by Liz Lovelock
“Not that I can think of. Thank you. Ah… see you soon.”
Something is wrong. She doesn’t sound like her usual self. “What’s going on, Mom?”
“Oh nothing, honey. It’s been a big day at work. See you soon.”
Before I can say any more, she hangs up the phone. She’s hiding something.
After sliding into my car, I start the engine. My phone pings again. I suck in a deep breath and look at my screen.
Dane: How was your day?
I stare at the screen, puzzled.
Paislee: Was this meant for me?
Dane: Yes it’s meant for you. I’m trying out this whole ‘friends’ thing. I suppose we kind of missed that step.
There goes my heart.
Paislee: Ha ha. I guess that’s true. Well, my day was good. I’m heading home to have dinner with Mom. What about you?
Dane: That sounds like fun. So, something just came up on my phone.
A screenshot pops up with the message. It’s a picture of my profile on the dating app. I groan. I should have known this would happen.
Paislee: Oh, goodness. You can thank Elsie for that monstrosity. I didn’t want any part in it.
Dane: I thought that might be the case. You need to be careful on these things.
Paislee: Elsie and Addison have that covered. They’re going to come with me when I go on a date. Hey, wait, what are you doing on the app?
Dane: Keeping my options open. But every girl who’s come through is after one thing. There’s only one girl I want that way.
Flip goes my stomach.
Paislee: Oh, you’re sweet. I’m still going on dates with Jase as well. I kinda feel like a hussy.
Dane: You’re a busy girl. You got time in there to catch up with me?
Is he serious?
Paislee: I’ll have to check my schedule. LOL.
Dane: Oh that’s mean. Ha ha.
Paislee: I’ll always have time for you, friend.
I put the phone down and drive off. I stop at the shop and grab what Mom needs. My thoughts are all of Dane.
When I pull up at home, parking behind Mom, Parker’s car is in the driveway, and there’s a random dark sedan parked directly out in front. My curiosity is piqued.
I push the front door open. “Mom, I’m sorry I’m late. I got caught talking with a friend,” I yell into the somewhat quiet house.
Parker steps out of the living room. His face is hard—no smile there. My stomach drops to the floor.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper, dropping my bag under the coatrack by the door.
I pause and listen. A muffled sound—a man’s deep voice. “Has Mom got a boyfriend she’s introducing us to?”
His lips form a thin line as he shakes his head. “Mom will fill you in. Come on.”
I grip the sauce tightly in both hands. I feel sick. What is going on?
There’s a solemn feeling in Mom’s house tonight. It’s usually light and full of laughter, even when it’s just Mom and Parker here. Tonight, it’s as if a bomb is about to go off.
I step around the corner, and Mom’s eyes meet mine. Hers are panicked and uneasy. Following her gaze, a man turns in the bench seat I sat in just this morning. I’ve never met him before. He has short, dark hair and broad shoulders that fill out his suit jacket. He almost looks like an older version of Parker. He stands. He’s tall. I thought Parker was tall, but this man is well over six feet. I’m not good at guessing these things.
“Hey, honey. Thanks for stopping and getting that for me.” Mom rushes to my side and takes the bottle from my vise grip. She gives me an assuring smile. I don’t return it.
“What the hell is going on?” I can’t hold back any longer. It feels like I’m walking on eggshells, and I don’t like it. I train my gaze on the man once again.
Parker stays beside me. His body is rigid, his hands clenching then releasing on repeat. What if this man is here to cause hurt to my family? I take a hesitant step away from the group.
“Paislee, this…” Mom pauses and swallows. Her shaking hand takes mine. Her entire body trembles. “This is your father.”
“What?” My breath seizes. I stare at the man. He gives a weak smile. I see Parker all over him. “Is this some kind of joke?” I laugh nervously. My legs turn to jelly. Mom told me that he left when I was a couple of months old, so I don’t remember or know this man. He’s a ghost to me. A nothing. A no one.
I back away. My instinct is to run, but Mom has a firm grip on my arm.
“Come on, Pais.” Parker’s gentle words pull me toward him. He wraps his arm around me and guides me to the couch.
“What’s wrong with her?” the ghost says, I guess to my mother.
She doesn’t get a chance to answer as Parker’s raised voice makes me flinch. “What did you expect? We haven’t seen or heard from you in almost nineteen years. Then, you show up and want to know us. Good luck. I don’t want anything to do with you,” he growls. His face is flaming red. I’ve never witnessed him so angry. I reach out and take his hand. His eyes fall on mine as they fill with water.
“Parker…” I whisper. He bites his lips together and collapses beside me.
Heavy footsteps head toward us. Mom comes and sits beside me. I’m between two of the strongest people I know. They raised me. They care for me when I’m sick or hurting. They’re all I need. They each hold one of my hands. I squeeze them.
“I am sorry about this,” the man says.
I don’t even know his name. Does he have the same last name as us? I’ve never asked. I have what I want. Them. That’s all I need.
My eyebrows pull together. “Are you really? Why are you here? What is your name?”
His eyes seem to bulge. Even his nostrils flare like a bull’s. His pointed glare turns on my mother. “You didn’t tell them about their father?”
Mom’s mouth opens to respond, but Parker bolts up so fast it scares me. “Why should she? You walked out on your family. Your blood,” he yells. Never have I seen him lose his cool with someone. It breaks my heart that he is doing it right now.
“Parker, honey.” Mom takes his arm. “Please settle down.”
“What do you want?” I find myself asking, not even sure what kind of answer I’m expecting. This man is nothing to me.
His entire demeanor changed when Parker growled at him. He stepped back from him. It wouldn’t surprise me if Parker socked him one in the jaw. I might even find it satisfying.
Mom answers for him. “This man is your father, William Kent. He’s moved back into town and wants to get to know you both.”
“You’re joking, right? You’re eighteen years too late. I want nothing to do with you.” Parker reefs his arm away from Mom. Her eyes are filled with tears. I can only imagine what is going through her head. This man, William, left her, left all of us. My jaw clenches, and red floods my vision.
Standing, I say, “Like Parker said, you’re a bit late to the party. We don’t need you or want to know you. You had the chance to get to know us throughout our entire lives. And you’ve happened to move back and realized your family still lives here, so you decide you’d mend those bridges. How dare you?” Bitterness drips from my lips. “You. Are. Nothing. You’re not my father. A father would have stayed or at least made an effort to see us.” I’m sure I’m repeating myself. I don’t care. Perhaps if I say it more and more, he might get it through his head.
William does nothing. He stands tall and listens to what I have to say. All the while, I am torn apart inside.
“Did you tell them about me?” His question is directed to Mom.
This makes me angrier. I step up to him and shove him in the chest. I don’t care who the hell he is. “Don’t you dare speak to her as though she’s done something wrong. She has always told us that if we wanted to know you, all we had to do was ask. Why would we ask, though, when you walked out of our lives and left Mom to fend for herself? You’re pathetic. Sorry, Mom. I can’t stay here.” I turn and walk o
ut of the room.
“Excuse me, young lady…”
“It’s Paislee to you,” I roar, even surprising myself. I grab my bag and escape through the front door and run toward my car.
“Pais, wait up.” Parker’s plea brings me to a halt.
“I can’t stay here.” My words shake. Parker takes my arm and pulls me against his chest. I should be crying, but I’ve never felt more angry and bitter toward someone. It’s as though the flaming red hotness inside me has dried up my tear ducts. “Who does he think he is? Tell Mom I’m sorry. I’ll just go back to the girls’ dorm.” I pull away from him.
“No, go to my place. That’s where the girls are heading. I’ve already texted Addison.”
“Okay, thank you.” I don’t want to talk anymore.
He starts walking back toward the house. I don’t think he’ll leave until he knows Mom is okay. I should be doing that as well, but my head is swimming with confusion.
There’s only one person who will make me feel better. The only person I need is Dane.
I pull into the college campus car park. It’s not a far walk from here to Parker’s place. My head is light and all over the place. What person thinks it’s okay to show back up in someone’s life after zero contact? Did he think we’d be welcoming? Boy, was he wrong. I want nothing to do with him. He’s basically dead to me.
I drag my wobbly body out of the car. Each part of me is trembling like never before. I hope Dane is here. I need him.
Time passes, and before I realize it, I’m standing in front of Parker’s place. My head is in a world of its own; I didn’t notice my surroundings on the walk over here. It’s as if something has taken over my body. I find myself moving, but I can’t feel my legs doing the work—same with opening the door.
“Is that her?” someone asks. I have no clue who it is. My head swims with thought. I’m in a thick fog.
Addison and Elsie step around the corner, and their features become soft. They’re beside me in seconds. Their arms are around me, but I don’t feel them or their warmth.
My numb body is led to the couch. “What do you need?”
I turn to the somewhat muffled voice I don’t recognize. It’s Addison.
“My phone.” I don’t even recognize my own voice. It’s ghostly.
Hands grab my bag from my shoulder, and then something is thrust into my palm. With trembling fingers, I begin typing. I need Dane.
It doesn’t matter if Parker shows up or what his thoughts are on the matter. There’s only one person who can take away this numbness that has spread over my body. I don’t feel anything. Nothing. I don’t want to have feelings right now. It’s all too much. I don’t want to acknowledge the man, William. He’s no father. No man walks out on his family and has no contact with them. A weak man would do that. A lowlife.
Paislee: Where are you? I need you.
“Can we get you anything?” Elsie’s face comes in front of mine. Her mouth continues to move. What is she saying? Her words are muffled. I shake my head in answer to the question she asked.
The vibrating in my hands brings my unfocused eyes to it.
Dane: What’s wrong? Where are you?
Paislee: I’m at your place. Please come.
Dane: I’m on my way. Hold on, baby.
Their eyes are on me. I sense them. I can’t bring myself to speak. My voice box seems to have swollen up and stopped working. The lump in my throat stops anything trying to escape—at least it still allows me to breathe.
“She hasn’t said a word. I’m worried, Parker. She’s like a pale statue of Paislee sitting in your living area. What do you want me to do?” Addison asks, concern etched in her words.
What was Parker’s answer?
“We’ll stay with her until you get here. How are things going there with your dad?”
She hesitates. Even Addison is unsure how to talk to Parker about it. At least they have each other to lean on. I need secure arms around me. I need one person’s touch, and I know the moment he arrives, I’ll break into a thousand pieces.
“That’s no good. I hope your mom is okay. I’m here for you. I’ll see you later.” Addison kneels in front of my bent legs. I’m sure I haven’t moved. I’m waiting for him.
“Everything at home is okay. Parker isn’t going to leave your mom alone.”
I manage a nod. A silence fills the room. I’m not sure where Aiden is.
“Do you want me to ring someone?”
I swallow. “No…” Before I manage another word, the front door opens in a wild rush. My eyes search the entrance.
Where is he?
Addison stands and moves.
“Where is she?”
The sound of his voice brings the tears I’ve been holding back right to the surface. Then I see him. His eyes are wide until they land on me, then they soften. Everything and everyone else fades away. He rushes to me before sitting and pulling me onto his lap. I curl into him, and I can’t hold back anymore. I sob like my heart has been torn from my chest. It hurts. It aches. With each tear that soaks his shirt, he holds me tighter against him. I am safe.
After what feels like an eternity, my tears are all but dried up, and clear voices fill my ears.
“So, her dad has shown up after all these years?” Dane’s chest vibrates as he asks the question.
“Yes, Parker is fuming. He had no idea what he was going home to. He’s glad he got there before Paislee.”
Dane’s arms tighten around me when my name is mentioned. He’s my security. He’s my strength. He’s my everything.
“I don’t understand why he showed up now,” Dane repeats.
“Because he’s working back in town,” I croak through a dry throat as I lift my head from Dane’s soaked shoulder. All focus turns toward me.
“Oh, Pais, I’m so sorry.” Addison rubs my leg. She’s seated beside Dane and me.
I look at Dane. His eyes find mine, which I’m sure are bloodshot and puffy. “Thank you for coming,” I whisper and lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek. I’d much rather his lips on mine and us lying in bed with his arms around my frame. His support is so powerful for me.
“For you, I’d run a marathon. Hell, I’d even walk over hot coals.”
“But you won’t talk to Parker,” Elsie chimes in. “Ouch, it’s true.”
Addison must have swatted at her. She’s rubbing her arm, and Addison is giving her a death stare when I look over at them.
“I know. It’s different. He’s my best friend, and she’s his younger sister. It’s going to be hard for him to wrap his head around us. Trust me when I say I’m working on it.” He stands with me in his arms as though I weigh nothing then places me gently on the couch. I want to dig my fingers into his arms so he won’t let me go. I’m afraid that I’ll shut down again if our touch disconnects. I don’t, though.
“Well, you better work it out fast, because she’s still dating.”
“Really, you’re going to bring that up right now?” Dane almost growls, annoyance in his tone. I reach for his hand and give it a squeeze, but he pulls it away from me. It’s as though I’ve been kicked in the stomach.
Thank you, Elsie, for ruining this moment.
“Elsie, will you stop please? Dane came when I needed him, and that says so much more about his character than talking to Parker. He came.”
Elsie’s face turns a slight shade of pink. “Sorry.”
The room falls silent, and as if on cue, my stomach growls—loudly. I laugh. Then, everyone bursts out laughing. It slices through the thick tension in the room.
“Well, let’s order some food. This girl missed out on her dinner tonight.” Addison jumps up from her seat and pulls her phone from her back pocket. “I’ll give Parker a call and let him know what’s going on.”
“Can you tell him I’m okay?” I ask.
She smiles. “Sure.” She exits the room to make the call.
I reach up and take Dane’s hand again. This time he doesn’t pull away
from me. “Dane… sit down.”
He says nothing but takes a seat beside me. Leaning into him is like coming home after a long holiday. That sense of belonging. Closing my eyes, I drink in the moment. Everything around me fades away. My father. Parker’s issues with who I date. The issues between Dane and me.
“What’s going on here?”
I bolt upright like I’ve been shocked by lightning. Parker stands in front of Dane and me. Blood drains from my face. I turn to Dane and then back to Parker. Words evade me. Parker rushes toward Dane, his face molded in anger. His fists are tight in balls, ready to hit his friend.
“Stop. Wait.” Addison rushes into the room and puts her body between Parker and Dane. “He was the only one who could calm her and get her out of the ghost-like state she was in.”
Parker pauses. Those stone-cold eyes bore into mine as if they’re searching for confirmation. I nod.
“Sorry, man. I was only trying to help and offer support.” Dane stands, holding his hands out and pulling away from me.
The disconnection is like a slap in the face. I now get a clear picture as to what Dane has been trying to warn me about when it comes to Parker. My brother was ready to hit his own friend.
Parker turns and walks out of the room. Dane peers back to me and shrugs. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, pulling his lips into a thin line.
Here I thought we were getting somewhere, getting closer. I was wrong. I’m the idiot who hoped we could make this work. After what I witnessed, there’s no hope.
But it’s possible Parker overreacted and was only angry because of our father turning up. I need to talk to him.
Standing, I manage to find my balance. Dane reaches for me, but I swat his hand away, shaking my head. I walk down the dimly lit hallway and go to Parker’s door. I rap my knuckles twice on the white wood. I don’t have to wait long before it’s pulled open. His anger is gone and replaced with a pained look. It breaks my heart.
“What?” He practically growls.
I raise my hand and point a finger at him. “Don’t.” I pause for a moment. His eyes widen. “Don’t go treating me like trash. I get that our father’s return isn’t something you or I should have to deal with, but don’t take your anger out on me, or your friends. Pull yourself together,” I grit through clenched teeth. I’m not having his temper taken out on me or anyone in this house. That’s not how Mom raised us to treat our family or our friends.