by Lulu Pratt
“I’m not doing an independent woman thing,” I said calmly. “I am just making my own decisions. I will choose where I work, what I do, and for what purpose. You clearly have a problem with that, and that isn’t going to work for me.”
“So now what?” he said, a touch of anger in his voice. “You’re going to throw the whole thing away just so you can play some pathetic spy game?”
“I’m not throwing anything away!” I had raised my voice in frustration now. This was way too intense. We hadn’t made any promises to one another other than to spend time together as friends and see where things went.
“You are throwing us away!” he answered, his own voice rising.
“There is no US!” I shouted.
There was silence on the line for about a minute, and then I heard the beep of him hanging up the phone. I threw myself down on the couch and cried. My tears were hot, angry tears. Why had I ever thought that Drew and I could work? Why was I desperately trying to cling to the past? If I was being honest with myself, I knew that what Drew had called my ‘pathetic spy game’ at Clover House was a convenient excuse for not following through on my travel plans. Had he just been an extension of that? Someone convenient who I could be pretty sure wouldn’t break my heart? But then, if I was so eager to protect myself, why on earth had I responded to Keegan the way I had?
Sleep wouldn’t come. I replayed the events of the past few weeks, searching my brain for any evidence I might have missed that would explain the theft of Animagic by Clover House. I thought about Drew, and why he was so desperate that I should take his advice to leave Clover House and slip right back into whatever relationship he and I were clearly having inside his head. I thought about Keegan and then pushed those thoughts away, sensing danger. I got up around four in the morning, made tea and sat down on the floor, unpacking my suitcase, and checking it. It was going to be a short trip, no need for much. Some Effie Hancock work stuff, including the formal dress, and some Freya Hamilton wandering-around-Dublin stuff. I tried to focus on this part of the trip. All I had to do was tick off my checklist at the launch, go with Keegan to the offices, take notes, and smile and nod, then I was free to explore. I swapped the anxiety I had felt all weekend for excitement and was ready to go with my suitcase in hand half an hour early, sitting perched on my case at the side of the road waiting for the car that Clover House was sending to take me to the airport.
Chapter 20
KEEGAN
I HAD A LOT on my mind on the morning of the Dublin trip. Mick had been on the phone twice before I even left for the flight. It was a novelty to hear him panic over the details of the opening event; he was always so annoyingly self-assured, but his new office was his pet project and he wanted it to be perfect. Listening to him, I couldn’t help but feel a little in awe of him.
“Mick, if someone had told us a few years ago you’d have been shitting yourself about some fancy caterers and whether there was enough Champagne, we wouldn’t have believed it,” I laughed.
“I think you are forgetting just how important alcohol was back then,” he laughed. “Only it wasn’t Champagne…”
I hadn’t been back home for any extended length of time since moving to Boston. It was always a few days here and there. For the first year I hadn’t been back at all, at my father’s insistence. It was a stark reminder that they didn’t trust me, and while that was understandable in the beginning, it was something I had grown to resent as time passed. Yes, I had fucked up repeatedly, but I had got myself out of all that shit. I had swallowed my pride and done everything that my parents had told me to do. I hadn’t made any of what my pa called my ‘unwise decisions,’ because I hadn’t made any fucking decisions at all. Not about my real life outside of Clover House. My life was on hold.
It was like I had hit the pause button and now I didn’t quite know how to hit play again. I thought about my trip to see Chris, and wondered how my parents would react if they knew about my plans. Still, I was looking forward to getting back home, even for a short time. It sure as hell beat having to go into the office and confront Sean. I hadn’t had so much as a phone call from him after my discovery, and it reinforced my determination to accelerate my plans. I’d had enough of my life revolving around Clover House; it was time to make Clover House work for me.
It was in the middle of this daydream that I arrived at the airport. I had purposely not thought about what to say when I saw Effie. She had left so abruptly that I knew instinctively that the best way to play it was to simply act like it hadn’t happened. We had both made a drunken mistake, we were both adults, and we could both ignore it and get on with our jobs. Of course I regretted it, but I was grateful to her for breaking it off so soon. Everything was arranged, and I recognized the flight attendants. It always seemed to be the same two smiling young women who did these trips. They showed me on board and I found Effie sitting reading a book.
“Effie,” I smiled. “Okay, so I’m just going to get this over with quickly. The other night I was in a bit of a state and…”
“It was a mistake on both our parts,” she agreed.
“Okay, so we can move on?” I smiled, relieved.
“Absolutely,” she nodded and went to return to her book.
“Did they show you around the plane?” I asked. “There’s a sleeping area back there if you feel like it.”
She raised one eyebrow and I realized what it must have sounded like, then she said quietly, “It’s a very nice plane. It seems like kind of an extravagance for just the two of us. Not sure you’re going to win any eco-awards…”
I heard the condescension in her voice and decided to play with her. “Ah, didn’t you think that maybe I have an ulterior motive?”
She looked rattled and began to blush. “What kind of ulterior motive?”
I could hear excited squeals outside, and I knew I was going to have the upper hand in a matter of seconds. I got up to welcome the other passengers, and a small tornado of a boy flew up the aisle and straight into me.
“Dermott, be careful!” Olivia shouted as she reached me and threw her arms around me for a hug. “Never mind him, Keegan, he’s just so excited about the flight. His brother is excited too, but he’s playing it cool!” she gestured to a teenager behind her who nodded at me solemnly.
“No worries,” I laughed. “He’s got tall since I last saw him. Is your ma here?”
“She’s fussing outside, but she will be up shortly. Oh, thanks again for this Keegan, it’s amazing! We could not have afforded the trip home at the moment, and so your kind offer to join you means the world to us all.” Olivia hugged me again and then sat down across the wide aisle from us. I sat back down, grinning to myself.
“It’s not just the two of us,” Effie said, a statement rather than a question.
“No, that’s Olivia, and her boys. Her mother and father will be along in a minute, and her mother’s brother too. They’re all taking advantage of the extravagance to go home for a few days,” I said, emphasizing the word extravagance as she had.
“Are they your… family?” she asked, looking doubtful.
“No. You might recognize Beverly; she works as a janitor at the office. She’s a sort of surrogate mother to me in this strange and foreign land,” I smiled.
“That’s really kind of you,” she said, and I didn’t like the note of surprise in her voice.
“Well, yeah, but it won’t win me any eco-awards…” I winked.
As we settled in for the six-hour flight, Effie seemed mesmerized by the endless stream of conversation from Beverly’s family. Beverly had brought a picnic – because she didn’t trust ‘airplane food’ and she insisted that we ate with them. The cabin crew brought us tea and coffee and we all sat together.
“So, I hope this one treats you all right in that place,” Beverly said, nodding at me but looking at Effie.
“I can’t complain,” Effie answered.
“Have you got an eyeful of his girlfriend yet?” she sniffed.<
br />
“She’s not my girlfriend, Beverly…” I said, cringing.
“Okay, okay, well whatever she is, have you seen her? Skin and bone she is, nothing to her, just a skeleton with a great big swish of hair,” she persisted.
“I’m not seeing her anymore, Beverly!” I said quietly, willing her to shut up.
“And when did that happen?” she demanded.
“Not long ago. I didn’t know I had to check with you,” I laughed.
“Well, good riddance, I say!” said Beverly. “And you can keep your eyes open when you’re in Dublin for a decent girl.”
I turned to Effie, who was trying not to laugh. “It would appear Beverly is insistent that I find a nice wife to keep me on the straight and narrow.”
“What about you?” she asked Effie. “I’m sure you have someone special?”
“It’s complicated,” Effie answered, not willing to share anything else with her, but I knew Beverly well enough to know that this wasn’t going to be enough to satisfy her.
“Well, you either have someone special or you don’t, my dear. It’s as simple as that!” Beverly looked shocked.
“Well, then I don’t,” Effie said, smiling ruefully and then impulsively leaning forward and adding in a low voice, “I had to get rid of him. He thought he was going to tell me what I could and couldn’t do, you know?”
“Ah, better off without one of those.” Beverly nodded, then she patted Effie on her hand and said thoughtfully, “There’s an awful lot of assholes about.”
At this, Olivia choked on her coffee and the kids burst out laughing. Effie laughed along with them, and Beverly remained sincere-looking, shaking her head, and tutting. I looked at Effie and smiled, almost thanking her for accepting Beverly’s forthrightness. Thankfully, the conversation ended there, and everyone decided to rest up for the rest of the flight. I took the chance to get some rest. I hadn’t slept much all weekend and dozed off almost instantly.
When we arrived, everyone was quiet and had that sleepiness that comes after a long flight. Beverly’s family took turns to hug me and then made their way off to where some extended family members – and there were loads – would be picking them up. Effie and I picked up my car and began the drive into Dublin.
“I didn’t know we would be driving,” she said.
“I need a car while we are here,” I explained. “Anyway, I like the freedom.”
“Okay, sure,” she said. “So, what’s the plan?”
“We can check in to the hotel and then I need to head out, but I will be back in time for our dinner with Mick tonight. We need to talk over the plans for the opening tomorrow,” I said, winding down my window to inhale some of the fresh air.
“Where are you going?” she asked, hiding a yawn behind her hand.
“I’m going out into the country, just a bit south of Dublin. I will drop you off to get some sleep. It’s not the longest flight but it does leave you exhausted.”
“I slept on the flight,” she said, stretching like a cat. “I’m just drowsy from sitting so long. That fresh air smells so good.”
“You can come with me if you want to,” I said, and then instantly regretted it. How would I explain who Sarah was?
“I’d love to see some of the countryside while I’m here,” she bit her lip hopefully. “If you don’t mind, that is?”
“Of course not,” I nodded. “I have to visit someone, but there’s a really nice little seaside place nearby where I can leave you for a bit, if you like?”
“That would be great,” she smiled and turned to look out the window. She was somehow more relaxed, more like a real person since we arrived, and I hoped that maybe we were finally going to be able to get along better.
Chapter 21
FREYA
I’D BEEN NERVOUS about the flight, but I didn’t need to be. Instead of trying to make polite small talk with Keegan and not mention what had happened, he had got it all out of the way the minute he stepped on the plane. I was glad we could forget about it. I mean, I wasn’t sure I would forget about it, but I was glad that we agreed that that was the plan. He had introduced me to this lovely family who shared our flight, and as we chatted and laughed and ate together, I was able to relax to the point where I was drifting off to sleep. The weekend of no sleep had caught up with me and I went to the sleeping area, curled up on an insanely comfortable recliner, and went straight to sleep.
Keegan had an errand to run. I didn’t ask about the details but his plan was to drop me at the hotel while he headed out of the city. I desperately wanted to see the Irish countryside, and I decided that if I didn’t ask, I wouldn’t get. And to my surprise, he agreed easily. We bypassed the city and headed south.
“Everything really is so green!” I said as we moved out into the open countryside. “What are those mountains in the distance called?”
“That’s Wicklow,” he said. “Very beautiful. We are heading that direction, but not quite as far as the mountains.”
“I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland,” I said. I found myself opening up to Keegan, even though I didn’t mean to. “I had been planning a trip until recently, but things changed and I put everything on hold. That’s why I already had a passport. So to be going anywhere – other than Boston – is lovely.”
Keegan was looking at me intently as I spoke. I guess it was one of the longest times I had spoken to him about something other than work apart from that evening at the club that I wanted to forget but kept remembering.
“So,” he began. “Anywhere other than home is where you want to be?”
“Yes.”
“Whereas, home is where I want to be, and home is Ireland. Where I don’t have to remember to drive on the left or people – and beer – being cold.” He looked away and ran his hand through his hair.
“I can’t quite believe I’m here,” I said.
“Believe it!” he laughed. “But you won’t see much in just a few days. Dublin is a real tourist trap. It’s hard to see any of the real city. The further away you go, the more you see of the real country.”
He sounded so passionate, like he wanted to show it off to me, and I liked this new side of him. I realized just how much he was a fish out of water back in Boston. Here, even the way he moved had changed. He was relaxed, and it made me relax. I watched him drive, one arm leaning on the open window and sunglasses hiding his eyes. He had changed on the flight and was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I was glad I hadn’t worn my work clothes, opting instead for plain jeans and a light green T-shirt and sneakers. I longed to take my hair out of the tight roll and shake it loose. For a few moments, as I gazed out of the window, I imagined we were here together, on a road trip, just exploring, moving from place to place. Then I chased away the thought.
What was wrong with me? I had literally just texted Drew to say that I had arrived safely, hoped we could be friends when I got back, but felt like that was all we were meant to be. Now here I was fantasizing about being with someone else.
“In a minute, you will see the sea,” he said breaking into my thoughts.
“Already?” I asked, digging out the map that I had picked up at the airport.
He laughed. “Ireland is a tiny country; everything is nearby. If we kept driving, we would literally run out of Ireland to drive on before the sun went down.”
“I can see it!” I cried, realizing I sounded like an excited child and wasn’t doing my sophisticated and aloof Effie Hancock act anymore.
“We will be there soon. You sure you’re okay if I leave you?” he asked. “Bray is a nice place for a walk, and you’d be bored if I took you with me, but it’s up to you.”
“All I want is a walk, I will be fine,” I reassured him.
“Eh, have you euros?” he asked awkwardly.
“They won’t take dollars?” I asked innocently.
“Uh, no, no they won’t, but I will give you some…” he began, but I laughed and he realized I was teasing him.
“I will
be fine,” I repeated. I had actually several hundred euros as I had been getting them for my now-postponed trip when the exchange rate was good.
He drove through the narrow streets and pulled into a parking space on a road that divided a row of little shops and cafés from a broad stony beach. We arranged to meet in three hours’ time, and I hopped eagerly out of the car and shouted goodbye, heading straight for the beach. As he drove off, I took off my shoes and socks, then made my way down, walking in the surf. It was the coldest water I had ever felt,
and I stood long enough to say that I had been in the Irish Sea, and then dashed back up the beach where I stretched out on the sand. Everyone had warned me of the constant rain, so I was pleasantly surprised to feel the heat of the late spring sun on my face.
I spent the afternoon wandering around the shops. Families wandering along the seafront carried paper cones filled with chunky french fries, so I stopped at a tiny fish and chips shop and treated myself to an enormous bag of piping hot ‘chips.’ The server there interrogated me about who I was, where I was from, and how long I was staying, before moving on to my family life, my job, and how many children I had. Back home, I would have been incredibly freaked out, but here, it seemed it was normal. I had the same experience in almost every shop, with people wishing me a happy trip, recommending things to eat or places to visit in Dublin, and even one lady promising to pray for me. The chips were possibly the most amazing thing I had ever tasted.
I picked up some souvenirs – a tea towel for my mother and a corkscrew for my father. I also got three colorful scarves from a tiny shop that was about the size of my bedroom – one in red for Beatrix, one in black for Taylor, and one in purple for myself.
When it was time for Keegan to pick me up, I was sitting on the beach again waiting for him. He pulled in a little late and got out before I could get up, coming over to sit by me. I looked at him, shocked by his expression. He looked worn out. Like he had been crying or had terrible news. His shoulders were hunched up like I had seen them at work, and he looked at the picture of misery.