Famished (The Broken Series)

by Ellie Messe

  Drew chuckles, his fingers sliding down the lace over my chest, “I’m really fond of this dress.”

  I try to fight it, but a smile takes over my face at his appreciation for it.

  “What’s wrong?” I finally ask. I can tell by the weight on his shoulders, the sadness behind his eyes, and the fact he just fucked me like my very existence was giving him life.

  “Haley got drunk and broke down.” He sighs, “She’s so strong, so strong. And to see her crumble like that? To just start spilling all of these fucking horrible things that she’s had to go through and hearing her cry and fall apart, it’s just hard to see.”

  I feel helpless and pathetic as I rub his arm. I don’t know what to say or how to help so I do what every other person out there does when words aren’t enough, I tell him I’m sorry.

  He shakes his head and gives me a small smile, “Nothing to be sorry for, Angel. Thank you though.”

  “I wish I could help.”

  “You do.” He says, meeting my eyes. His hand comes to rest under my jaw, his thumb gently brushing against my chin, “More than you know, you do.”

  I want to stay in this moment a little longer, having his soft touch and thoughtful eyes on me, I feel something that I can’t quite explain and I just need a few more minutes to figure it out, but I never have the chance because the doorbells rings.

  His hand drops.

  The moment passes.

  He steps away.

  After a night of mediocre music, a round of hellos, and a pretty great meal, my dad accepted his award and then asked me to dance. It was my first father-daughter dance and it was just as awkward as one would think. Seventh grade or twenty-two, I still stepped on his toes and he still pretended not to notice. Halfway through the night I got a text from Drew saying he was gonna crash but the part that stuck out the most was the simple closing sentence; Thank you for being my person.

  I don’t know what he meant by that or what it was in reference to, but I couldn’t get my mind off of it. I couldn’t think or focus and it was driving me crazy. I don’t understand how one little sentence could hold so much power over me or why I wasn’t able to bring myself to ask him. I had time, I could have caught him before he went to sleep, but I didn’t. I tossed and turned in bed for hours before I finally crashed. And when I did, I dreamed. I dreamed of us as a couple, I dreamed of us in a home, not this one but one that was somehow ours, with pictures of us on the walls, kids, and a dog. He was holding me, and I just knew that we were so much more than what we are. We were one, we were each other’s safety, we were in love.

  I don’t know why I woke up in tears, I don’t know why I feel so empty. I just know I’m alone in my bed and I don’t want to be.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Drew

  Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I rest my forehead in my hands, taking measured breaths. Christ, man. When the fuck are the nightmares going to stop? God, I hate the fucking silence.

  A soft noise comes from my door and I look up to see Emma leaning against my door frame in shorts and a loose white t-shirt.

  “Hey,” I start, trying to rid the shaking in my tone, “Did I wake you up?” She gives me a small shake of her head, hugging her body. “What’s wrong?”

  She shakes her head once again before pulling away from the wall, “Nothing.”

  She turns to exit but spins around to face me. I watch in mild entertainment as she tries to fight whatever it is holding her back.

  “Are you okay?” She asks, catching me off guard. I’m not known to talk in my sleep but now I’m a little worried she’s had to endure round two of my nightmares.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  She looks down the hall and the light catches the moisture smeared across her cheek.

  “Hey-“ I reach out for her and she comes willingly, “What’s wrong, Angel?”

  She shakes her head, allowing me to draw her hips closer to me as I sit on the edge of the mattress, her thighs resting between mine. Her hands fight with her mind before resting behind my neck, her fingers playing in my hair as I look up at her.

  She’s painfully beautiful, good God.

  Stepping over my legs, she straddles my lap and pulls my face to hers. My hands run under the back of her shirt, she’s so soft it’s unreal.

  She pulls back a fraction to study my eyes like I hold the answer to some unasked question, “What’s wrong, Angel?”

  “Nothing. Kiss me.”

  With fucking pleasure. Threading one hand into her hair, I steer her head and devour that pretty little mouth while her hips gently rock into mine.

  I find it endlessly bothersome that something's wrong and she won’t talk to me about it, but at the same time, when I needed someone to get lost in, she let me use her. So lying back, I take her with me, threading my hands in her hair, letting her take as much of me as she needs to forget. Maybe, just maybe, we can forget together.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Emma

  Things are still weird for me.

  It’s been four days since I woke up thinking I might be in love with Drew. Ninety-six hours since I went into his room and seeked his body for comfort. And five-thousand-seven-hundred and sixty minutes later and I’m scared shitless because I still think I’m in love with him.

  I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what he’s doing. He’s so much sweeter, touchier now and with the shittiest of timing. I find myself pulling away from him, desperately trying to reverse the feelings I’ve caught. I’d give just about anything to have grumpy Drew back. To have him annoy the fuck out of me, to be the cocky asshole from the beginning but he’s not. He rubs my thigh and doesn’t seem to notice he’s doing it. He caresses my back as he walks behind me, kisses my hair at random moments, he’s taken on this affectionate boyfriend persona and I don’t know how to deal with it. I want it, oh fucking believe me when I say I want it, but it’s one-sided and I can’t sacrifice my heart for the sake of a few moments because I know when this all goes away it’ll crush me.

  I really wish I had invested the time into forming friendships right now because I could sure use someone to talk to. I feel like a giant bowl of conflicted feelings. I wish my heart and head would just sync already and tell me what the hell to do because if I spend another night pressed up against his chest I might spiral and end up homeless and heartbroken.

  When the water turns chilly, I pull my head from my hands and sigh loudly. I hate that I’m all of a sudden self conscious. Five days ago I didn’t give a fuck if I had bed head and morning breath. Now, I’m racing into my bedroom like my ass is on fire when he gets up to pee so he doesn’t see it. If I wasn’t such a pussy, I’d punch myself in the face for how ridiculous I’m being.

  Climbing to my feet, I kill the shower and step out. The man standing against my counter makes me scream, taking a step back I almost fall end over end back into the shower.

  Drew laughs, stepping forward to help me catch my balance.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

  “What were you doing in there?”

  “What?” I huff, still trying to calm my breathing, “Why does it matter? Why the hell are you just perched up like a serial killer in my bathroom?”

  “Why do you always do your makeup in mine?” He shrugs.

  “Cause you have better lighting and I don’t do it when you’re in the shower. You scared the fuck out of me.”

  “I came in to ask if you’d go with Parker and I to cheer up Hales, then saw you sitting down. I was expecting you to get yourself off and didn’t want to miss the show, turns out you were just in here being weird though.”

  “I was not being weird. Come on, Drew.” I whine when he won’t move out of my way, “Get out, I’m trying to get dressed.”

  “I’m not stopping you.” He says surrendering his hands, though he wears the smile of the devil.

  “You’re in my way.”

  Smiling wider, he steps back and allows me
to pass into my bedroom.

  “So what do you say? Will you go with Parker and I?”

  “What are you guys gonna do?” I ask, sitting down so I can put on my underwear without removing my towel.

  “Haley’s going stir crazy at the apartment so my family decided to do a little cookout. Get her out of the house for a bit.” He must read the trepidation on my face cause he’s quick to add, “There’ll be booze and food.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s there to not know? You’ve met everyone who’s gonna be there and you get to get buzzed and eat.” He shrugs, “Probably play some games and make fun of Parker. It’ll be fun.”

  I wish I had time to come up with an excuse. If I just told him no he’d ask why and I can’t tell him I can’t go cause I think I’m in love with him, so what choice do I really have here? “Sure.”

  He smiles a little wider and nods, “How long until you’re ready?”

  “A few minutes. Just gotta get dressed and put on a little makeup.”

  “Alright, I’ll let Parker know.”

  With that, he spins on his heels and leaves me in peace to get dressed. Another conflicted feeling takes me over, I want to go, but I don’t.

  I think I’m broken.

  “Mama Mia!” Drew yells, walking ahead of us down a hallway at his Aunt and Uncles, Parker stays next to Haley behind me as I follow Drew.

  “My boys.” Maria smiles, kissing Drew then Parker, “Hi, baby girl.” She gently hugs Haley then turns her kind eyes to me, “Hi, Sweetheart. Welcome to our home.”

  Giving her a hug back, I tuck my bangs behind my ear. “Thanks for inviting me. Your house looks bigger than the last time if that’s possible.”

  Maria laughs as she moves into an enormous kitchen, “Finger foods are on the island, Josh is out back at the grill with Vin and Jules.”

  “Is Dillon here?” Drew asks, leaning around the counter to look out the large windows lining the wall.

  “No, he stayed back. College paper due.”

  “Who’s Dillon?” I lean into Haley and ask.

  She covers her mouth and giggles, apparently she just got done shoving something into her mouth and tries to chew and talk at the same time, “He works at VIN’s. Really nice guy, you’ll meet him eventually.”

  I nod like that answered my question and let my eyes wander the kitchen. I’ve been here once before but it wasn’t enough to take in all the detail like the vaulted ceilings and crown molding. I wanna live in a house this nice, hell I just want to spend the night in one once.

  “Hungry?” Drew asks coming up to my side.

  “Not yet.” I smile, “Still taking in the house.”

  He gives a little shrug, “It’s pretty okay.”

  “I have yet to see better.”

  “One, rude. Two, not true. Three, my house is a fucking palace.”

  “Closer to a fuck shack.” I tease quietly.

  “That’s what I said,” He deadpans me, “A palace.”

  I snort and move forward grabbing a chip covered in what looks like guacamole off a plate and shove it in my mouth. It’s fucking delicious and I end up taking four more as I wander over to a family portrait of Maria, Josh, and both brothers. Can’t be more than three years old judging by the stubble lining Parker’s jaw. Drew looks identical to how he looks now. He still owns the white collared shirt he’s wearing in the photo.

  “That was Christmas, two years ago.” He says next to me, making me jump.

  “Jesus, fuck. I’m gonna get you a damn bell for around your neck.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t let yourself get so carried away with your head, might be able to hear me coming next time.”

  “Shut up, I’m not stuck in my head. I was just looking at the picture.”

  “Say what you want. You were sitting in your shower for like ten minutes earlier.”

  “You were standing there that long?” I gape, turning fully towards him.

  He laughs and shakes his head, “No, but you just agreed to being a mopey molly in the shower for more than ten minutes. What’s on your mind, Angel?”

  I shake the thoughts of my mixed feelings away, “Nothing. I just woke up in a funk. Probably had a weird dream or something.”

  “Well, get out of your funk, we’re all having a good time.” He smiles and holds out a red solo cup to me, “Bottoms up, Darlin’.”

  Without asking him what it is, I slide the contents down my throat. An immediate burn take over my mouth as I inhale, “Jesus. What the hell is that?”

  “Bourbon.”

  “For why though?”

  He laughs, taking my cup. “Warms you up. Plus they’re all out of the white girl alcohol.”

  I scoff and roll my eyes, following him back to the group laughing in the kitchen.

  “Eat.” He points to the counter full of snacks. “It’ll hurt Maria’s feelings if you don’t.”

  “What if I’m waiting to see what Hot Uncle’s doing?”

  His face screws up in disgust, “Ugh, Mama Mia. Do you hear this?”

  Maria pulls her attention away from Haley to look at him, “No, my boy.”

  “Tell her.” He nudges me, “What do you call Josh.”

  A flash of embarrassment colors my cheeks as a give her a nervous laugh, “Hot Uncle.”

  Maria laughs but Haley’s face scrunches up a little like Drew’s.

  “That’s gross.” She says looking to Parker, “Like…gross.”

  “She’s got a thing for Parker too, Hales.”

  “Shut up.” I laugh, smacking him on the arm. “I only said that to get under your skin.”

  “So who’s prettier?” He arches a brow in challenge.

  “You.” I smile, “Definitely you.”

  “See,” Haley starts, “Now I can’t trust her judgment, cause she’s clearly wrong.”

  “Hey!” Drew yells, pointing a finger at her, “Be nice. I’m a fucking god and you know it.”

  “Steaming pile of man meat, really.” I add.

  “Yes! Exactly. See? Steaming pile of man meat.”

  “You still have a fat head.” Haley shrugs unapologetically.

  “One, rude.” Drew, Parker, and Haley say at the same time, “Shut up. Two, not true,” They echo him again, “You guys are assholes.”

  “Both my boys are beautiful.” Maria coos from the sink, “With perfectly proportionate heads.”

  “Hear that?” Drew leans into Haley’s face, “Perfectly proportionate head. AH! Fuck!” He screams when she pinches his nipple through his shirt. “Devil woman!”

  After Josh brought in food with Drew’s other aunt and uncle, we ate and then played Cards Against Humanity. All in all it’s been a really good day, that is until this moment right now. Josh called the boys to his study and Maria asked Haley and I to come outside with her. I’m currently sitting down across from Haley at the glass top patio table and my heart is beating wildly. I feel like I just got called into the doctor’s office after a test.

  “As you girls know, I love my boys very much.” Maria starts, Haley and I bob our heads in agreement, “I’d move heaven and earth for them and in turn whoever they decided to be with. I think very highly of both of you. Haley, you were my first girl, my baby and I love you so much, honey. So, for you I’d be incredibly honored if you would accept this.” Handing her a small oak box, Haley pops the lid with her good hand.

  Laughing gently at the contents I can’t see, she nods her head, “Of course. You’re so sweet. Thank you.” Getting up, the two hug for a second before Haley sits back down, still eyeing her little box.

  “Emma.” Oh God. My eyes nervously shift to Maria’s as she holds a secondary box. “You’re still new to the family, but from the moment I met you, I’ve loved you. I love how you are with my boy, and how happy he is around you. He’d be so mad at me for telling you this, but you’re the type of girl I can see him settling down with and I hope you’ll honor me by accepting this.”

  Handing
the box forward, I gently pull back the lid to reveal a calligraphy note; I can’t say I Do without you. Will you be my bridesmaid? Moving the paper to the side, a little red Ring Pop rests against a satin lining.

  “Oh wow.” I hear myself say. I’m glad it didn’t repeat the mantra of ‘What the fuck?’ I have going through my head. This woman who I don’t know wants me to stand with her in her wedding party. I don’t know how to respectfully decline something like this. Like, why the fuck would someone want me to stand with them? I mean, I’m banging her nephew but we’re not a couple and I don’t even know if we’ll still be doing this at the time of the wedding. “When’s the wedding?” My dry throat asks.

  “We’re thinking May or June. Give Haley time to heal and us time to prepare.”

  I nod, still looking at the box. I feel eyes burning next to me and I nervously glance up, Haley is giving me a look that screams, ‘What is wrong with you?! Say yes!’ I open my mouth but nothing comes out but stammers.

  “This is so nice of you,” I tell her rubbing the paper, “But I, uh,” Just as I gain the courage to tell her, Haley’s heel comes down and makes contact with the tips of my toes. Swallowing the shout of pain, I nod my head, “Yeah, yeah of course.”

  Maria smiles a radiant smile and leans down to hug me. Over her shoulder, Haley throws up her hands in a ‘What the fuck’ gesture. I try to communicate with my eyes but Maria stands, ruining my chance.

  “Oh you girls are so wonderful, thank you. We’ve got a busy couple of months coming up. You ready to help me plan a wedding big enough to drive Josh mad?”

  I go along with Haley’s laugh and nod though mine sounds as forced as it feels.

  “Alright ladies, it’s kinda cold out here. Let’s go in and see if the guys are done yet.”

  Wanting nothing more than an escape, I close my little box and lead the way back inside.

  Oh Christ himself, what the hell have I gotten myself into?

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  Drew