden you should not own. You were a mere child,” he said close to her ear.

  “But—”

  He cut her words off, “No buts. I consider you more than capable of caring for my child and
I’m going to enjoy teaching you the truth of that. Come on, my love. We need to get home.”

  She nodded and didn’t resist when he released her and guided her toward the restive Monti. Her hands were freezing so he rubbed them before he pulled the dry gloves from his pocket on her and gave her the reins.

  “Sit tight, love. I’ll have you out of here soon.”

  “Poor Thor,” she muttered.

  “Thor’s fine, sheltering under the willows.”

  It was a long, treacherous walk back down the gully. The flash flood had washed parts of the walls away and dug huge holes in the stream bed. Monti seemed to do a better job negotiating them than he did, stumbling several times and finally slipping into an icy pool of waist-high water. Ash watched Rylee huddled deep in the saddle. He could see she was shivering and blood still seeped from her head wound.

  He sighed with relief when they rounded the bend and found Thor still standing forlornly under the willow.

  “You all right, Rylee?”

  She nodded. Ash scrambled aboard Thor and took up Monti’s reins. The rain still slashed at them and periodically the sky was split by forks of white light, almost immediately accompanied by a growl of thunder that echoed in his bones.

  Regan was waiting at the door when they arrived at the stables.

  “Thank God, you’re back safe, sis. I was so worried about you,” Regan said as he reached up to help her down. “And you’re bleeding, do you need the doc?”

  “No, I’m all right, just a couple of scratches.”

  “Yeah, well I felt so bloody helpless…”

  “It’s okay, Regan.”

  Ash came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her. “Let’s get you dry, love.”

  “Go on in, you two. Both of you need to get warm, before you get pneumonia. I’ll see to the horses,” Regan said.

  They didn’t argue. Ash swept Rylee up into his arms and trudged to the house. He kicked the door open and made his way under Rylee’s direction to the en suite attached to her room. She stood there in her dripping clothes, watching him turn the shower on and adjust the temperature. Then he turned back to her, stripped her clothes off and dropped them in a pile on the floor before he pushed her under the steaming spray. She yelped when the hot water pelted against her icy skin, but she just stood there under the steaming spray. He tugged off his clothes, stepped into the shower and closed the door. He pulled her into his arms, suddenly acutely aware of his cock stiffening against her cold, wet skin. He embraced her, ignoring the demand of the fiery sexual desire that rushed over him at her closeness. With shower gel foaming between his palms, he massaged her with firm strokes trying to restore the warmth and circulation.