The Man I Thought I Trusted

by E. L. Todd

  “It’s a big company—”

  “It was totally unnecessary. Carson told me she had no problem signing away her rights to everything—because she loved me and not my wallet. And now she’s gone—because we treated her like shit. The only woman who’s ever loved me for me is gone—because of you.” I’d never been so furious with my sister, never regarded with this level of disgust.

  Speechless, Renee just stared at me.

  I released a loud sigh then fell into my chair again. “Now, she’s back at her old position—which is probably going to get her killed. She moved her shit out of my penthouse, so I’m alone. She’s probably spending her nights doing god knows what while I stare at the ceiling all fucking night. We were never going to get a divorce anyway, so this was all fucking stupid. I lost her before I even had her. But thank god I have all our money…”

  “Rose—”

  “She’s not Rose.” My voice grew so loud, so quickly, making the walls vibrate. “No fucking comparison. Rose was a stupid mistake that I’ll always have to regret, but Carson was the one. I’ll never find another woman like that, so you’ve damned me to an eternity of fucking hell.”

  Renee dropped her chin again. “Let me talk to her—”

  “Don’t go anywhere near her, Renee. It’s done. You opening your stupid fucking mouth isn’t going to fix a goddamn thing.” My rage skyrocketed, and I knocked everything off my desk, my laptop smashing on the floor, the vase shattering into pieces. I got to my feet then turned to the window, unable to look at her stupid face for a moment longer. “Get the fuck out.”

  I stepped into the office at the New York Press and walked across the floor to the editor’s office. My eyes scanned for Carson, but she wasn’t there.

  But Charlie was.

  He looked up from his desk, his confused eyes following me across the floor as I approached Vince’s office.

  I knocked on the door before I let myself inside.

  Vince was on the phone. “Yes, I’ll get someone on it. We’ll talk later.” He hung up then turned his gaze on me. “Who the fuck are you?”

  I approached his desk with the check in my hand. I set it on the surface in front of him. “That’s all yours—if you do something for me.”

  He looked down at the million-dollar check—made out to cash—and then lifted his gaze to look at me.

  “Keep Carson off the dangerous stuff, and that’s yours.”

  Without looking at it again, he pushed the check back across the desk to me. “If you think people haven’t tried to buy me off before, you obviously know nothing about the newspaper business. And frankly, I’ve been offered a lot more to do a lot less. Your money doesn’t impress me. We’re the most respected paper in the country because we care about the truth. Integrity, honesty, hard work, those are the values that matter to us—not money. Pay off your executives and your other corporate sleazebags. That shit doesn’t work here. You may be richer than us, but you aren’t better than us. Carson is one of my top journalists, and if she wants to risk her neck to secure the truth, that’s her choice. Now, you can take that check and shove it up your ass—asshole.”

  I held his gaze, frustrated that I didn’t get my way, but I was forced to respect him. He reminded me of Carson, who was dedicated to being honest and transparent. I took the check back and turned away. “Thank you for your time.” I stepped out of his office and walked back to the elevators.

  Charlie came to my side. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Nothing.” I didn’t look at him and kept walking.

  “Fucking answer me.” He grabbed me by the arm and halted my movement.

  I turned to him as I folded the check and slipped it into my pocket. “Nothing. Vince didn’t go for it.”

  “Go for what?”

  “I tried to pay him to keep Carson on less high-profile articles.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You think that shit is going to work on the most respected editor in the industry?”

  I’d learned my lesson the hard way. “I respect what you do here. I just don’t want Carson to get hurt.” I would always want to keep her safe, always have her back when she thought I wasn’t looking.

  “No offense, but she’s not your problem anymore. It’s pretty fucked up that you would try to interfere with her job like that.”

  “You know what else is fucked up?” I countered. “That you let your best friend risk her life when her life is far more valuable than a fucking article.” I tried to keep my voice low so the other reporters wouldn’t turn to watch us. “How can you just let her stick her neck out like that? How can you just look the other way?”

  His nostrils flared as he breathed hard. “It’s what she wants.”

  “But it’s not what’s best for her. She takes on these stories because she has nothing else to live for. Don’t you understand that? She doesn’t have a husband or kids, so she sees her life as expendable. She’s too scared to give herself to somebody, so she does this, which is less scary to her.”

  “And you can blame yourself for that.” He cast me one last glare before he turned his back and walked away.

  Charlie and Vince would both tell Carson what I tried to do.

  She’d be pissed.

  I didn’t care. I’d do it again.

  Days passed, and I spent my time alone in my penthouse. I’d hoped my stunt would cause her to call and scream at me, but she never did. Even if she were spewing hate, it would still be nice to hear her voice, no matter how angry she was.

  But nothing happened.

  I was in my office when my sister stopped by for another visit.

  It was hard for me to look at her and not be furious. I needed to take responsibility for the way I’d handled things, but she was the root of the problem. She’d always been difficult with Carson because she didn’t trust anyone—even though I was the one who was humiliated by Rose.

  I stared her down as she walked to my desk with a folder of paperwork.

  She set the folder on my desk and slid it toward me. “I have an idea that might help you.”

  I didn’t open the folder. “Help with what?”

  “Carson.”

  Nothing would help me with her at this point.

  When I didn’t open the folder, she bent down and did it for me. “Sign all your shares over to me.”

  I cocked an eyebrow.

  “Give me full ownership of the company. So, in the event of a divorce, there’s nothing to worry about. You don’t need to have her sign anything, because all your other assets are yours personally.”

  I glanced at the paper before I looked up at her again. “Look how that worked out.”

  “Dax, come on. That’s not how it is. You know I’ll give you back your shares in a heartbeat. Nothing here has to change. We’ll keep everything exactly the same. But you can do this to protect your family’s company, and it eliminates the problem altogether.”

  “Little late.” Should have done this is in the first place.

  “Talk to her again and see if this changes things. You’re protecting your family’s company, but everything else that belongs to you is on the table and you aren’t asking her to sign anything—to prove that you have complete faith in your relationship. It’s romantic. Stupid, but romantic.”

  I looked at the paper again and pulled it closer to me. I scanned through a few lines before I grabbed a pen, clicked it, and signed my name. “I guess it’s worth a try.”

  26

  Carson

  “I can’t believe he did that.” I sat on the couch in front of the TV, while Charlie sat on the armchair, Denise on the floor between his legs with her back against the chair.

  Charlie shook his head. “I can.”

  Dax was stupid to think that a fat check would manipulate the people in my office. We’d been threatened by terrorist groups with bombs, and we didn’t blink an eye. “Idiot.”

  “It’s kind of romantic,” Denise said. “He’s still trying to protect you.”<
br />
  “I don’t need him to protect me.” My eyes turned back to the TV to watch the game, my beer between my thighs.

  Matt knocked on the door.

  Without turning to look, I called out, “It’s open.”

  After a pause, the door opened.

  Charlie turned to greet Matt, but he turned white in the face instead.

  I turned to see for myself.

  It wasn’t Matt. It was Dax. He was in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, thick hair over his jawline because he wasn’t shaving as religiously as he used to. A permanent look of sadness was in his eyes, and the look intensified the longer he looked at me. He pushed the door shut behind him.

  “We thought you were Matt.” I set the beer on the table and rose to my feet to face him. “So, the invitation is revoked.”

  His hands slid into his front pockets like he intended to stick around.

  “Did you hear what I said?” I snapped.

  “Will you hear what I have to say?” he asked calmly.

  “Why would I?” I walked around the couch so I could get closer to him, to chase him out of the apartment. “Dax, it’s over. Don’t come to my office and try to pay off my editor. He’s had a gun to his head, and he didn’t even blink. You have no idea who you’re up against. Your flimsy piece of paper is nothing to people like us. We don’t throw money around to solve our problems. We fight—”

  He held up his hand to silence me. “I won’t apologize for what I did. I’m just trying to keep you safe. When Matt told me you went back to your old position, it scared me.” He slowly lowered his hand, his voice still gentle despite the rage in mine. “Because I love you like you’re still my fiancée, and there will never be a time in the future when I don’t love you that way, even if you’re married to somebody else. Carson, I know I fucked up—”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and took a step back. “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” It was easier to be angry at his actions, so when he took that away and I was just sad, it was unbearable. I missed him every morning and every night. My apartment didn’t even feel like home anymore…because he was home.

  “It doesn’t have to be hard at all,” he whispered, his eyes emotional as he stared at me. “I’m sorry for the way I handled everything. Truly, I am. I have a solution to that problem, what I should have done in the first place, what I wanted to do before Renee sabotaged my intentions.”

  I dropped my gaze to the floor. “It’s not going to make a difference. What’s done is done.”

  “I think we’re worth more than that, Carson.”

  I was forced to lift my chin and look at him again.

  He stared at me for a long time, like all he wanted was to look at my face. It somehow comforted him rather than reminded him of the distance between our hearts. “Look, I signed over all my shares of the company to my sister. So, she retains complete ownership—minus Rose’s shares. Now I don’t need you to sign anything at all, because all my personal assets are mine to do with whatever I want. You can even ask Charlie, I never wanted to ask you to sign anything in the first place because I have complete faith that we’re going to last forever. I don’t need a prenup, and even if you wanted to get one, my answer would still be no. Let’s try this again.” He inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Please.”

  My arms tightened across my chest, and I turned my gaze away, because it was too hard to look at him and think clearly. “I don’t—”

  “Don’t throw us away because of that shitshow, alright?” He turned more aggressive, attacking the second he spotted my hesitation, when he knew there was hope this could work. “I handled it poorly, and I apologize for that. But this is my new offer, what I wanted to do in the first place. I’m just sorry I didn’t think of it sooner.”

  My hands rubbed up and down my arms just so I could fidget.

  “Sweetheart…”

  I tried to even out my breathing, but I still didn’t look at him. This time apart had made me miss him more, not less. I didn’t resume my old life and brush off the breakup like it never happened. The pain was always in my chest; it was always terrible. All my stuff was back in the apartment, but that bedroom felt foreign now. “I don’t know…”

  He inhaled a deep breath. “Look at me.”

  I finally turned back to him.

  “This is too damn good to throw away, alright? It’s worth it. It is.” He raised his hands slightly and tightened them into fists, his knuckles turning white because he was so anxious to get the answer he wanted.

  “I gave up my job once, and I won’t do it again.” I wasn’t going to go back into Vince’s office and change my mind for a second time. I’d look like a fucking idiot if I did. “I already humiliated myself once to my boss, and luckily he still respects me, so I’m not going to squander his good opinion for you once more. I’m willing…if you make this compromise.”

  His hands immediately slackened, and his skin started to grow more and more pale, like the terror was turning his skin white everywhere. His eyes were open and frozen, like he hadn’t anticipated that counter. “You were going to give it up anyway—”

  “Nonnegotiable.”

  He inhaled another deep breath.

  “If you do this again, these are my terms. I already sacrificed my job for you once. I already forgave you for all the lies you spewed. I already left my apartment and moved in to your place. I already agreed to sign everything you wanted me to sign. I’m the only one making compromises here, and I’m done with that.”

  Now, he was the one that looked away. “What about kids?”

  “We can still do that.”

  “If someone wants to target you, they’re going to target your family. I can live with that to be with you because my life is mine to gamble. But I won’t risk my children. I won’t. Here’s another compromise—you keep your job until we have a family. Then you walk away.”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  The life left his eyes.

  “I shouldn’t have to choose between being a mother and having a career—”

  “You know the career has nothing to do with it. It’s the danger associated with your job.”

  I didn’t want to be obligated to do something sometime in the future when I had no idea how I might feel about it at that point. “You have a lot of money to keep us safe—”

  “Still not worth the risk. Come on, Carson—”

  “No. Take it or leave it.”

  His arms slowly dropped to his sides, and now he looked devastated, like he was losing me all over again. “I will make any compromise you want to make this work. I will walk away from my job altogether, give all my money to charity, whatever you want. But your job puts your life at risk every fucking day, and I can’t live that way—never knowing if you’re going to come home.”

  “Police officers and firefighters do it every day—”

  “Their jobs aren’t nearly as dangerous as yours, and you know it.” He dug his fingers into his hair for a moment, fisting it hard in frustration. “Carson, please…”

  “No. That’s my final answer. Take it or leave it.”

  The energy quickly changed, taking a nose dive, plummeting hard until it hit the ground with a collision that shook the earth. He looked away, appearing lifeless, empty, full of despair. Seconds passed before he turned back to look at me. “You know I can’t take that.” He shifted his gaze back to me. “I know I’ve fucked up a lot, but my intentions were always good and my situation made it difficult to see that. But I’m not asking for anything unreasonable. You know I’m not. The only reason you aren’t giving it to me is because it’s an excuse, because you’re scared to do this again, and you’d rather take the comfort of your job and the reputation it gives you. You’ll either die because of it, or you’ll live long enough to be replaced by somebody better. If you’re willing to choose that over love, over having a family, over me…then maybe you never really loved me in the first place.”

  He ga
ve me a disappointed look, as if his opinion of me had changed. “I’ve had to put up with a lot of shit from you too. You treated me like an object rather than a person when I wanted to actually connect with you. I’ve always accepted your headstrong attitude and your independence, when other men would be intimidated or simply annoyed. Instead of focusing on my flaws, you should focus on all the good things I’ve done for you and this relationship. I’m a pretty good guy, and you aren’t going to find anyone better than me out there. So, if you’re going to throw this away because of a huge misunderstanding, because I was trying to do right by my family after my first mistake, then maybe this isn’t right. Maybe it is best if we call it quits and go our separate ways. You aren’t the only one tired of making compromises. All I’ve ever wanted was to love you, and you made it a fucking pain in the ass every step of the way.”

  Now, he was furious as well as disappointed, like his heart stopped loving me within a few beats. He gave me a final look before he turned around and left the apartment.

  I stood there and stared at the door, my arms still crossed over my chest, my breathing getting shallower and harder with every second that passed. My eyes glistened and turned wet, and my chest wanted to heave with the approaching sobs.

  The door opened again, and Matt stepped inside. “What happened? I just saw Dax in the hallway looking like he was going to demolish this building when he gets downstairs…” He stilled when he saw the look on my face.

  I burst into tears—and I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

  I sat at my desk and typed on my computer, finishing my notes on the prime minister before sending it off to Abby, the reporter who would take over the position.

  Charlie stepped into my cubicle and placed a sandwich next to my laptop. “Just got lunch. Thought you might be hungry.”

  I gave a slight smile as I looked at it. “You don’t have to buy me lunch every day, Charlie.”