After All: A Hate to Love Standalone Romance

by Karina Halle

Actually, it’s been forty-four hours.

  I still have two more hours to figure out if I’m going to pay this blackmailer’s ransom or not. If I pay it, he’ll free the photos. If I don’t, he’ll sell them to the highest bidder.

  Either way, he wins. He gets the money.

  And I lose.

  But fuck, I’ve already lost Alyssa.

  What else is there?

  Take it all. I really couldn’t care.

  The chime above the coffee shop rings and I look over.

  It’s Autumn, right on time. Despite it being eight on a Monday morning, she’s all dressed up like she’s going to some party. Now I have to wonder why. Is it to try and win me over? The next guy? Who knows.

  All I know is that she’s about to be very, very unhappy with me.

  I haven’t seen her since she kissed me.

  And I don’t have the best news.

  “Hey,” she says to me, sitting down in the armchair across from me. If she’s embarrassed about what happened, about the way she came on to me, she doesn’t show it.

  I pick up my coffee cup and gesture to the baristas. “You’re not going to get anything?”

  She shakes her head. “No. I want to get right down to it.”

  I open my mouth, about to tell her my plan, but she plows on through.

  “I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

  “What?” I ask.

  “You’re leaving this down to the wire. The guy is going to flip soon, he could flip at any minute and sell those photos.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” She flinches.

  “Yeah. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I don’t want to pay him.”

  “Emmett, you have to.”

  “Why?”

  She lowers her voice, leaning over, her eyes lit with fire. “There are pictures of us kissing.”

  “I’m aware. You kissed me. Someone caught it on camera.” I wait for her to protest and say I kissed her or some lie but she doesn’t. “But I’m not paying it.”

  “The world will call you a cheater.”

  I shrug. “I’m not a cheater. I know this. The world can think what it wants.”

  “Think?” she cries out softly. “There is proof of you and me together.”

  “But it’s not real.”

  “Nothing has been real in your life!”

  A few heads in the shop look our way at her outburst.

  “Do you want to attract more attention?” I ask her dryly.

  “Then why did you pick this place?”

  “Because I knew you couldn’t lose your shit here. The fact is, I’m not paying. And I don’t care what people say. I know the truth and that’s all that matters.”

  “But does your girlfriend? Sorry, I guess I should say ex-girlfriend.”

  Heat drums through my veins, my face growing hot. “How do you know we broke up?”

  She shrugs. “I figured. Why would she stay with you after what she saw? You were thrown to the curb like garbage, weren’t you?”

  I jerk back, staring at Autumn with new eyes. There’s something off here about all of this, something I can’t put my finger on. An unwarranted viciousness. If only I could think faster.

  “Whatever is between Alyssa and I stays between Alyssa and I.”

  “If you don’t pay, you’ll shame her all over the world. People will laugh at her. Do you really want that?”

  Fucking hell. No. I don’t. And that’s the only thing that’s been holding me back on all of this. I don’t want her to be humiliated. But I’ve tried to get a hold of her ever since she left my place, I even stopped by her apartment but her roommate was adamant she wasn’t home. I can’t figure out what she would want me to do.

  But I think I know what I have to do.

  “Alyssa is tougher than you think. Far tougher than you. She’ll handle it with grace. She’s not the bad guy here anyway, I am.”

  Autumn’s eyes narrow into slits. “If you do this, you void the contract. I’ll make sure of that. And you’ll still have to pay her.”

  “Fine with me. She earned it.”

  “And you’ll have to pay me my bonus early. That’s in the contract too.”

  I raise my brow. I’d forgotten that bit. It wasn’t much, ten grand, but it’s odd that she’s reaching for it. Guess she knows what’s coming next.

  “That’s fine.”

  “And then I’m no longer representing you as a client.”

  “That’s fine too.”

  She stares at me in disbelief. “So just like that, you’ll let me walk away?”

  I frown, puzzled. “I guess so. Your services are no longer needed.”

  She shakes her head, a strange look of pain across her face. “You can’t do this. You can’t do this to me. You have to pay the fifty thousand and then you can walk but you can’t…this isn’t…”

  Jesus Murphy. Is this what I think it is?

  “Emmett…,” she whimpers, leaning across and putting her hand on my knee. “I’ve been a part of you since the beginning. I’ve helped you and you’ve helped me and I know you care, I know you do. You don’t have to pretend anymore that I’m just your publicist, you can drop that act. You can walk away from her, but you can’t walk away from me, you can’t.”

  I stare down at her hand, frozen for a moment, until I move my legs to the side and slowly get to my feet. “It was you,” I say softly as everything slides into place. “You got me drunk, you kissed me because you knew a photographer would be there. You knew because you hired him. You hired him because you are Kristoff Gantz, you wanted the money because you knew I’d leave you.”

  It feels like I’m reaching here. It feels like I’m just pulling this out by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best. But as crazy and ridiculous as it all sounds, I know it’s the truth. You know the truth when you hear it, when you see it, and it’s right in front of me.

  She just shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Emmett,” she says, but she can’t say anything else.

  And that’s the whole truth. For all I know, she probably arranged for the photos of me and Alyssa to be taken to begin with, a lucky guess I’d hook up with someone, who knows. Something to endear me to the public, to make her more important, to make me more important, to further the both of us at the expense of Alyssa.

  But I don’t have time to sit here and figure it out. In a way, this has made a shitty problem a little less shitty.

  “Go ahead and post the photos,” I tell her as I pause behind her chair on my way out. “Do whatever. But I’m not paying it, I’m not paying you. Everything between us, real and imagined, ends right here and right now.”

  “I love you Emmett,” she says through a quiet sob.

  I let out a dry laugh. “No you don’t. You love the role you think you play, that’s all.”

  Then I step outside into the rain and leave that act of my life behind.

  “Damn, son,” Will says before taking a lazy sip of his drink. “You definitely need that after everything.” He nods at the Manhattan in my hand.

  I exhale, my breath causing ripples in the liquid. I’d just spent the last hour with Will at the bar, unloading everything single thing that happened over the weekend, including what happened with Autumn this morning. I know he probably heard Alyssa’s side of things from Jackie, but I figured he should know the actual truth and the play-by-play from me.

  “So how do you know Autumn won’t post the photos?” he asks me as he leans on the bar. When the bartender looks our way, Will signals for two more drinks.

  “I don’t know. But I don’t think so. It’s been nearly a whole day since I told her I wasn’t paying and if she were to do it, I think she would have done so by now. Besides, those photos incriminate her. It’s not exactly smart to be seen kissing your client. It would only damage her reputation in the end.”

  “Fucking eh. So, she ended up being a bit of a nutter who was in love with you? Man, you get all the interesting stor
ies, don’t you?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know how interesting it is. She always seemed a bit…off. But you know how hot girls are.”

  “Do I ever.”

  “I mean, Alyssa is no different. But she’s an off that I can understand. We gel. We get each other.” I glance at Will, hoping I don’t look too pathetic. “Please tell me you’re here to talk about her.”

  He gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’m here because you’re my friend and you especially need a friend right now. I’m not sure how much I should say about her.”

  “Why wouldn’t you say anything?”

  He scratches at his chin. “Well, you see, the missus…she told me not to.”

  “And you listen to her?”

  “I have to. I’m her husband.”

  I sigh loudly. “I just want to know what’s going on. I would know myself but Alyssa won’t return a single text, call or email and yes I’ve shown up at her apartment. The only thing I haven’t done is show up at her work. Can I show up at the office?”

  Will looks uneasy as he takes a sip. “Well if you do that, you won’t find her there.”

  “What do you mean? What happened?”

  “She gave her notice today,” he says.

  “Gave her notice? As in she quit?”

  Holy fuck. She actually did it.

  “Yup. Called a meeting with me and Ted and laid it all down. I wasn’t surprised of course. Jackie warned me it was coming. But it was still quite a loss.”

  I stare straight ahead, my eyes absently taking in the bottles behind the bar. “I can’t believe it. I mean…did Jackie tell you about the money part of the contract?”

  “Sure did. And I know you didn’t give it to her yet. I know she doesn’t want it.” He gives me a look. “If you two end up talking again, don’t push it. You may think she’s earned it by putting up with you, hell, I may think she’s earned it, but she doesn’t want it.” He pauses. “That said, I have no idea how she’s going to afford London.”

  “London!” I exclaim.

  “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that,” he says sheepishly. “Anyway. Yes. London. England. She only gave one week notice too, which Ted and I aren’t too happy about. She flies out on Saturday. But Tiffany is more than eager to take over as office manager, so I know we aren’t too screwed. It could be worse.”

  It could be worse? “For me, Will, this is the worst. How the fuck could it get any worse?”

  He winces. “Yeah. I’m really sorry about that. I wish there was something I could do but…you know Alyssa. Once something is set in her mind, it’s hard to break. Honestly, I first thought that she’d just need time and maybe that’s still the case but this whole moving to London thing has really thrown us all off-guard. Says she wants to try her hand at acting again. I don’t know why she doesn’t do it here or even in LA but…well, I’m not going to try and figure her out.”

  I shake my head and finish my drink. “I’m not giving up on her.”

  “I admire that.”

  “She’s just so fucking…prickly.”

  “You got that right.”

  “I just don’t know how to get her to talk to me.”

  “Well if you can talk to her between now and then, then you have to convince her not to go.”

  “That won’t be easy.”

  “It won’t. And that’s even if she talks to you. She’s really hurt, Emmett. You got to see it from her side.”

  “I do see it from her side. That’s why…that’s why I don’t want to push her too much either. I want to explain what happened, I mean I have before, but I really need her to see it. See that I love her, that I would never do anything to hurt her. That everything has been nothing but real. But I don’t want to push her. If she honestly doesn’t want me, if she can’t trust me…I’ll back off.”

  “I don’t think that’s wise,” Will says after a few beats.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t normally give advice because, well, what do I know? But I have learned a few things over the years. And that’s that women like the grand gesture.”

  I raise my brow. “What?”

  “The grand gesture. You can’t just show up at their door and tell them how you feel. You have to do it with a boombox over your head, blasting Peter Gabriel.”

  I make a fist. “Fucking Lloyd Dobler, that movie ruined it for the rest of us.”

  And then Will launches into a long story about a girl he took to see Say Anything when he was in high school and how in love she was with John Cusack but I’m not really listening.

  I’ve never done a grand gesture for anyone. Never really had to, to be honest. Never even been in the situation where I wanted a girl back.

  But for Alyssa, I’ll do anything.

  I’ve never felt as whole-hearted as I do when I’m with her, never felt so…full. Of life, of love, of passion. It’s not a matter of being complete and incomplete. It’s about being the better version of yourself.

  She made me better.

  And now I’ll have to prove it.

  Chapter 21

  Alyssa

  It’s been seven days since Emmett and I broke up.

  He’s come to my apartment four times.

  He’s texted me 38 times.

  Called me seven times.

  Written me five emails.

  And in the last three days, I’ve heard absolutely nothing.

  Which is something I should be happy about. The fact that he’s stopped bugging me. That he’s letting me be, giving me space.

  The problem is, the space between us is about to get larger.

  As large as Canada and the Atlantic Ocean.

  I’m standing at the Vancouver airport just outside security. Jackie, Will, Ted, Tiffany and Carla have gathered around to say goodbye and I am trying my hardest not to start crying. I don’t know why, I’ve been crying all week long, why not start now?

  But I want to show them that I’m brave and that I’m doing the right thing.

  Lordy, though. I have no idea if I’m doing the smart thing.

  The whole London move was completely impulsive, as was quitting Mad Men. I know I had been talking about leaving for a while now, even telling Jackie about it, but I thought it would happen after the contract was over with Emmett and I had gotten my money. That was the original plan from the start.

  But now the contract is void. Or at least I’m assuming it is. I know via Will that Emmett and Autumn are no longer working together and I also know I’m not being held to the agreement anymore. I know I could get the money if I wanted, that Emmett would gladly hand it over, but I don’t want that. Not even a bit.

  It was never about the money. Of course, I’m now heading to one of the most expensive places in the world with just my meager vacation pay and a bonus cheque that Will and Ted gave me for my years of service because they obviously felt sorry for me. Not that I’m complaining, though. It will be just enough for me to get by for a month, no more, but it’s something.

  I’ll struggle. That’s a given. But that’s also part of the experience. I’m not going to London so that I can carve out the same safe and boring life I had in Vancouver. I’m doing it so I can truly live for once.

  If anything, Emmett has been a big inspiration. The life he had over there, that’s what I want. I want to be busting my chops while trying to make it. I want to get a waitressing gig and run around to auditions and go to plays and drink beer and just be in a place where no one knows me, where I can be anonymous and be myself. Start over. No expectations. Just everything that’s real.

  That’s why I’m doing this. And as last minute as it was, as crazy as it seems, it’s what’s right. I do feel bad about leaving Will and Ted so abruptly but Tiffany has been a great help in more ways than one. She’s not only moving into my role as office manager, something I know she’s had her eye on for a while, but she’s also moving into my role as roommate.

  Yup. I felt like shit leaving Carla high and dry, even though
she insisted she’d find a roommate pretty fast, though not one as awesome as me, of course. And then Tiffany said she’d be interested. She’s been dying to move out of her parent’s house for a while now and with the office manager job, she can finally afford it. I think what she really wants is to be able to bring Ken over without her parents breathing down her neck, but hey, whatever works for her.

  So, while it sucks to be leaving Vancouver and my friends behind, I also know that I’m leaving them all in a good place. Tiffany will help Will, Ted and Carla. Jackie is definitely going to miss me but with the baby coming up, she’s got a lot to focus on.

  That of course leaves Emmett.

  He’s the one person not here.

  He’s the one person I thought might show up at the last minute.

  You know, a grand gesture?

  That’s why I’m trying to stall things at security.

  Even Will keeps looking over his shoulder like he expects him to come.

  “Looking for someone?” I ask him hopefully.

  But he just gives me a wane smile and doesn’t say a word.

  “You better catch your flight, sweetheart,” Ted says, nodding at security. “I hope you packed all your knives in your checked luggage.”

  Fuck. I’m going to miss these people.

  “Are you going to cry?” Tiffany asks, inspecting me closely.

  I dare to meet her eyes. Thank god she seems amused by all of this. I can’t even look at Jackie because she’s been sniffling and sobbing for the entire ride to the airport.

  “Okay,” I say, taking in a shaky breath. “This is it.”

  Jackie starts bawling. “This is all happening so fast,” she sobs.

  “Oh, you overly emotional hormonal mess.” I pull her into a quick hug. “Hey, I’ll be back to visit. Hell, I might be back in a month.”

  “If you come back early, you can always sleep on the couch,” Carla says, wrapping her arms around the both of us.

  “But don’t think you can get your room back,” Tiffany says, throwing herself at us until we’re just a ball of hugs. “Or your job back.”

  When I think I’ve had my share of the touchy-feely stuff, I break apart from them while they still hold onto each other. Sheesh. You’d think I was boarding a spaceship to a galaxy far away.