Pixie Hazard

by Archibald Bradford

  Though given the insane energy requirements needed for entry, slipspace travel was also thought to be impossible, but so too was flight once upon a time.

  A common means of explaining the complicated process to children was to give them a dry apple seed and have them attempt to squish it; no matter how hard the little buggers try, nothing happened beyond their teacher looking smug.

  However, if the seeds are given just a drop of lubrication and squeezed just right, they would shoot out of their grubby little fingers at incredible speeds.

  The Pixie Hazard in slipspace was a lubricated apple seed.

  The process began with a cascading antimatter reaction coating the hull to enable it to ‘slip’ out of normal space in a violently beautiful explosion of purple light.

  At this point the ship is breaking all the rules by being somewhere that the laws of physics say it cannot be, and so the universe tries to correct this error by exerting tremendous pressure on every square inch of the hull to expel it back into normal space, only to be prevented from doing so by the ongoing antimatter reaction.

  To actually get anywhere the slipdrive then has to adjust the density of the cloak of antimatter to control where the pressure of slipspace is most exerted, thus determining a direction of travel.

  Since there is no light in slipspace, there is no limiter on lightspeed for vessels traveling through it, so the ship doesn’t stop accelerating until it arrives at its chosen destination.

  The team of physicists and engineers that pioneered the process affectionately referred to it as ‘cheating’.

  The journey ended by simply destabilizing the reaction so that the ship, or ships in the case of a tandem jump, fell out of slipspace with all the grace of a fart in an elevator.

  This is by far the most inexact stage as infinitesimal irregularities in the antimatter cloak will inevitably cause them to exit slipspace with a violent lurch that meant a directional error rate of approximately point zero-two percent per light-year traveled.

  Hence why jumping into a crowded sector without a heads up just wasn’t done.

  There were many more steps to the process of course, each of which took trillions of deks and an equal measure of man-hours to troubleshoot; which means that countless vessels have been, and continue to be, lost as humanity spread out into the stars with ever increasing speeds.

  The simple conclusion offered to schoolchildren is that the universe doesn’t fuck about when squeezing apple seeds, so even though the aging Pixie Hazard could make a journey of a dozen or so light-years in short order, a single misstep in the calculations would inevitably mean a fatal outcome for her and her entire crew.

  Most ship captains, Donnie included, opted to spend more time in normal space rather than risk their ship going splat because someone missed a decimal point somewhere, saving the jumps only for inter-system travel and giving themselves plenty of breathing room when they couldn’t afford a jump window.

  Better her crew got fat on her groceries rather than got died to shave a couple days off a trip.

  They came out of slipspace without incident, at which point, once Davie assured them of their position firmly within Juan Corps secured territory, Donnie ordered her crew to get some much needed rest.

  Despite her orders though, the few hours she had snagged for herself earlier were enough for her to see to a few chores around the ship, which was how she and Billy ended up in the galley doing the dishes from the last meal that Bunny had prepared for them.

  “Seems we got out of there just in time, what with the GRC nipping at our heels.” The doctor remarked drily.

  Donnie handed her another plate to dry, then wiped the back of her hand against her cheek to get at an itch without dragging sudsy water across her face.

  “Yeah, I’ll definitely feel a lot better once we offload that transport.”

  “You think it wasn’t a coincidence?”

  The skipper scowled as she rubbed her finger squeakily against a stubborn spot on the last of the plates in the sink.

  “I don’t know what to think. Two ships with no Junker markings, claiming to be investigating the remains of a Junker vessel that nobody but Junkers should give a damn about? What the hell is that?”

  “Is it possible they wanted the salvage? Maybe whatever is in that safe?”

  Donnie shrugged.

  “That Junker dirtside called it a substantial find, so maybe they were there looking for it, but who knows? Kyle and I are gunna cut the safe out of the wall once he’s gotten some sleep. Then we’ll see what we see. I’m hoping we pulled our head out of the noose in the nick of time with that jump. To be safe though, we’ll sell the ship on Mung if we can, then get clear of this system entirely.”

  “What about Bryan?”

  “I’d know how to answer that, but his doctor won’t let me talk to him.” Donnie replied pointedly.

  Billy’s expression soured and her captain didn’t bother hiding her eye roll when she saw the displeasure on her face.

  “For crissakes Bridget! I’m not ‘Major Slaughter’ anymore! I have some empathy for the poor kid, I just want to debrief him!”

  The doctor slowly smiled as Donnie drained the sink into the water recycler intake with irate movements.

  “There’s a joke in there somewhere about debriefing, but I’m too tired to find it. And your nickname was never ‘Major Slaughter’, even when you were an actual major. Eniella was pulling your leg with that one.” Her face split with a mighty yawn which conveniently allowed her to ignore her captain’s scowl; “Once I discharge him from the infirmary you can talk to him, but go easy.”

  “You go easy.” Donnie sniped; “Heard all it takes is a crantini and blowing in your ear.”

  Billy took the teasing in stride, stifling a yawn with one hand.

  “Any other day just the drink will do it. At the moment I’m dead on my feet, am I good to crash now that the dishes are done?”

  Donnie huffed out a breath as she accepted the situation.

  “Yeah, I checked Eniella’s console a bit ago, nobody within a million klicks. Thought you doctors had more stamina though.”

  “Fuck your mother.”

  “Nah, kitty poon only.”

  As if summoned at her jesting words, Bunny came into the galley then, clearly a woman on a mission.

  “Oh! Hey, I was going to do those!” She protested with a hint of indignation at having her job usurped.

  Donnie chuckled as she wiped the last of the moisture from her hands on a brightly coloured tea-towel.

  “Sorry Bunny, I don’t know what came over us.”

  Being as she wasn’t much good in a firefight or flying a salvaged ship, Bunny was the only one of the crew other than Donnie who had gotten any rest lately, but now that everyone else was abed she was left at loose ends.

  Billy gave the cat a comforting hug and a scratch under her chin to mollify her pout before taking her leave.

  “Right. I’m for bed. Wake me if someone dies.”

  “Be too late by then.” Donnie taunted after her.

  With Billy gone, she was now alone in the galley with Bunny.

  The cat had taken up the towel and begun to wipe down the counters, acting almost as if she was cleaning up after them.

  Her exotic feline eyes flicked to the captain when she didn’t follow Billy.

  “Aren’t you going to sleep too DeeDee?”

  It always amazed, and truth be told unnerved, Donnie how much the K’or-Macka’s presence could brighten her disposition.

  She wasn’t overly keen on the nickname though.

  “You are the only person in the entire universe who can get away with calling me that you know?”

  “Thanks!”

  With pursed lips, the captain lightly swatted her pert ass by way of chastisement.

  “Wasn’t a compliment, kitten.”

  Bunny giggled.

  “You can play with my tushy if you want, but I think you should get some more sleep first. We
’re safe now, don’t worry.”

  She spoke with such blithe confidence it was hard to address her lack of actual knowledge on the subject of the ship’s security. She also wasn’t wrong about the sleeping thing: Billy wasn’t the only one dead on her feet.

  But going all the way back to her military days Donnie struggled to find proper rest after an op.

  Whether it was maintaining her gear, dictating after action reports, or doing dishes she had no business doing, she found it necessary to completely exhaust herself physically and mentally before her brain would let her rest.

  Always her mind dwelled on all the could-haves and might-have-beens, or worse: the still-might-bes.

  Within the last few days Maria, Eva, Bunny and Kyle had all nearly bought it, and it wasn’t Donnie’s stellar leadership that carried them through.

  They were relying way too much on luck these days.

  These were the thoughts that consumed her in the quiet moments when the rest of the ship was asleep.

  Impulsively she pulled Bunny around and pressed herself against her, leaning her head down and mashing her lips into the surprised cat’s as their breasts did the same.

  The embrace wasn’t so much sexual or intimate as it was needy and desperate as the captain indulged in a rare moment of weakness, seeking a reprieve from the torment of her own anxieties.

  Whatever the human’s motivations, the K’or-Macka returned the kiss happily and it was several intense seconds before they broke apart.

  Donnie drew in a shuddering breath as she rested her forehead against Bunny’s.

  “I’m really glad that damned nightmare turkey didn’t eat you on Kentis baby.” She said thickly.

  The feline woman didn’t say anything right away, just held her close for several moments.

  When she did speak, her words shot a jolt of nervous arousal to Donnie’s core.

  “My hubby is asleep now, do you want me to come to your quarters and give you some nice things to dream about?”

  It was exactly that kind of humble earnestness that made the K’or-Macka so popular.

  Despite the well-earned reputations of the marines that Donnie had once commanded, few of them outside her present crew would have lain down on a mine for her, but she knew without a doubt that Bunny would do so in a heartbeat.

  It was written into her DNA: she belonged to a race of givers.

  Deep down, the cynical captain felt that kind of selfless love was too good for a mere human like her.

  But coming from a race of takers, she wasn’t about to say no to the proffered lifeline.

  “I would like that very much Bunny. Though I’ll have to pass on any funny business. My eyes are already drooping.”

  Bunny kissed around her mouth and chin several times before nuzzling their cheeks together, her purr reverberating into Donnie’s weary bones.

  “Okee-dokee. No funny business, just sleepy business. Promise.”

  Hand in hand, they headed for Donnie’s quarters.

  Chapter 13:

  Stormy Happenings

  While Donnie and Bunny settled in for a good spooning, not far from the wreckage of a certain Junker frigate a light cruiser painted in gaudy scarlet was docked with the only surviving lifeboat from the disaster.

  In the airlock an awkward conversation was taking place between the former captain of the wrecked ship and a thickly bearded man dressed in a red sequined dress.

  “You mean to tell me they stowed away when you blasted off from Kentis and not a one of you sumbitches caught on?”

  “They weren’t on the ship Commodore!” The frigate’s skipper insisted; “I made sure we checked all the hatches afore we launched! This ain’t my first radio!”

  The imperious drag-queen rolled his eyes.

  “Rodeo, this ain’t your first rodeo you danged idjit!”

  The chastised man’s face drew back in confusion.

  “The hell is a rodeo?”

  One of the three crewmembers who had managed to escape with him before the frigate blew raised his hand in a bid to be helpful.

  “It’s that Old Earth game with those cow things, I think...”

  He trailer off nervously when it became clear that his help was not appreciated, his superior knowing that it only served to make him look worse in the drag-queen’s painted eyes.

  “When did you become a damned math teacher?! Shut it! I’m still captain here!”

  The commodore brought his four-inch heeled foot against the deck with a sharp snap that silenced everyone.

  “Captain of what? You got one of my frigates blowed up! So far as I can tell, you ain’t fit to captain a bathtub.”

  Now the Junker captain turned to wheedling, recognizing the desperate nature of his situation.

  “Please Commodore, that weren’t my fault! We was ambushed! Three times they jumped us!”

  But his pleas fell on deaf ears.

  With deliberate movements the garishly dressed man pulled his pulse-pistol from the rhinestone-encrusted holster hanging low on his thigh and shot him in the face.

  Silence reigned as the dead man crumpled to the deck, his former subordinates drawing back instinctively as the commodore’s people leveled their burners at them as well.

  Lowering his pistol to his side, the regal queen shook his head slowly.

  “You lot had one job: lie low on Kentis until the heat died down from the raid. All you had to do was do nothin’ and you couldn’t even do that right. Now we lost the ship, the crew, and cargo worth more than both.”

  None of them dared speak, fearing that doing so would result in them receiving the same as their former captain.

  The bearded queen sucked air sharply between his teeth as he pondered their fate.

  After a long minute, he shook his head and pronounced their doom.

  “Naw. You ain’t clan no more. You worthless shits can go learn how to breathe space.”

  With that he stepped back and one of his men smacked the button to close the airlock, the hatch sealing the men in.

  They tried to flee back into the lifeboat, but before they could reach it the commodore nodded and his subordinate activated the emergency release.

  With several sharp pops the open airlock separated from the lifeboat and the men inside were sucked into space, their screams of terror instantly silenced by indifferent vacuum.

  Commodore Rufus Fairchild, the undisputed Grand Dragon of the Iowa Clan, turned away from the scene of the execution and looked upon the faces of his crew.

  “Where’s Derrick?”

  “Here boss.” His heavily tattooed first mate responded swiftly.

  Rufus’s mood brightened, if only slightly.

  “There’s my baby. Reach out to every shitbird in this sector. Put a bounty on these armoured bitches and see if we can’t smoke ‘em out. I want that cargo in my hold before anyone figures out what it is they’re carrying.”

  Without delay Derrick scurried towards the bridge to see to his task, while the commodore began to tap his lacquered nails against his teeth with harsh clicks.

  The clicking lasted for several moments as his crew waited for their orders, wise enough to know when not to interrupt their leader.

  With one final series of clicks, Rufus snapped his fingers.

  “Dwight, reserve a jump window in every station, planet, or mining colony within fifty light-years. We need to be ready to close the distance.”

  The navigator sucked in a breath of apprehension.

  “That won’t come cheap Commodore.”

  “Don’t I know it, but if we let these tanked-up gorillas get away it will be millions of deks going with them. Drain my personal coffers and get it done.”

  While the navigator followed in the steps of the first officer, Rufus leveled a scowl at the remaining crew.

  “The rest of you bitches need to double and triple check your gear. We’re going against serious military types so put away the kiddy toys and bust out the expensive lasers an’ shit.”<
br />
  Rufus settled his hand on his holstered pistol and shifted his weight onto one leg, examining his nails with all the coy indifference of the queen that he was.

  “Someone took something from me and I aim to get it back. The next round of pussy we find goes to whichever one of you can manage that. So who wants to help?”

  A rousing cheer went up from the pirates at the drag-queen’s promise.

  With a wolfish grin through his beard the commodore finally looked up from his nails.

  “Then let’s go hunting.”

  __________

  Several hours later Donnie woke up to a face-full of ass.

  True to the K’or-Macka’s word, Bunny didn’t get up to anything more than some light petting and heavy cuddling before exhaustion carried the captain to sleep, so they were both still wearing their underwear.

  But Bunny, ever the restless sleeper, had adjusted her position dozens of times during the night, an idiosyncrasy that never seemed to bother any of her innumerable bed-mates.

  When Donnie’s eyes fluttered open all she could see was fuzzy ass crack; they were both lying on their sides, the cat’s tail draped over her cheek and tickling her ear while her nose was pressing slightly into one globe of Bunny’s delicious looking tushy.

  It took her a few seconds to get her bearings, but when she did a broad smile stole across her face.

  She could feel that one of Bunny’s arms was draped backwards over her naked thighs, the cat stretched out and purring in a tangled heap against her, so she moved slowly to avoid waking her, shimmying herself up on the bed to get better access.

  She froze momentarily when Bunny’s tail twitched off of her head and onto her neck, holding perfectly still until she was sure the cat wasn’t going to wake up just yet.

  A few moments later she reached up with one arm and began to gently roll Bunny’s stretchy booty shorts down her thighs to reveal more of her naked hiney.

  She felt her nipples harden as the cat’s tender bits came into view.