by Leah Laurens
Hailey smiles. “Sounds like I could learn a lot from you ladies. Well, the workday will not wait. Let’s go make some cold, hard cash.”
They laugh and walk back to the office, and Hailey feels a little better about having to call her mom later. She wonders if her mom will be sober enough to talk. She still feels this foreboding sense of doom. The same feeling she got any time she’d wonder what her mom was doing and what else might go wrong with her erratic behavior.
***
Jimmy sits at a table at work and fiddles with his pen. He’s brainstorming ideas for work, as they but he seems to be having writer's block. He keeps thinking about Hailey, and his mind keeps trying to come up with ways to make her feel better. His pen snaps in two as his frustration is starting to boil up.
A friendly looking guy across from him leans to the side of his computer screen. “Girl trouble?”
Jimmy laughs. “What is it about everyone here knowing what’s going on inside my head?”
He says, “It’s kind of what we do man.”
“Fair enough. And yeah, actually. I’m stuck trying to figure out how to make this girl happy, but the truth is, she wants nothing to do with me.”
The young guy who looks like he never played any sports a day in his life says, “The yin and the yang, man.”
Jimmy’s eyebrow lifts as he says, “Huh?”
“You’re probably used to forcing things to get what you want. You played sports, I’m guessing?”
Jimmy looks at him, totally confused. “Yeah, football.”
“Okay, so when you want to win, you use brute force. Muscle power, right?”
“Yeah, and plays.”
“Exactly. That’s yang. You are doing it. You got to get in touch with your yin, brother. You can’t try to control other people in your life, especially when it comes to their happiness. That’s a fool’s game.”
“Umm. Okay, so what do I do?”
The guy leans toward him. “Nothing. You’ve got to trust that she will figure it out on her own and if she’s meant to come to you, she will. You just got to be your happy self and not force it.”
“So, neglect her?”
“No. Trust that she’s capable of figuring her shit out.”
Jimmy nods. “I see. Okay, I’m going to take your advice. Something tells me you are a lot smarter than you look. And you look pretty smart.”
The guy grins, revealing his big teeth, which makes Jimmy smile back. The guy glances back at his laptop and then adds, “I’m sure she will see the light.”
Jimmy gets back to work. His ideas start to flow, and he types them up in an email to their fun supervisor. He researches some of the other dating apps to see if they have used his ideas and includes his research to compare their app to other best performing services.
He closes his laptop taking a deep breath. “I need to get some air.”
The guy says, “How about a game of tetherball or some sun salutations?”
Jimmy laughs. “Okay, you’re going to have to show me what those are, because if it doesn’t require tackling people, I’ve probably never heard of it.”
The guy closes his laptop and walks out of the open glass doors to their outdoor area which has turf and a slew of activities. Jimmy plays for a half-hour and already feels revived. When he sits back down with a cold bottle of water he says, “Wow, I never realized how much moving in the middle of the workday can help you think more clearly.”
“And it clears your mind from you know what, too.”
Jimmy laughs. “Yeah, her too.”
***
Hailey sees the end of the workday has arrived, and she goes home to call her mom, but not until she’s on the couch with a blanket and some food, her favorite comforts. She pulls into the driveway, feeling it is the end of an era. Like she’s hearing the very end of a long symphony which is crescendoing. It’s surreal.
She walks inside, grabbing the essentials from the refrigerator. Leftover Chinese food, chocolate ice cream, and Ritz crackers. She sits down and pulls the blanket over her lap. She puts her feet up on the coffee table and picks up her phone.
She hits call on her mom’s name, her heart racing. Her mom’s voice cracks on the other end. She is laughing.
Hailey says, “Mom?”
There’s a lot of background noise, and Hailey realizes her mom is at a bar. Her mom says, “What? I can’t hear you.”
“Can you go somewhere quieter?”
“Hailey, I’ll call you tomorrow. It’s the playoffs, and there’s dollar beers.” She hears a beep and looks at her phone. Her mom hung up on her.
She throws her phone. “So much for a heart-to-heart.” She glares at her phone sticking out from under the chair across the living room. “Well, I tried.”
She gets up, grabs her phone and opens the dating app. After taking a spoonful of ice cream, she starts swiping. She’s not going to wait for her mom to be sober to find someone to go on a date with. She swipes anyone that looks even remotely interesting and sends them each a message, asking about their favorite movie.
The first message she gets back from a guy named Dale says, “The one we are going to make for our eyes only.” Ice Cream almost shoots out of her nose when she reads it. She laughs at the message's shock value.
She messages back, “Well, that’s presumptive.”
“I already know you’re smoking hot. It’s a sure thing.”
The next message almost makes Hailey blush. She’s a pretty direct person, but this guy has one-upped her. She thinks about what to type, and then he messages her, saying, “I can’t wait to lick that pretty kitty.”
Hailey’s eyes widen. She’s not used to men being vulgar with her, but she kind of likes it. She looks at her room thinking about what she’d wear if she did meet him.
She hears her phone beep again. “I can be your fuck buddy if you want. Meet me at the Irish bar on Boyle at 7, baby.”
Hailey is taken back by how forward he is, but she likes it, and before she can change her mind, she agrees.
She doesn’t clarify if she is also agreeing to the fuck buddy part, but she’s in a mood and feeling daring. She looks at the clock. 6:30. She rushes into her room, putting on a low cut halter top and jeans. She knows she’s hot and isn’t afraid to show it. She fixes her makeup and runs the blow dryer through her hair to make it look fresh. She grabs her batman purse and darts out the front door, not knowing if she is walking right into a dangerous situation with a man who has trouble written all over him.
***
Jimmy is in his living room, folding clothes and setting up the ironing board for his work shirts. Everyone in his office is stylish, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t look sloppy, so he has a better shot at earning permanent placement.
Something outside his front window catches his eye, and he looks up. He sees Hailey walking out of her front door with a belly shirt and bright red lipstick. He has been around enough women to know that she must be going to meet a guy. His instincts alarm him. Hailey doesn’t really have a good radar for men.
He finds himself putting on his jacket and looking for his keys to follow her. He puts his hand on the doorknob and pauses, asking himself if he is being a creepy stalker or just genuinely caring about her well-being.
He decides to go with his gut, leaving the house to follow her. He tells himself he’ll stay out of sight and just get a good look at the guy to make sure he doesn’t look crazy.
He keeps his car pretty far behind her, so that she won’t see him. He sees her pull into a bar parking lot, so he parks on the street. He watches her walk inside and gets the same bad feeling. He puts on a baseball cap and sunglasses and gets out of the car.
***
Jimmy walks into the bar and keeps his head down, looking for an inconspicuous place to sit. He sees a corner table, which would give him a good view of the place, that is partially blocked by a column. He sits down and pretends to read the drink specials.
He sees Hailey sit
ting at the bar next to a guy who has his arm on the back of her chair. They are taking shots, which is not something Hailey typically does. He sees the guy grab the back of her neck and pull Hailey’s face toward him. Hailey seems a little stiff and turns to the side, so the guy ends up kissing her cheek. Jimmy’s muscles tense as he watches the guy put his hands on her, but he knows he needs to keep his cool unless things get worse.
He still doesn’t know if Hailey has been seeing this guy, or if they have just met.
Just then, he sees the guy point to the door and laugh, making fun of an overweight woman who walks in. Hailey turns in her seat to look, and Jimmy sees the man drop something into Hailey’s drink.
Jimmy is infuriated and gets up, taking off his sunglasses. He storms over to where they are sitting. “Hailey.”
Hailey picks up her drink and turns toward him. She puts the drink to her lips, and Jimmy lunges forward pushing it out of her hand. The glass smashes on the floor, and Hailey looks at him stunned.
“What the fuck?!” she yells.
“I saw this douchebag put something in your drink when you turned around.”
The guy next to Hailey who has biceps the size of tires now stands up. “I think you need to get the fuck out of here.”
“Bartender, I think you need to call the cops,” Jimmy announces. “This man just tried to drug my friend.”
Hailey looks at Jimmy and blinks. She is completely caught off guard and doesn’t know what to think. Hailey looks at the guy. “Did you drug me?”
The guy looks at her and makes a face. “No way. I don’t need to drug chicks to bang ‘em, baby.”
Jimmy throws his hands up. “Jesus. Hailey, this guy is bad news.”
The guy looks at Jimmy and steps toward him then throws a strong right hook right at Jimmy’s face. Jimmy ducks, and the guy stumbles forward. Jimmy grabs Hailey’s wrist and pulls her toward the front door. The rest of the people at the bar gasp and stare at them as Jimmy drags Hailey out.
Once they are out front, Hailey pulls her wrist free. “Jimmy, did you follow me here?”
“Listen, I will leave you alone. I just got a bad feeling and couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t listen to it.”
Hailey looks at him and says, “You sure you weren’t following me and happened to be in the right place at the right time, and maybe you saw something?”
Jimmy shrugs and looks down at the ground, feeling stupid. He grabs the back of his neck. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe, Hailey.”
Hailey lets out a loud sigh of frustration. “Listen, I’m not a kid, Jimmy. You don’t have to protect me anymore.”
Jimmy lifts his head now and speaks in a calm tone. “Hailey, that guy was about to take advantage of you. Maybe worse. You didn’t see it coming. Everyone needs somebody to look after them. I’m sorry, but I’m used to being that guy and I think once you calm down you’ll see that you really just about got raped.”
Hailey looks at him, “I can’t deal with this right now, okay? I’m going home.”
Jimmy walks to his car feeling he did the right thing, but still worried that Hailey is not going to see her own blind spot, when it comes to choosing men.
***
Hailey gets in her car and drives home. She’s angry but relieved. By the time she pulls up her driveway, she realizes she may have just avoided a very bad situation. She gives up trying to remain mad at Jimmy, admitting to herself she’s probably lucky he nosed himself into her business.
She walks inside, exhausted from the rollercoaster and plops down on the couch. She sees her phone screen light up. It’s her mother calling. She takes a deep breath expecting her mom to be talking drunken nonsense as usual. The woman is always repeating herself and blabbing about how great her sex life is.
Hailey says, “Hello?”
Her mom sounds like she’s calmed down. “Hi Hailey.”
“Did they stop the dollar beers?”
“I just got tired.”
“Oh. You feeling okay?”
Her mom sighs. “I just think I’m getting old is all.”
“Well, you’re no spring chicken.”
Her mom chuckles, and Hailey decides to breach the conversation with her. “Mom, there’s actually something I need to talk to you about.” Hailey feels weird calling her mom because she never really felt like a mother to her.
“Uh oh, do you need money? What happened?”
Hailey shakes her head. “No, no, no. It’s more just about what it was like for me growing up. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to be honest. You really weren’t there for me. You were drunk and disorderly, and I was the one taking care of you. You didn’t teach me how to do anything, you didn’t offer to help me with things, and you were – to be perfectly honest – mean and abusive.”
Her mom is silent on the other end of the phone.
Hailey adds, “I realize we’ve never had these kinds of conversations about our feelings. I have spent years bottling up my anger about how you treated me, and I just had to say that I think you should really consider how selfish you were. You really owe me an apology. From now on, if we are going to have a relationship, I’m going to ask that you treat me with the respect that should be shown from any friend to another friend.”
Her mom stutters. “I, um. I can’t.” She hears her mom break down in tears, sobbing. “I know, Hailey. I am a bad mom.”
Hailey fights the urge to console her, expecting her mom to give her another sob story, blaming the guys she dated that were mean to her. Instead, she says, “I knew one day you would tell me you hated me, because to be honest, I hate myself. I don’t take care of myself. I’m not even a friend to myself. You know I was abused as a kid, and I don’t think I learned how to deal with life. I’ve been trying to escape my feelings for so long that I have just been falling from one hole into another.”
Hailey is surprised that her mother is admitting that she’s done something wrong. Hailey listens, waiting for an apology. But her mother surprises her again. “Hailey, even if I said sorry right now, it wouldn’t mean anything, because what’s done is done. But listen, I know I’m messed up. I’ve been messing up. I’m going to go to rehab and get counseling. I will show you how sorry I am.”
Hailey is silent for a moment, wondering if she can trust that her mother is not manipulating her. Hailey takes a deep breath. “Okay, Mom. Good luck. Call me when you’re six weeks sober.”
Hailey hangs up, feeling like she’s regained a part of herself she hasn’t really ever known.
Hailey stands, completely overwhelmed and decides to take a walk outside to clear her mind. Pulling on her jacket and beanie, she leaves her cell phone on the couch – on purpose. She just wants to avoid thinking about anything for once.
As she strolls down the sidewalk, she smells the trees and fresh-cut grass. She sees the colors of the flowers and the sky. She realizes it’s been so long since she noticed things like this in pure wonder. Probably not since she was a kid.
She decides to see if her new friend wants to come over for spaghetti and ice cream as she walks back home.
***
Jimmy is sitting on his front steps, but she doesn’t see him. He watches her walk inside and feels more relaxed knowing that at least for now, she seems okay.
He goes inside and sits down to eat at the table alone, wishing he had a friend there with him. He recalls the girl who’s been texting him, and he picks up his phone. But he really doesn’t have anything to say to her for some reason, so he puts his phone down next to him.
He glances at his dinner, but doesn’t feel hungry, so he covers it and finishes up his laundry and ironing. As he folds his clothes, he thinks about how many times his clothes have been dirty and come back fresh and clean. He thinks about himself and how he has fell down before but has always gotten through it. He feels like this time, he doesn’t just have a little dirt on him. He’s jumped completely in the mud puddle and ripped his jeans.
&nb
sp; He feels he’ll find his way back to that positive outlook, but it’s just going to take a stronger stain remover. Maybe a patch, too.
He carries his clothes up to his room, wondering how he can patch up his heart. He puts his clothes away and looks at the phone on his bed. He remembers one of the football players from college talking about how he got over his ex-girlfriend. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
Jimmy hates that saying but wonders if there is some truth to it.
Chapter 8: Flowers When You’re Sick
The next morning, Hailey wakes up with a sore throat. When she gets up, a wave of nausea hits her and sends her running to the bathroom. She sits on the bathroom floor trying to regain her composure, realizing she must have come down with something.
She searches through the bathroom cabinet for a thermometer she bought in high school. When she checks her temperature, she has a high fever so she messages the office to let them know she’ll be out sick. She makes herself a cup of tea with honey to try to relieve her throat, but she still feels feverish and can’t keep the tea down.
She goes back to bed with a glass of water and two Tylenol, hoping she’ll feel better in a few hours. By the time she wakes up, it’s noon and she feels even worse. Her eyes and nose are running, and her stomach hurts. She wonders if food poisoning makes your nose run, too, or if she has something more serious.
She is sicker than she ever remembers being and tries to eat some saltines. The flavor makes her worse, and it comes right back up. She spends the first few hours on the bathroom floor or on the couch with a trashcan next to her. She wants to get medicine, but she’s too sick to go to the store. Even worse, she hasn’t even set up her insurance yet.
She wraps herself in a blanket and tries to watch Star Trek. One minute she’s sweating and the next, she’s freezing cold. She tries to make herself a late lunch, cooking a bland grilled cheese, but after the first bite, she runs back into the bathroom.
When she gets a bad headache, she decides she needs to see a doctor. She puts on her sweats and grabs her purse, barely able to walk. She slowly makes her way to her car and sets her navigation for the hospital. She drives sluggishly, hoping she can make it without vomiting.