Heart and Soul

by Erica Penrod

  “Hey.” I looked up and saw my best friend, Gracie. “Here we go.” She hooked her arm through mine. “The first day of our senior year, the first day to the best year yet.”

  Gracie seemed overly optimistic—after all, this was still Greyson High School—but I had to admit, I hoped this year would be epic. Because right now I couldn’t think of a single thing from my sophomore and junior years that I’d cherish as an adult. The media puts too much hype about being a teenager and high school; no wonder you feel so let down. I didn’t get a huge sweet-sixteen surprise party, where I walk into a crowded room of my peers and had suddenly grown two inches and blossomed into this beautiful girl that all the guys wanted to date. There wasn’t a new car waiting for me in the garage, but that part didn’t really bother me, since I got Dad’s old truck. But I guess I expected something to happen, anything.

  “What do you have first period?” Gracie practically skipped, towing me along.

  “Spanish, and I think Makell is in there too.” We walked up the stairs. “What about you?” I opened the door, and the smell of fresh paint and varnish greeted us. Greyson High School had a recent addition this past summer. My dad’s construction company built the new gymnasium, the dance studio, and much-needed classroom space.

  “English, and I don’t think anyone I know is in there with me.” Her shoulders fell for a moment, and then her voice perked up. “But maybe I’ll get lucky and that hot new guy will be in there.”

  I remembered my mother’s instructions. “Are you talking about the Doyle kid?”

  “I think his name is Landon.” Gracie was grinning. “Have you seen him?”

  “No. At least, not since a long time ago. I guess I knew him when I was a little, but I don’t remember him. Our parents are friends.”

  “You won’t forget him now.” She tugged on my arm, pulling me to the right hallway. “I saw him at the gas station and I forgot how to fill my tank up. Like, he’s that hot—mind-blowing hot.”

  I laughed. “Grace, you think all guys are hot.”

  She shook her head. “Not like him.”

  “I guess I’ll find out. My mom wants me to find him and help him find his way around, introduce him to some people.”

  Gracie stopped in her tracks, pulling me with her.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” I glanced at her.

  “I don’t think Landon needs any help with introductions.” She lifted her chin, and I followed the movement. My breath caught in my chest as I saw the most good-looking guy I’d ever seen.

  He was tall, with an athletic frame, his skin the same color as my truck’s faded leather seats. His blond hair was short on the sides and longer on the top. Board shorts hung just below his knees, and his crisp white shirt looked so city compared to the Greyson boys. But he didn’t act like the new boy. He seemed so at ease leaning against the locker with Tosha Erickson by his side.

  The pretty boy looked up, and I saw his eyes staring back at mine. I swallowed the lump in my throat. They had to be coal black, because from where I was standing, all I could see was dark and I was completely lost like I was in a mine shaft. His eyes darted back to Tosha and I noticed his thick brows that appeared perfectly shaped from this distance, but when he smiled, my head spun in circles and an unfamiliar awareness left me speechless.

  “Told you so,” Gracie laughed.

  “Y-Y-yeah.” I tried to steady myself. “He is—”

  I choked on the last word as pretty boy Landon kissed Tosha. Gracie and I stood there dumbfounded as their make-out session started.

  “What a creep. Who does that?” I rolled my eyes and spun around, taking Gracie with me. My heart thundered in my chest as I tried to catch my breath. I felt something when he looked at me, something deep and obviously he didn’t think twice about me. I wished I hadn’t seen Landon Doyle.

  “I’d like to be Tosha Erickson right now.” Gracie dragged her feet.

  “No, you wouldn’t. You are way too good for someone like him.”

  Gracie dug in her heels and stopped. “Maybe he really likes Tosha.” She glanced back over her shoulder.

  “Pleeease, he’s been in Greyson for, what? Like, twenty-four hours?” I nudged her with my shoulder and we moved forward.

  “Maybe he’s really good at managing his time.” Gracie laughed, and so did I. Her auburn hair hung to the middle of her back and she had a dash of freckles across her nose that she hated and I adored. Her heart was solid gold, and she’d meet me at midnight anywhere in the world if I needed her to. Yeah, there was no way I’d let someone like Landon Doyle near my best friend.

  We stopped at my locker and I spun the lock. My fingers trembled as I tried to forget about Landon and the strange sensation I felt when he looked at me.

  “Hey.”

  I glanced up and saw Makell. She was like a tall tree with a slender trunk and long limbs. I felt like a shrub around her. “Hey. You’ve got Spanish first, right?” Another try, and the door opened.

  “Yeah.” She clutched a bright green notebook to her chest. “Can’t wait.” Her voice sounded like she’d been ordered to walk the plank.

  I grinned and stuffed my backpack in the locker. “At least we’ll suffer together.”

  “And I’m off to English, by myself.” Gracie stepped to the side to let a girl get in the locker next to mine.

  “Maybe that hot new guy will be in there.” Makell smiled. “Landon Doyle.”

  I tossed my head back. “Not you too.”

  “What? Have you seen him?” Her cheeks blushed matching the color on her lips.

  The image of Landon, with his dark eyes looking back at mine, appeared in my mind, and I wished I could forget his face. I would not be another girl ogling over him, no matter what my mom said or how something inside my chest shifted and I hadn’t breathed the same since. “Yeah, we saw him making out with Tosha Erickson.”

  Makell’s blue eyes widened. “Wow, that was fast.”

  “Come on, we don’t want to be late.” I closed the door, searching for a new subject. “Besides, if we get good enough at Spanish, maybe after graduation we could travel and meet some good-looking foreign guys.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  We meshed into the crowded hallway, headed towards class. I kept my head down, just in case Landon was somewhere in the vicinity. I didn’t want to see him again, because no matter how I wanted to believe otherwise, something about him moved me.

  3

  Landon

  “I said it was fine.” I tossed my backpack on the floor and the keys on the counter. Mom stood in the pantry, stocking the shelves with cans. I opened the fridge and pulled out the orange juice.

  “Okay.” She glanced over at me. “I just asked.”

  “Where are the glasses?” I swung open the cupboard next to the sink.

  Mom turned towards me. “The other side.” She pointed to the right. Her long arm extended, exposing the thin flesh and bone. She’d always been thin, but since Laney was gone, she withered away so much that even a seventeen-year-old boy noticed. When we got the news about the accident, the first to go was the light in Mom’s eyes, and her smile grew wings of its own and flew away to heaven with my sister. “Did you talk to the football coaches?”

  I poured the juice into the cup and shook my head. “No.” I took a swallow. “I’m not sure I want to play.”

  “Why?” Mom stopped with a jar of peanut butter in hand and looked at me. “You’ve played every year since you were eight years old.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. Besides, I’ve already missed a lot of practices. They started in the summer.”

  “I’m sure they’d make an exception since you just moved here. We could have your old coach give them a call.”

  “No. If I decide to, I’ll talk to the coaches myself.”

  “Okay.” She went back to the pantry.

  I didn’t want to, but I missed my mom. The one who would’ve sat me down and made me discuss the reas
ons I didn’t want to play. Mom didn’t force Laney and me into anything, but she made sure we considered the consequences of our decisions.

  “I’m going to my room.” I put the glass in the sink. If she heard me, she didn’t acknowledge it. Somehow, in the accident, Laney died and I became invisible.

  My room didn’t feel like my room. There was my bed, the dresser, and the desk, but nothing on the wall, nothing that reminded me of who I was. I crashed onto the bed, stretched out, and put my arms behind my head. The empty walls closed in on me and I swallowed back the lump in my throat. If I hung up the posters, the football jerseys, and displayed my trophies I brought from back home, that wouldn’t fix anything. I still wouldn’t know who I was. Since my twin died, I became a ghost, a shell of my former self. I knew how to be Landon and Laney, but I had no clue how to maneuver this world solo. It was like all the pain had eaten me alive, like I missed my sister too much and there was nothing left but bones tied together by sinews of anger. Laney took half of me with her, and after a year, I feared I might not ever get it right. I closed my eyes and tried to drown in the black and drift off, prayerfully to a place where I didn’t feel anything.

  I blinked my eyes in the blinding sun and let the heat radiate through my skin, melting the pain I’d carried since Laney died. My vision adjusted, and I looked around. A field of alfalfa spread all around me like an endless sea and though my feet were grounded, I felt like I was floating in the middle of an ocean. I was weightless, and a peace came over me like I’d never known sadness. There were miles and miles of nothing: nothing to hurt me, and nothing to lose. A small breeze played along my skin, and birds sang in the sky. I tucked my hands in my pockets and felt whole for the first time since Laney died. The air whispered in my ear, something I couldn’t interpret, but my heart lunged to life, knowing that love lived in this place. I just had to find Laney and I wouldn’t lose her again. I grinned and spun around … and that’s when I saw her.

  She wasn’t my sister.

  Headed towards me was a girl in a white dress riding bareback on a palomino horse. Her bare feet dangled beneath the cotton fabric, and when she got closer, I noticed her toenails were painted bubblegum pink. Her hair, the color of the sand on a North Carolina shore, hung in loose waves, and her blue eyes were like the sapphires reflecting the light all around us. My breath hitched as my body moved towards her, and everything inside of me longed to be near her. Her brows drew together, and her full lips set in a hard line. I planted my feet, confused by her expression.

  “H-H-Hi.” I lifted my hand.

  She pulled back on the reins and the horse stopped. I knew this girl, this same girl I’d seen in the hall at school and apparently the same girl I’d known as a child. She’d captured my attention and held me there for a moment, but nothing like what I felt now. I couldn’t explain my reaction, but she looked like coming home. I saw myself in her eyes and I knew who I was, what I was always meant to be—hers.

  My shoulders dropped as I rolled my head back to let the sun and her light fall over me. I closed my eyes as the pieces of my life fit together, knowing she was the picture that I’d unknowingly tried to paint, but never had the right colors until now. I looked up, ready to reach for her, sure that she wanted me like I wanted her, but her penetrating gaze trapped me with in my own body.

  “What are you doing here?” She held the reins in one hand. Her question sounded more like an annoyance than a quest for an answer.

  Her words, like a knife, ripped through my heart. How was this possible? Everything inside of me yearned to be near her, but she appeared to feel nothing. The proverbial pang of loss shuddered through my extremities and I backed away in defense, ready to rebuild the wall this world managed to tear down in one breath. And then her face melted into a lazy smile, making my heart race as she tilted her chin and a playful glow emanated within the pools of her eyes.

  She swung down off the horse and her vanilla scent drifted through the air, making my head swirl. The hem of her dress touched just below her knees, showing off her slender tan legs, but she’d have to stand on her toes to look me in the eye, and even then, I’d have to lean over to kiss her. My face heated at the thought.

  “You’re not a cowboy.” She chewed the corner of her lip and I worried I’d disappointed her. “You’re not who I expected.” Her hair fell over her shoulder as she gave me a slanted glance.

  I gulped. “I’m not?”

  Her laugh, like iridescent bubbles floated in the air around me and my apprehension disappeared. I took a step towards her and she dropped the reins. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I pulled her close, our foreheads touching as the air we breathed became intoxicating. The feel of her flesh next to mine was poetic. All the words, all the love songs, all the evidence ever written about forever couldn’t begin to describe the way I felt about this girl. My soul recognized the feel of her in my arms, and the crazy part wasn’t that I loved her, but that I always had.

  I reached up and brushed back a stand of her hair. My fingertips traced the edge of her jaw as I tipped her chin and pressed my lips to hers and tasted a piece of eternity.

  I woke up and reality set in. Halle was gone. My lungs shut down and I couldn’t catch a breath. Sweat clung to my forehead as I tried to make sense of what I’d just experienced. I ran my fingers through my hair and pictured her blue eyes wanting me. My heart thumped as I sat up, the feel of her kiss still lingered on my lips, and I wanted to go back.

  How could this just be a dream? There had to be a reason. For the first time since I’d lost Laney, I wanted to care about something … about someone, and that person was Halle. My soul ached to be near her and I missed her since the moment I opened my eyes. I had to see her again and tomorrow was too far away. I jumped off the bed, threw on my ball cap, and ran for my keys. Now. I had to see her now.

  I groaned. First I had to find out where she lived.

  4

  Halle

  “You did great today.” I smiled up at my pupil. Eight-year-old Addie climbed down off her horse. “How did you feel about today’s ride?”

  “Good.” Addie grinned at me. “I want to do the barrels again next time.”

  I laughed. “Okay, and maybe we’ll let you go a little faster.”

  Her brown eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Yup. You’ve done a good job learning how to ride, and I think you’re ready for a little speed.”

  Addie stroked the side of her horse, Charlie. “Cool. Thanks, Halle.”

  I nodded, distracted by the dust coming up the road. A truck I didn’t recognize wound its way towards the barn. Maybe Addie’s parents got a new vehicle. I turned back to Addie. “Come on, let’s go unsaddle.” We walked over to the hitching post, where Addie swapped Charlie’s bridle for a halter. I stood beside her and watched as she undid the breast collar, followed by the back cinch on the saddle. “You’re doing great. I don’t even have to help you anymore.”

  Her face beamed up at me from beneath the brim of her riding helmet. “But I still might need some help carrying the saddle to the tack room.”

  “You got it.” I heard the truck pull up. “Sounds like your parents are here.”

  Addie loosened the main cinch, then glanced over her shoulder. “That’s not my parents.”

  I turned, and someone got out the black Ford. My heart plummeted to the bottom of my boots. Landon Doyle. What was he doing here?

  “Can you help me?” Addie asked.

  “Yeah, sorry.” I scooped up the saddle. “You bring the bridle and the saddle pad.”

  We walked into the tack room. I hefted the saddle onto the rack and Addie hung up the bridle. “Get a scoop of grain for Charlie.” I motioned to the big can with a lid.

  I wiped my palms on my jeans, lifted my hat, brushed back my hair, and pulled the brim down tight. You don’t need to try and impress him, I chided myself. So what if I was covered in horse hair and smelled like a barn? I swallowed back the lump in my throat and stepped ou
t to find Landon stopped several feet behind Charlie. “Addie, take Charlie to his stall and give him the grain and fill his trough with some fresh water.”

  Addie stared at Landon. “Okay.” She didn’t look at me, just kept her eyes on the gorgeous guy in front of us. He looked like a movie star on the wrong set.

  Ugghhhh … Addie didn’t move. “Addie.” I pulled her from his spell. She went to the horse. “Can I help you?” My shaky voice betrayed my inner resolve to remain cool, calm, and collected, even though everything inside me was freaking out. There was something about him, and it was more than just his looks. I was drawn to him, and that scared me.

  “Hey, Halle.” He shoved his hands in his front pockets. He still had on the same white shirt and shorts he wore to school today, but now he had on a navy-blue ball cap. So pretty and so out of place in the barnyard and in my life. “I don’t know if you remember me or not.” He stepped closer, and goose bumps rippled down my flesh. “I’m Landon Doyle. I guess we were friends when we were little.” His dark eyes held me like I was caught against a wall.

  “Ummm …” I didn’t want him to know I was very aware of who he was. Not that he was the boy I’d played with as a child, but the guy I hadn’t been able to get out of my head since I’d seen him in the hall making out with another girl. “Yeah, I know who you are.”

  “Oh, okay.” The confidence that seemed to ooze from his body earlier today was gone, or maybe he just looked different without a girl stuck to his lips. The vulnerability made him even more attractive, if that was even possible. “I … I … I …” His eyes darted to the ground and then back up to me. “My mom wanted me to reintroduce myself, I guess.”

  “How’d you know where to find me?” The barn was next to my grandparents’ house and my house was on the other end of the ranch. Energy still flowed through out my body because of his proximity, and I didn’t like the feeling. I remembered that Landon was new to Greyson and, in my mind, he’d already made a name for himself as a player.