The Child Guard

by Lorcan Montgomery

  “I am a loyal servant of the gods and of the Citadel,” Eder said. “Their way is my way. I don’t know quite how things are in Auris but in the Citadel we see no reason to alter anything that has worked effectively for centuries.”

  “In Auris it is quite different,” Sophia said. “In Auris there is innovation, questioning, enquiry and improvement.”

  “There are some things which cannot be improved upon,” Eder said.

  “Oh, I’d be surprised if that were true,” Sophia said. “But let us not be unpleasant towards one another on this wonderful day. If you will excuse me, I should check on the young lady.”

  She slowed her fierce marching pace and dropped back to see to Cahaya, who had been almost drooping over the neck of her pony but perked up when addressed.

  “What was all that about?” Kane asked Eder under his breath.

  “The Aurians are practically godless, Kane,” Eder muttered back. “They pay lip service to the gods to keep the peace but they spend more money and resources and time on their Academy at the behest of their Prince.”

  “That’s as may be but we are supposed to be looking after her and Cahaya, not sniping with them.”

  “I just don’t want you being swayed by her and questioning the gods,” Eder hissed, and Kane was surprised to see his lower lip trembling slightly. “Let me tell you from experience, it doesn’t end well.”

  “Don’t worry,” Kane said. “I’m not going to quit my new career to go and be a student in some Aurian school. I was just making conversation.”

  Eder sighed. “Be careful.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  When Sophia returned to the head of the group, Kane didn’t resume their conversation, and they walked in a slightly awkward silence for the remainder of the afternoon.

  That evening found them settling down in a barn, offered by a farmer who was bold enough to not only stand his ground in the face of a mighty Child Guard squad, but speak to them as well. They were not invited into the small farmhouse, but he brought out fresh bread, vegetables, and fruit out to them, which were gratefully received. He stood by the doorway, twisting his hat in his hands but saying nothing.

  After a while, Davena approached the worried man, and they had a murmured conversation, which resulted in her following him out of the barn and up the path to the farmhouse. Sampson paused his rummaging in the packs for a moment, his eyes following her out of the door, before he returned to his work, more briskly than before.

  They ate well that night, the fresh fare providing a pleasant contrast to the monotony of stew and bread which Kane was accustomed to. Sophia had taken her pick of the food and taken herself off to the shelter Eder had rigged against the outer wall of the barn for her, so as to protect her privacy. Sampson was still waiting on a pot of hot water from the farmer’s daughter, so there was no smell of rotten herbs to interrupt Kane’s greedy enjoyment of the basket of sweet scarlet strawberries before him. He was sure he had never had strawberries in the Citadel, yet the taste was strangely comforting.

  His relaxation was short-lived as Sampson returned and the smell of steeping herbs filled the barn, overlaying the sweet scent of hay with a pungent mist.

  “I’ll take these baskets and cloths back to the house,” Terrell announced, shortly after the smell had reached them. He rose, and after gathering up most of the articles he nudged the strawberry basket with his foot in Kane’s direction. Kane looked up to see an unusually pointed look being directed at him, and he took the hint and picked up the basket, following Terrell out of the fetid smelling barn.

  Once outside, Terrell took a great breath in through his nostrils, sighing in satisfaction. “I don’t know about you, but I’m in no rush to get back in there with that stink. It’ll be a rough night trying to sleep with that all around.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Kane said. “I told you, it was just a bad night last night. Probably nerves.”

  “Oh, of course. Nerves,” Terrell said, his disbelieving tone obvious.

  “I’ve been drinking that stuff for fifteen years now, Terrell. I’ve proven I’m not a heretic or an apostate.”

  “I never said you were,” Terrell replied.

  “Just because I’m not fond of the flavour doesn’t make me a blasphemer. Just because I had a bad night doesn’t make me evil.”

  “Oh, I know,” Terrell said. “I’ve done my fair share of secret puking and I’m not evil. Mostly.”

  Kane punched him on the arm. “Don’t joke about it, Sampson will have you walking to Auris barefoot in sackcloth.”

  “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt me, and you’re not going to snitch on me, are you?”

  “You know I wouldn’t. I haven’t told on you for any of the snitch-worthy things you’ve done so far, so I don’t think there’s anything that would make me change my mind.”

  They reached the farmhouse, and handed the baskets and cloths back to the farmer’s daughter, who vanished back inside as soon as she had taken them.

  Terrell strolled beside Kane in silence, and Kane could see an uncharacteristically pensive look on his friend’s face.

  “What’s on your mind, Terrell?”

  “That obvious?”

  “You’re never subtle when you’re thinking, my friend. It’s like everything shuts down to force the thought through,” Kane grinned to show he was only teasing, but Terrell elbowed him off the path anyway.

  “What if-” Terrell said, then trailed off, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

  “You can’t just say never mind and think that’s going to work.”

  “I suppose not,” Terrell sighed. “What if I did something that would get me in a lot of trouble? Would you tell on me then?”

  “You’ve been in plenty of trouble in your life, Terrell, I doubt it’s new to you.”

  “Like, Halls of Correction kind of trouble.”

  Kane’s smile disappeared, and he stopped their leisurely walk back to the barn. “What did you do?” he asked, in a whisper.

  “I haven’t done anything,” Terrell hissed back. “Not yet at least.”

  “Oh, gods, what are you planning?”

  “You know what, never mind, forget I said anything. I just thought you of all people might understand.”

  “What do you mean, me of all people?”

  “I don’t want to drink that stuff anymore,” Terrell sighed. “I’m sick of choking it down and half the time throwing it back up again. I’m sick of being this small, I want to be bigger and stronger. Without the Elixir I’d be a full-grown man by now.”

  Kane looked around, feeling inexplicably guilty and complicit in Terrell’s blasphemy by simply hearing about it. When no guards or priests sprang out of the hedgerows to arrest them, he turned back to Terrell with a weary sigh.

  “You’ve been out of the Citadel two days, Terrell, and you’re already talking blasphemy, you’ll be a full-blown heathen by the time we get to Auris!”

  “It’s not like that,” Terrell said. “I’m happy to serve the gods and say my prayers and do all that, I just think there was some kind of mistake when I was sent to be a Child Guard. I’ve been thinking about it for years, just leaving or failing or getting kicked out so I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. Gods know I tried a few times, picking fights and such, but all I ever got was a slap on the wrist and sent back into training. I’d have spat the damn stuff out but then I’d have wound up in a cell in the Hall of Correction and I didn’t want to go quite that far. And now I'm out of there and I could just... go. I'll help you on the mission, of course, I wouldn't just abandon you, but I don't think I'm going back to the Citadel."

  Kane felt his gut twist as he looked at Terrell; his usually loud, boisterous friend now hunched and ashamed, speaking in a monotone murmur, the words coming close and fast like they’d been waiting to emerge for years. Once he’d finished speaking, there was a long silence.

  “You’re going to report me, aren’t you?” Terrell said eventually. “Ma
ybe not to Sampson, right now, but you’ll write it down in your officer’s notes and they’ll throw me in a cell when we get to Auris."

  “I’m not going to report you, you big daft ox,” Kane replied, with a levity that didn’t reflect his leaden heart. “But if you stop drinking the Elixir, somebody is going to notice when you start getting older.”

  Terrell waved the issue away with a look of profound relief. “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Once I’ve helped you on this mission, I don’t care if I end up as a farmer or a blacksmith or a farrier, if that’s my path I’ll follow it gladly.”

  They walked the rest of the way to the barn in companionable silence, pausing to steel themselves before ducking into the stifling air.

  “You took your time,” Eder murmured to Kane as he sat down. “Sampson has been waiting for you and Davena to get back, did you see her on your travels?”

  “No, I suppose she must still be with the farmer.”

  It turned out they only had a minute or so more to wait, as Davena returned to the barn in the gathering dusk, with a weary cast to her face. She sat down heavily between Cahaya and Sampson.

  “I’m sorry that took so long,” she said to Sampson as he passed her the chalice. “After all my years healing for the Child Guard, there are still some things that are beyond my expertise.”

  “I’m sure you did your best,” Eder said, comfortingly.

  “Aye,” Davena stretched. “I did that. But whether it will do any good for the farmer’s wife remains to be seen.”

  “Is she sick? Are we going to catch it?” Kane asked.

  “No, it’s not that kind of sickness,” Davena said. “It’s something only women get.”

  Sampson paused in handing Kane his chalice to fix Davena with a sharp look.

  “At any rate, what she has isn’t catching, no, certainly not by any of us,” the little healer sighed, sinking down into the soft straw, barely keeping hold of her chalice. “He only wanted me to bless her and shrive her in case the worst should happen in the night. But I am a healer and I couldn’t stand by without trying to help.”

  “That was never your way,” Sampson said, sitting down next to her, and Kane was thrown off balance by the warmth in his voice. He’d never heard Sampson speak in anything other than bitter, clipped retorts and solemn religious intonations. “I am sure the gods will approve of your work. I will say a prayer for the woman tonight and in the morning.”

  He raised his cup, recited the prayer of the Sacrament of the Elixir, and drank deeply, his eyes closed and a reverent look on his face. Davena and Eder followed suit, but Kane was watching Terrell out of the corner of his eye. He saw his friend, moving quickly lest he be noticed, lower the cup to the dirt floor and tip it over so the Elixir spilled out, seeping rapidly into the dirt. He then picked it up again, between his hands, as though it had been there the whole time. Terrell’s eyes had been on Sampson and Davena the whole time, but once he realised he was not going to be caught he glanced over to Kane, and smiled faintly.

  Kane couldn’t bring himself to return the smile, and instead turned his attention to his cup, holding his breath and knocking it back in one practised motion. He gagged, but forced the noxious liquid down anyway, although it felt very much like it wanted to come up again.

  As everybody settled down for the night in the heaps of straw, Kane sat under a cloud of misery and regret, his rebellious stomach a constant reminder of his preference for piety over comfort. He supposed he could take that as a comfort, that his desire to serve the gods and remain a Child Guard overrode all else, but as the slight rotten smell of the Elixir hung over the barn, making his guts gurgle and lurch, it was scant comfort indeed.

  Eventually, the only people left awake were himself and Terrell, who had been watching him with pity since he had choked down the Elixir. The bigger boy rose, and reached out a hand to Kane, who was trying to stay still and not cause any more upset to his digestion.

  “Might as well get it over with,” Terrell muttered, cocking his head at Kane, who glared up at him. “Outside is easier to hide.”

  Kane allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, and as noiselessly as he could manage, staggered out of the wide barn door. He was aiming to head around the back of the barn, but he barely made it two steps before the contents of his stomach came up with predictable haste. Terrell patted him on the back, and Kane flinched away from his hand.

  “I’m a heathen anyway, remember?” Terrell chuckled. “I doubt a pat on the back is going to make much of a difference at this stage.”

  Kane wiped his mouth and straightened up, taking a breath of the fresh outside air, untainted with the lingering scent of Elixir.

  “One day Sampson will catch you doing that, you know,” he said.

  “That’s the wonderful thing about prayer,” Terrell replied with a grin. “Eyes closed, heads bowed, you can get away with a lot in a few seconds.”

  “I wouldn’t push your luck if I were you.”

  “Who’s the one having to sneak away after lights-out to chuck his guts up? I’m not the one pushing my luck here.”

  “It’s just a bad night.”

  “Another one? Kane, be serious. Are you going to do this every night on the way to Auris? It’s hundreds of miles; you know it’s going to take months.”

  Kane sighed. “I’m not like you, Terrell, I’ve never felt like I didn’t want to be a Child Guard. I wanted- I still do want to be in the Dawn Reapers, maybe when I get back from this mission I’ll have proven myself.”

  “Suit yourself,” Terrell said. “But if you keep throwing up your food you’re going to end up passing out on us long before we even get to Auris, never mind home again.”

  Kane paused for a long moment. Terrell had never been any great tactician, relying more on strength than brains, which made it extra galling to admit that, in this instance, he was right. Kane had felt like he was running below his best all day, and his empty stomach chose that moment of realisation to growl.

  “I’ll see how I go,” he said, reluctantly. “You never know, I might be better tomorrow.”

  “You’ll be a damn sight better once you keep some food in your belly,” Terrell clapped him companionably on the shoulder and they returned to the barn and their sleeping companions.

  The next day, Kane wolfed down the food the farmer gratefully brought out to them. His wife’s mysterious condition had indeed improved after Davena’s treatment, with the result that the enthusiastic man insisted on plying them with supplies for their journey and a luxurious breakfast of eggs, cheese and freshly-baked bread. Sophia took one look at it and firmly reminded them she did not break her fast so early in the morning, but the others were not so fussy. Even Sampson ate a hearty amount considering his small size.

  Kane was at first unsure what to do about the man’s fevered generosity, but Sampson stepped in and accepted the charity with consummate grace, and Terrell and Eder loaded the packs until they were bulging.

  Davena’s face was hazed with pink as the farmer thanked her again and again; much as she tried to protest she was only a servant of the gods and it had been their will for his wife to recover, it didn’t quite seem to sink in. The farmer took hold of her tiny hands and kissed the back of her knuckles, showering her with a thousand blessings, until Sampson pointedly reminded everyone they were going to end up behind schedule for the day if they didn’t leave soon.

  The day was less sunny than it had been for weeks, but the thick white cloud overhead did nothing to mitigate the sweltering temperature, and Kane felt even more stifled and sweaty than he had the past few days. He could feel the fabric of his uniform sticking to him with every swing of his arms, and he had attracted a fly from somewhere which was intent on drinking the sweat from his brow. He was rapidly running out of the energy to swat it away every time it landed between his eyes.

  To distract himself from the heat, he tried to focus on the changing scenery around him, but in truth there was precious littl
e of interest about. The farmhouses, with their chance of new faces or at least a different colour of front door, began to get fewer and further between; as the neatly-lined fields of crops gave way to larger, more uneven pastures for livestock. Kane actually found himself watching a single cow from its appearance on the horizon to the point at which they drew level, its brown eyes meeting his with something that, in the delirium of the close, muggy air, he thought might be sympathy.

  No friendly farmers with ailing wives sprang out of the fields to greet them as the day wore on, so they camped that night off the side of the road, with the bored eyes of cows watching them from over the hedgerow. They ate well from the provisions the farmer had given them, as Sampson’s usual attitude of stretching out their supplies as long as possible was forced to concede in the face of some of the more perishable articles they had been gifted.

  Kane ignored the pungent steam from the Elixir for as long as he was able, determined to enjoy the rare joy of fresh food and in particular the strawberries, which were a bit soft and beaten about but still delicious and oddly comforting. As the meal drew to a close and the wooden chalice was passed into his hands, he realised the choice he had been putting off since last night was upon him, whether he was ready or not.

  He thought he might manage it today, as he had done in the Citadel for years, but as Sampson recited the prayer he felt his stomach lurch in warning. As the others, aside from Terrell, closed their eyes and drank, he poured his into a clump of grass as he had seen Terrell do, heart pounding, convinced he would be caught. He saw Terrell grin at him, and turned away, lest someone pick up on the obvious conspiracy between them.

  The fact nobody did notice led to rather an anti-climax, and Kane was left with only the pounding of his heart, the rush of adrenaline and, in spite of it all, a relatively settled stomach, to indicate that he’d done anything out of the ordinary. There was no sneaking out to quietly vomit somewhere unobtrusive, and no need to have any surreptitious conversation with Terrell. They both knew what had been done and decided, there was no need to talk about it again that night. Kane slept happily and comfortably before and after his night watch, and in the morning he was suffused with far more energy than he had the day before.