by Liz Lovelock
“He wouldn’t want to love you. That’s my job.” Parker sits on the armrest of the couch.
“Oh, don’t get your underwear in a twist.” I laugh then follow it up with a loud burp.
“And you call yourself a lady. You remind me of my sister.” Aiden jumps in on the conversation. He sits on the other armrest near Elsie.
I’ve planted myself in the middle. “I came here with Jase, and I haven’t seen him in a while. Should I be worried?” I scan the room for his large frame. “Hell, I haven’t even seen Dane.” Not since I walked away from him earlier in the night. “My goodness, I don’t even know what time it is. I can’t read my watch.”
All three of us girls burst out laughing.
“It’s three a.m., and I think Dane went home. He wasn’t feeling the party. If you ask me, he hasn’t been himself for the last two weeks.” Soberness washes over me with what Parker has said.
“He seems fine to me,” I say nonchalantly, trying not to give away my interest in this topic.
Parker turns toward all of us. “It’s as if he’s come out of a relationship.”
I swallow the lump that erupts in my throat.
“He’s been moody, snapping at me and the other guys at training. His head hasn’t been in the last two games.” He shrugs.
A silence falls over the rest of us. I have no words. Has he really been like that?
“I’ve not seen anything,” Elsie chimes in. “Don’t you think you would notice if he had a girlfriend? He’d be with her all the time.”
I see what she’s doing—trying to move the conversation away and basically insinuate that Parker is imagining things.
He takes another pull on his beer, then answers, “Yeah, maybe. Perhaps it’s time we get out of here. Can you girls walk?”
“I think I’m going to have trouble,” Addison says, giving Parker a seductive stare.
A grin spreads across his face. “I’m sure I can help you.”
We pull ourselves off the couch and exit the party. “Should I have gone looking for Jase? Oh, I’m a terrible date. I’d make a crappy girlfriend. I’d ditch my boyfriend.” I giggle. My feet stumble before a hand reaches for me—it’s Aiden. He has one arm wrapped around Elsie’s waist and has caught me with his other hand before I face-planted into the sidewalk.
“Don’t worry. He won’t hold it against you. He’ll probably ask you on another date,” Addison says slowly, as though she’s focusing really hard on what she’s trying to say.
“How are you guys not drunk? You always had a drink in your hands,” Elsie asks, glancing between the men.
Parker shakes his head. “I saw you making the drinks and told Aiden that we needed to slow down. I know what you’re like drunk. I can’t say I enjoy seeing my sister in this state, but at least I’m here to keep an eye on her.” He gives me a pointed look.
I smile sweetly.
We walk up to Parker’s front door. He unlocks it and we file in. No words are spoken. Everyone goes their separate ways. I guess I’ll find my own place to sleep.
Kicking my shoes off, I stumble into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge door. I drink half of it in one go. After screwing the top back on, I undo my jeans and then think better of it. There’s a house full of guys, including my brother. They probably don’t want to see me in my underwear.
I’ll do the next best thing. Since we’re friends and all now, surely he won’t mind.
I tiptoe past Parker’s door and move on to Dane’s. Without knocking, I open it. His familiar musky scent hits me in the face.
I walk into the pitch-black room and strip my jeans off. With my arms extended, I search for the bed. When my hands touch the soft mattress, I begin crawling up it. When my hand lands on his warm, bare chest, I pause. A swarm of butterflies takes over my stomach.
A hand lashes out and grips mine, and I squeak.
“What are you doing?” Dane’s gravelly voice causes my heart to skip a beat.
I keep going until I’ve crawled under the covers. He hasn’t moved. I shuffle closer. The need to be near him takes over. “Why did you leave the party?” I whisper.
He sighs. “Just wasn’t feeling it.”
“Wasn’t feeling it, or didn’t want to be around me?”
His body moves, and his gaze is now on me, his eyes shining. “Both.”
My hand automatically glides up his smooth, bare chest and rests on his cheek.
“I miss you,” he says, emotion thick in his words.
I shouldn’t want him this much. It’s probably the alcohol. I can’t help it—my body wants what it wants. Not sure if I’ll regret this or not, I lift my head and lean into him. My lips find his. He doesn’t push me away. Instead, his arms wrap around my small frame. Our breaths become heavy, just like the kiss.
Dane pulls me on top of him. I’d known I missed him, but this is a whole new level of missing him. I’d craved his touch earlier, and now I can’t get enough.
My hands rake through his hair. He groans. I press myself against him.
His mouth moves along my shoulder. “I’ve wanted this all night. It’s all I could think about.” He whispers each word between a kiss.
I can’t lie. “Me too.”
He flips us and I’m under him. His hands run along my bare thighs. Everything aches for him. I wrap my arms around his chest and squeeze.
If this happens, I’m not sure I’ll be able to let him go.
“Wait.”
His hands and mouth stop, even though I don’t want them to. “What’s wrong?”
“What does this mean?”
He’s silent a moment before saying, “What do you mean?”
“If we let this happen between us, where does that leave us? Am I still going to be your dirty little secret, or are you going to talk to Parker?”
“Paislee…”
In that single word, he gives me my answer. I unwillingly move out from under him. “Look, do you mind if I stay here tonight? I just want to be near you.” A weight has taken residence on my chest. I have the urge to cry. I won’t, though.
“Sure.” His body moves and he lies back beside me.
I reach out and take his hand in mine. I need his touch. “I’m glad Parker has a good friend like you.” The words tremble as I speak them. He says nothing but squeezes my hand.
My heart aches as if it’s breaking all over again. No more words are exchanged. A simple touch is all I’m allowed.
I groan. My head is pounding as if I’ve been hit by a bus or whacked in the head by a baseball bat a few too many times. I move a little, and it makes it worse.
“Feeling sore and sorry for yourself?”
My eyes open wide at the sound of Parker. I bolt upright and regret it instantly. “What? Where am I?”
“That’s a good question I’d like answered.” There’s a hardness in his tone.
When I finally manage to focus, even with the throbbing in my head, it becomes clear I’m in Dane’s room. Oh crap. My eyes quickly fall to my body.
Whew… thank goodness I’m dressed.
Rubbing my forehead, I turn to find an empty spot beside me. “Where am I? I have a black hole in my head. I can’t remember what happened toward the end of the night. I blame your girlfriend.” I groan. It’s possible I might be sick. My stomach heaves and then subsides. I clutch it.
“You do realize you’re in Dane’s bed?”
I frown. There was some kissing involved, but I stopped it. Not that I’m about to admit what happened to Parker. I meet his glare. Those familiar eyes are tight, and the pop-out vein is making an appearance. “Where is Dane?” I ask.
Parker sighs. “I came out of my room and found him asleep on the sofa bed. I got curious because that’s where you were supposed to be. I went searching and what do I find? You in his bed.”
“Parker, I don’t even recall anything that happened after Addison fed me all those drinks. Hell, what happened to Jase? I was there with him. Damn…�
� I bite my lip. It was always going to be bad if or when Parker caught me in Dane’s bed. But Dane obviously thought ahead last night. Did he leave right after I fell asleep? Shame fills me. I hang my head to hide it from my brother.
“Perhaps don’t drink like that again.” He grabs the door handle and turns to leave. “Paislee, I’m only looking out for you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Perhaps it’s time you let me make my own choices instead of you continually dictating what I do and who I can or can’t date.” My head snaps up, and I narrow my eyes. “Just because you’re my big brother, doesn’t mean you run my life. You’re not my dad.” The second the words leave my mouth, I know I’ve gone too far. I brought up our father.
Parker whirls around. “I’m nothing like him. Don’t ever mention him to me again,” he growls. I pull back. His head drops. “Sorry. That man is nothing to me. If he can’t be bothered to stay with his family and be a father, then I don’t want to be compared to him. You’re right—I’m not your dad. I’m your brother, and I’ve looked out for you your whole life. Which is more than I can say for our father.” He turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him. I’m left reeling.
I don’t know anything about my dad except that he left when I was a couple of months old. I’ve never asked about him, and it’s very rare that I bring him up. I shouldn’t have said that to Parker. He’s been my protector my entire life.
I fall back on the pillow before reaching behind me and pulling it up and over my face. I feel like trash. My stomach keeps heaving. My head hurts, and now I’ve hurt Parker. I’m not even sure I should talk to Dane.
There’s a noise at the door. It opens and shuts again. I sense someone in here.
“What? Have you come back for round two?” I speak into the pillow as it muffles my words.
“I want a different kind of round two.”
I lift the pillow, and now Dane stands where Parker was a moment ago—he is still shirtless and sporting some serious bed hair. It’s sexy. I want to touch him. “Gee, you had everything planned, didn’t you?”
“I was prepared for anything, even this situation.” He points at me in the bed, a smug expression on his face. Bending over, he picks up my jeans.
I groan. “I have a couple of blank spots in my mind from last night. We didn’t…” I wave a hand between us.
He hangs his head. “No, you shut that down pretty quick—which was probably for the best.”
Was it really, though? I’m going to have to end whatever it is I have with Jase. Dane still owns my heart, and I’m not sure I’m ready to move on. “Oh, okay. Did you stay all night out on the sofa bed?”
He moves toward the side of the bed I’m lying in. I shuffle over and he sits. “After you fell asleep, I set an early alarm. When it went off, I made my way out there. About an hour later, Parker came out and hit me with my pillow—pretty much growled at me about sleeping with you.”
I move the pillow and sit up, making sure to keep my underwear covered by the blanket.
Dane hands me my jeans. “I wonder what he’d do if he found out we’ve already been together.” He grins.
“Probably kick me out.” I laugh.
Dane opens his other hand, and there are two little pills. “Figured you might need these.”
I take them willingly. I do need them. Hopefully, they stop the pounding in my head.
He leans over and opens the door on the bedside table. There’s a small fridge hiding in there.
My jaw drops. “Are you serious? This has been here the whole time?”
“Yep.” He gets a bottle of water out and hands it to me.
I put the two little tablets in my mouth and gulp down a few mouthfuls of water. “Thanks for having a backup plan.” I reach over and place my hand on his leg. He doesn’t hesitate. He takes it and lifts it to his lips. My stomach tightens. I move closer. Lifting my hands, I take his face in them and pull his lips to my own. My body trembles. I know I shouldn’t. I want one last kiss. One last touch. One final taste.
His tongue moves with mine, and I’m lost in him. Minutes pass and he pulls back. My chest rises and falls with my heavy breaths.
No words need to be spoken. I drag myself out of bed and pull on my pants. “The feelings I have for you far outweigh my brother’s opinion. I lo—” I stop myself. His head comes up, and I’m staring into haunted eyes.
“Pais…” He stands. I straighten. He reaches for me. I hold my hand up, and he pauses.
“Don’t make this any harder. I shouldn’t have done what I did last night. It was a mistake.” I grab my bottle of water and move around him.
“When it comes to you, nothing is a mistake,” he says.
I take the door handle and pull to open, walking away once again.
“Are you telling me you didn’t sleep-sleep with him?”
“No, I didn’t. We slept in the same bed, and there was some kissing and touching, but nothing more. I put a stop to it.”
It’s been three days since I walked out of Dane’s room. I didn’t run into any of the girls, so I walked across the road to campus parking and got in my car. Later, back in my dorm, I slept the rest of the weekend away with a massive headache.
“What about Jase?” Addison queries.
“Well, that’s an interesting topic. He messaged me the day after the party, saying sorry he didn’t follow up with me. He saw I was with you guys, and he let me be. I hadn’t heard from him again until today.”
Addison, Elsie, and I sit in their apartment, feeding our faces with all the sugary goodness from their shelf of sugar and drinking some beers.
“What did he say?” Elsie shifts from her spot on the floor to the couch next to me. Addison is stretched out on the carpeted floor.
“First, you need to tell me why you both aren’t at the courts.”
“We weren’t feeling it tonight. I still have a slight headache and am not ready to even consider running around,” Addison says.
I couldn’t agree more with Addison. I haven’t bothered with my runs these last couple of days. I think my heart is still trying to process how it feels. “Alright. Well, Jase has asked me to go on another date with him to the skate night.” A night of wearing shoes with wheels on them frightens me. I can’t skate, even if my life depended on it.
“Oh, we’re going to that as well with the guys,” Elsie says before chucking another chocolate in her mouth.
I look between them. “I can’t skate.”
“That’s perfect! It means he can hold your hand and teach you himself.” Addison laughs.
My face screws up. “I’m just not sure I like him like that.”
As if planned, they both sigh loudly.
“Will you stop saying that? It’s only a bit of fun. You can have fun, can’t you?” Elsie says.
I nod, still not wanting to go. I wish I could think of an excuse to get out of going, but now that the girls know, they’ll make sure I get my butt into gear and show up.
“Message him back while we’re with you, and tell him yes.” Addison grabs my phone from the coffee table and tosses it into my lap.
I open the messages, still not one hundred percent sure I want to do it. It’s as if I’m betraying Dane, even though that ship has sailed. My eyes flick between the two girls. They’re staring at me as though I might do a runner.
Paislee: Hey, I’ll go skating with you. Sorry for the late reply.
Reluctantly, I hit send. “There, sent. Happy now?” I show them my reply so they believe me.
They settle back into their spots and nod. My phone pings. Jase’s name is on the screen. I open the text.
Jase: That’s okay. I look forward to spending more time with you.
I choose not to reply, because I’m not interested in him like that. I shouldn’t be pining for Dane, but I can’t help it. I want him back.
“I think we should look at a dating app for you.” At Elsie’s suggestion, I do a double take.
“Are you trying to get me kille
d? Only stalkers and serial killers go on those to look for unsuspecting victims. I’m sure Parker would have a fit.” I cross my legs under me and lean over, taking another Tim Tam from the packet Elsie brought over.
“I’ve heard more success stories than horrible ones. You can totally pick out the creepers when they want to show you their bits before even having a conversation with you.”
This is true. “Sure. But what about Parker?” I raise my eyebrows.
“We won’t tell him.” Addison shrugs.
“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll love that when he finds out,” I reply dryly.
Elsie takes my phone.
“Wait, what are you doing?” I leap for my device, but Elsie lifts it higher.
“Downloading an app that I’ve heard is good.”
“No. I’m not ready to date random guys. I think my plate is already full with Dane and Jase.”
“Pfft. They’re nothing. Well, nothing solid.” Elsie rolls her eyes.
I need back up. “Addy, you need to get me out of this,” I plead.
“I’m with Elsie. How about when you go on your first date, we come and keep an eye on you from another table?”
“Still doesn’t make me feel great.” An uneasy tightness lassos around my stomach. Elsie’s head is buried in my phone. Her fingers work at the speed of light.
She hands it back. “All done. Now, we wait.”
My lips form a thin line. “If something doesn’t feel right, then I’m pulling the pin.” Both girls nod.
My phone lights up, and the time catches my attention. Seven-thirty. “Damn, I was supposed to go home to have dinner with Mom.” I jump off the couch and collect my things. “Sorry, girls. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
We say our goodbyes, and I’m off. I can’t believe I forgot. Mom had something she wanted to discuss with me.
My phone rings when I get to my car. It’s Mom. “Sorry, Mom, I lost track of time. I’ll be home shortly.”
“That’s okay, honey. Could you stop at the shop and get me something? I’ve run out of that spicy sauce you and your brother like.”
My tongue tingles at the mention of the sauce. It’s hot, but the flavor is out of this world. “Yeah, okay. Anything else?”