by Lulu Pratt
“God, are you okay?” I asked, not thinking that perhaps he wouldn’t feel like sharing.
“Huh?” he asked, putting on a smile.
“You look…” I struggled for the words. “Really, really, tired.”
“Do I?” he shrugged, then sighed. “I had to visit someone I haven’t seen for a long time, and it wasn’t easy.”
“Do you… want to talk about it?” I asked, not sure what I hoped his answer would be.
“No,” he said. “It’s done now, and it was… good. It was really good.”
“But tough,” I said, nodding.
“Yeah,” he said.
“I had chips,” I said, nudging him with my shoulder as if to cheer him up. “And I do not know why you ever left this country. They should put the chips on the tourist brochures.”
He laughed. “God, I have missed proper chips. None of this fries nonsense.”
We got up and made our way back to the car. The woman from the chip shop called out a goodbye, and Keegan didn’t seem surprised that she knew me. I noticed that he was tense again, like he had some weight on his shoulders. The journey back to Dublin was quiet. He seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts, and I left him to them, gazing out of the car window as we left the countryside behind and suddenly entered the city. We made our way through the streets and he knew every back street, every junction, and some frankly terrifying roundabouts.
“You know the city well, you lived here?” I said, desperate to break the uncomfortable silence.
“Yeah, I grew up here,” he said and his tone was laden with sadness. “This is home.”
“You miss it?” I asked, aware that I might be pushing my luck a little.
“Yes and no,” he said. I realized that he was retreating back into his usual aloofness, and I felt sad to see him go.
Chapter 22
KEEGAN
SARAH HAD BEEN glad to see me. I think. She had been in the garden, hanging out laundry on the clothesline, and she turned at the sound of the engine and then burst into tears the minute she saw me step out of the car. I went to her and put my arms around her.
“I’m so sorry I haven’t been around,” I said. I had wanted to surprise her, as I had been worried about losing my nerve and backing out at the last minute.
“Don’t be mad, you’re across the world. I can hardly expect you to drop in for a cuppa,” she laughed.
“Okay, then I’m sorry I haven’t called you,” I said, and she nodded in agreement, which made me wince.
“I’ll forgive you,” she said as we made our way into the house, “but what I won’t forgive is this.” She reached up to a top shelf and took down a familiar-looking envelope. “I’d rather have had a phone call, Keegan.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “And I’m not trying to buy you off, I just wanted to help you out.”
“And ease your conscience,” she added, before quickly closing her eyes. “I didn’t mean… I meant to ease your conscience about not calling, not about…”
“I know what you meant,” I said, sitting down at the kitchen table while she put the kettle on. “But if you don’t cash the check, I am going to donate it to whichever is the most outrageous political party standing at the next election. Is the All Night Party running in the next election?”
“Don’t be a dick, Keegan, of course I cashed it,” she laughed. “I was slightly offended, but I’m not stupid!”
“Where is Declan?” I asked, finding it hard to even say the name.
“He’s with his granny,” she said, raising her eyebrows and beaming at me.
“Are you serious?” I asked, stunned.
“Yeah, it’s a regular thing these days. They will be back any minute.”
“God, I’ll be the last person she will want to see.”
“No, don’t be so sure, time has moved on. Now tell me everything about your work.”
“It’s boring and repetitive, and I hate it,” I said. “End of story.”
“Okay, message received,” she nodded. “Shall we walk down to meet them? There’s someone I want to show you.”
“Sure,” I agreed, and we walked out the back door, cups of tea still in hand, and through the garden to where a path led between the fields. In the distance, I could see them. A woman and a boy. My heart quickened a little. He had grown. I knew he would have grown, but I wasn’t prepared for the height of him, or how he ran around independently. Last time I had seen him he was barely on his feet. Sarah hooked her arm into mine as we walked.
“It is really good to see you, Key,” she said, and I realized I had practically forgotten that anyone had ever called me that old nickname.
“You too,” I sighed.
When we reached the end of the field, Declan looked up and ran to Sarah, who caught him and swung him through the air. I felt a lump catch in my throat.
“Keegan Callahan,” said a voice.
“Mrs. Flynn,” I said. “How are you?”
“I’m well,” she said and nodded at Declan. “This one here keeps me young. I hope you’re doing all right over there in America?”
“I am,” I said.
“I’m glad to hear it. I will leave you two to it,” she said, and slowly made her way up the path we had just come down.
When she was out of earshot, I whistled under my breath. “Times have changed!”
“I told you,” said Sarah, and then stepped close to me with Declan in her arms. “You don’t remember Uncle Key, but he’s a very silly man and you’re never to listen to a word he says. Now come and see my new baby.”
We walked further along the path, and a beautiful dappled mare came trotting up to say hello. We made a fuss over him and talked horses until it was time to give Declan his dinner. Back at the house, we chatted without touching on old times. It was easier to talk about the present. I sat on the floor and played with toy cars with Declan, pushing them back and forth repeatedly.
“You look just like your daddy,” I told him quietly, and he looked at me with his big eyes and then threw a little plastic car at me, giggling in pure toddler joy when it hit me on the chin. I pretended to cry, and he sweetly came over and sat in my lap. Declan then grabbed a nearby children’s book and thrust it into my hands for me to read to him.
Leaving Sarah and Declan was hard, but when I promised to call her, I meant it. Something in me had been terrified to go see them. Terrified that the raw pain that had filled that house the last time I was there would still be there. And now I knew that it wasn’t, I felt less guilty for having healed. Because, I realized, I had healed. The pain wasn’t the same; it wasn’t as visceral. Still, tears came as I drove away. Tears for what could have been, tears of regret for the string of bad choices that had led us to where we were, and tears of relief that things weren’t as bad as they might have been. I realized that I had been carrying around the weight of not knowing how she was, what her life was like, for so long that it had changed me.
When I got back to Bray to pick Effie up, she saw it on my face. But I couldn’t explain, couldn’t get into the details. I didn’t want to be judged or pitied. I sat on the beach with her for ten minutes, and then we headed back to the city just as the light was beginning to fade. I had to get through a dinner with Effie and Mick and his team to discuss the plans for the next day, so I spent the drive back trying to compose myself, trying to get back into work mode and trying to avoid any kind of discussion with Effie. She had already seen too much.
The one thing I could look forward to was seeing Mick. He was the only person who knew how it felt, how so many conflicting emotions could end up canceling one another out and leave you numb. He met us at the hotel when we arrived, whooping and running to me when he saw me, then throwing his arms around me and lifting me clean off the ground. I realized I had been hugged more times in the last twenty-four hours than in a year in Boston. We had only time for a quick shower and a change of clothes before eating. Mick’s team was exactly like him, enthusiastic, energet
ic, funny. They had everything under control, and I found myself nodding and agreeing with everything everyone said while eating hungrily and trying to ignore the fact that my eyes were getting heavy. I looked at Effie. She was back in her work clothes now, freshly made up and looking just as she did at the office. She answered questions directed at her with polite efficiency and said very little else.
Not for the first time, I felt like she was some kind of Jekyll and Hyde creature, and I wished the other Effie had stayed.
Chapter 23
FREYA
MY FIRST DAY IN Dublin was spent in the new Clover House Ireland office. It had flown by in a whirl of press requests, last-minute crises, and trying to understand what people were saying to me as we prepped for the opening. Everyone spoke so fast and worked so slow, chatting and laughing all the while. It didn’t help that Keegan had disappeared after lunch. Mick had told him there was something outside for him, and Keegan had looked out the window and then disappeared. But we had managed, and before long I found myself sitting in my hotel room, eating some room service sandwiches, and looking critically at the dress I had borrowed from Beatrix for the opening. I sighed and looked to the side at my hair in the mirror. It was enormous. I put the sandwiches down and got up to turn the TV on for some noise as I got ready. I treated myself to a shower, and the hot water felt gorgeous on my tired body. The image of Keegan came to my mind unbidden, and I wondered if he was back yet. Mick didn’t seem concerned. I wondered where he was; if he was showering in the room next door, maybe. I let myself think about that for a second, his tanned arms under the water… I let my hands wander over my stomach and between my thighs, and then stopped abruptly. What the hell was I doing? I felt like I was losing my mind.
I got out of the shower and began the long process of making my hair look less like a lion’s mane, and then it was time to face the dress. It fit beautifully, clinging to all the right places as Beatrix had tactfully put it, but it was way too low at the front, and I couldn’t seem to keep it in place. I tried everything I could think of, and then realized that this is why Beatrix had put a roll of tape into the dress bag. I had thought it was there by accident and had taken it out, but of course, it was tit tape. And I hadn’t brought it. I called down to the concierge to request a roll of tape and thanked god the receptionist was unfazed and simply sent a bellboy up with it. It took me ten minutes and countless attempts to stick the dress firmly to myself. Then I tested it, climbing onto the bed on all fours, and then jumping and then checking in the mirror to see if I was still in the dress. Success!
In the lobby, I met Mick, and the look on his face told me that Keegan was still not back.
“Have you heard from him?” he asked, hopeful.
“Sorry, no,” I replied.
“Shit, he better not let me down!” he said.
“He won’t. Trust me, he will be there,” I replied, with absolutely no certainty.
We made our way quickly to the front of the hotel where a taxi was waiting to take us to the opening. A shout made us pause, and we saw Keegan come practically sliding through the lobby, dressed in full evening tuxedo, but with his hair still off-duty, standing up all over the place.
“Jesus, Keegan, you had me worried,” said Mick, before laughing. “And sort out your head – you have fucking helmet hair, man!”
Keegan ran a hand through his hair and jumped into the taxi. “Sorry, lost track of time!”
It took no time at all to reach the new office building, and by the time we got there, Keegan had smoothed his hair into place and straightened his tux. I hated to admit it, but he looked incredible. When we stepped out of the car and I took off my coat to leave in the cloakroom, he followed me with his own. I left my coat and then turned, facing him. His eyes widened.
“Wow!” he said. “You look… that dress… I mean…”
“Thanks,” I said, not waiting for him to finish any of his thoughts.
The opening event was taking place in the wide-open lobby of the new office building, and it was a lot like Clover House Boston in style. I had been there all day, but now it looked amazing, decorated tastefully with low lighting and high top tables that had been brought in to give it a more formal atmosphere. The waiting staff were moving through the room with Champagne, and I was glad to take a glass, hoping it might calm the nervous anticipation I was feeling. Keegan seemed to feel it too, and he stiffened as he was approached by a sober-looking middle-aged couple.
“You made it on time then!” the woman said and kissed his cheek.
“Just about!” he smiled, kissing her back.
“I told you that you would hit traffic,” said the man, and I realized with a start how alike they looked.
“Effie, these are my parents, Bridget and Michael Callahan,” he said. “Effie Hancock is my assistant.”
They smiled at us approvingly and shook my hand, then moved off to speak to some newly arrived guests.
“Your parents seem nice,” I said, because I had to say something.
“They are nice,” he nodded. “I saw them earlier today, but even so, this is about as excited as they get about seeing me.”
“Families, eh?” I said.
“Families,” he agreed. “By the way, I hope you won’t mind me asking, is Effie short for something?”
I quickly took a sip of my drink. I figured this question would come up sooner or later, and I had an answer ready. “Yes, it’s short for Freya.”
He looked out into the crowd. “Freya. A beautiful name. It suits you.”
I’d been complimented on my name before, but this time it made me blush.
“Fuck,” Keegan sighed heavily. “This guy coming over is a total jerk.” The moment passed, and I half wondered if Keegan would even remember asking me my real name in a few minutes. Keegan continued, “He doesn’t think I should be working for the company, and he is a major shareholder, so we have to kiss his skinny ass.”
A thin man approached and held out his hand to Keegan, who shook it, smiling.
“Howard, great to see you. Glad you could come,” he said.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” said the man with a cold smile. “You don’t usually grace us with your presence.”
“I wanted to be here tonight. This is a great day for Clover House. They have done a fantastic job with the place,” Keegan said warmly.
“Still, I’m not sure it was essential that you attend. This was all quite last-minute, so it will weigh down the old expense account no doubt,” he sniffed.
Keegan looked lost for words. The guy was a total jerk; he was right. I stepped forward and held out my hand for the man to shake.
“Effie, Keegan’s assistant. We have several issues to deal with while we are here, so we arranged the trip to ensure that we can take care of as much of it as possible. Keegan is extremely conscious of how we use company resources. That’s why spending on expense accounts is down by twenty percent this quarter compared to last year.” I smiled broadly at him.
“Very good, very good,” he nodded and moved off without another word to where the servers were emerging with appetizers.
“You’re good, Effie Hancock, I will give you that,” Keegan smiled, looking out over the growing crowd. “Maybe I should be your assistant?”
“Probably,” I agreed and laughed when he looked at me in surprise.
“God, I hate these things,” he sighed. “Although this seems to be going smoothly. I am always sure of some imminent disaster, usually because I have said something I shouldn’t have.”
“Me too,” I agreed.
“You always know what to say,” he scoffed, and I blushed. “You are always in control.”
I wondered if he was remembering that it wasn’t always true as I sipped my Champagne.
“I’m not always in control,” I said, matter of factly.
“Yeah? Like when?” he challenged.
“Like an hour ago, when I was begging the hotel reception to bring me some tape
so I could get myself into this dress,” I said, still looking out over the crowd and not making eye contact.
“For real?” he laughed, and this time the laugh was genuine.
“For real,” I nodded.
“I’d never have known,” he said, glancing at the neckline of my dress where the silky fabric gathered low over my chest.
“If I move too quickly, everyone will know,” I said, my hand sitting lightly where I knew the tape was.
He laughed again. “We better go and mingle. I will introduce you to people; it will give me something to say, and then as soon as it is acceptable, I want to get out of here. I have been on a motorcycle all afternoon, and all I want is to get out of this tux,” he said, wriggling slightly.
“You and me both,” I laughed, and we moved off towards the crowd, smiling as we went.
Chapter 24
KEEGAN
I DIDN’T THINK I was that easy to shock, but Effie turned up in a green dress that was so low cut it showed a lot of flesh, and my mind wandered a couple of times to what she might look like without the dress. I was grateful for her. Not for the dress, although I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but for the way she spoke so articulately to the shareholders, showed genuine interest in the employees, and even seemed to make a positive first impression on my parents. So the opening wasn’t a total disaster, but I was still incredibly glad when I was able to leave. As soon as there was a lull, after Mick had made his speech and my pa had said a few words and someone – possibly my mother – had cut a ribbon, I was out of there. I told Mick I would see him later – there was always an afterparty with Mick – and Effie and I shared a taxi back to the hotel. We chatted about how it had gone well and discussed the various people we had met, but all I wanted was to get the damn tuxedo off. I made my way up to my room, bidding Effie goodnight as we reached her door.