by Ana McKenzie
‘Of course she is, Gran,’ Merren said, nonplussed. ‘I didn’t mean anything by what I said.’
The eyebrows rose again. ‘Then why would you say it, Merren?’ The eyebrows held their position, then dropped down to friendlier territory, and Naomi put the fan on the table and reached to pat Merren’s hand instead. ‘It’s all right, love,’ she said. ‘This time I’ll forgive your thoughtlessness, since I know how preoccupied you’ve been with your own love life. Just remember that in the end, there’s no excuse to forget that other people have whole lives and stories playing out, most of which we have little knowledge of.’ She picked up the fan again, snapped it open, and waved it coquettishly. ‘How is your love life progressing? How is the lovely artist?’
‘Well,’ Merren said. ‘She’s painting. A lot.’ She grinned. ‘I don’t know what you said to her that day – but they were magic words, that’s for sure, because she hasn’t looked back. Painting every day, and I can’t believe it.’ Merren shook her head. ‘She’s so good, Gran. I’m used to being around people who are good at what they do, but she’s something else.’
Naomi cackled. ‘Competence is so sexy, isn’t it?’
‘Actually, yes, it is,’ Merren agreed, picturing the way Bianca looked while she painted. ‘It really is.’
The fan pushed the humid air about. All day the heat had been sitting heavily about them, the city moving sluggishly beneath the unaccustomed warmth.
‘So, what are you here for today?’ Naomi asked, interrupting Merren’s reverie.
‘You make it sound like I only come around when I want something,’ Merren said, offended.
‘Well, heavens,’ Naomi said on a grin. ‘So you’re just here because you missed me?’
That was awkward. Merren put on her best, cheesiest smile, knowing she was caught out. ‘Well,’ she said. ‘There is something…but I promise you’ll like this one.’
Naomi sat straighter. ‘Do tell then, by all means.’
‘Okay. You know the Dunedin Public Art Gallery has a big gala or whatever?’
Naomi gave a serious nod. ‘Every year,’ she said. ‘It’s a fairly big deal amongst the glitterati of the city.’
Merren laughed. ‘Glitterati. I like that. I didn’t even know Dunedin was big enough to have glitterati.’
‘Every city has them, darling. Anyway. You’re going, I take it? Under your own invitation, or as Bianca’s partner?’
Merren shook her head. ‘I wasn’t invited – well, except by Bianca.’ She shifted in her seat. ‘As her assistant,’ she added.
The eyebrows rose skywards again. ‘Her assistant? What on earth are you talking about?’
Merren shook her head. ‘No, it’s all right.’ She shrugged. ‘I mean – it’s her first time out in public since she started having trouble with her eyes, so I can understand that she doesn’t want to announce to the world that hey everyone, I’ve got this brand new relationship too.’ Merren paused. ‘And besides, we haven’t talked about it, you know?’
‘Talked about what?’
‘Us. Her and I. Our relationship, if that’s even the right word for it.’
‘Why wouldn’t it be the right word for it? You’re spending time together, are you not?’
‘Lot’s,’ Merren said fervently.
‘You’re sleeping together, also.’
Merren squirmed a little. ‘Well, yes,’ she said.
‘You talk, laugh, eat dinner together, all that sort of thing. Interact like two adults who like each other?’
‘Of course.’
‘Then in which way is it not a relationship?’
Merren bent forward in her chair, thinking about it. ‘Well, in the way that we haven’t talked about it,’ she said.
‘Because you’ve been too busy doing it.’ Naomi shook her head. ‘I don’t know sometimes,’ she said. ‘There’s a great deal I like about the modern world, but sometimes I wonder if you aren’t all just a tad too casual about – what do you call it? Hooking up?’
‘Bianca and I aren’t just hooking up,’ Merren said.
‘So you’re having a relationship?’
She flung her hands up in defeat. ‘Yes, okay. We just haven’t decided what the parameters of it are. Which means that certainly she’s justified in not wanting to go public with it when it could be just a…’
Now Naomi leaned forward, her eyes sharp. ‘Just a what?’
‘A casual thing, I guess. That kind of peters out.’
Naomi sat back again. ‘Is that what you want?’
Merren shook her head but didn’t say anything for a long minute. ‘No,’ she said at last. ‘No. But I’m okay with going to the gala to just be there to help her move around.’ She nodded. ‘I really am.’
Naomi looked at her for a while, a slight frown on her face. ‘Merren,’ she said. ‘How much have you told Bianca about yourself?’
Something in her grandmother’s tone made her feel uneasy and she rubbed at her bare arms as though suddenly chilled.
‘Not much,’ she admitted. ‘Why?’ She licked her lips. ‘I mean, there hasn’t really been the opportunity. Bianca has been going through so much, it’s been mostly about helping her.’ She flushed, remembering her suspicions that even some of the sex was about Bianca using it to feel better. ‘I’m okay with that. We all go through times in our lives when things are so difficult there’s not much else we can think about.’
Naomi tipped her head to one side, like a grey-feathered old bird. She wrinkled her nose. ‘That’s true, to some extent, and I commend you for recognising that, and having the patience to put yourself second for a while.’
Merren interrupted. ‘I don’t really see it as coming second, Gran,’ she said. ‘I’ve been having a really good time. I’ve been getting my fair share of attention.’
Naomi shook her head. ‘I’m positive you have,’ she said. ‘But that’s not what I want you to think about right now.’
‘Okay,’ Merren said. ‘What’s that, then?’
‘The Art Gallery Gala is a big event, as I said.’
‘Yes, I know.’ Merren had looked it up online, scrolling over the photos from the previous year’s events. Lots of glittering people holding wine glasses and looking as sophisticated as possible. Which was why she was here talking to Naomi in the first place. Her grandmother’s wardrobe was infamous. There would be something suitable to wear in its depths.
‘I don’t think you’re realising the implications of this, Merren,’ Naomi said. Her fan was closed again, sitting on the table now.
‘You’re making me nervous, Gran,’ Merren said. ‘What’s the issue?’
‘There are going to be a lot of people there who know you, love.’
Suddenly wary, Merren shook her head. ‘Who do you mean, Gran?’ she asked.
‘University people.’
Merren nodded. In fact, she’d recognised the Computer Science’s head of department in the photos of the last year’s event. She hadn’t given him much more than a passing glance though, because she’d been looking for Bianca. And she’d found her – looking ravishing in deep red, a wide, gregarious smile on her face. It had been a different Bianca than the one she knew, and she’d spent a long time gazing at the picture, reconciling the two.
‘And the mayor and her husband. She’ll be there – and you’ve been doing a great deal with her this year, with your proposal for the city.’
Slowly, Merren sat up. ‘That’s right,’ she said. ‘We’re on pretty good terms.’
‘That’s my point, love,’ Naomi said. ‘A lot of people are going to recognise you. None of them are going to believe you’re just there as some sort of personal assistant to Bianca.’ Naomi was staring at Merren.
‘Shit,’ Merren said. ‘Fuck.’
‘Indeed.’
She shook her head. ‘Sorry, Gran.’
A shrug. ‘In the circumstances, no worries.’
Merren ran a hand through her hair, tipping back in the chair to stare up a
t the branches of the tree shading them.
‘What do I do, Gran?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know,’ her grandmother said. ‘What do you think you should do?’
Merren could only shake her head. ‘I guess I have to warn her. Bianca, I mean. Or not go. I could not go – that’s probably a good idea. Both things, in fact. I should do both things. Warn her, then not go.’ She groaned suddenly.
‘What?’
‘I’m heading out to a conference in a few days. On Sunday, in fact. It just came up and I couldn’t turn it down. My whole team was invited, with me as a keynote speaker. I have to go.’
‘Where is it? And I take it this is another thing you haven’t told Bianca?’
Merren shook her head. ‘You make it sound as though I’ve deliberately kept things from her, when it’s not like that at all. A bunch of things just haven’t come up, is all. I never meant anything but to give her the space she needs to adjust to being vision-impaired and re-learning to paint, that’s all.’
Naomi laid a soothing hand on Merren’s wrist, her fingers cool despite the heat of the day. ‘I know, love. I know you weren’t hiding anything from her.’
Merren was quick to nod. ‘Really. I mean, it’s not like you can interrupt someone’s crisis to say, hey, by the way, I’m not just a university student, I also got really lucky with the crypto-currency markets and now I’m a millionaire, and I also work with the mayor, and so on and so on and blah blah blah. I hate sounding like I’m bragging, anyway, and it always comes out like that.’ She subsided into a brooding silence.
Then punctuated it with a sigh. I guess I’d better go around and have a chat with her.’ Merren rubbed her face. ‘God, that’s going to be an awkward conversation.’
Naomi patted her arm. ‘You’ll be fine, love.’ She removed her hand and stretched. ‘Now, what did you come around for, anyway?’
Merren blinked at her, and it was a good long moment before she could even remember the reason for her visit.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I wanted to see if you had anything I could wear to the gala. I’ve some nice pairs of pants, and a great shirt, but what about some fancy sort of jacket, or something? You know you have the best selection in town. Bianca had her agent Macy bring a couple around for me to wear, but Macy was so awful I couldn’t even make myself look at her clothes.’
‘That was a nice thought on Bianca’s behalf, though.’
Merren tipped her head to the side. ‘I guess she thought I couldn’t afford to get something myself – because I’ve never told her I can.’
Naomi giggled and Merren frowned at her.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘Nothing. Just the fixes you young people get yourself in.’ Naomi stood up. ‘Let’s go look and see what we have, shall we?’
Merren shook her head. ‘What’s the point now? It’s not like I can go.’
Naomi tugged her from her chair. ‘Fiddlesticks. Bianca might decide she wants you to come with her as her girlfriend. You don’t know she won’t. So let’s choose something in case. I think I have just the ticket. Deep blue velvet jacket. Very stylish, bespoke tailoring. Made in the 1960’s for a member of parliament. I forget which one, off-hand, but he had exquisite taste. And he was a small chap, lucky for us. It should fit you perfectly.’
Merren trailed off after her grandmother, but her heart wasn’t in it now. She’d come around all excited about taking Bianca to the gala, but now all she could think was that things were suddenly way too complicated.
She hated complicated.
But on the other hand, it would all work out, right? She hadn’t lied or cheated, or done anything more than try to give Bianca what she needed.
And, she winced, admitting it now, falling in love in the process.
Now that was complicated.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Macy Joy answered the door, her angular features pinching even sharper when she saw Merren.
‘You’re here,’ she said.
‘I do appear to be, yes,’ Merren said, wishing she wasn’t standing on the doorstep like some weird sort of supplicant. ‘Seems like you have a problem with that.’
Bianca’s agent shrugged, looked disinterested.
‘Hmm, I guess hostility is your default setting, then.’ Merren had a hard-enough evening in front of her; the last thing she could be bothered with was this woman’s attitude.
‘I’m just looking out for Bianca,’ Macy said, still standing dead centre of the doorway so that Merren couldn’t get past.
Merren gave her a pointed look. ‘Well,’ she said, keeping her voice mild. ‘Isn’t that interesting, considering I’ve been the one here the last few weeks, while you were wherever you were that wasn’t here.’
‘I didn’t know.’ The woman’s voice was injured, defensive.
‘Guess you’re not quite the trusted confident, then.’ Merren stepped forward. ‘In which case, considering I’ve been invited here tonight, I think you can step aside and let me in.’
‘I don’t trust you,’ Macy said, jabbing a bony finger at Merren, who scoffed in amazement.
‘You don’t trust me? You don’t even know me.’
‘Exactly.’ The woman folded her arms in satisfaction.
Merren couldn’t help it. She rolled her eyes in disbelief. ‘What do you think I’m here for? To roll around in Bianca’s fame and fortune, taking advantage of her when she’s most vulnerable?’
The arms tightened their fold. ‘That is exactly what I think, yes. A poor university student, modelling for a bit of extra money. Of course you’re on the take.’
Merren gaped at her. ‘Wow,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I’ve never heard so many appalling assumptions in one sentence.’ That was it. She’d had enough. ‘Let me past, please.’ The last thing she was going to do was justify herself to this miserable old woman. She pointed to her watch. ‘Time’s getting on.’
Bianca’s voice called from somewhere in the house. ‘Macy – is that Merren? She should be here by now.’
Merren raised her eyebrows and couldn’t help her grin as the reluctant Macy stepped aside for her.
Merren shut the door behind herself. ‘Where is she?’ she asked Macy.
‘Bedroom,’ the woman said. ‘Getting ready. Is that what you’re wearing?’
Merren ignored the question. She had more important things to do. On and off all day she’d called Bianca, desperately wishing she’d let Merren strap the watch around her fine-boned wrist and pop the phone in her pocket. Because the house phone simply rang and rang, then clicked on an answering machine. Merren had left a couple messages, then given up.
She jogged up the stairs, took the familiar route to Bianca’s bedroom. The door was open.
‘Bianca, I have to talk to you,’ Merren said, then stopped dead. ‘Oh my god, you look amazing.’
Bianca beamed at her, one hand going to pat at her hair. ‘You like it? Macy said it looks great.’
‘She’s right,’ Merren answered. ‘In fact, you look stunning all over.’
Bianca giggled. ‘I’ve had such a day,’ she said. ‘Macy took me out for a spa day. I wanted to stay here and paint, but she insisted.’ She turned back to the mirror and twisted from side to side, obviously trying to see how she looked. ‘It was marvellously relaxing and just what I needed.’
Bianca turned back to Merren. ‘I’m so nervous about tonight, Merren. Thank goodness you’ll be there with me. I can’t help but think it will be easier with you there.’
Merren winced inwardly. ‘Listen Bianca, about that. I need to tell you some stuff first, before you go.’
‘Before I go? What do you mean – Merren, you have to come with me. I’m counting on you. I mean, Macy will be there, but she’ll be busy schmoozing. I need someone I can count on to make sure I don’t trip over a canape or anything.’ Her voice rose a notch in panic. ‘Merren, you have to come! I’m sorry I didn’t invite you as my date, but you know the reasons for that. It’s j
ust too much on top of everything else at the moment.’ She moved over to the bed and sank down on the mattress, looking in Merren’s direction in dismay. ‘You have to come, Merren. I’m counting on you.’
Merren screwed her eyes shut for a moment and took a breath. ‘I’ll come, Bianca, of course I will. It’s just –’
Bianca jumped up. ‘It’s just nothing,’ she said. ‘Oh god, I’m so relieved.’ She came over and aimed a light punch at Merren’s arm. ‘You had me so worried there for a moment. Don’t do that to me! I need you there with me tonight.’
‘But that’s just the thing, Bianca. About being your helper, or assistant, or whatever you’re going to say I am – it’s not going to work…’
Bianca shook her head and placed her hands either side of Merren’s face. ‘Hush Merren,’ she said. ‘I know it’s not ideal, and I’m sorry. I know I’ve probably hurt your feelings, but you said you understood, didn’t you? This is a big night for me and I’m terrified. There are going to be enough nosy questions without having to field all the ones about my much younger date.’
Merren stared at her in surprise. ‘That’s the problem for you? The age difference?’
Bianca dropped her hands and shrank back. ‘Don’t say it like that, Merren. You’ve considered it too, you can’t tell me you haven’t.’
‘Not in the way you seem to have,’ Merren said. ‘It’s not an issue to me any which way I look at it.’ She rubbed a temple. ‘That’s why you don’t want to be seen in public with me as your date? Because I’m what, sixteen years younger than you?’
The look on Bianca’s face was impatient. ‘Of course it’s not just that. It’s all the things I explained when we arranged that you would be happy to go with me to help me out. But yes – your age is one factor, because people’s opinions on it are one thing I don’t fancy dealing with tonight. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.’ Merren watched her take a deep breath. ‘Please, Merren, I still need you to come with me.’ She reached out and found Merren’s hand. Squeezed it. ‘Please. We can sort all this out afterwards. We’ll sit down and talk about everything.’