I Saw Him Standing There (Oceanic Dreams #1)

by Holly Kerr

  She shook her blonde head with more vehemence than I expected. “That group scares me. Plus look at how I’m dressed.” She plucked at the tunic-style top she wore over shorts. “The other girls will be in bikinis and little dresses. I can’t pull that off.”

  “You look great,” her friend said loyally and I added my agreement.

  “Let’s just go get some breakfast. That’s Lily and I’m Heidi.”

  “I’m Siggy.” I followed them to the Mount Orynth dining room, a few decks below.

  “The worst thing about this boat is that there is so much food,” Heidi complained good-naturedly as we slowly filed along the buffet, the aromas making my mouth water.

  “I was thinking that was a good thing.” I piled eggs and sausages and bacon onto my plate, becoming hungrier the more bacon I added.

  “Wait until the waffle station,” Lily said. “All-you-can-eat waffles are never a good thing.”

  “So have you meant anyone yet?” Heidi asked as we sat down, leaning forward with the straw from her morning piña colada caught between her teeth.

  “I met you.”

  Lily laughed. “She meant, have you met a man. It’s the sole purpose of this cruise.”

  Will’s comments and Adonis’ words from last night came back to me. “I heard something about this being a love cruise or something?”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “Or something. The Oceanic Aphrodite is famous for being the boat that Prince Benedikt of Liechtenstein fell in love with his wife three years ago. He proposed on their last night on the ship.”

  “I’ve never heard of him. Or them. Or this boat, really.”

  “Don’t you ever read People Like Us magazine? It was all over that—pictures and stories of them, and other couples who had fallen in love. The cruise started getting super popular after that. It’s really hard to get a reservation. We’ve been waiting over a year.”

  And Petra just threw her tickets at me.

  “So what’s supposed to happen on board? Cupids fly around shooting arrows?”

  “I don’t know but there’s been more couples meeting on this boat than any others. The story—or legend, whatever you believe in—is that you’re supposed to meet your soul mate within twenty-four hours of coming aboard.”

  My thoughts flashed to Will. “I did meet someone,” I hedged. “But he works here, so that won’t count. Isn’t there some sort of rule? Staff can’t hook up with passengers?”

  Lily shook her head excitedly. “Not on this boat. Usual rules don’t apply, except with the entertainment staff. They’re off limits, which is really too bad because I saw this one dancer yesterday who was hot.”

  “There’s a group here called the Sassy Singles, but from what I’ve seen, they’re treating this like some Bachelor in Paradise show. I’m not into that,” Heidi said.

  “Me neither. I don’t really believe in fate or destiny.” I shoveled a mouthful of eggs into my mouth and nearly fell off my chair at how good they were. I haven’t had a breakfast this good since I was home and Carmelia—

  I pulled myself out of the painful memory with difficulty. “What about married couples and families?” I ask Heidi. “I’ve seen a lot of them. They shouldn’t be looking for their true love if they’re already married.”

  Heidi sniffed. “Not everyone believes the legend.”

  “I do,” Lily said. “People also come to reconfirm their love or reconnect. I love the idea. I really want to meet my Prince Charming. It’s so hard being single with bad first dates and silly swiping on Tindr.”

  “But relationships don’t always work out,” I argued. “You can’t expect to meet someone and instantly fall in love with him. How will you know if you can trust him? That he won’t hurt you?”

  “You have to trust. That’s the scary part about falling in love,” Lily said.

  “Have you ever been in love?” Heidi asked.

  “Once.” I toyed with the remains of egg on my plate. “At least I thought I was.”

  “What happened?”

  “Obviously not something good,” Lily said. “That’s why you’re here. To try again.”

  “That’s definitely why I’m here,” I lied.

  Even with their views of romance differing from mine, I liked talking with Lily and Heidi. I was surprised that I didn’t run for cover after breakfast, but instead joined them for a morning mimosa. I even agreed to try out a dance class.

  Chapter Seven

  “Pole dancing?” I asked in horror.

  A woman sauntered across the front of the room wearing nothing with her impressive five-inch heels except her underwear. Unless you counted the feather boa and tiara. Which I didn’t.

  I nervously stood beside a pole stretching from floor to ceiling. Mirrors lined the room reflecting every angle of myself. There were at least a dozen students, and one man lurking at the back.

  Beside me, Heidi grimaced at her reflection.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this?” I whispered to her.

  Lily took the pole on the other side of Heidi and glanced over at us. “This’ll be great,” she said with excitement.

  “Good morning, everyone! My name is Janey.” The woman at the front of the room made eye contact with each of us before continuing her spiel. “This is where most pole fitness instructors will talk about how they’re not strippers. I’m not going to do that. I used to be a stripper, and that’s how I became damn good at working the pole.”

  I widened my eyes at Lily, who giggled. “This is going to be so much fun.”

  Janey continued. “Look, I’m not here to sugarcoat things, I’m here to teach you how to pole. I like dancing. I liked stripping; it paid well. I wasn’t putting myself through law school or medical school or raising a bunch of sick orphans. It’s just that I like to eat and stripping gave me the money to do that. I’m not ashamed of it.”

  When Janey said that, it was like a spotlight sizzled on in my head. For the first time, I felt like someone might understand my reason for working with Eduardo. I had been broke, in a strange city, and had no friends. He took me under his wing and tried to teach me something. In his strange way, Eduardo had thought he was helping me.

  And I had made the best out of a bad situation, just like Janey. Of course, I couldn’t see how stripping would ever be a viable career option, but I didn’t know what her life was like. My grandmother used to tell me you shouldn’t judge someone unless you walked a mile in their shoes. Looking at Janey’s feet, I knew I couldn’t make it even a block wearing the heels she had on her feet.

  “This class is about getting in touch with your inner self.” I watched in awe as Janey swung around the pole. Her body was curvy but strong, with visible muscle tone in her arms and indents in her stomach. There was no way this woman could be anything but sexy.

  “Pole means something different to everyone. Some people use it to earn a living like I did. Like I still do, as a teacher rather than a performer. Some people like the confidence the pole gives them.” When she got to the word “confidence,” Janey jumped up, locking her thighs. With the same seamless motion, she fell backwards, provoking a gasp from Heidi. She spread her arms wide, holding herself aloft by only her ankles.

  “Some like to build their strength,” Janey continued, pulling herself up and gripping the pole with her hands. She lifted her legs straight out to one side like a flag blowing in the wind.

  It was very impressive.

  “And some women want to learn to be sexy.” She dropped to the floor, glancing at the class with a pouty face.

  At the word sexy, Heidi’s face fell beside me. “I can’t do that.”

  “Of course you can,” I said quickly.

  “But I’m not sexy. I’ll look stupid.”

  While Heidi might be considered a few pounds overweight by today’s standards, if you looked up the word sexy in the dictionary, there would be a picture of her wearing her little shorts and T-shirt. Plus, she was giving me hair envy with her long, blonde and
naturally wavy locks hanging down her back.

  I opened my mouth to tell Heidi to look in the mirror when Janey looked over. “That’s BS,” Janey said. “What’s your name?”

  “Heidi.”

  “Well, Heidi, you have signed up for the sexy class. All of you have. Everyone can be sexy, once they give themselves permission to try. When you leave here, you will feel like the sexiest, fiercest bitch who ever walked a deck.”

  Heidi still looked dubious.

  “That reminds me—it’s time to put on your shoes if you’ve got ‘em,” Janey continued. “If not, there are spare pairs in the back of the room. Don’t worry, I clean them after every class.”

  “It’ll be fun,” I assured Heidi as we picked out shoes—mile-high stripper shoes of purple and red, loaded with glitter and sequins.

  I wasn’t sure why I was encouraging Heidi; it was clear Lily was into it so I wouldn’t be alone if Heidi decided to bail.

  I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to try this so badly.

  Pole dancing was something that the old Siggy would have tried.

  Then it hit me—for the past four years, I haven’t been myself.

  I had always been loud and outgoing, constantly surrounded by friends and ordering my brothers around like some army sergeant. And then I met Charles.

  I told myself it had been because I loved him. I stopped hanging out with my friends, tempering my natural exuberance when we were together to give Charles a chance to tell me more about himself.

  I stopped being fun, fearless Siggy. And then after he left, I had been hurt, heartbroken Siggy. Angry Siggy. Guilty, ashamed Siggy.

  When I met Eduardo, I held on to the anger for such a long time.

  But today, as I happily swung around the pole, I realized it was the first day in a long time that I’d let go of the anger and the guilt. Fun, fearless, sexy Siggy poked her head out to visit, and I was very glad to see her.

  I liked her better.

  After the class, Janey stopped us as we were leaving. “How was that?”

  Heidi hadn’t stopped smiling since she hoisted herself up on the pole, kicking her purple shoes like a little kid. “So much fun!”

  “You did great,” Janey praised before narrowing her eyes at me. “You’re a dancer?”

  I started at the question. “In another life.” Dance classes had been a prerequisite since I was three years old, progressing from simple ballet to jazz and even hip-hop and acro.

  I hadn’t danced since Charles.

  “You’re good. You should come back for another lesson.”

  “Maybe,” I said, feeling my cheeks heating from the praise. “Thanks for this one.”

  I said goodbye to Heidi and Lily and promised to meet up with them later. They headed off to find the loves of their lives.

  I headed off to—

  I had nothing to do. It was a heady experience, almost as good as the buzz I felt from the dancing.

  After I showered and changed into another one of Petra’s outfits—a cute flared skirt and cropped tank top, I headed back to the lido deck. My muscles ached from throwing myself around and my walk was a little stiffer, but I’d been alone so much in the last few years that having other people around sounded like a good idea.

  Of course, the first person I saw was Will.

  He didn’t notice me. I hovered at the railing of the pool deck and watched as he talked to a group of thirtysomethings. The breeze ruffled his curls and his arms were tanned a golden brown.

  Lily’s words from this morning whispered in my mind, about finding your perfect match on board. I watched Will smiling and laughing.

  Was he my perfect match? My soulmate? For an instant I let myself yearn for something I knew was impossible.

  Resolve stiffened my spine. Soft words and strong arms came with a price, and the cost I’d already paid had been too high. I pushed myself off the railing. There could no such thing as a perfect soulmate.

  Will threw his head back and laughed at something one of his admirers said. Soulmates, my foot. Even though part of me wished Will would look over and see me, I turned my back on the entire idea and walked away.

  Chapter Eight

  I’d accomplished quite a bit this morning, and it was still early. I needed to be caffeinated in order to make it to lunch without a nap.

  From the map in the hallway, I found the Athena Java coffee bar on Deck 14.

  “What can I get you?” The voice was deep and Scottish and I had to look up—way up—to find a ruddy face covered in a reddish beard.

  Instinctively I took a step back.

  He looked like a Highlander from season one of Outlander. He looked like one of the scary Sons of Anarchy bikers.

  He looked like Hagrid.

  “I, um…” Glancing up, I was faced with a menu. I’d been drinking plain coffee since I got to Miami, but the truth was that I really didn’t like it much. But being hard-on-her-luck Siggy meant not splurging on tasty treats.

  “I’ll make what ye like, even if it’s no on the menu,” Hagrid said with an accent as thick as a bowl of porridge.

  My stomach did a summersault of delight when I spied the extensive list of frappuccino’s on the menu. “How about an iced salted caramel mocha crème frappucino?”

  “Comin’ ri’ oop.”

  I stood off to the side. He moved gracefully for a man his size.

  “Best on the ship,” he said when he caught me watching. His name tag read Rueben, from Linlithgow, Scotland.

  “I’ve been there,” I said. “To Linlithgow.”

  “Have ye now?”

  “I wanted to visit the castle. I used read everything I could find about Mary, Queen of Scots and when I found out she was born there, I made my parents take me. I think I was twelve. Beautiful place. All of Scotland is beautiful.”

  “That it ‘tis.” He set my drink on the counter, heavy with whipped cream and a healthy drizzle of caramel. I sighed happily as I reached for it.

  “What makes a Scottish guy work on an American cruise ship?” I leaned in to take a sip from the straw

  “What brought you on such a ship?” he asked in return.

  “I’m hiding,” I said without thinking.

  “Who’re ye hidin’ from?”

  I thought for a moment. “Pretty much everyone.”

  “Me mam didnae want me to come to America. She’s what you call protective like so many mams are. I’ve been always the shy sort, not one for making friends easily. She said I was better off working the land because of me size. But I never wanted that, always wanted to see the world. There was no sense of me hiding out in little Linlithgow just to make Mam happy, as much as I might love her, and I tole her as much. I didnae want to be afraid of what was out there just because I didnae like to talk to people.”

  “You don’t seem to have a problem talking to me.”

  Rueben’s smile edged out from behind his beard. “Because I stopped hiding. Good things happen when you come out from behind the curtain.”

  By the time I made it to Deck 5 and watched the rehearsal for the talent show on the main stage, I had thought a lot about Rueben’s words as I finished my coffee. Instead of getting another coffee, I stopped at a bar near the concierge station and ordered a strawberry daiquiri.

  I was on a cruise, after all, and even though it was barely eleven o’clock in the morning here, it was 5 p.m. somewhere in the world.

  Then it was back to my room, for once not to hide, but to do some research.

  There was a complimentary iPad next to my bed, and I took it and my drink to my balcony and settled in. A sense of serenity settled over me as I gazed at the water. I always loved the ocean and some of my best memories of my father where when he taught me to sail.

  Then loneliness crept in. Not one person knew where I was, except Petra, and she didn’t care. I didn’t exist for once I’d done her the favour of helping her escape by taking her ticket. Who was my mysterious benefactor, anyway?

 
I Googled Petra Van Brereton.

  Facebook, Instagram. She had over five hundred thousand Twitter followers. Daddy dearest was Emeril Van Brereton, a well-known financier from Miami, which made Petra local and would make returning her things easy.

  Her Instagram was full of heart emojis. Petra&Peter4evr. So happy! So glad to have found you.

  According to the pictures, it was the real deal with Petra and Peter. Wedding deets coming soon! I scrolled through pictures of Peter (cute, but looked pretentious in his button down and khakis), the ring (impressive princess cut, at least two karats), Petra’s social smile (thankfully no duck lips, but the obligatory forced dimple), and a perfect French manicure shown off against a Venti Starbucks cup.

  Deep into the feed, I found something about me. UberGirl, have fun on the love cruise! Would expect an invite to the wedding, but can’t imagine I’d go.

  Well, then. My first impression of Petra was right on. I shook my head. What a bitch.

  No, what a generous bitch.

  I unfolded the cruise brochure and took out her—my—itinerary she gave me with the tickets.

  We were docking in Jamaica tomorrow and Petra had booked excursions to Dunne’s River Falls, as well as a rum cruise. I had dinner reservations at the Mount Olympus Dining Room tonight.

  Sounded like fun. It didn’t mean I had to go.

  Last night had been dinner at the captain’s table. I breathed a sigh of relief that I slept through that. I remember Petra telling me the captain was her uncle, and I hoped she had called him to clear things up.

  Next, I Googled Oceanic Aphrodite.

  I found out the cruise line had won awards like Best Premium Boutique Cruise Line, and there was a nice write up about it in TravelFood online magazine. Apparently, there were tons of stuff to do on board, like rum tasting, belly dancing, and an onboard library, not to mention a movie theatre, a disco, and a spa where they wrapped you in fresh seaweed and dunked you in exfoliating bubbles.

  Pole dancing class fit right in.

  Karaoke, open mic nights, afternoon bingo and a bowling alley. Theatre shows, a Newlywed Show-type game show, as well as a Bachelor/Proposal-like contest.