Masters of the Theatre
Page 51
ANA. Christ-tide, I pray you.
SUB. Yet, Ananias!
ANA. I have done.
SUB. Or changing
His parcel gilt to massy gold. You cannot
But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power
To pay an army in the field, to buy
The king of France out of his realms, or Spain
Out of his Indies. What can you not do
Against lords spiritual or temporal,
That shall oppone you?
TRI. Verily, ’tis true.
We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.
SUB. You may be any thing, and leave off to make
Long-winded exercises; or suck up
Your “ha!” and “hum!” in a tune. I not deny,
But such as are not graced in a state,
May, for their ends, be adverse in religion,
And get a tune to call the flock together:
For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women,
And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell.
ANA. Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.
SUB. No warning with you! then farewell my patience.
‘Slight, it shall down: I will not be thus tortured.
TRI. I pray you, sir.
SUB. All shall perish. I have spoken it.
TRI. Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man
He stands corrected: neither did his zeal,
But as your self, allow a tune somewhere.
Which now, being tow’rd the stone, we shall not need.
SUB. No, nor your holy vizard, to win widows
To give you legacies; or make zealous wives
To rob their husbands for the common cause:
Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day,
And say, they were forfeited by providence.
Nor shall you need o’er night to eat huge meals,
To celebrate your next day’s fast the better;
The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled,
Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast
Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;
As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt,
Or whether matrons of the holy assembly
May lay their hair out, or wear doublets,
Or have that idol starch about their linen.
ANA. It is indeed an idol.
TRI. Mind him not, sir.
I do command thee, spirit of zeal, but trouble,
To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on.
SUB. Nor shall you need to libel ‘gainst the prelates,
And shorten so your ears against the hearing
Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity
Rail against plays, to please the alderman
Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie
With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one
Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves
By names of Tribulation, Persecution,
Restraint, Long-patience, and such-like, affected
By the whole family or wood of you,
Only for glory, and to catch the ear
Of the disciple.
TRI. Truly, sir, they are
Ways that the godly brethren have invented,
For propagation of the glorious cause,
As very notable means, and whereby also
Themselves grow soon, and profitably, famous.
SUB. O, but the stone, all’s idle to it! nothing!
The art of angels’ nature’s miracle,
The divine secret that doth fly in clouds
From east to west: and whose tradition
Is not from men, but spirits.
ANA. I hate traditions;
I do not trust them —
TRI. Peace!
ANA. They are popish all.
I will not peace: I will not —
TRI. Ananias!
ANA. Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not.
SUB. Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome.
TRI. It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir;
But truly, else, a very faithful brother,
A botcher, and a man, by revelation,
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.
SUB. Has he a competent sum there in the bag
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,
And must, for charity, and conscience sake,
Now see the most be made for my poor orphan;
Though I desire the brethren too good gainers:
There they are within. When you have view’d and bought ‘em,
And ta’en the inventory of what they are,
They are ready for projection; there’s no more
To do: cast on the med’cine, so much silver
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,
I’ll give’t you in by weight.
TRI. But how long time,
Sir, must the saints expect yet?
SUB. Let me see,
How’s the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence,
He will be silver potate; then three days
Before he citronise: Some fifteen days,
The magisterium will be perfected.
ANA. About the second day of the third week,
In the ninth month?
SUB. Yes, my good Ananias.
TRI. What will the orphan’s goods arise to, think you?
SUB. Some hundred marks, as much as fill’d three cars,
Unladed now: you’ll make six millions of them. —
But I must have more coals laid in.
TRI. How?
SUB. Another load,
And then we have finish’d. We must now increase
Our fire to ignis ardens; we are past
Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris,
And all those lenter heats. If the holy purse
Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints
Do need a present sum, I have a trick
To melt the pewter, you shall buy now, instantly,
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars
As any are in Holland.
TRI. Can you so?
SUB. Ay, and shall ‘bide the third examination.
ANA. It will be joyful tidings to the brethren.
SUB. But you must carry it secret.
TRI. Ay; but stay,
This act of coining, is it lawful?
ANA. Lawful!
We know no magistrate; or, if we did,
This is foreign coin.
SUB. It is no coining, sir.
It is but casting.
TRI. Ha! you distinguish well:
Casting of money may be lawful.
ANA. ’Tis, sir.
TRI. Truly, I take it so.
SUB. There is no scruple,
Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias:
This case of conscience he is studied in.
TRI. I’ll make a question of it to the brethren.
ANA. The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.
Where shall it be done?
[KNOCKING WITHOUT.]
SUB. For that we’ll talk anon.
There’s some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you,
And view the parcels. That’s the inventory.
I’ll come to you straight.
[EXEUNT TRIB. AND ANA.]
Who is it? — Face! appear.
[ENTER FACE IN HIS UNIFORM.]
How now! good prize?
FACE. Good pox! yond’ costive cheater
Never came on.
SUB. How then?
FACE. I have walk’d the round
Till now, and no such thing.
SUB. And have you quit him?
FACE. Quit him! an hell would quit him too, he were happy.
‘Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade,
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?
&n
bsp; I know him of old.
SUB. O, but to have gull’d him,
Had been a mastery.
FACE. Let him go, black boy!
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.
A noble count, a don of Spain, my dear
Delicious compeer, and my party-bawd,
Who is come hither private for his conscience,
And brought munition with him, six great slops,
Bigger than three Dutch hoys, beside round trunks,
Furnished with pistolets, and pieces of eight,
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,
(That is the colour,) and to make his battery
Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinque-port,
Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she?
She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen,
The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit,
For she must milk his epididimis.
Where is the doxy?
SUB. I’ll send her to thee:
And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens,
And come again my self.
FACE. Are they within then?
SUB. Numbering the sum.
FACE. How much?
SUB. A hundred marks, boy.
[EXIT.]
FACE. Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon!
Three of my clerk! A portague of my grocer!
This of the brethren! beside reversions,
And states to come in the widow, and my count!
My share to-day will not be bought for forty —
[ENTER DOL.]
DOL. What?
FACE. Pounds, dainty Dorothy! art thou so near?
DOL. Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp?
FACE. As with the few that had entrench’d themselves
Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol,
And laugh’d within those trenches, and grew fat
With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in
Daily by their small parties. This dear hour,
A doughty don is taken with my Dol;
And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt,
My Dousabel; he shall be brought here fetter’d
With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown
In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon;
Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum;
Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame
As the poor black-birds were in the great frost,
Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him
In the swan-skin coverlid, and cambric sheets,
Till he work honey and wax, my little God’s-gift.
DOL. What is he, general?
FACE. An adalantado,
A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?
DOL. No.
FACE. Nor my Drugger?
DOL. Neither.
FACE. A pox on ‘em,
They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards
Would not be seen upon these festival days. —
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
How now! have you done?
SUB. Done. They are gone: the sum
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew
Another chapman now would buy ’em outright.
FACE. ‘Slid, Nab shall do’t against he have the widow,
To furnish household.
SUB. Excellent, well thought on:
Pray God he come!
FACE. I pray he keep away
Till our new business be o’erpast.
SUB. But, Face,
How cam’st thou by this secret don?
FACE. A spirit
Brought me th’ intelligence in a paper here,
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle
For Surly; I have my flies abroad. Your bath
Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol,
You must go tune your virginal, no losing
O’ the least time: and, do you hear? good action.
Firk, like a flounder; kiss, like a scallop, close;
And tickle him with thy mother tongue. His great
Verdugoship has not a jot of language;
So much the easier to be cozen’d, my Dolly.
He will come here in a hired coach, obscure,
And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide,
No creature else.
[KNOCKING WITHOUT.]
Who’s that?
[EXIT DOL.]
SUB. It is not he?
FACE. O no, not yet this hour.
[RE-ENTER DOL.]
SUB. Who is’t?
DOL. Dapper,
Your clerk.
FACE. God’s will then, queen of Fairy,
On with your tire;
[EXIT DOL.]
and, doctor, with your robes.
Let’s dispatch him for God’s sake.
SUB. ‘Twill be long.
FACE. I warrant you, take but the cues I give you,
It shall be brief enough.
[GOES TO THE WINDOW.]
‘Slight, here are more!
Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir,
That fain would quarrel.
SUB. And the widow?
FACE. No,
Not that I see. Away!
[EXIT SUB.]
[ENTER DAPPER.]
O sir, you are welcome.
The doctor is within a moving for you;
I have had the most ado to win him to it! —
He swears you’ll be the darling of the dice:
He never heard her highness dote till now.
Your aunt has given you the most gracious words
That can be thought on.
DAP. Shall I see her grace?
FACE. See her, and kiss her too. —
[ENTER ABEL, FOLLOWED BY KASTRIL.]
What, honest Nab!
Hast brought the damask?
NAB. No, sir; here’s tobacco.
FACE. ’Tis well done, Nab; thou’lt bring the damask too?
DRUG. Yes: here’s the gentleman, captain, master Kastril,
I have brought to see the doctor.
FACE. Where’s the widow?
DRUG. Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.
FACE. O, is it so? good time. Is your name Kastril, sir?
KAS. Ay, and the best of the Kastrils, I’d be sorry else,
By fifteen hundred a year. Where is the doctor?
My mad tobacco-boy, here, tells me of one
That can do things: has he any skill?
FACE. Wherein, sir?
KAS. To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly,
Upon fit terms.
FACE. It seems, sir, you are but young
About the town, that can make that a question.
KAS. Sir, not so young, but I have heard some speech
Of the angry boys, and seen them take tobacco;
And in his shop; and I can take it too.
And I would fain be one of ‘em, and go down
And practise in the country.
FACE. Sir, for the duello,
The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you,
To the least shadow of a hair; and shew you
An instrument he has of his own making,
Wherewith no sooner shall you make report
Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on’t
Most instantly, and tell in what degree
Of safety it lies in, or mortality.
And how it may be borne, whether in a right line,
Or a half circle; or may else be cast
Into an angle blunt, if not acute:
And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules
To give and take the lie by.
KAS. How! to take it?
FACE. Yes, in oblique he’ll shew you, or in circle;
But never in diameter. The whole town
Study his theorems, and dispute the
m ordinarily
At the eating academies.
KAS. But does he teach
Living by the wits too?
FACE. Anything whatever.
You cannot think that subtlety, but he reads it.
He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp,
Just of your standing, ‘fore I met with him;
It is not two months since. I’ll tell you his method:
First, he will enter you at some ordinary.
KAS. No, I’ll not come there: you shall pardon me.
FACE. For why, sir?
KAS. There’s gaming there, and tricks.
FACE. Why, would you be
A gallant, and not game?
KAS. Ay, ‘twill spend a man.
FACE. Spend you! it will repair you when you are spent:
How do they live by their wits there, that have vented
Six times your fortunes?
KAS. What, three thousand a-year!
FACE. Ay, forty thousand.
KAS. Are there such?
FACE. Ay, sir,
And gallants yet. Here’s a young gentleman
Is born to nothing, —
[POINTS TO DAPPER.]
forty marks a year,
Which I count nothing: — he is to be initiated,
And have a fly of the doctor. He will win you,
By unresistible luck, within this fortnight,
Enough to buy a barony. They will set him
Upmost, at the groom porter’s, all the Christmas:
And for the whole year through, at every place,
Where there is play, present him with the chair;
The best attendance, the best drink; sometimes
Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing;
The purest linen, and the sharpest knife,
The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere
The dainty bed, in private, with the dainty.
You shall have your ordinaries bid for him,
As play-houses for a poet; and the master
Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects,
Which must be butter’d shrimps: and those that drink
To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being
The goodly president mouth of all the board.
KAS. Do you not gull one?
FACE. ‘Ods my life! do you think it?
You shall have a cast commander, (can but get
In credit with a glover, or a spurrier,
For some two pair of either’s ware aforehand,)
Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him,
Arrive at competent means to keep himself,
His punk and naked boy, in excellent fashion,
And be admired for’t.
KAS. Will the doctor teach this?
FACE. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone,
As men of spirit hate to keep earth long,
In a vacation, when small money is stirring,
And ordinaries suspended till the term,
He’ll shew a perspective, where on one side
You shall behold the faces and the persons