by Tricia Lynne
I missed her. Her friendship, her sense of humor. Her lips. I blew out a heavy breath, trying to get a grip. This was what she wanted. For us to keep our distance. Wasn’t it?
She leaned her ass against the lip of the desk. “What’s up? Hey, did you find someone to watch CC for camp? I can keep her if you need me to.”
I thought about it. Lily was the perfect option. “I’d owe you one. I really don’t want to board her yet. My sister took one look at the slobber on my walls and started making excuses. I even thought about asking my neighbors—they’d do it—but she’d have someone to play with at your house.”
“Sure, it’s no problem. Her and Mack will have a blast. I’ll be able to keep up her training, too. Was that what you needed?”
I need you. “No, Hayes and I caught a break today.”
“No!” Mouth dropping open, she jumped up and swatted my chest. “Why didn’t you lead with that! Tell me.”
I couldn’t help grinning at her enthusiasm. “The pet shop over by the mall had a lot of bullies for sale. The owner wasn’t there, and the manager was a fan. It took a couple of signed balls and game tickets, but we got a name and phone number.”
“Ohmygod, Brody!” Jumping up, she did a little booty shimmy that I wished I’d been behind her to see. “This is fantastic. I am so stoked! Finally, a break.” Swinging her arms around my neck, she squeezed as she bounced on her toes. “You’re amazing, Brody Shaw. Thank you.”
Fuck. She was rubbing her body against me. A desperate groan slipped from my throat, and she realized what she was doing, because she stopped with the bouncing, but she didn’t let go of me. Instead, she turned her face into my chest.
Pressing my palms to her back, I didn’t let go either. The last thing I ever wanted to do was let her go.
“Brody...” Her voice was strained, her cheeks flushed. A question hung on the warm breath between us. It would have been so easy to close that distance and sink into her kiss. I could feel her heart racing against my sternum. The almost imperceptible tilt of her head as her eyes questioned.
“Son of a bitch. Friends, my ass.” A person only had so much willpower in a given day. Today, I’d visited three pet stores and resisted buying approximately one hundred twenty cute little puppies. I had none left. I moved her backwards and Lily’s butt hit the desk, scattering papers to the floor.
What was between us was beyond chemistry. It was the chemical reaction, a connection of particles realigned to create a new organism. For the first time, I understood down deep that being with Lily Costello was worth losing my job. But was she worth losing my heart?
I stepped back, letting my arms fall away.
Chemical reactions could have catastrophic results. They burned out buildings and razed cities to the ground. I didn’t know if I could handle that.
“Lil, I gotta tell you something.”
“Oh?”
Just do it, you pussy! My attention wandered to a piece of paper we’d pushed to the floor. It was time I came clean. “The manager at that pet shop...he wasn’t going to give us the info unless we made it worth his while.”
“Yeah, you said. Tickets. Balls.”
“Not just tickets and footballs. Hayes bought a puppy. He’s giving it to his sister,” I added to soften the blow.
Her mouth fell open. “Brody—”
I held a hand up. “He wasn’t going to give us the info unless we bought a dog.” I told her what had happened, expecting her to rain fire down on me. We’d supported the mills we were trying to stop. If Hayes hadn’t bought a dog, I would have. We needed the info, and all those pups curled on themselves... CC would have had a sibling.
Only, Hayes broke first.
Lily’s expression turned warm and inviting, as she settled a hand against my chest. “Brody, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But it is. I get it.” She patted my chest, started to pull away. Gently, I circled her wrist, brought her hand back to my chest.
“I’m sorry.” I poured my sincerity into those words.
A soft smile graced her lovely face. When she hugged me this time, it was in comfort. I dropped my chin on her shoulder. “If Hayes hadn’t have done it, I would have.”
She whispered next to my ear. “I know, big guy. It’s okay. Hard on the outside, marshmallows in the center.”
The door behind me swung open. “Hey, Lil—whoops.”
Slowly, she pulled her arms from my shoulders and I stepped to the side.
I didn’t turn around but stayed focused on that slip of paper on the floor.
“It’s fine. What’s up?” She focused on the other trainer.
“You’ve got a student that wants to schedule a private lesson. Do you want me to have them call you?”
“No. I’ll take care of it now. This will only take a minute.” She patted my arm.
I nodded, bent to pick up some of the papers thrown over the edge of the desk as she left the office.
I didn’t mean to read the note.
It was one of those things. You pick something up and a word or two catches your eye, drawing it to the next. Then you go back to start at the beginning.
Bitch, I know you’re looking for me.
BACK THE FUCK OFF!
You mess with my money you’ll pay with blood—yours, and your dog’s.
“What in the holy fuck?” The bottom dropped out of my stomach as the blood rushed from my head. It was written in magazine clippings glued to printer paper like somebody watched too much CSI. It had to be from the mill—who else would’ve threatened one of my girls?
Whoa. What?
I wanted Lily. I cared about her...but, ‘my girl’?
I’d have to revisit that shit later.
I had too much adrenaline swirling around in my system rapidly converting into a seething, dark anger. My teammates liked to say that I was two different guys. One dude most of the time in my everyday life. The other only came out when I put on pads, and I set the monster loose. The only time I was the monster was on the field. He was separate from me as far as I was concerned.
Now, I could feel him doing his damnedest to take over my meat suit.
Nobody fucks with Lily. Over my cold, dead body. I knew I needed to get a grip. But FUCK—tell that to the barely restrained monster currently beating at the inside of my skull.
Focus, Shaw.
After a couple of deep breaths, I shoved him down again. When had she gotten this? Today? Yesterday? “Goddamn it, Lily, why didn’t you tell me?” How did they know it was her searching for them?
The guys at the rental house. They probably connected the sticker on Everett’s car to the training center. Lily had said she was burned in certain circles. I needed to pull my shit together so I could talk to her calmly.
Maybe there was another explanation.
“Another explanation for what?”
I turned, the warmth of her smile usually welcome, but at the moment, frustrating as hell.
“That puppy, though. Ohmygod, poor Hayes didn’t stand a chance against those basset eyes. Cutest puppies in the world.”
Leaning my ass on the desk, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Shut the door.”
Puzzlement crawled across her face as she did as I asked. “What’s up? I’m not mad, Brody. Promise.”
“No, but I am,” I said in a low voice. “Wanna tell me about this?” Holding the note up, I watched her closely for a reaction.
And there it was.
A quick flick of the eyes to the left, a squeeze of her fist, a swallow. “Not really.”
“It’s from the mill.”
“Yeah, I figured. We must have had the right guys at the rental house.”
We were both visibly trying to relax. I crossed my feet. She rested her butt on the folding table against the wall opposite, mirroring me.
I
rolled my neck, trying to loosen the muscle. “They know we’re looking for them.”
She nodded.
“When did you get this?”
“A few days after we followed them.”
Christ. That meant she’d had it for over a week. I felt my jaw tense as I stared holes into the floor between us. Anywhere but at her.
Lily was never in danger from me—unlike the people who’d threatened her. But I was pissed, and I knew, at my size, I was a scary motherfucker when I was pissed. When I thought I had it under control, I studied her face.
No, Lily Costello was not afraid of me. She was meeting my glare with her own, fire turning her normal violet to a rich plum as she refused to back down. Pack leader, through and through.
“Were you going to tell me?” My voice came out grated through clenched teeth.
“Nope,” she snapped back. “Not your problem. It’s mine.”
What was truly foreboding about this whole standoff was the absolute moderation of our voices. Mine was low, calculated. Hers, steady and cold.
But that was about to change.
“What the hell are you thinking, Lily? Not telling me about something like this?” I knew I was getting loud, but I couldn’t rein it in. “Jesus Christ. Did you think this through at all? Where did you get it?”
“I was thinking it’s not your problem!” She moved off the table, throwing a finger out while glaring holes through me. “That I can damn well take care of myself, and I don’t need you or anyone else to handle my business for me, Shaw. Back. Off.”
“Bullheaded—” I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at the curls. “Home? Did you find it at home? What if Hayes and I had just escalated this shit by asking in pet shops? Did you think of that? Fuck, do they know where you live?”
She rolled her eyes. “It came here. No return address, with a Dallas postmark.” She smoothed her hair. “Man, are you a drama queen.”
“Damn it, Lily, you can’t just roll your eyes and act like this didn’t happen! Did you think about the pet shops making matters worse?”
She clenched her jaw, glared at the wall over my shoulder.
Hell, yeah, she did. “Fuck me. You did think about it. But didn’t tell me because you wanted to charge ahead without me pissing on your parade. Your plan.”
When she scowled, I knew I was right.
“Does anyone else know? Tell me you at least told somebody. Anybody. The police or the rest of our team?”
“No. This is a scare tactic, is all. I won’t run off that easy or back down from this, and I didn’t need anyone trying to convince me that I should. I’m not afraid of these assholes.”
“Not afraid, she says.” I pushed off the desk to pace so I didn’t punch a wall. “Sonofabitch. What happened to us being a team, Lil? I know you know how to work as a team. You do it with Jet. But beyond that you’re being goddamned selfish withholding this from me and everyone else! It’s about more than you and your fucking bent to never depend on another human being as long as you live.”
Her lips parted, angry color cresting her cheeks, and as angry as I was with her, she was fucking spectacular to see in that moment. “That’s not what I’m doing! Of course, we’re a team.” She motioned between us. “I didn’t think it was a legit concern, is all. Those dogs have much more to lose than I do.”
Hands on my hips, I stopped a couple feet in front of her. “Oh, really. What about Mack and Jet? They threatened your dogs, too. Ever think that if they know where you work, they know where you live?”
I didn’t give her a chance to answer. “You seem to think you’re the only one in this room that cares about finding those dogs, the only one responsible for seeing this through. Well, I fucking give a shit, too. Not only about them, but about you! I care about you, Liliana, and so help me God, if you get hurt because your stubborn, yet very nice, ass seems to think you have to do it all alone just to spite the world...”
Her eyes dropped away, her anger draining. “You...what? Brody—” she said with a softness that wasn’t there before.
But I wasn’t done. I knew I’d gotten too loud, too, and people could probably hear me.
I didn’t care. If it meant getting her to see reason, I didn’t care who heard. “We’re also not a team of two anymore. Kate, Melissa, Carrie, Everett. They’ve all got a stake in this. Did you ever stop to think that if these guys know who you are, they might know who they are, too? Are you willing to risk their safety like you’re willing to risk your own? Fuck!” I tangled my fingers in my hair.
That’s when the door popped open and Hayes walked in. “Dude. Everything okay in here? They’re starting to worry out front.”
I blew out a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m almost done.”
Hayes pushed the door the rest of the way open and leaned on the frame with a sleeping puppy cradled in his arm.
I let all the worry I felt for this woman blanket my stare. “It’s not all about you, Lily, and whatever it is you think you need to prove to who the fuck knows, other people are sticking their necks out for you. For us. The way I feel about you...” I hesitated. “Swallow your damn pride or you’re going to lose more than the dogs that need rescuing. Because I’ll be damned before I sit and watch you get yourself hurt in the process.”
Her eyes were glassy, but if that’s what it took to make her understand she wasn’t alone—that she mattered—so be it.
Without another word, I walked around her and shut the door behind me.
Damn her.
I did care about her. No, care was what you felt for a cousin. I had feelings for her. Maybe I was starting to fall for her.
Hayes nudged me on the way to the truck. “You okay?”
I wiped my bottom lip with my thumb. “Fuck, I don’t know.”
“You were pretty hard on her in there.”
Unlocking the truck, we both crawled in the cab. I wasn’t blind. I knew I wasn’t the only one in the room that didn’t trust easily. I was afraid, too. After we found the mill, she wouldn’t need me anymore. I was a means to an—albeit, justified—end.
Yet here I was.
She was the first person I thought about in the morning and the last one before I fell asleep. Yet, she couldn’t tell me about a threat to her damn safety because she was afraid I might step on her toes.
Is what I feel for Lily deep enough to get past my own shit and let her into my heart?
Deep down in my bones, I already knew the answer. It’s why I’d told her how I felt about her.
Lily Costello was my perfect inevitability. I could only hope we wouldn’t raze any cities or each other’s hearts, when we came out on the other side. And if one of us hadn’t let our guard down soon—invited the other inside our own personal shitshows—we might never find out.
I’d cracked the door for her. I just hoped she’d take the invite.
Chapter Eighteen
Clean up on aisle six.
Lily
Well, shit.
“Hey, you okay?” Rob, the center’s senior trainer, stood in the doorway.
“I’m fine.”
“You guys got pretty loud. You sure?”
“Yes, Brody would never hurt me.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Hey, can I ask you something and you give me an honest answer?”
“Yikes. That sounds like a dangerous proposition.”
I shook my head, hair brushing my shoulders. “I promise it’s not. Am I...do I refuse to let people around here help me?” I knew I refused to depend on anyone, but did I push people away to the point that I didn’t ask for, or accept help at all? “Like, say, if I had a dog I couldn’t handle?”
He considered. “Hmm. You like to do things on your own. Most of the time you can, but on occasion, you get in over your head because you overestimate what you can do alone.”
“Yeste
rday, I asked you to help me reposition the A-frame.”
He nodded. “Yeah, but you tried to drag it across the ring by yourself first.” He shifted to sit on the desk. “Do you remember Linus?”
I couldn’t look at him, felt the sting of shame. It was the scariest incident of my career. The dog, a Leonberger, had aggression issues. During a private lesson, the giant dog broke away from his owner, attacking me with no warning. He pinned me to the floor in a matter of seconds, stood over me, holding me down.
“Linus was dangerous because of his size alone. He was also highly aggressive, agitated, and his owner had zero control over him. Yet, instead of asking for backup during the lesson, you decided to take it on by yourself. If I hadn’t been keeping an eye on the situation, there’s a distinct possibility you wouldn’t have a throat right now.”
“You wouldn’t have asked for another trainer’s help, either.”
He huffed out a sigh. “Yes, Lily. I would have. I never would have stepped into the room with a dog that size if I didn’t have a couple of extra pairs of hands. You, however, acted like you had something to prove. It was reckless.”
I brought my head up. “I thought I could handle it.”
“And you got yourself in way over your head. ‘I thought I could handle it’? That’s your pride talking. Not your brain. And definitely not your training.” Walking toward the doorway, he put a hand on my shoulder, but stared ahead. “Pride goeth, Lily. We all need help now and then. It doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human.”
I let that sink in. One after another my brain coughed up incidents where I’d shaken off help or didn’t ask when I should have.
I owed Brody an apology.
After running home for a shower, I fed the dogs. Pairing my favorite black skirt with a plum-colored top, I swiped on a deep purple eyeliner, mascara, and a little lip gloss. I missed him. I missed us and the way we were together. While I was driving to his place, my phone vibrated.
I let it go to voice mail.
The fluttering in my stomach was too much to deal with.
I opened my window, letting the warm air and the lights of urban sprawl soothe me. This time of year, the sun didn’t set until nine or so. The ginger-colored sunset was a beautiful backdrop for all the new construction. New. There was such newness to this part of Dallas. It made me want to follow suit.