Times Like These

by Ana McKenzie

  ‘A business account?’ Bianca was even more confused.

  ‘Sure. She posts about all the cool stuff she does. It’s a way of promoting the causes she believes in. There’s bunches of stuff here about her crypto-currency projects, and the AV’s and stuff.’

  ‘AV’s?’ Bianca felt helplessly ignorant.

  ‘Autonomous vehicles. Merren’s into them in a big way. That’s what she’s been working on with the City Council.’

  ‘Right.’ Bianca knew that. Now. ‘So, where is she?’

  ‘China.’

  There was suddenly no feeling in her hands and feet. Bianca’s knees buckled, and she had to sit down. Straight away. ‘China?’ she coughed.

  ‘Yeah. Or at least, she might still be on the aeroplane, I guess. How long does it take to get to China? A long time, I expect.’

  ‘Hours,’ Bianca said. ‘What’s in China?’

  ‘She says she’ll be at a conference there. Her and her team.’

  ‘She has a team?’ Why was she even surprised, Bianca asked herself? She’d never made so many poor assumptions about a person in her life. Merren was not just the young, poor student Bianca had thought. Her face grew warm. Good grief – she’d offered Merren the job of her assistant like she was doing her a favour. Worse, she couldn’t even remember what Merren had said in reply. She stifled her groan.

  ‘When will she be back?’ China. She couldn’t believe Merren was on her way to China. How was she going to get hold of her there?

  ‘She doesn’t say exactly,’ Rita said with a sigh. ‘Back just before Christmas, apparently.’ There was a pause. ‘Mum and I were supposed to be going to Merren’s Mum’s house for Christmas dinner. Do you think that will still be on? I was really looking forward to it.’

  Bianca slumped lower over the table. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’ve no idea. How am I going to get hold of Merren if she’s in China?’

  ‘Email her, I guess,’ Rita said.

  Bianca practically howled. ‘How do I do that when I can’t see?’

  ‘You can’t, I guess. If you had the watch and phone, you’d be able to.’

  ‘Fantastic,’ Bianca said. ‘That’s just bloody wonderful.’

  ‘You can say it out loud to me and I can type it out for you and send it.’ Rita sounded tentative, and Bianca shook her head.

  ‘That’s really kind of you, Rita, but I don’t think so.’

  There was a moment’s silence and Bianca felt Rita come sit down at the table with her.

  ‘Or,’ Rita said. ‘You could use the watch and phone.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  There was the sound of Rita picking something up. ‘Bianca, they’re just sitting here on the table. They’ve been here all along.’

  Bianca was impatient. ‘What have been?’

  ‘The Apple watch. And the phone.’

  Bianca heard boxes being opened. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked. A moment later, something beeped.

  ‘Just hold on while I look at them,’ Rita said.

  Bianca held on, not sure what was happening.

  ‘Wow, Merren totally set these all up for you,’ Rita said at last. ‘She even installed Spotify.’

  ‘What’s that?’ Bianca’s mouth was dry.

  ‘It’s an app that streams music for you. They have a huge range of music to choose from. And you have a year’s subscription to it, from the looks of things.’

  ‘I do?’

  ‘Yeah. This is fantastic. Why didn’t you want them?’

  Bianca tucked her hands under her arms. ‘I’m not comfortable with technology,’ she said.

  ‘Well, you might have to get comfortable,’ Rita replied, her voice absorbed. Bianca guessed she was still fiddling with the watch and phone. There were some beeps and chirrups. ‘This is so cool. It does practically everything. You’ll never have to worry about losing your phone again, Bianca. You can just use the watch.’

  ‘I didn’t want to get paint on it,’ Bianca said.

  ‘Wear long sleeves.’ Rita obviously didn’t understand.

  ‘I just find the internet and things so noisy,’ Bianca said.

  ‘This isn’t really the internet, unless you want it to be,’ Rita replied. ‘It’s making phone calls, sending texts, checking the weather, listening to music, setting alarms, and huh – listen to this, counting your steps, checking your pulse, and other cool stuff. You totally need this, Bianca.’

  Bianca drew in a deep breath. It was time to get real. ‘Yeah,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I guess so.’

  ‘No doubt about it. This is perfect for someone who can’t see well. Merren was totally brilliant getting this for you. I wonder how she could afford it?’

  ‘She made a lot of money on some sort of currency market,’ Bianca said. She’d finally heard what Merren had had to say about herself and wasn’t going to forget it. ‘Crypto-currency, I think she said. And then she invested it and made more.’

  ‘Cool. That’s amazing. She might be as rich as you, Bianca. The paper was right – you two are an awesome couple.’

  Bianca supressed the urge to groan again. ‘If you show me how to use this watch thing,’ she said. ‘Will I be able to send an email, or something?’

  ‘I guess so. I’ll have to read the instructions.’

  ‘But you think so?’

  ‘Sure. I need some time to figure out how it all works though. Especially if you want me to teach you how to use it.’ A song started playing from somewhere in the room. ‘Ah, hang on. That’s my Mum.’ A pause, then Rita spoke again. ‘I’ve gotta go home, Bianca. Mum says we’re going into town. She wants to know if you need anything.’

  Bianca didn’t have the slightest idea if she needed anything. She didn’t even want to think about it.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I don’t think so. Will you take the watch and phone with you and figure them out? So I can use them?’

  There was the sound of Rita gathering things up. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘It’ll be fun. I reckon everything will be okay, Bianca. Merren’s really cool.’

  Well, Merren certainly had a fan in her next-door neighbour, Bianca decided, seeing the girl to the door and waving her off before closing the door again and leaning against it, wondering what to do next.

  What was there to do next? The house was silent around her, gathering itself heavily in the dimness, and she realised she was on her own again for the first time in what seemed a long time.

  She lifted her head as though looking up the stairs, imagining that Merren was going to lean over the bannister and shout down to her about something, her voice full of laughter.

  She turned her head towards the kitchen, and Merren spoke to her from there as well, asking her what she wanted for dinner, teasing her that she was a really good cook and could whip just about anything up. Bianca smiled. Merren didn’t cook, but she was a whiz on that app she kept talking about – the one where you plugged in what you wanted to eat, and someone picked your meal up and delivered it to your door.

  Perhaps technology wasn’t such a bad thing after all. At least, not for her in the state she was in.

  Bianca walked slowly up the stairs and turned into the room she was using as her studio.

  Here, she could see a little better, and all around the room was Merren’s life-size figure. Different poses, each of them – how patient Merren had been, spending most of those first days posing and measuring and posing again, helping Bianca find her way back to her art again. And never complaining either, just being good-natured and easy-going the way she’d always been. Bianca walked over to the chaise longue they’d made love on and spread her fingers over the brocade fabric as though she’d be able to feel Merren’s skin instead.

  ‘I miss you,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I was so involved in my own problems that I just took you for granted.’

  She lifted a hand and wiped a tear away. Looked around the room again, so different t
han it had been, shut up for years, it’s walls white and unfinished.

  ‘Bess,’ she whispered. ‘I think I’ve been an idiot.’ She cocked her head as though her late wife would answer, agree with her.

  ‘It’s just been hard, that’s all,’ she said. ‘All of it, so hard.’

  Except for the last weeks. They had been easy. They had been easy because of Merren.

  Bianca stood up and went over to the trolley of paint sticks and equipment that Merren had organised so neatly for her. She picked up the blue stick. French blue for Merren’s eyes, and for the colour that Bianca always seemed to see when she was around.

  Biting her lip, she looked at her latest attempt at painting, and went over to it, fumbling to switch the spotlights on. Merren stood in it as though in a doorway, leaning against one edge of the canvas, hip cocked, arms crossed. A smile quirked at Bianca’s lips and she lifted the blue paint stick. All the painting needed was the background. She could do that. She could paint the background the colours that she always heard when Merren spoke, moved, laughed. A swirling of blue, a thread of pink. She could paint Merren the way she really saw her. It would be beautiful.

  Chapter Forty-One

  ‘I need a shower.’ Merren dragged a hand across her forehead, weariness tugging at her.

  ‘Tell me about it,’ Mee-Yon said. ‘I might just have a week-long bath when I get home.’ She paused and sniffed. ‘If we make it home.’

  ‘We’re going to get home.’ Merren was saying it to make herself feel better, not so much because she believed it. The aeroplane was flying great looping circles around the clouds somewhere between Dunedin and Christchurch. Merren was stiff with the tension that came from waiting for the announcement that fog over Dunedin would mean diverting hours away to the other city.

  ‘Mum is going to kill me,’ Mee-Yon groused from the seat next to Merren.

  ‘So is mine. And then my grandmother will tear the flesh from my bones and throw it to the dogs.’

  ‘I can’t believe we’re missing Christmas.’

  Merren sighed and leaned her head against the side of the plane, gazing out at the brown, sharp-ridged spines of the mountains below.

  ‘It sure wasn’t supposed to go like this,’ she agreed. The trip home had been nothing but delay after delay, and now they were a whole two days late and it was Christmas day and they weren’t even on the ground.

  ‘At least it isn’t snowing,’ Ji said from the aisle seat. ‘We’re not going to get stuck in some snow-bound movie where we have to hitch a ride in the back of a van with a group of yodellers.’

  ‘It’s not yodellers in that movie,’ Mee-Yon said emphatically. ‘It’s polka players.’

  Ji sat back with a shrug. ‘Same thing,’ he said.

  She heard everyone before she saw them, and paused before rounding the path to the kitchen patio to listen. Standing there, freshly washed and dried and nervous as hell, Merren puffed out a breath in an effort to calm herself.

  Bianca was talking. Merren could hear her, and the familiar sound of her voice made her knees weak, and she leaned against the side of the house staring up at the sky, trying to get her pulse back under control. She couldn’t quite catch Bianca’s words, just the sweet hum of her voice, and when everyone laughed, her own lips curved in a smile. Then a younger voice piped up and Merren smiled wider, recognising Rita. So Gran had gone and fetched everyone just the way she’d said she would. Merren had had emails from everyone while she was away, a whole drama playing out amongst the group as they were determined to keep her up to date. Gran and her mother both told her they were keeping to their Christmas promises to bring Rita and her mother Patty, and Bianca around for dinner.

  Rita had emailed several times, firstly in a panic, then more calmly as Merren replied, checking her emails every time she had a break from conference activities. She’d talked Rita through setting up Bianca’s computer to allow her to write herself, and then finally the one she’d been waiting for had landed in her inbox. Riddled with dictation errors, Merren hadn’t cared one jot. She’d simply sat on the bed in her hotel room, leaning over the screen on her phone and crying like a baby as she read.

  There was more laughter, and Merren stood up again, braced her shoulders, and took a deep breath. Time to make her appearance. She’d hoped for something a little more low-key than this, but there was no helping it.

  She walked around the corner, and suddenly everyone was silent, her grandmother stopping mid-sentence.

  But Merren barely noticed over the sudden rush of blood in her ears. There were people sitting all around the table on the patio under the tree, but she had eyes for only one of them.

  For a moment, Bianca looked confused by the sudden silence, and Merren got to look at her beautiful face as confusion crossed her features, and the little groove between her eyes that Merren liked so much to press her lips to in an effort to smooth it, deepened. And then it vanished without Merren’s help as Bianca realised what the sudden hush meant. Merren watched her peering around, cheeks flushing, eyes frantically looking. She put her bag down right where she was and walked up to where Bianca sat at the table with everyone else, placed her hands gently on Bianca’s shoulders, and tucked her cheek against Bianca’s, closing her eyes in relief. She was back, and Bianca was warm and smelt of flowers and heaven, her skin soft against Merren’s, her hands sneaking up to press against Merren’s own. She sighed, knowing everyone was watching them, but not caring. What she felt was not something to be ashamed of. Loving this woman was not something she felt the need to hide. No matter what the future held for them, right now, wild horses couldn’t drag her away. She smiled at the thought.

  ‘I missed you,’ she whispered.

  Bianca nodded, but couldn’t seem to find words to answer. Merren didn’t care; she was buoyant all of a sudden, joy rising up to the surface like bubbles in carbonated water. Standing up, she took Bianca’s hand and looked over the tight group of women staring up at her.

  ‘Anyone got a chair for me?’ she asked. ‘Or am I just too late to this party?’

  There was laughter, and Suzette jumped up, punched her on the upper arm and shook her head.

  ‘I’ll get one from inside,’ she said. ‘We thought you really weren’t going to make it, sis.’

  ‘You and me both,’ Merren said, sitting down with a thankful sigh when Suzette squeezed a chair up against Bianca’s. Rita scraped hers over to make room and Merren grinned at her. ‘Glad you made it too, Rita,’ she said. Leaning over, she smiled at Rita’s mother, who looked a little overwhelmed but pleased at being part of the group. ‘Patty,’ Merren said. ‘I’m glad you’re here as well.’ She looked around the table. ‘Merry Christmas, everyone.’

  There was a great whoop from her Grandmother, who held up her glass. ‘A toast to the returning prodigal daughter.’

  Bianca felt for her glass then held it up too and passed it to Merren to sip from. She still hadn’t spoken, but Merren could see plenty of words behind the look on her face, and they were all the ones she wanted to hear. She took a sip and squeezed Bianca’s hand, then slipped her arm around Bianca and drew her closer, then stopped, looking down in surprise at Bianca’s wrist.

  She put the wine glass down and grasped Bianca’s arm.

  ‘What is it?’ Bianca asked, and her voice sounded nervous.

  ‘You’re wearing the watch I wanted to give you.’

  Bianca bit her lip. ‘You left it on the table at home. I didn’t think you’d mind.’

  ‘I showed her how to use it,’ Rita said from the other side of Merren. ‘I read all the instructions and figured it out.’ She paused for breath. ‘Of course, it helped that you’d already set it up.’

  ‘She taught me everything about it,’ Bianca said. ‘I’m getting really good with it.’ A smile creased her face and she shook her wrist free from Merren’s light-fingered grasp. ‘Watch,’ she said, and moved her fingers over the screen. She giggled. ‘Call Merren,’ she said, and a moment late
r there was a deep vibration from Merren’s pocket, and a song started playing a moment later. Merren fumbled it from her pocket and pressed ignore.

  ‘Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones?’ Bianca asked, eyebrows raised. ‘I guessed that’s our song, huh?’

  Merren flushed. ‘We have a song?’

  ‘We do now,’ Bianca said, pressing herself against Merren’s side, warm and desirable. ‘I have a gift for you,’ she said.

  Merren blinked. A gift? Didn’t she know this was the best gift she could have given Merren already? The email, the way she tucked herself comfortably against Merren. It was all plenty.

  ‘You did?’ she asked.

  Bianca was nodding. ‘Although I’m afraid everyone else has already seen it.’

  Merren looked around the group, all of whom were nodding and smiling at her.

  ‘Go and have a look at it, Merren,’ her mother said.

  ‘It’s amazing,’ Rita breathed from the seat beside her.

  Merren looked at Bianca. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Do you want to show me where it is?’

  A slow, sweet smile bloomed on Bianca’s face, and she nodded. ‘Come with me,’ she said.

  Merren didn’t have a problem with that. She suspected she’d go anywhere Bianca asked her to.

  Anywhere at all.

  They excused themselves from the table, and Bianca led the way inside the house.

  ‘You’re getting around really well here,’ Merren said in surprise, and Bianca threw a smile back at her, although it was a little tentative.

  ‘I’ve come here a couple times since you’ve been away,’ she said.

  It was Merren’s turn to be surprised. ‘You have?’

  A nod. ‘There’s something about your family, Merren. Once they saw the newspaper article about us, your mother and grandmother came straight round and we had quite the chat.’

  Merren wasn’t sure how to take that. ‘It wasn’t bad, was it?’

  But Bianca was shaking her head. ‘No. It helped. They talked a lot about you, about who you are, the things you’ve been doing.’ She turned around and groped for Merren’s hand. Merren gave it to her.